Post by underwaterrhymes on May 12, 2022 20:09:59 GMT -5
I’m so tired of my body making weird shit.
I have yet another mass, this time on the underside of my chin up against my throat. It’s hard, unmovable, painless, and I’ve had it for three months, so my doctor is concerned. I have an ultrasound tomorrow. Because so many things have been scary, but ultimately benign, I’m sure this will just be another case of my body going “you might be sick; it looks like you’re sick; you’re probably really really sick oh wait lolololol j/k j/k j/k.”
I have yet another mass, this time on the underside of my chin up against my throat. It’s hard, unmovable, painless, and I’ve had it for three months, so my doctor is concerned. I have an ultrasound tomorrow. Because so many things have been scary, but ultimately benign, I’m sure this will just be another case of my body going “you might be sick; it looks like you’re sick; you’re probably really really sick oh wait lolololol j/k j/k j/k.”
I don't come in these threads often cause I'm generally an awkward turtle but I'm in a low place and just need to say it somewhere. I feel like I don't have any adults I can count on. All the adults in my life are just adding stress and not taking it away. My cup overfloweth at this point.
I take the lead on everything in my house. Any and all projects in doing the planning the calling, the organizing. I'm truly a momager here. Our ac isn't working and DH had a melt down and I had to take the lead because he was throwing a frustrated hissy fit over it.
And I only have one family member in my life, my mom, who does help by watching my child but she can't function either. She's always causing stress because she has unchecked anxiety and is also a MF Karen in the truest sense of the word. Yesterday she got in an argument with DD teacher at pick up and was a true Karen and I literally got a call from the school not about my kid but about my mother. When ever there is something going on, she needs comforting. I made the executive decision to switch to bus riding and now she is the victim and everyone is out to get her.
DH is helpful by providing emotional support but I just need a functioning adult in my life who can get shit done without issue or drama. I really want to take DD and run away.
Post by cattledogkisses on May 13, 2022 14:26:59 GMT -5
I got word yesterday that my cousin was hospitalized for a severe and unexpected medical issue, and the word today is that they believe she may not make it. This is completely out of the blue and I feel like I've been hit over the head. She's the same age as me, and @@ has a young child @@.
Post by blondemoment123 on May 13, 2022 19:47:39 GMT -5
Can I join in? I just need a place to put this.
My grandma passed away on Sunday and my already very toxic mother is driving me insane. I haven't had a chance to really process everything. I'm parenting DS, go to work, then go to moms to pick up DS where everything I do is criticized. Then back home and do it all over again the next day.
I was at her house for dinner with DS and after her asking the same thing over and over I finally snapped at her. I get home to a crappy text from her. I cannot deal. But I have to.
I got word yesterday that my cousin was hospitalized for a severe and unexpected medical issue, and the word today is that they believe she may not make it. This is completely out of the blue and I feel like I've been hit over the head. She's the same age as me, and @@ has a young child @@.
I got word yesterday that my cousin was hospitalized for a severe and unexpected medical issue, and the word today is that they believe she may not make it. This is completely out of the blue and I feel like I've been hit over the head. She's the same age as me, and @@ has a young child @@.
Post by mysteriouswife on May 16, 2022 0:08:16 GMT -5
I’m so sorry for the losses over the weekend.
I also received devastating news. My uncle was diagnosed with cancer last year. He had an adverse reaction to chemo last week. He spent a few days in the hospital and went home on Wed. He was doing better, but not fully recovered. My aunt found him on Thur. Not being himself again. SHe took him back to the hospital where they suspected infection. He was stable and showing signs of recovery. They moved him to the hospital associated with his oncologist. The move proved to be too much and he had a stroke. He won’t make it. They think it’s all related to the chemo reaction. It’s a very rare occurrence.
cattledogkisses I am so very sorry for your loss. The sudden nature of it must make it so difficult.
mcmel I am crushed for you. My dad is dying, too, and the level of grief I feel is so significant. I am so sorry that his final weeks came so quickly. Holding lots of love for you.
I'm so sorry to those who have lost or are in the process of losing loved ones. Sending you hugs. Praying that those of you who are feeling overwhelmed or anxious can find some peace, and some practical help to manage everything you're dealing with.
My mom is in hospice. She is at the end stages of Alzheimer’s disease. The decline in the last few weeks has been rapid. It is so hard to see my strong, independent, beautiful mother end up like this. I thought I had already mourned the loss of MY mother because she hasn’t recognized who I am or been her true self for about 5 years. I wasn’t expecting to be so sad. It’s heartbreaking.
Quoting myself with a sad update:
My mom died last night. She was at home in her bed surrounded by family. It was as peaceful of an ending as we could hope. I’m just so sad.
My mom is in hospice. She is at the end stages of Alzheimer’s disease. The decline in the last few weeks has been rapid. It is so hard to see my strong, independent, beautiful mother end up like this. I thought I had already mourned the loss of MY mother because she hasn’t recognized who I am or been her true self for about 5 years. I wasn’t expecting to be so sad. It’s heartbreaking.
Quoting myself with a sad update:
My mom died last night. She was at home in her bed surrounded by family. It was as peaceful of an ending as we could hope. I’m just so sad.
Post by mysteriouswife on May 20, 2022 14:17:39 GMT -5
My uncle passed away about a hour ago. My cousin and aunt left for lunch. When they came back he was gone. His nurse had just checked him 10 min prior. It’s wild how that happens. He hasn’t been alone since Sunday. Today, he gets a few mins and he slips away.
I follow some hospice nurses on Instagram and they’ve talked about that- people passing as soon as they’re alone. They’ve even mentioned that if a loved one is having trouble passing then to leave them alone for a few minutes and they may be waiting. The nurses said that more private people may choose to pass alone or that they may want to be alone so that they don’t burden their loved ones with witnessing it.
I follow some hospice nurses on Instagram and they’ve talked about that- people passing as soon as they’re alone. They’ve even mentioned that if a loved one is having trouble passing then to leave them alone for a few minutes and they may be waiting. The nurses said that more private people may choose to pass alone or that they may want to be alone so that they don’t burden their loved ones with witnessing it.
I have heard this before. He requested that no one come visit at the end of his cancer journey. This was an unexpected turn. He had a stroke and due to the cancer treatment was not possible. At his request my aunt wouldn’t let anyone visit. It was her and the kids. I really think he wanted to be alone.
I follow some hospice nurses on Instagram and they’ve talked about that- people passing as soon as they’re alone. They’ve even mentioned that if a loved one is having trouble passing then to leave them alone for a few minutes and they may be waiting. The nurses said that more private people may choose to pass alone or that they may want to be alone so that they don’t burden their loved ones with witnessing it.
I have heard this before. He requested that no one come visit at the end of his cancer journey. This was an unexpected turn. He had a stroke and due to the cancer treatment was not possible. At his request my aunt wouldn’t let anyone visit. It was her and the kids. I really think he wanted to be alone.
It sounds like it’s how he wanted to go, but that doesn’t make it any easier on his loved ones. I’m sorry he passed. Cancer is so terribly cruel.
I follow some hospice nurses on Instagram and they’ve talked about that- people passing as soon as they’re alone. They’ve even mentioned that if a loved one is having trouble passing then to leave them alone for a few minutes and they may be waiting. The nurses said that more private people may choose to pass alone or that they may want to be alone so that they don’t burden their loved ones with witnessing it.
This happened to my dad. We were gathered around his bedside over the weekend when we knew he was close to the end, and he asked the hospice nurse to tell us to stay out. On Monday us kids all went to work as usual, and Dad died when my mom walked around the corner to the mailbox.
Post by mysteriouswife on May 20, 2022 21:30:55 GMT -5
As the night progresses I’m not okay. I’m starting to feel as if grief is defining who I am. I’m sick of being sad. I am over if going to funerals. H and I made a rule many deaths ago only go to services if those close to us. I’m not taking my kids and H is only coming if DS is in school. We can’t do this anymore. We have skipped great aunts and cousin funerals during Covid. This being my uncle I want to go. I told my cousins I’m wearing jeans and flats. I need to be as close to normal as possible. The thought of wearing funeral clothing makes my skin crawl.
I have to go swap the flowers at the cemetery tomorrow. My mom, aunt, and grandparents are all next to where my uncle will be laid. The irrational part of me is worried about old dirty flowers. This is who the fuck I have become. Death runs my thoughts and life.
And yes I see a therapist. I have a session on Wed. I have emailed her too