Support - May

[HRH Queen Dick I, Orphan]

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[toepick]

I came home on Friday to find my one year old cat dead on the floor. Freddie had been 100% healthy, and was the sweetest, most joyful, friendly, playful cat. I had a necropsy done, mostly because I was worried that there was something poisonous in the house that could affect my other cats, and also because I could not live with the uncertainty and it turns out that he had a congenital heart defect that caused an arrhythmia that killed him instantly. I am comforted by the fact that he didn't suffer and that there was nothing I could have done, but I will never ever get over the image of him lying there on the floor. Freddie was so special - I have had a lot of awesome cats and we was secretly my favorite and I can't believe he is gone.

To add some context, I have now lost 4 cats (including two kittens) in the last 14 months. In December 2020, my 13-year-old cat died of cancer. I got two kittens in January 2021 to keep my older cat Cleo company. But it turned out that one of the kittens had feline leukemia, gave it Cleo and killed her, and then she died in July. So I got two more kittens last summer - Freddie and Lulu - and now Freddie is gone too. This is too much. My heart hurts so much.

[mcmel]

Oh my gosh toepick that is so much heartbreak. I'm so sorry.

I can't remember the last update I gave on my dad but I took him to see a specialist in Nashville and they basically gave him a few weeks to months. He started chemo last Friday and has been hurting and in a bad mood ever since. He always wanted to go see the Aurora Borealis but that wasn't going to be possible so I asked if a professor at a local university if he could show them in the planetarium. He agreed and we're supposed to go see them in an hour but my dad doesn't feel good and I don't think we're going to go which is a bummer. I've also planned for us to go to Colorado one last time this weekend for a week and I worry he won't feel like doing that either. My heart is just broken at how quickly cancer has taken my dad from me.

[followyourarrow]

I'm so sorry toepick. Sending hugs mcmel.


I have to put Arrow down this week. The cancer seems to have gotten to her kidneys. The vet said it would be better to just let her go because she doesn't have much time left anyway.

[waverly]

A dad update: He was released from the psych ward and is in assisted living. He doesn't love it there, but I really don't care. He needs to stay there. My sister basically has conservatorship. It's not permanent yet, but will be soon all they had to do was notify Social Security. So she may or may not have to go to court one more time, but probably not. He didn't contest it. His previous landlord had called the FBI because of his delusions. They said sister has to get a LEEN so he can't buy weapons but that requires another court filing, so I don't think she will. I just wish the FBI and state police can do something, but apparently they can't. It all has to go through the court. So now you know why there are weapons in the hands of crazy people because it requires a court ruling (and apparently family has to file because law enforcement did not seem inclined to do so at all). And the court fees and lawyer fees are not re-imbursed, so it's kind of like why bother if he is in assisted living without access to his money.  No clue why this is the family's responsibility, why wouldn't it be something that law enforcement does?  Because there are tons of people without family or whose family would not take responsibility for them.  


I dreamed he was dead on Saturday night. He was sitting right there and sounded totally alive in my dream even though he was dead in my dream, and then I woke up and was like he is alive. What the heck, mind?

[Deleted]

I attended alanon a lot for about a year now and it helped in the beginning. I think some things about alanon are toxic. I've said over and over again that alanon was created when divorce was less normal and primarily women just had to deal because they couldn't leave a relationship due to money/societal norms. A slogan is "take what you need and leave the rest". Surely, there must be another program that I can attend meetings online.

[lucybrown]

@lemonlover, yes. There are so many Al Anon meetings, both in person and Zoom. I didn't go back for a year after my first meeting because it was weird and poorly run. Give a few meetings a try to see if you can find a better fit.

I'm sorry toepick, mcmel, followyourarrow, and waverly. Sending you all hugs and comfort.

[waverly]

@lemonlover- there are alternate groups to ALA. Google non Alcohol Anonymous groups and maybe they have supports groups for family members.

I tried one FB group, and it was very dark. I didn’t really find it helpful since it was a lot of wives dealing with their husbands. There wasn’t a lot of people dealing with fathers that were 75 years old and had additional medical issues.

[mcmel]

So many good thoughts to everyone in here ♥️

[somersault72]

Oh toepick my heart is broken for you. We've lost 3 of our 4 cats in less than a year and it's been awful but they were 15. A 1 year old is just.....on another level. My family dog from when I lived with my parents died when he was one, and that was over 20 years ago, and it's still hard to think about. So many hugs to you❤❤❤

[somersault72]

So much love and light to all. ❤❤

[TR]

Fuck cancer indeed. My oldest cousin had a melanoma removed maybe 6 months ago and they had to take a couple of lymph nodes as well that were affected. They felt confident they got it all, but put her on a chemo regimen just to be sure. She's been feeling pretty crappy due to that and now she's been hospitalized, at first they said appendicitis, now the doctor is saying he also saw something on the scans behind her colon that could be more cancer. She's supposed to have surgery sometime this morning and they'll know more then. Fucking hell.

ETA - Surgery showed "only" the inflamed and twisted appendix so, relatively speaking, that was great news! Now she just has recovery from the surgery.

[winecat]

Sending creepy internet hugs to you all.

[Pom]

Sending peace and hugs to everyone here.

[carmenere]

waverly I don't know your dad's story, but my dad also has mental illness and I feel for you.

My dad is having a meltdown this week because his driver's license is expiring and he failed the vision test to renew it. He called me at midnight screaming about how it's all a conspiracy against him. He refuses any logical help (get new glasses, go to a different DMV office) and insists that he will drive without a license until "they" arrest him. Somehow he drove 2 hours to his hometown and won't tell any of us where he's staying, and he may end up losing his housing in the town where he lives. Selfishly I'm frustrated because he seems to always have a crisis when I'm already dealing with a mountain of other problems, and because he won't accept any actual help. But I know that in his mind all these things are totally real and extremely distressing, and I feel guilty for not being more compassionate.

Fuck mental illness, fuck cancer, fuck pet loss. Sending you all big internet hugs.

[mcmel]

I'm so sorry carmenere

That must feel so overwhelming and powerless. I absolutely hate that.

[babsbunny]

I'm sorry for everyone's struggles and pain. You are all amazing and strong.

[brooke77]

My mom is in hospice. She is at the end stages of Alzheimer’s disease. The decline in the last few weeks has been rapid. It is so hard to see my strong, independent, beautiful mother end up like this. I thought I had already mourned the loss of MY mother because she hasn’t recognized who I am or been her true self for about 5 years. I wasn’t expecting to be so sad. It’s heartbreaking.

[mcmel]

I’m so sorry brooke77 😞

[mofongo]

((Hugs)) to everyone! I have read all of the posts in here. ❤️

[rubytue]

I had a colonoscopy on Friday. They found a moderately sized polyp, which was sent out for biopsy. Logically, I know that most polyps are benign, but… of the 5 biopsies in my life, 2 cancer, 2 precancer, 1 completely benign. And I have now rabbit holed to the point I can recite the stats on my increased risk of colorectal cancer due to my two previous cancer treatments, and the chances of cancer given the size of the polyp. And… it’s not a good head space to be in. *sigh*

[mofongo]

((rubytue))

[winecat]

rubytue- Big hugs. I hope you get results soon and that it's benign.

[winecat]

I'm going on an amazing trip with my BFF next week. I can't shake the feeling of sadness that we might not have years of these trips in front of us.

[rubytue]

Well, I did not have to wait 3 weeks. Woo! Only 4 days. And it’s “benign precancer.” Which was the better possible answer. Yay. But still… I’m now 2:3:1 (cancer:precancer:completely benign).

[msmerymac]

toepick, my favorite cat collapsed and died in front of me just about 2 years ago and I'm still not over. I even got a tattoo of him. I'm so, so sorry for your losses.

[mcmel]

My dad is deep into his transition now, sleeping most of the time. I’m staying on the couch next to him at my parents’ house. I hope this ending is peaceful. My heart is in pieces. Thank you all for your support and love.

[suzubell]

Sending you so much love, mcmel.

[lostrn]

May 12, 2022 2:57:59 GMT -5 mcmel said:

My dad is deep into his transition now, sleeping most of the time. I’m staying on the couch next to him at my parents’ house. I hope this ending is peaceful. My heart is in pieces. Thank you all for your support and love.

I'm so sorry. I hope he remains peaceful.

[underwaterrhymes]

Big hugs to everyone here.

mcmel sending so much love to you. My stepdad died of lung cancer on Christmas Day in 2018. My sisters and my mom and I were with him in the last few days of his life, and then my sister and mom were with him at the very end. They were very emotional days, but they also held a lot of peace and I wish that for you too.