TTMA Getting a Dog

[nicolewi]

I edited my marathon original post.

Kids REALLY want a dog. I would like to have the experience of having a family dog for them at least once, and we're kind of getting to "do or die" time here. My youngest is 7 and oldest is 13 (if dog lives 12 years they will be 19/20ish and 25/26ish!).

I know about having dogs; had a dog when I was little and another my parents got while I was home on a college break, with which I still spent lots of time (and helped with puppy training). We also had a cat but I'm allergic, also gerbils (they were awful), and some fish (not worth the hassle to me). 

I think it's a great life experience for kids to have and it would be a dream come true for my kids. DS has started to say that if we can't get a dog he would like a snake or lizard; DD2 REALLY wants a pig but that's not happening. DH is anti, but realistically, this will be all on me anyway so I know he will cave if needed; I've kind of been waiting to get serious about a dog until I felt like I could handle it. 

I'm a SAHM; we have a big yard; we have a cottage where the dog could swim. 

What has held me up from this, is knowing that 
1. it's just a huge extra responsibility to take on 
2. I do enjoy my freedom to not have to worry about the dog when scheduling
3. Traveling would be more difficult for sure but I do have some options in mind for pet care
4. DH works a lot and wouldn't be 100% on board so again the main responsibility would definitely be mine. I accept that, but it's still something to consider.
5. knowing the years fly and eventually we have to deal with the dog dying
6. knowing that prior to that we may go through very difficult times with dog being sick, requiring vet care, etc. Our 2nd retriever was absoltuely fantastic and lived to 14, but she had a chronic health condition and got expensive meds every month. 

So tell me all the reasons it's worth it, or why it isn't worth it if you've been there and done that. My mom says she doesn't know if she could ever deal with another dog being sick and dying again; she was really the main person for our 2nd retriever and it was very, very hard on my mom when she died. But I don't think I want to deny my kids the pet experience of the fact that it's sad when they die. 

[mrshandy]

I'm a fairly new pet owner. We just got our dog 2+ years ago. I was a little worried we were rushing into. We had been thinking about it for a while. He was a pandemic puppy and I was very emotional at the time. Everyone needed a pick-me-up.

I love having a dog. He's my little buddy and I honestly couldn't imagine life without him. The most significant disruption for us has been twice daily walks or runs (I usually run with him in the morning) and boarding on vacations. I can easily run errands during the day and we can be gone for 4+ hours at a time.

Mostly I'm happy with our decision. Most of the dog responsibilities have fallen on me and I can handle it for the most part. H or DS will walk him a few times a week.

We've had some pricey vet bills from random things, but we dropped after care during the pandemic so that balanced it out.

The kids love the dog and I'm happy that we got him. I'm glad they got to have that experience. Your older one should be able to handle walks for the dog which will definitely help out. FWIW, our dog doesn't poop in the backyard very often. Most of the time he poops on his walks.

Every dog is different. We got a 1 1/2 year old rescue that is high energy, but he was potty trained. He's gotten way better than he used to be, but he's never going to be an off-leash dog IMHO since he's a hound. So I would do some research on what type of dog would be best for your family.

Headed off to give my puppy a belly run. He's got his give me a belly rub look working.

[bee20]

I don't have a dog myself, but I'd like to chime in on the traveling/pet care issue. When my friend got their dog 5 years ago, they had a neighbor that loved dogsitting and could pay to have their dog in the airplane cabin for longer trips to her parents in the summer. Now she had to cancel a work trip this week because she can't find a dogsitter anywhere in the city on one-weeks notice and the airline no longer allows dogs her size in the cabin. She has said once this dog dies (probably another 5 years) she probably won't get another one due to this issue as it has been really limiting.

So I would think about not only do you know what you would do today but think of what your Plan B or C would be and if you can handle that.

[waverly]

You most likely will be the point person with training, but I would definitely recruit the kids to assist with that and picking up dog poop in the yard. I was very annoyed with my dog until she was 3 and even now she isn't the best in some scenarios. I got her when she was 1. I did not want a puppy, and I am glad we did not get a puppy.

If medical bills are a concern I would get pet medical insurance.

Death is a part of life, but the reason we are so sad when they pass is because we enjoyed and loved them so much during their life, and I am not sure I would deny them that love.  That being said a dog is a lot of work, so we definitely waited until the kids were older, and we probably won't rush to get another one when our dog passes.  

We also have a cat, and the dog wants to eat the cat, so it is not the greatest. I don't think we had to have a dog since they at least got to experience one pet experience with the cat. 

[laterz]

If you have rescues in your area, you might considering fostering first. Lets you put your toes in, but not jump off the deep end. The rescue I volunteer with allows fosters to have first dibs on adopting the dog if they want.

Our house would be so lonely without our 60lb oaf.

[sdlaura]

I'll be in your shoes in a few years. DD is almost 10 and we're planning to get a dog when she's 12/youngest is 4ish. We used to have two dogs and we're a dog family, and we've missed having a dog since our last one died almost two years ago. But we have too much going on right now with the four young kids and both of our jobs.

I think it's a great learning experience for kids to help take responsibility for a dog, and I think by that point I'll be wanting something cuddly/needy again, with some distance from having had my four babies over ten years.

I would adopt an older dog who could be housetrained quickly right now. But DH wants the kids to have the puppy experience, and he doesn't want to have two dogs again. I do remember when we had a puppy before that it was a lot of work for a relatively short period of time (first year or two), and then the dog is just a part of the family and the amount of work doesn't seem crazy most of the time, for the next 10+ years.

It sounds like your mom can help out when you're out of town - that's huge. Pet care costs when we vacation are one reason we're waiting.

[rootbeerfloat]

We got our first dog when the kids were 7 and 10. DS picked her. She was 2, so already house-trained and used to being home alone, though hadn't been socialized with other dogs. To this day, she hates dog parks, etc. We're lucky to have my mom or sister to dog-sit when needed, and she's still young and healthy, so vet bills have been minimal.

During COVID, I really wanted to get another dog, so we adopted a senior dude. Everybody loves the addition, except for our first dog lol, but she has adapted. Due to his age and history, he has been a bigger investment, but no regrets.

Both dogs are small breeds with similar diet/exercise needs. At this point in my life, I'm not interested in a puppy. Maybe that will happen when the kids are out of the house.

We previously had fish and a guinea pig, which we got when the kids were younger and asked for pets. They were fine, but not pets we would get again. (We also have a tortoise, which is nuts, but DD is attached and does most of his care.)

That said, honestly, H and I do most of the care. Kids will feed when reminded and help with walks and baths, but it's really H and me. H grew up in a no-pet house and has agreed we would always have one from now on. But in your shoes, I would only get a dog if YOU want one.

[waverly]

May 4, 2022 13:24:08 GMT -5 laterz said:

If you have rescues in your area, you might considering fostering first. Lets you put your toes in, but not jump off the deep end. The rescue I volunteer with allows fosters to have first dibs on adopting the dog if they want.

Our house would be so lonely without our 60lb oaf.

Yes we fostered to adopt.  I don't think it was intentional that way.  I think the shelter forgot about us, so it was 2 months before we were like hey remember us we still need to sign the adoption paperwork, and they were like oh yeah.  I hope this isn't standard operating procedure for the shelter, and just a product of it being April 2020.  We didn't adopt because of the pandemic, DH was already looking at dogs back in January 2020, but us being home helped.  

[dochas]

This is my first dog, we got him just before my son turned 10. Since you have experience with dogs I won't bother with the negatives. I love the dog but it was definitely not a good decision FOR ME, but it's been everything my husband and son have dreamed of. LOL Since you already know every single thing will fall on you I won't address that either. LOL

Seeing my son and the dog together is just the greatest thing. They adore each other. This dog would take a bullet for my son, no question. He definitely thinks they're brothers. Even knowing all the work and the inconvenience there is in this for me, I cannot be sorry we got the dog because it's that great for my son. We had to put our cat down a couple of years before we got the dog. We were all devastated. I had him for 16 years, so my son had him his whole life. It was incredibly hard for me to lose him. He was there with me through so much. But watching my son say goodbye to the cat was the worst thing in the world. I still couldn't let that keep us from loving another pet.

[InBetweenDays]

We had two dogs before having kids and they passed away in 2014 and 2015 (kids were 8/9 and 5/6). It was so tough because they were our first babies. And it took us awhile to feel emotionally ready to get another pet but it was never a question that we would eventually adopt another. We got our current dog about 3.5 years ago. He was an 8 month old rescue so he was already potty trained and had some decent behavioral training.

We LOVE having a dog and he adds so much happiness to our house. But yes he most definitely is a huge responsibility. We've never had problems finding a dog sitter, but it is an additional thing you need to plan and an expense you need to factor in. Plus just being gone for the day you need to think about how long the dog can/should be home alone. I work from home, but if I'm out of town or away for the day we have to arrange for someone to come in and let him out mid day since H is gone for 9-10 hours. Or if we're gone all day for sports, etc. we need to make sure we get him out before or after to get him some exercise.

Also, having a big yard is great but know that the dog will need more than just being let out to play in the yard. Walks are very beneficial for exercise but also huge for mental stimulation of smelling all the smells of other animals (we call it checking his pee mail )

[Deleted]

We had an Irish red and white setter before our kids were born. She was a great dog and lives to be almost 15. It was brutal on my kids (they were 12, 9, And 7 at the time) to put her down and honestly the last year of her life was really really difficult. Despite all of that I wouldn’t have not had her in our family for all those years just to avoid that heartbreak.

A few months after we had to let her go we got a Weimaraner puppy. He’s now 3 years old. He is the absolute light of my kids’ lives. He is the reason my oldest made it through some dark times. They adore him. He brings them more joy than I actually thought a dog could bring. We travel a fair bit and we trade dog sitting with my parents most of the time or we hire one of my younger cousins to house sit. I do most of the dog work and don’t find it to be all that much really and both dogs that we have had were super high energy breeds. I walk regularly anyway so I just bring the dog along. Feeding takes all of 20 seconds. Filling a water bowl takes 20 seconds. Picking up the yard isn’t even that bad. Now in the puppy stage it was more intense of course, but we got him in the summer so the kids were able to be with him all day and they were old enough to help with him and because they adored him so much they were happy to do it.

[chedifuen]

I love my two dogs so much it's almost sickening. I just feel like having a pet makes my house so much happier. We all adore the dogs and their antics bring us a ton of joy.

Yes, they're work but personally I don't really find it to be much on a day to day basis. Feeding them takes a few seconds and is generally handled by one of my kids. We do walk them most days but we enjoy that time very much so it doesn't feel like a chore.

[expectantsteelerfan]

I love my dogs so so so much, and I am a huge dog person, but if you have dreams of having an immaculately clean house, ever, even for a day, then that is something that might make you want to reconsider. I mean, it might be because I'm not a small dog person and mine are shedding, but between the dog hair and the muddy puppy paw prints and the water dripped after they drink from their bowl, not to mention the smell of dog that is just always a part of having a dog, my house is never quite 'company ready' unless I have the dogs boarded, which I really only do if we are hosting a big major event.
But I can't imagine life without a dog, so to me it's totally worth it.

[redheadk]

We love having dogs and your kids are a great age for one. DD (9) is best buds with our newest dog and is old enough to be truly helpful.

I'd consider different types of dogs because some are easier to own than others. We love our Shih Tzus...sturdy and great with kids but don't need a ton of exercise, small poops, and don't shed. The downside is that some are happy (our girl is happy, our boy has a deeper bark) and they have to be groomed every 6-8 weeks. Personally, I'd rather deal with grooming than with dog hair so I don't mind it but it is an additional expense. It's pretty easy to find someone to keep them, they are small and easy/friendly. BIG personalities!

[cherry1111]

We had to put our almost 16 year old dog down 1.5 weeks ago. It’s been rough but we are absolutely getting another one soon. Even with the pain being so raw I will not let that stop us from adopting another.

[Poppy]

I used to think I was a dog person. I liked having dogs when I was a kid. But now, honestly my extended familys' dogs irritate me a bit (because it limits our time together and/or because they ask to bring their dogs to our house when we're hosting and/or because their dogs do not behave well and my daughter is scared of them). And I suspect I may have developed allergies to dogs as well. My list of cons is otherwise similar to yours, mostly the work and the end of life decisions/emotions.

However, my H would like to get one at some point and I expect that my kids will too. We'll see if I fold, but I am pretty confident that I'd be happier without one. I definitely wouldn't go for it if all the responsibility would fall on me. IDK if any of that is helpful, but I guess I just want to say that it's ok to not have a dog and my kids have plenty of other experiences, including some that they would forgo if we got a dog.

[al dente]

This will prob get me on a spreadsheet lol but I can not wait for our dog to pass away so I would not be getting another dog. If you travel or are interested in it figure out travel because that is the biggest pain for me. I have an extremely anxious dog that can not be crated which cuts out a lot of options.
My H is gone a lot for work, and without fail random major stuff happens with the dog whenever he's gone and it's stressful dealing with the dog and kids. You said your H works a lot so idk if that also applies to you.
It's harder getting babysitters because we have a larger dog and a lot of people aren't comfortable or are allergic.
I would try out a foster before fully adopting. I also somehow have gotten to dogs from shelters with major anxiety issues which makes it harder to do fun things with them because they're just too stressed. Sorry to be the Debbie downer in this post lol.

[nicolewi]

May 4, 2022 16:55:56 GMT -5 Poppy said:

I used to think I was a dog person. I liked having dogs when I was a kid. But now, honestly my extended familys' dogs irritate me a bit (because it limits our time together and/or because they ask to bring their dogs to our house when we're hosting and/or because their dogs do not behave well and my daughter is scared of them). And I suspect I may have developed allergies to dogs as well. My list of cons is otherwise similar to yours, mostly the work and the end of life decisions/emotions.

I do feel a little like this, too. I loved having my own dogs, and I like some dogs for sure, but others I could definitely do without. But I think other people's dogs are kind of like other people's kids...I love my own, but that doesn't mean I want to babysit everyone else's kids, LOL. 

[waverly]

May 4, 2022 17:52:49 GMT -5 nicolewi said:

May 4, 2022 16:55:56 GMT -5 Poppy said:

I used to think I was a dog person. I liked having dogs when I was a kid. But now, honestly my extended familys' dogs irritate me a bit (because it limits our time together and/or because they ask to bring their dogs to our house when we're hosting and/or because their dogs do not behave well and my daughter is scared of them). And I suspect I may have developed allergies to dogs as well. My list of cons is otherwise similar to yours, mostly the work and the end of life decisions/emotions.

I do feel a little like this, too. I loved having my own dogs, and I like some dogs for sure, but others I could definitely do without. But I think other people's dogs are kind of like other people's kids...I love my own, but that doesn't mean I want to babysit everyone else's kids, LOL. 

Yup, I’m the same way. I love my dog but I certainly don’t love every dog that I see. They are cute, but I don’t want to pet them all.

My sister’s dog was always mouthing us with her giant German Shephard jaws, so definitely not my favorite dog. She did eventually settle down.

[countthestars]

We got a dog in March of 21 and we love her to death, but man she is expensive! I don't even really tell H how much I spend on her because it's a lot . This is partly because she is very food motivated and partly because we travel a lot.

Between her spay, monthly heartworm and tick prevention, and her routine physicals/vaccines, I think I've probably spent about $2000 in the last ~year. We pay $50/month on top of that for pet insurance - we luckily haven't had to use it, but it's not cheap! Her food is ~$80/month and she is a chewer and needs lots of bully sticks and toys as a way to release her energy, so I probably spend another $50 a month on that. She goes to daycare 1x per week at $30/pop and every night we are away we pay $60-70 depending on whether she's with our sitter or boarded. Training will likely end up being close to $2k in total when we're done, and if we want an electric fence put in, that would be another $2k.

There may be many people in here thinking that I spend too much which is likely valid! I'd love to hear where they scale back or do something different than we do.

All of this to say - we love this pup. She is such a joy and she makes us all smile. My kids are relatively helpful with her and they adore her. Knowing her now, I would adopt her again!

[icedcoffee]

Watching my kids interact with my dog gives me so much joy. They are so sweet giving him a hug and a kiss before bed and stuff life that. And the dog is fiercely protective of my kids and you can tell that the kids are his people.

With that said...they are also done with him in about 5 minutes and spend a majority of their time ignoring the dog. So get the dog for you and not for the kids because you will be the primary keeper and attention provider.

I'd have a hard time getting one if my H wasn't 110% on board. And I wouldn't get a puppy. Puppies are insane.

And I won't even get into the expense. My dog is on daily meds and monthly injections I give him myself.

My dog brings me immense joy and I will always have one, but they can be hard.

:::Stands up to go hug the dog:::

[ssmjlm]

We lost our almost 13yo dog in September and got another one in November. E is now 9 and she is very helpful, but also struggles with a puppy because our other dog was 4.5 when she was born.

I'll just say this PUPPIES ARE A LOT. Like A LOT.

It doesn't bother me, I knew what I was getting into, but I would do some breed research or talk to a rescue and see what will work best for your family.

My Aussie needs a lot of stimulation. And not just walks/chase ball to tire her out. Things like puzzle toys and training/agility to help. I don't mind and my daughter does the whole agility class with her, but they've become very popular and I don't think people realize that a bored dog is a destructive dog.

[mae0111]

When we got our dog 1.5 years ago, I was also a SAHM. I had no plans to go back to work any time soon. DH works a ton (90-100 hours a week) so I knew he would not be helpful most of the time. I'd never had a dog.

A few things...

My kids (now 12 and 9) were EXTREMELY enthusiastic about getting the dog... and do very little to help. It's a constant battle.

This dog is a lot more energetic than I anticipated. I know people with this type of dog who are not really into moving, so I was thinking he would be moderately active. The reality is that if we don't run him daily, he's insane.

I went back to work when a really ideal situation popped up. I'm working part time from home, but now everything is a time crunch and DH still really can't help much.

Along those lines, he also does not read social cues of other dogs well, and annoys them. As a result, he's been removed from a couple of daycares. It's not because he's mean - it's because the owners are afraid he will get hurt because he won't stop playing when other dogs are done. With me working, I really wanted to find him a spot for 1-2 days a week so that he could get good exercise and socialize. That has proven to be really difficult.

So because of the daycare issue, I am struggling to find a place to board him when we go on vacation. We take him if we can, but even planning 6 months in advance, it's really challenging in my area to find care.

All that said, I LOVE my dog more than I ever thought possible. I'm so glad we have him, but I don't know that I will ever get another.

[imojoebunny]

My kids love our dog, but he is my dog, and he loves me most, and I love him most. We have a dog that has to be groomed (professionally $80-$120 a visit) every 6-8 weeks, bathed every 1-2 weeks, needs special food (about $120 a month), and to be walked about 14 miles a week, though we have a yard, he could give a rats ass about going outside without his people. We, also, travel a lot, like 6 weeks last year, where he needed care (about $350-$500 a week, depending on if we have a house sitter or a dog walker), and another 5 weeks, where he could go with us, sometimes requiring an extra pet fee. Regular vetting and year round heart worm and flea/tick ($1200). All this means that the dog cost us about $7K last year. He had about $1K more in vet bills than normal because he was mauled by an off leash German Shepard, and my DH refused to ask the owners' for more than the first vet bill, and there where many more. Also, the month that he was healing was very hard on me, since he was in a lot of pain, and I am his person, so sleep was rough, and vet visits take a lot of time for things like this, since vets are very in demand in our area.

In summary, he will cost about the same over his expected life, as a decent car, and he is a lot of work, even though he is the very best boy, but I would not trade him for the house over my head. There are dogs that do not require as much grooming, which saves ~600-800 a year, and if you do not travel as much, or are willing to "trade" with friends, which we cannot do because of travel and dog allergies, you can make it less expensive, but you will still need time, even for a small fellow.

[konapoppy]

I have become the primary care giver for our 12 year old dog and I am tired. I love him to death, but the wake ups to have breakfast, demand barking for walks, scratching on the office door and interrupting my sleep has been exhausting while also having young kids. He has definitely gotten more whiny as he has aged. He was literally the easiest dog for years (loves dogs, cats, kids, no behavioral issues, good in the car, good on walks, etc.). So I will of course continue to love him through his geriatric stage.

I agree with fostering. Or adopting a more middle aged dog so the life span is shorter.

[starburst604]

You don’t want to hear from the owner of a 4 month old lab, lol.

[loira]

We have a 1 year old Toller and she's still very much a puppy. She's housetrained and very well trained around the house, but she still loses all her brains if she's distracted by anything outside. Her recall is a work in progress. She is also very high energy, but I've had this breed since I was a kid and I'd say she's definitely at the higher end of the energy spectrum for her breed. We give her a 5k minimum walk every day, plus either a training session or a frisbee/ball session in the field across the street. We do not have a yard but we are very active so it's fine.

PPS made some good points about cost and mess. We have to make sure to walk our dog every day, and we live on the west coast so a lot of those days are rainy. We have a ton of dog towels and a system for drying her off, but the dirt still gets tracked in, despite our best efforts. She also sheds a lot because of her double coat. We feed her raw food mixed with single ingredient kibble and both are expensive. She goes through a ton of toys, but that's better than chewing our floors and furniture. We pay $150/month for pet insurance (our deductible is pretty low).

[thebreakfastclub]

I would get a dog if you wanted the dog and you wanted to do 100% of the work for it. I recall your post from a few weeks ago about how to get the kids to clean up after themselves, so I'd assume no help from them. If you still want a dog given those parameters, I'd go for it.

I'm not into the owing kids the experience of a dog, going to Disney, things like that. My mom used to say in a joking way, I owe you 3 hots and a cot, lol.
My son would like a dog or any pet. I do not want any pets, so I told him the best part of being a grownup is, if you want lots of pets, that's when you can get them.

[maudefindlay]

Our neighbors have 3 kids (4 to 9) and they got a puppy in March and.....I haven't seen it since then. We are guessing they gave it to someone else. The couple times I saw the Mom out with the puppy she only had negatives to say. Said they greatly underestimated the work of a puppy. The Mom is a SAHM and the work was all falling to her. So definitely consider if you want a puppy vs older.

[aspentosh]

As someone who worked with a dog rescue and fostered dogs and saw dogs returned for asinine reasons, only get a dog if everyone is on board 100%. Your H, your kids, and you. I'd still probably expect to do most of the work yourself (and be ok with that) but if not everyone is on board, having a dog rarely works long term.

ETA: Also, puppies are a fuckton of work. I love dogs, I want dogs, everyone in my family wants dogs... but I do NOT want a puppy. 1.5-2yo dogs are a great age for adoption because you generally know if they're house trained, you can get a good idea of if they are good with kids and other dogs, but they are still very trainable.