Why the hell do people do this!?!? (FB and death)

[flygirl]

I need to get this rant out somewhere before I blow up.
We had a death in the family recently and everyone was told not to tell anyone until my Grandma was told.  So what does my idiot sister do?  Posts it on FB with all the cousins and other people who are in a very small town with my Grandma.  
Sister hasn’t even seen the person who died in 6 months and it was a year before that but suddenly your so sad about the passing?  And couldn’t even go visit them in the hospital, hospice or hell even make a damn phone call…but poor you. People can fuck right off with this crap.  Are you that clueless and insensitive???

[joy]

But… think of the likes, sympathy and attention attained from Facebook. This is an important day for you sister. When will the sun shine on her again? Grandma’s feelings have nothing on that.

[flygirl]

Jun 8, 2022 13:08:25 GMT -5 joy said:

But… think of the likes, sympathy and attention attained from Facebook. This is an important day for you sister. When will the sun shine on her again? Grandma’s feelings have nothing on that.

Exactly

[mcsangel2]

Attention.

It makes me furious when people do this. I post about this kind of thing at least a couple times a year on Facebook as a sort of PSA to remind people to fucking use their heads.

My very sweet, awesome cousin posted on FB when my dad's passing was imminent, and I ripped her a couple of new ones in PMs. That is why I do the PSA thing every so often now.

I would go OFF on your sister. Deaths are for the immediate family to post about on FB. Otherwise, you wait at least 24 hours or until you are absolutely sure close friends and family have been told.

[starburst604]

Ugh I hate that AW shit on social media. I always think to myself that if someone in my immediate family passes, I better break the news on FB quickly before my 3rd step-cousin twice removed does or some crap.

[somersault72]

I'm so sorry. My dad found my grandmother (his mother) dead about 9:00 in the morning. I was at work. I happened to check my Facebook around 10:30 and not 1 but TWO cousins had posted about her death. My mom hadn't been able to get ahold of me yet. Heck they hadn't even gotten ahold of all her kids yet. People don't think. Also like others said, people love attention. One of those cousins posts on Facebook at least 20 times a day, probably more some days.

[shadyblue42]

This is how I found out that my grandpa had passed. He passed in the early morning and my mom had been waiting until a more reasonable hour to call me and tell me. My uncle posted it on FB and my husband saw it before she could call. It’s been almost 3 years and I still think about it to this day and it still pisses me off that I had to find out that way.

[jinkies]

I think I've posted this before, but we have a family friend who is the WORST with this. I came very close to learning about my own SIL's death from his facebook post, because my brother sent a group text to friends before he tackled contacting the people that he felt deserved a phone call (me). The friend posted to facebook apparently as soon as he got the text. And tagged me, my brother, my mom, so that all of our friends could also see the post. Like, we are 40 years old. She had been dead for an hour. You can stay off social media for half a day to give us time to notify family.

People suck.

[dove]

Yeah. It’s how I found out my grandma died.
We have a huge family. Easily over 50 first cousins. I’m sure many of us found out that way
ETA - it was one of the cousins who posted it.

[lilypad1126]

When my grandparents died last year, I was the designated facebook poster (half my family isn't on facebook, the other half rarely posts). I waited until my mom confirmed she had told every, I double checked with my uncles that they had made their calls, then, THE NEXT DAY, I posted about it. My one aunt couldn't figure out why I'd "waited so long" but I wanted to make sure every family member at least had heard the news first hand from my mom or one of her brothers. Plus, it just seemed like the nice, polite, caring thing to do.

OP, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. People are the worst.

[katfco]

We had something similar happen when my brother was dying. We had all gathered for my grandmother's memorial service and my brother was not expected to live long (life support was going to be removed soon). We had planned to tell uncles, aunts and cousins after the service, but suddenly in the middle of my grandmother's celebration of life, the preacher announces my brother's imminent death. He and my mother "thought it was important for people to know so they could pray."

flygirl, I'm sorry for your family's loss and for your sister's massive insensitivity. I hope someone was able to tell your grandmother before she found out the hard way.

[Aloe Vera]

These people are called tragedy whores. They also want to be the first to break the news.

[bcv513]

I'm sorry. This is how I found out my great-grandmother had died too. I was in college and my cousin posted "RIP Great Nana Last Name" on AIM. Yes, I'm old.

[jamaicam]

I completely understand your feelings.

When my DH died, it was posted by random relatives of his who tagged me on FB before we had had the chance to tell everyone. I wanted a minute to breathe and hug our kids before the world knew - but that was not to be.

[Patsy Baloney]

Ugh, I am so sorry. What a world we live in where we have to remind people to use good judgment and discretion - and not make a death all about themselves.

[flygirl]

Jun 8, 2022 14:02:31 GMT -5 jamaicam said:

I completely understand your feelings.

When my DH died, it was posted by random relatives of his who tagged me on FB before we had had the chance to tell everyone. I wanted a minute to breathe and hug our kids before the world knew - but that was not to be.

There has to be a special place in hell for someone who TAGs a grieving widow with kids on social media about their spouses death.

[wildrice]

Jun 8, 2022 13:25:57 GMT -5 dove said:

Yeah. It’s how I found out my grandma died.
We have a huge family. Easily over 50 first cousins. I’m sure many of us found out that way
ETA - it was one of the cousins who posted it.

Ditto this, except I have more like 30 cousins.

[ssmjlm]

Yeah, someone posted on FB that there were cops and an ambulance at my parents house the morning my sister died. It was after my dad had called, but still.

I'm so thankful to the neighbor that commented and told her STFU. People are just AWs.

[jennistarr1]

This is striking a chord...a distant cousin posted within the hour of my mom dying as we desperately trying to call everyone directly. Seriously how did you think you get to be the first to post it??? My sis got him to remove it but damage was fine quick

[erbear]

Jun 8, 2022 14:07:12 GMT -5 flygirl said:

Jun 8, 2022 14:02:31 GMT -5 jamaicam said:

I completely understand your feelings.

When my DH died, it was posted by random relatives of his who tagged me on FB before we had had the chance to tell everyone. I wanted a minute to breathe and hug our kids before the world knew - but that was not to be.

There has to be a special place in hell for someone who TAGs a grieving widow with kids on social media about their spouses death.

Seriously, what the fuck? I’m sorry that happened.

OP, I’m also sorry for your loss and that this is compounding your grieving. Your sister sucks too.

[eb777888]

Jun 8, 2022 13:54:11 GMT -5 Aloe Vera said:

These people are called tragedy whores. They also want to be the first to break the news.

Yes. They also like to post selfies with people in hospital beds and pictures of their sick, crying kids. They are the worst. 

I'm really sorry for your loss, flygirl,

[mrsjuleshs]

FB is how I found out my aunt and my grandm9ther passed away. My unvle atleast had the decency to call my mom when my grandfather (paternal) passed.

[cherry1111]

Yep, we found out my husbands grandmother had died on Facebook. SIL (it wasn’t even her grandma, it was her husbands!) was so desperate for the Facebook attention that it was posted before they could even call my husband. Like she couldn’t have let 5 minutes pass between finding out and posting. It still makes us mad.

[TR]

Related, but I made a FB post on the one year anniversary of my cousin’s passing and I tagged her so that her friends that I didn’t know would see it because it was more of a “if you loved her and are missing her like I am, I see you” kind of thing. And people had tagged her in posts after she first passed, too. Well, TWO old friends of hers messaged me asking what happens and I had to tell them and I felt terrible. But it had been a YEAR and there had been other posts.

[amandawk]

When my (step)grandma died one of my cousins was posting on Facebook during the funeral. Of course she got all the sympathy in comments but followed that up with "I only met her a couple of times but she was nice..." (There was some drama and estrangement in the family years ago.) As somebody who grew up with and adored my grandma I was livid. I called the cousin out and was immediately blocked.

[mlkgls]

I’ll never understand the motive behind this. When my FIL passed suddenly, this is how my H found out. We hadn’t even made it to the hospital yet, let alone made sure that everyone in the immediate family knew. 

[foundmylazybum]

I'm so sorry. Grief tourist's are ass holes. I'm so sorry for your loss and that your sister did that ❤️

[achi]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

People suck. The end.

[Deleted]

Narcissists are all over that site, its their playground for endless attention and validation.  Sadly, your sister sounds like one of those narcs, they are insensitive and lack true empathy.

[periwinkle]

My best friend passed away a few years ago. Her mom and husband texted our friend group to let us know as we had all been taking turns staying with her at the hospital and then hospice during the weeks before she passed. Within like 2 hours her FB page was filled with randos posting for her to "fly high" and "heaven has another angel". She was a beloved teacher so word had spread quickly.

Her extended family was still in the process of being notified and I know some people found out through FB because people had to race to her page to be the first. It just pissed me off.

I'm very sorry for your loss.