The only thing that comes to mind for me is college choice. I was too scared to make any kind of big leap so I only applied to two local-ish universities and ended up going to college 30 minutes from home. I often wonder what would have happened if I had applied/gone to Northwestern like I dreamed of, especially since I've been to Chicago many time since and don't know why I was scared of a city that isn't much bigger than my hometown.
I agree with others that I don’t have regrets. However my “what ifs” are a if I had picked a different college major, attended a different college, waited longer to get married (I was 23 and while H and still married and mostly happy I do often feel like I missed my chance to figure out who I was as an individual instead as half of a couple. Also I would have slept around a lot more!)
Post by Patsy Baloney on Jun 13, 2022 9:54:49 GMT -5
Oh…I would not have married my husband in the timeline that I did.
I wish I would have proposed. I was very stuck on the traditional. It has led to a lot of insecurity and feeling “unwanted” because I didn’t quite get that life is not a romantic comedy. That would have fit my personality more - I like being in the driver’s seat and I don’t like acting demure or waiting around. I wish I had my children when I was younger. I wish I had pushed myself harder to find a career that I enjoyed.
I wish I would have called my dad on his birthday and Father’s Day every year. We don’t get along, but I could have tried harder.
Post by karinothing on Jun 13, 2022 9:57:47 GMT -5
There is only one thing in my life that I would give anything to change and that is my mom's death. I don't think there is any choice I made that impacted that. I would like to go back in time and tell my mom to have her thyroid removed at the first sign of any issue but who knows if that would have fixed anything.
I guess I regret the relationship I was in my senior year of HS. It caused things to be so horrible between my parents and I and it ended it disaster and he really was abusive even though I never saw it at the time. I would have liked to have not had such a rough time with my mom, it took us a while to come back together. My time with my mom was so limited, I regret that it took us a while to repair our relationships.
I really don't have any regrets. If I'd changed anything early in life (educational track, school, etc), I wouldn't have met my husband, and wouldn't be where I am today.
Then only thing I would tell my younger self is to walk away from the new kid at school senior year. He was awful, and emotionally abusive (which I didn't realize until years later) and I wish I hadn't had him as my first serious boyfriend.
Oh…I would not have married my husband in the timeline that I did.
I wish I would have proposed. I was very stuck on the traditional. It has led to a lot of insecurity and feeling “unwanted” because I didn’t quite get that life is not a romantic comedy. That would have fit my personality more - I like being in the driver’s seat and I don’t like acting demure or waiting around. I wish I had my children when I was younger. I wish I had pushed myself harder to find a career that I enjoyed.
I wish I would have called my dad on his birthday and Father’s Day every year. We don’t get along, but I could have tried harder.
Same! I was so insecure and let other get into my head about why he hadn’t proposed yet. I wish I had proposed.
We both recently stated that we wish we had eloped. Our wedding was nice and a fun party, but not at all us. We privately said our real vows at home the night before.
I don’t have regrets, but I’d seriously reconsider many of my life choices that were made based on the shoulds of others.
I kind of regretting some of my college choices (school, roommates, majors). Partly for school, is that one is much more well known in the North East, but I moved back to the Midwest, and no one cares, so I guess it worked out in the end. Roommates- still regret. Majors- I basically had 3, so really I should have paired that down to a major/ minor. I did study abroad at DH's insistence, and I am glad that I did.
When I moved to NYC, I regretted that it wasn't a good environment for teaching. But, ultimately I am glad that I am out of the teaching field especially these last 2 years during Covid. My current job is a much better fit for my introverted personality. And, I don't regret my grad degree.
Sometimes my job in NYC wasn't the best, but I have a better one now. I guess my only regret about my current job lately is working weekends, and I think I can take myself off I just need to figure out how to do it.
For DH, sometimes I wonder if I were with someone else. But he is a good guy. He has flaws but nothing as concerning as what people have posted about their first husbands. And we are together more than 20+ years and still happy, so I think it overall is good. It's just more wondering what other people or husbands are like or relationships.
Post by starburst604 on Jun 13, 2022 10:24:06 GMT -5
I regret not having gone to nursing school when I was younger and it's never been something I was willing to undertake when I was older, for a variety of reasons. There's also one man I dated and never really gave a chance to that I've always had what ifs about...
Of course there are a lot of experiences, mostly relationships that I feel I wasted time on but I try to remember that everything is a learning experience and while it sucks that I went through that, it was necessary to grow. So I try not to have actual regrets.
Post by mysteriouswife on Jun 13, 2022 10:28:38 GMT -5
Mine is minor in the grand scheme of things. I regret my tongue piercing. It destroyed my teeth. I have two root canals due to chip and cracked teeth. I have several fillings from the same. All are on the back sides of my teeth.
One other regret is stopping for a sit down dinner the night my mom died. I know the outcome wouldn’t have changed, but I could have held her hand. I still needed to feed my kids. No one knew she would die just hours later. We all assumed she was just having another blood thinning issue. Grabbing fast food would have shaved a hour off my travel time. I would have made it with mins to spare. Again, this wouldn’t have changed the outcome. Maybe it was better I didn’t witness the life saving measures being taken
My first marriage was an embarrassing disaster and the biggest mistake of my life. He was, and remains, such a loser that I cringe whenever I think about it.
Post by sugarbear1 on Jun 13, 2022 10:39:35 GMT -5
I wish I hadn't married my exH, but I don't regret my kids that came from that marriage.
Sometimes I wish I'd chosen a more lucrative career, but I don't know what that would have been other than working for the family business -- and I knew that I could not spend that much time with my father and brother every day, when my H (see above) hated my brother so much.
Post by fivechickens on Jun 13, 2022 10:47:34 GMT -5
I have 1 1/2:.
I regret not spending more quality time with my mom while she was going thru treatment for leukemia. I was in denial that she would be okay so didn’t appreciate that time I had with her.
This one is tricky for me because it would have changed the trajectory of my life so I likely wouldn’t be married to my H and have my girls so it’s not a full regret. I wish I had gone to college after high school.
I wish I would have moved out of my parents house when I was in college. I have never lived alone (granted, I would have been living with roommates). I went straight from living with my parents to living with my now DH. I never really experienced that transitional period.
It wouldn't change me meeting my husband, thankfully. We met somewhere completely random and totally happenstance.
Post by oregonpachey on Jun 13, 2022 11:23:10 GMT -5
Mine is pretty heavy with @ and a TW
I wish I hadn't gone to my friends' house after school the day my brother died. If I had walked home with him, he wouldn't have gotten hit by the car and killed. I wonder often about what he would be like as an adult. I also have carried a lot of guilt over the past 30+ years and know that my mom blames me in part for his death.
Post by basilosaurus on Jun 13, 2022 11:33:09 GMT -5
Gotten therapy and meds a whole lot sooner. Like starting in kindergarten sooner, not waiting until college. A cousin who watched me one summer recently told me my dad taught her how to soothe me when I'd wake screaming about my mom dying. Cousin was only in high school, and she said it made a huge impact on her. I have no memory of this as I was only 3, but it aligns with when mom was diagnosed. Somehow I picked up on the situation and that it was terrifying. I've been told I still have such vocal nightmares and still talk and walk with no recollection, although I remember very vivid nightmares.
Taken a gap year to figure me shit out, especially mental health.
I've wondered what would have happened had I stayed in FL studying marine biology. I already had a couple ins to the field in high school, but I desperately wanted to leave the state. I could have been at a far more liberal campus that was more in line with me, although it probably took being in the deep south to realize how comparatively liberal I was. It was a huge culture shock.
I would have taken my grandmother to the ER instead of taking her home and helping her to bed. She was exhibiting signs of a stroke but the Dr. had cleared her earlier that day and my mom and aunt believed him. I KNEW it was wrong. She had a massive stroke in her sleep that night and never woke up.
I am so sorry that you feel this heavy burden.
Similarly, but opposite - My entire family regrets urging my grandma’s caretaker to take her in to the ER for symptoms of heart failure one night. She would have likely died in her sleep that night, and we were all relieved she went in. But through that treatment, the next 3 months of her life were a true nightmare. She never got better, and just suffered horribly until she died. You do the best you can in moment, and sometimes you just can’t predict the outcome.
I really try not to have regrets, but if I have one, it would be not going away to college. So that’s what I’d choose.
This exactly. I didn't even consider it and I don't know why.
I also did a terrible job at choosing classes in college. I wish I had gone down the premed route and would have gone to class, put forth some effort, and not been in such a rush to graduate and get a job. Maybe I could have ended up working with kids in a different way than I do now, like as a pediatrician instead of working in education. But I'm also happy with where I am in life now, so I try not to dwell on things like this.
I was in a horribly abusive relationship in college that changed my life in many ways. I am really, really happy now, so I wouldn’t necessarily change that, but I do wonder how my life would have gone if I had just ignored that very first email from him instead of curiously responding. If I hadn’t met him, I probably wouldn’t have changed colleges, majors, moved across the state, lost friends, etc. I could have had an entirely different life - maybe better, maybe worse?
I also wish I would have gotten treatment for anxiety a long time ago. It took a horrible bout with PPA to realize that I’ve always lived at a baseline level of anxiety that isn’t “normal.” It never dawned on me that there was another option. I don’t think it would have changed my life circumstances, but I could have been just generally happier and less stressed for many years.
Sometimes I wish I hadn’t listened to my mom about all the things I wanted to do that she said I wasn’t smart enough for.
But then I probably wouldn’t have met my husband and I just cannot imagine life without him.
I do regret quitting a job once because I went though a horrible experience and made a rash decision full of emotion. It took me awhile to really get back on my feet and get my self esteem back after it.
I should have taken care of my mental health better, but I was raised in an environment where you just sucked it up. Honestly I'm still not great at this and it's taken friends and others telling me over and over that I'm doing it wrong to hear it.