Did I do the right thing? WWY have done?

[shamrockshake]

.

[mala]

100% I would have done the same thing.

[jinkies]

Oh no. I'm sorry it turned into a shit show. I think you did the right thing, although I wouldn't have faulted you if you didn't tell Bob. He was bound to hear something from someone eventually.

[sunshineluv]

You did the right thing, this falls under the golden rule umbrella for me. I would rather my friend tell me, then head some other way and get caught off guard.

[VillainV]

I’m sorry it turned into a shit show, but it wasn’t because of anything that YOU did. It’s a shit show because someone else broke Bob’s confidence and outed him to former coworkers. You did as Bob asked, and let him know that there was office talk. This isn’t your fault.

[court26]

People, and definitely co-workers, love their gossip. That’s too bad Bob couldn’t have his secret kept for sure. I would have done the same thing as you.

[underwaterrhymes]

You handled it perfectly. Telling him is not creating further drama. It’s being fair to him.

[pumpkin]

I’m sorry it’s become such a mess. You did the right thing and what I would have done.

[cjcouple]

You did the right thing.

None of this is your fault. It's all on the shoulders of whoever opened their mouths. You were honest and tried to mitigate the news further as your friend asked.

[momin2013]

I would have done exactly what you did, 100%.

[mofongo]

What could you have possibly done that was wrong?

[flex]

What Bob decides to do with the information that you rightfully provided him is totally on him. It's his wishes not to be outed and how to conduct his wedding. It's okay to feel a bit uncomfortable about the whole thing, but you, yourself, did nothing wrong.

[newnamesameperson]

No, you didn't do anything wrong. However, it would have been preferable to me personally not to confirm whether Bob is getting married. For example, "I don't feel comfortable talking about Bob. I know he is a private person."

And yes, I would have shared this with Bob.

[shamrockshake]

Jun 19, 2022 7:42:06 GMT -5 newnamesameperson said:

No, you didn't do anything wrong. However, it would have been preferable to me personally not to confirm whether Bob is getting married. For example, "I don't feel comfortable talking about Bob. I know he is a private person."

And yes, I would have shared this with Bob.

 

I feel a lot better that others would have done the same thing though 

[af1212]

I agree telling Bob was the right thing. I like newnamesameperson approach but I for sure would not have thought of that in the moment.

Filing it away to hopefully use if I am ever in similar situation.

[skidunks]

You did exactly what I would have. You’re a good friend to respect Bob’s privacy. Congrats to him and his partner!

[pinkly]

You absolutely did the right thing. I know it’s hard to not feel some level of guilt, having brought the situation to his attention and and knowing he is hurt and upset. But YOU didn’t cause that. He has time to deal with this now before the wedding. And he can now make sure he has only truly supportive and respectful people around him and his partner on their wedding day.

[mofongo]

I also think it’s gonna be pretty hard to keep a marriage that people are attending a secret forever.

[ECB]

Jun 19, 2022 10:22:52 GMT -5 pinkly said:

You absolutely did the right thing. I know it’s hard to not feel some level of guilt, having brought the situation to his attention and and knowing he is hurt and upset. But YOU didn’t cause that. He has time to deal with this now before the wedding. And he can now make sure he has only truly supportive and respectful people around him and his partner on their wedding day.

and to add - this would have gotten out!! You did the right thing - bob knew sooner rather than later. It would have been a shit show no matter what.

[shamrockshake]

Jun 19, 2022 11:14:14 GMT -5 mofongo said:

I also think it’s gonna be pretty hard to keep a marriage that people are attending a secret forever.

E

[waverly]

I might not have said anything with the thought that more people talking is more damage. But with your update, I think I would have.

[W.T.Faulkner]

Twenty five years! If I’m his partner I’m suspicious of how good a secret-keeper he is, lol.

[wildrice]

Oh man, I feel so sad for him that he has felt like he needed to keep this secret so long. That must be so difficult.

I don't think you did anything wrong. I agree that in hindsight it would have been best to decline to talk about it, but I also can see how that would have been hard in the moment. I think you were right to tell Bob. Hopefully people at work will mind their own business, and you can decline talking about it if asked in the future.

[mcsangel2]

If he was with his partner for that long and no one had any idea, it makes what the snitch did extra shitty.

[Patsy Baloney]

Jun 19, 2022 14:11:55 GMT -5 mcsangel2 said:

If he was with his partner for that long and no one had any idea, it makes what the snitch did extra shitty.

Make no mistake - it’s a shit level of the highest order to out someone, no matter the circumstances.

Whoever did this better live a long life of feeling like absolute fresh diarrhea dog shit on a sidewalk in 100 degree heat with 100% humidity.

[al dente]

I think what you did was fine.

Idk if this is right (probably not) but if I know something that someone said not to share, and I hear about it from another party I always act like it's the first I've heard about it lol. So when third party told me I would probably say something noncommittal like "oh well that's nice. Oh how did your weekend plan/work thing/other nonrelated topic go?" and change the subject. You're not denying but you're also not confirming.

I would mention in person to Bob that I have heard chatter about him getting married so it seems like word is out. I wouldnt text but I can't really explain why. I think a text seems more serious?

Either way it seems like all these people are leaving so I wouldn't stress it.

[fivechickens]

You did the right thing by telling Bob. He had a right to know.

Whoever started spreading this is super shitty. If anyone else asks you about it I would tell them that it is not your business to tell nor their’s to know. Like someone mentioned above, he has now been outed to people he didn’t want know.

If you all knew because HE shared that he was gay than ignore my last statement. My BFF is gay, in his 50’s, and he does not share it with people at work. He has had coworkers want to fix him up with their daughters. So I understand if it is something he doesn’t want to share at work.

Also, I hope he has a fabulous wedding!