For those who ever played soccer as a kid

[cjeanette]

Here is a message I received from C's soccer club for the weekend. Some of the the other parents have extremely strong feelings about this so I would love to hear the thoughts of others.

"This weekend is "Silent Weekend" for blankety blank Soccer Club. There should be no yelling or directing from coaches and parents from the sidelines, only cheering for goals and calling for subs. For more information click the link."

[formerlyak]

Sometimes I wish my ds' league would do this - he's 6 for reference. I know everyone has the best intentions, but ds has told me that there is so much yelling sometimes that he can't tell who is saying what and never hears any direction the coach is giving him. He said he is really trying to learn the rules and what to do, but when he can't even hear the coach, he gets really frustrated. Our coach has started giving them instructions on the sidelines between quarters and when the ball goes off sides. The kids seem to like that better and are able to better understand what they need to do.

[livinitup]

If you have to have a themed weekend to do this, I say it's probably really overdue.

[mbcdefg]

I agree that parents shouldn't be coaching from the sidelines, but this is a really passive-aggressive way to handle it.

[ijack]

It seems like it would just make more sense to make a rule that says parents are only allowed to cheer and be supportive EVERY day.

[Chirp]

I never played, but my younger brother and sister did (they're 13 and 15 years younger than me).

OMG those parents are abso-fucking-lutely insane. I've heard parents yell out stuff like "Bobby, go, go! Kick that little fat kid with your cleat! Go, go!"

And all the while, they're running up and down the sidelines more than the coaches do. There aren't even bleachers at the soccer fields. They know the parents aren't going to sit down. Every other sport field has bleachers. Not the soccer fields.

I have no intention of signing DS up for soccer. The parents are freaking brutal.


OP - Hopefully the theme weekend is just a stepping stone to get the parents to STFU permanently (assuming your soccer clubs are anything like the ones in my area). Something like "Our 'quiet weekend' went so well that we're going to implement this as a standard policy. Parents are welcome to cheer for goals, but only coaches may yell direction."

[countthestars]

1) That should always be the rule
2) The coaches can't direct them from the sidelines?

[cjeanette]

Sept 25, 2012 13:52:44 GMT -5 @booby said:

when i was a kid, parents sat in lawn chairs on the side of the field and gossiped. there was no yelling at the players. and the coaches coached. so, i really can't relate to that message from this soccer club.

We do this. Some parents do yell to the kids to go here or there, but not in a "yelling" way. I still wonder how the kids can ever hear the coach between the yelling of so many parents, even in encouragement.

But on silent weekend even the coach can't speak.

[cjeanette]

Sept 25, 2012 14:09:50 GMT -5 swizzlestx said:

Does everyone get a trophy too? ;-)

It's a rec league...so yes ;D

[cjeanette]

Sept 25, 2012 14:12:31 GMT -5 swizzlestx said:

Sept 25, 2012 14:11:17 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

But on silent weekend even the coach can't speak.

Then I vote this is stupid.

That's kind of why the coach is there. How else do the players get better if you just throw a ball out there and let them run around?

They don't allow coaches on the field ever either. Which seems to irritate parents and say it makes it impossible to coach.

All this crap is so foreign to me.

[EmilieMadison]

This is how it should ALWAYS be for parents. But coaches? How are they supposed to coach if they can't talk to the players on the field?

[winnied]

I don't recall coaches being allowed on the field when I was a kid.

All the parents who are getting riled up need to calm themselves.

Everyone needs to accept that the kids are probably just going to collectively chase the ball and strategy is almost pointless for a few more years.

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2012 14:09:50 GMT -5 swizzlestx said:

Does everyone get a trophy too? ;-)

I think it's passive aggressive. If certain parents are going overboard, they need to be taken aside and spoken to.

Ditto! I admit I yelled at my kid to pay attention, etc. My DH told me to chill...lol. It's no big deal to be reminded but this blanket passive-aggressive mandate is lame. I eventually stopped going to games & DD lost interest completely. I watch her play tennis, swim, etc & don't yell at her. There is something about the pressure of team sports that gets to me. I'll admit my flaws

[Melissa W.]

Our soccer league did this. It was about midway through the season. Parents are nuts in all sports not just soccer.

[cjeanette]

Sept 25, 2012 14:48:40 GMT -5 swizzlestx said:

Sept 25, 2012 14:22:59 GMT -5 winnied said:

I don't recall coaches being allowed on the field when I was a kid.

All the parents who are getting riled up need to calm themselves.

Everyone needs to accept that the kids are probably just going to collectively chase the ball and strategy is almost pointless for a few more years.

On the side of the field, obviously coaches wouldn't be allowed ON the actual field.

CJ's kid is at an age where he can take direction (assuming this is C's team, as I don't think E plays yet?)

The point of a team sport DOES involve strategy and team work and the coach it there to help, facilitate, and TEACH these kids to do just that (assuming the kids are of an age to get this).

If there is a need to shut the parents up, then fine (I don't necessarily think this is the best way to do it) but the coaches need to be allowed to do what they've volunteered to do.

That being said, I'd rather my hypothetical future kid did an individual sport/activity, lol.

Yes, it's C who is 7. E spent her soccer camp this summer staring at clouds and telling us what shapes she saw.

C is really at the point where they are learning strategy. Each week you can see the progress after practice.

I'd rather my kids play the piano or something...lol.

[explorer2001]

I played competitively from 5 through HS. We never did anything like this. However if crazy parenting has escalated at the same rate in relationship to sports as it seems to have in other areas, I can see the value.

FWIW, when I played the parents cheered and the coach coached. The one crazy parent that yelled at the coach or ref was kept in check by social pressure. Only once did I see parents screaming at each other about how special their snowflake was and how awful the other kid/parent was. I imagine it happens more now given the drama I hear from coirkers.

[cjeanette]

Sept 25, 2012 14:54:20 GMT -5 explorer2001 said:

The one crazy parent that yelled at the coach or ref was kept in check by social pressure.

No one yells at the coach or the ref. It more "back up billy!" "find a yellow jersey to follow johnny!" "kick to long!!!"

Well, some parents did yell at the ref who didn't use her whistle ever. And let a kid lie in the fetal position in the field. I think that was valid. They are 7. Stop them before they trample the kid.

[explorer2001]

Sept 25, 2012 14:59:14 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

Sept 25, 2012 14:54:20 GMT -5 explorer2001 said:

The one crazy parent that yelled at the coach or ref was kept in check by social pressure.

No one yells at the coach or the ref. It more "back up billy!" "find a yellow jersey to follow johnny!" "kick to long!!!"

Well, some parents did yell at the ref who didn't use her whistle ever. And let a kid lie in the fetal position in the field. I think that was valid. They are 7. Stop them before they trample the kid.

In that case the parents aren't too bad. If its one comment at a time. Choruses from the sideline do just become background noise and the kids are really supposed to apply what they learned at practice.

[momof2boys]

I think some parents definitely go overboard, but the coaches need to be able to coach. My son plays hockey and most parents only yell positive things, cheering when they get a goal or a "great try" when they miss. There are a few parents that have gone overboard screaming at their kid or others. In hockey I think its pretty null and void b/c its not like the kid is going to hear you yelling from the stands anyway, they are far away in a rink surrounded by plexiglass with helmets on, they can't hear you. However, it can get annoying to the rest of us parents Spoken from the mom of a son who loves hockey but quite frankly is just not "gifted" in that particular area

This poem was passed around via email prior to my sons baseball season. I really liked it and think sometimes it needs to be handed to certain individuals after a game

He Is Just a Little Boy
By Chaplain Bob Fox

He stands at the plate
with his heart pounding fast.
The bases are loaded,
the die has been cast.
Mom and Dad cannot help him,
he stands all alone.
A hit at this moment
would send his team home.
The ball meets the plate,
he swings and he misses.
There's a groan from the crowd,
with some boos and some hisses.
A thoughtless voice cries,
"Strike out the bum."
Tears fill his eyes,
the game's no longer fun.
So open up your heart
and give him a break,
for it's moments like this,
a man you can make.
Please keep this in mind
when you hear someone forget,
He is just a little boy,
and not a man yet.

[GailGoldie]

Sept 25, 2012 13:43:41 GMT -5 livinitup said:

If you have to have a themed weekend to do this, I say it's probably really overdue.

agreed.

[bunch]

I played rec too (well ayso). Its seems like this would be common sense. I mean, I guess the coaches should be able to direct, but if you've got a real jackass coach, I'm sure that'll do my harm than good.

But what do I know. The team of 5 yr olds that I coached never won a game

[Deleted]

My mom used to drop us off and go shopping. I always felt bad for the kids whose parents were all Johnny on the sideline. OMG it's youth soccer, shut up.

[keyslover]

I have been a player and a coach. When I played we had a "bitch bucket" where the parents would har to put in $ if they swore or were negative. This was at an older age (early teens).

As a coach I had strict guidelines- positive messages only. I have coached K up through U-19s. I think it is a sportsmanship issue above all else. Everyone responds better to "good try" than they do to "you moron how did you miss that shot?!?"

Respect for others translate on and off the field.

[pugz]

uggh I hope my kids don't want to play soccer

[keyslover]

Sept 25, 2012 17:17:53 GMT -5 pugz said:

uggh I hope my kids don't want to play soccer

I see it in her eyes already She will be the next Mia Hamm

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2012 14:06:12 GMT -5 Chirp said:

I never played, but my younger brother and sister did (they're 13 and 15 years younger than me).

OMG those parents are abso-fucking-lutely insane. I've heard parents yell out stuff like "Bobby, go, go! Kick that little fat kid with your cleat! Go, go!"

:-( If I was the little fat kid's parent I'd be kicking those parents who yelled that.

To the OP, I played soccer as a kid, but from what I've heard kid's sports are very different today and parents go nuts. When I played, parents only cheered positive things and that was it. I think there should be a rule for ALL games that parents need to STFU unless they are yelling something encouraging and positive.

[quickstepstar]

My girls started soccer (they are 4). There was a kid who had 2 parents FOLLOWING him on the field telling him what to do. The pour kid, he had his mom about 2 feet behind him at all times! (There was no real game, but still!)

[cjeanette]

Sept 25, 2012 20:27:05 GMT -5 quickstepstar said:

My girls started soccer (they are 4). There was a kid who had 2 parents FOLLOWING him on the field telling him what to do. The pour kid, he had his mom about 2 feet behind him at all times! (There was no real game, but still!)

someone needed to "accidentally" kick the ball at their shins.....

[isabel]

The second club I played for had this rule all the time. Parents were not allowed to be involved in coaching at all, aside from positive comments and cheering (this obviously didn't include the coaches). The assistant coaches would ask parents to leave if they were out of hand. I saw it happen a couple of times.

[suburbanzookeeper]

I played soccer through rec, club, and ODP and had a major injury, so I went to refereeing, coaching, and being a board member for our local AYSO (along with my parents).

Some coaches are not very vocal to begin with, so the Silent Saturday may not really bother them. I usually was pretty quiet and kept my comments to breaks and halves, even with my little ones. The first time my assistant coach heard himself on video at one of our games, he decided to adopt the same method.

I know AYSO has a "Kids Zone" pledge which you can read about here: www.ayso.org/why_join_ayso/kids_zone.aspx & Silent Saturdays: www.ayso.org/parents/playsoccer/fall_2008/silent_saturdays_better_players.aspx. AYSO though is actually considered a child development program based around the game of soccer, so it is a bit more "special snowflake" in some areas that local leagues.

I was also the referee scheduler for our league so I always carried a bunch of spare law books in my bag and would toss it into my spectator's laps if they couldn't keep quiet about calls. It always included a copy of our next entry level trainings and monthly referee meetings. In our league all referees are volunteer so it broke my heart to listen to parents scream and yell at people who were out there huffing it when they were relaxing in their chairs under an umbrella with their Starbucks.