F/U to My Date

[Deleted]

So the guy texted me this morning and told me what a great time he had blah, blah he'd like to do it again very soon. I mean obviously, I'm awesome.

So here is my dilema. Realistically this guy is awesome for me. We have a lot of quirky things in common, we had great conversation, it was a really fun date and the time flew by.

However as I mentioned in my follow up, I do find him very attractive, yet am not actually attracted to him.

Should I give it one more date and see how it goes? Or do you think if I'm not attracted to him now it's just not gonna happen?

[lookingup]

I don't understand. Is there a better way you can explain this?

[naeljun]

Give it another date.

[blackkitty]

Go out with him again

Be careful though... make sure you don't like, have fun or flirt with him or anything

[hobs209]

Give it one more.

[wrathofkuus]

I have never known attraction to grow with time, but that's just me.

[heavenly]

From personal experiences, I would follow your first gut instincts and not self-doubt since you seemed really clear from your update post.

I dated a guy more times than I should and I knew from the first date that I didn't have chemistry with. I continued to see if it would come. When he decided to part ways and it was on his terms, it still hurts even though I knew I didn't have it for him. I would nip it in the bud to protect my heart but that is just me.

[roselis]

I agree. Give it one more date

[doriswe]

I'm gonna be honest, I think you're not ready to date and are going to find a million things wrong with everyone because of it. You said multiple times in your nervous about going out email "I'm not ready to date" yet you forced it. If you're not ready to date, please don't date.

[lookingup]

I totally understand the not being attracted to somebody, as I posted about this several weeks ago. But how do you find somebody to be very attractive, yet you're not attracted to him? That I don't get.

[wrathofkuus]

Sept 25, 2012 13:59:55 GMT -5 lookingup said:

I totally understand the not being attracted to somebody, as I posted about this several weeks ago. But how do you find somebody to be very attractive, yet you're not attracted to him? That I don't get.

No, I get this completely. Someone can be aesthetically pleasing, like moving artwork, but nothing about him makes you want to reach out and touch.

[jade28]

Okay if the reason you didn't feel chemistry with him is because you aren't ready to date, then don't date and lead these guys on.

If you enjoyed his company and want to see if chemistry grows or whatever, then go on a second date. To me, it sounded like a great first date and I personally would not be able to determine chemistry on one date.

But from reading your posts, it seems you aren't ready to date so why put yourself out there and end up in these difficult situations?

[Deleted]

Hey all. Thanks for the input. Sorry I wasn't able to reply I was in a meeting. So to answer some of the questions.

1. Yes what previous posters have said. I look at him and think "Wow, he's a really great looking guy, awesome smile, etc." But didn't have any desire to like make out with him or anything. Which I actually find kind of weird myself:)

2. I had this profile up for a while (even before other dude) and I had sort of forgotten about it. When this guy messaged me I was legitimately excited about meeting him and it wasn't until the reality of having to actually go on the date sunk in that I started to freak out more. However I've never been on a date that I didn't freak out before hand, so who knows if this is related to dude or not.

3. I am working on myself and I mean I've been totally single for more than two years. The thing with the dude was heartbreaking, but we were only technically "dating" for three-four weeks and that was a month ago. I kind of feel like how much longer am I going to just sit around being sad you know?

I think I might give it one more chance. I mean really what can it hurt?

[emma245]

I vote one more chance! And if you dont like him, invite him out for me on Saturday Im kidding!!!

[achase123]

Sept 25, 2012 13:49:38 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I have never known attraction to grow with time, but that's just me.

This is me as well but I don't think one more date could hurt.

[lookingup]

No chemistry, I got it. I say if you like him and you think he's a nice guy, give it one more chance. If there is no chemistry on the next date, don't waste any more of your time or his. It doesn't sound like you have anything to lose, so go for it.

[wrathofkuus]

I get giving it one more date. If he really is cool to hang out with, even if you two don't have any chemistry, you just might make a great new friend. And who knows? Maybe one of his friends will be the one for you.

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2012 15:18:34 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I get giving it one more date. If he really is cool to hang out with, even if you two don't have any chemistry, you just might make a great new friend. And who knows? Maybe one of his friends will be the one for you.

I agree. And honestly, if there were things that turned me off about him I wouldn't waste anyone's time. But I'm literally just a little baffled. I think he's TOTALLY awesome and cute but I don't want to bone him. What???

[achase123]

Sept 25, 2012 15:21:58 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Sept 25, 2012 15:18:34 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I get giving it one more date. If he really is cool to hang out with, even if you two don't have any chemistry, you just might make a great new friend. And who knows? Maybe one of his friends will be the one for you.

I agree. And honestly, if there were things that turned me off about him I wouldn't waste anyone's time. But I'm literally just a little baffled. I think he's TOTALLY awesome and cute but I don't want to bone him. What???

I don't think it's confusing at all. You cannot really explain attraction. it's either there or it's not. Even is someone is eye candy there can be just that fundamental element missing.

I dated a guy in college who was a football player. He was SOOOO good looking. He looked like "The Rock" kind of. I could look at him and think "man, he is just HOT". I did NOT want to have sex with him though. And I never did. I could take or leave the physical part of our relationship. It just wasn't there.

[wrathofkuus]

Sept 25, 2012 15:21:58 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Sept 25, 2012 15:18:34 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I get giving it one more date. If he really is cool to hang out with, even if you two don't have any chemistry, you just might make a great new friend. And who knows? Maybe one of his friends will be the one for you.

I agree. And honestly, if there were things that turned me off about him I wouldn't waste anyone's time. But I'm literally just a little baffled. I think he's TOTALLY awesome and cute but I don't want to bone him. What???

I could say this about maybe 75% of the male friends I've ever had.

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2012 15:36:22 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Sept 25, 2012 15:21:58 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

I agree. And honestly, if there were things that turned me off about him I wouldn't waste anyone's time. But I'm literally just a little baffled. I think he's TOTALLY awesome and cute but I don't want to bone him. What???

I could say this about maybe 75% of the male friends I've ever had.

Well I've never had a straight male friend so this might be part of my conundrum.

[wrathofkuus]

They're functionally identical to gay male friends. Great people, sometimes even attractive ones, but you just plain don't want to bone them.

[Deleted]

Sept 25, 2012 15:48:15 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

They're functionally identical to gay male friends. Great people, sometimes even attractive ones, but you just plain don't want to bone them.

Well I do have a bevy of gay friends. Perhaps this dude will be my first legit straight male friend. (I've always wanted to bone them in the past).

[lookingup]

Sept 25, 2012 15:48:15 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

They're functionally identical to gay male friends. Great people, sometimes even attractive ones, but you just plain don't want to bone them.

False. Gay guys are really fun to go shopping with; straight guys, not so much.

[wrathofkuus]

Oh. I don't like shopping, so I probably wouldn't appreciate that difference.

[blackkitty]

So... spill it, are you going out again?

[Deleted]

Sept 26, 2012 15:06:17 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

So... spill it, are you going out again?

I don't know! I texted him back that I had a nice time and would like to go out again, but I haven't heard back. You all will for sure know once I do!