Have you spanked your kid, (or other physical discipline)?

[sonrisa]

These are anonymous for a reason. Answer multiple responses if that feels right

(I can't change the "have" to "has" or the "child" to "children." So it's going to have to keep my distracted typo. Argh)

[Jalapeñomel]

I can’t see the poll, but no, under no circumstances.

[beerlover]

PDQ.
I'm not going to lie, I've definitely smacked DS in the arm or on the butt probably 2 or 3 times when he was really enraging me and I honestly couldn't stop myself (or didn't think before I did it). Its definitely not okay, and I felt absolutely horrible doing it and cried after and thought I was a terrible person. It's been a really long time since I've done that though. I'm also in therapy, so maybe that's working, ha.

I would say as a WHOLE though no, I do not spank or participate in physical discipline.

[dancingirl21]

Absolutely not. I can’t think of a scenario where me hitting my kids would help anything. Strong words, yes, but I will never lay a hand on them.

[joy]

My daughter was about three when she continually kept climbing up a ladder behind me. My husband was there and he kept taking her off, explaining why she couldn’t do that, etc. She was just NOT listening. There came a point when I nearly knocked her off the ladder while trying to climb down that I lost my patience. I got her off the ladder, climbed down myself then picked her up and whipped her into her crib. I then scolded her very loudly.

She looked at me. Her eyes were so wide. Then her face crumpled and she started bawling.

I went out into the hallway and cried. I didn’t spank her but regretted whipping her into the crib like I did. I don’t yell normally but the whole situation really pushed me over the edge. Parenting has been learning my own limits as well as hers. I try hard to set us both up for success now.

I’d love to say the child learned her lesson but decorating the Christmas tree has proven that climbing up ladders behind us is still her “thing.”

[underwaterrhymes]

Never.

H and I are very good about tagging each other out when one of us is losing our patience.

[sweetchix]

PDQ
Once. DD1 was 5 or 6 and used to have horrible temper tantrums. At that time, I was newly divorced and depressed. We were at my mom’s for the day and I was trying to get her ready for something, maybe swimming, I don’t remember. She started with one of her tantrums and would not stop. Screaming and kicking. I couldn’t handle it and smacked her on the butt. It shocked her. It shocked me. I left the room and cried. I felt awful. Never again.

[redheadbaker]

Never have. H and I agreed on that before he was born. We expressly told my parents (who would do childcare on occassion) that we did not want him spanked.

I felt myself losing control once during a bedtime during DS' hitting phase in toddlerhood, and H swapped in to give me cool-down time.

[erbear]

I have a clear memory of picking up my colicky baby and thinking I wanted to hit her if she didn’t stop crying. I put her in her crib and walked away and sobbed my face off.

[starburst604]

We never have. But I’ll also say that behaviorally, DD has also made that pretty easy by being a non-defiant rule follower of a kid. I once watched our neighbor’s DD smack her mother in the face when she was trying to carry her out of our house because she was out of control. I thought to myself, that right there might be my breaking point.

[mala]

sweetchix, similar incident here. (PDQ) [[removed]]

[CurlyQ284]

I think I tried it once. Things were really really bad for a couple of years there, we were in therapy, I was trying so many things nothing worked. He was melting down about something and throwing things. I just thought well nothing else works let's try it and spanked him and he hit me back so that was the end of that.

[al dente]

Jan 31, 2023 21:46:43 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

We never have. But I’ll also say that behaviorally, DD has also made that pretty easy by being a non-defiant rule follower of a kid. I once watched our neighbor’s DD smack her mother in the face when she was trying to carry her out of our house because she was out of control. I thought to myself, that right there might be my breaking point.

Your daughter is my first, and your friends is my second 😭 she's only 1 and hits, bites, and throws things the second things aren't going her way. It is humbling to my parenting lol.

[sdlaura]

I have 3 little boys, and I can’t imagine them not being physical with each other. I joke that my husband should wear a cup for protection in the house. They’re not mean/violent kids - just love wrestling and trying to hit each other with sticks and what not. They also try to climb anything and everything. Knock on wood - no major injuries so far. I don’t consider this physical abuse/violence and of course put a stop too it if it gets to be beyond playing.

[mountaingirl]

I was just talking to my sister about this today. I do not have children. When my niece was 2 ish? She bit me and drew blood. I gave her a little whack on the butt with the back of my hand. It wasn’t even hard. My sister was in the next room and I immediately told her what I did and started to tear up. She laughed as she knew how (not) hard I had whacked her. I hit my sister as hard as I had my niece and she assured me my niece probably did not even notice. She does not spank or anything either.

[starburst604]

Jan 31, 2023 23:39:49 GMT -5 al dente said:

Jan 31, 2023 21:46:43 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

We never have. But I’ll also say that behaviorally, DD has also made that pretty easy by being a non-defiant rule follower of a kid. I once watched our neighbor’s DD smack her mother in the face when she was trying to carry her out of our house because she was out of control. I thought to myself, that right there might be my breaking point.

Your daughter is my first, and your friends is my second 😭 she's only 1 and hits, bites, and throws things the second things aren't going her way. It is humbling to my parenting lol.

In this case the kid in question was 6 or 7 at the time, so it was a HARD slap across the face she gave her mom! This child was VERY difficult and checked the boxes for Oppositional Defiance. Fortunately she started her in therapy a couple of years ago and maybe that combined with growing up more, at age 10 she’s a different kid who is lovely to be around now. It was hard to be around them before, she was so angry and mean all the time. To her mother, to my DD and adults around her. I don’t know if my neighbor ever lost it and hit or spanked her out of frustration, but I give her some grace if she did, because she was handling that as a single mom with very little involvement from the dad.

[twilightmv]

Never and never been tempted. Granted I do have the substantial advantage of a healthy upbringing, but it was my hill to die on pre pregnancy and I got so many “just you wait” comments. I don’t care if I sound smug. It’s still my hill to die on.

[seeyalater52]

Jan 31, 2023 21:02:17 GMT -5 erbear said:

I have a clear memory of picking up my colicky baby and thinking I wanted to hit her if she didn’t stop crying. I put her in her crib and walked away and sobbed my face off.

Not when he was a baby, but when he was newly toddlery it was a difficult transition for me and I had one moment where I seriously almost swatted him on the cheek out of sheer frustration. I sobbed and started an antidepressant the following week. The cycle stops with me.

[shauni27]

Jan 31, 2023 21:02:17 GMT -5 erbear said:

I have a clear memory of picking up my colicky baby and thinking I wanted to hit her if she didn’t stop crying. I put her in her crib and walked away and sobbed my face off.

I have had that feeling a few times. It is awful. I sobbed every time, and even when he was a baby I would go back and hold him and apologize and told him how much I loved him.

[fivechickens]

mountaingirl

D1 bit me once when she was about 1. I was surprised by it (none of my kids went through a biting phase) and it hurt really bad. It took all I had to not slap her.

I really hate these posts. I feel like they are meant to judge parents who had a lapse in parenting. Most of us feel horrible about it but we all have had moments in parenting when we have done things we regret.

[eddy]

No and with time I feel confident in my decision to not use it as a discipline tool.

I did swat at one once when he was climbing on the portable changing table as his baby brother was laying in it. It was dangerous and I needed him to get down instantly.

Edit- In the toddler years there were MANY times that I instinctly wanted to hit them in the million frustrating moments. I thankfully was always able to walk away. But I can still feel that level of frustration in my bones.

[mpc]

I am 100% opposed but my husband thinks we should spank. There's no real compromise there, so I was like sorry you feel that way, but we are not spanking. Well last summer I got very sick and spent a month in the hospital. While my H was amazing at taking over everything and also dealing with a wife in the hospital, I later learned that he started spanking our youngest. When I first came home, I was still too weak to go upstairs, and I remember crying in my chair downstairs as I listened to him spank her at bedtime. After that day I dragged myself up there every night to make sure it never happened again. i know he was completely overwhelmed with everything, and she is a difficult strong willed child. But man, I was so so upset.

[meanie]

My dad spanked me once and I was a little shit and told him to do it harder. He must have been horrified.

I am against it, my H thinks our kids don't listen because they don't fear us. I won't get into how dumb I think that line of thinking is but we don't spank because if one parent is 100% against something then that's it.

I will say that I view a quick swat on the butt as something different, but planned out physical punishment? Nope.

[sonrisa]

Feb 1, 2023 8:41:30 GMT -5 fivechickens said:

I feel like they are meant to judge parents who had a lapse in parenting

They aren't. I was thinking the opposite.

If you look at the two polls side by side, including the in depth answers, I see a generation of parents who are really working hard to do better than their own past. It's pretty amazing.

I feel like these alone prove that whether people have folded all their laundry or forget their car keys all the time (or whatever else counts as "having it all together") in ways that matter, we do. This board is really thinking about the way we parent and making a difference for the kids. 

[isabel]

We don't spank. But neither DH or I was spanked as a kid either. I can remember one time my mom doing it and I laughed at her. She never did it again. I think the entire thing was so awkward and foreign and that's just how my response came out. Putting myself in her shoes, I'm sure she felt awful about it. She and my dad were recently divorced and she had a recent fibromyalgia diagnosis and I'm sure she was just at the very end of her rope.

I've never felt any urge to spank my kids, but they have never been physical kids with us. They didn't bite or hit with any regularity, so we've never really been wound up in that way. We had moments with both where we would leave them in the crib and go outside to cool down, but that was more to avoid shaking them or something immediately dangerous. I will say, similar to crying as babies, their whining is still what winds me up the most.

They're frustrating and I yell more than I should, but we aren't physical with them.

[FastHands]

mpc, I really hope you guys have discussed this since then. You being physically unwell but feeling like you needed to be there to protect her is breaking my heart on multiple levels.

[FastHands]

I once completely involuntarily smacked toddler ds upside the head after he walloped me right across the face while I was about to lower him into his carseat. He had this phase where he didn't want to leave daycare and would just flail his arms/legs (and I swear he turned into an octopus because there seemed to be so. many. appendages). And one day it occurred to me that I should just be completely non-responsive, just act like it was totally normal and I was nonplussed to be carrying a screaming octopus to my car. When he realized his tactics were no longer working is when he slapped me. And when I smacked him upside the head I remember being so mad at myself and also thinking daycare was for sure going to call and report me to protective services. Oy.

Aside from that lost-my-shit moment, no. I don't think H has ever, definitely not with intent and I don't think he ever had a lost-control moment.

[yourmother]

My parents (mostly mom) spanked me when I was a kid. And I was a good, rule-following kid. Pisses me off still.

I’m an only child and my DS is an only. The mere THOUGHT of me or my DH laying a finger on my kid would generate a call to CPS from my parents (they’re divorced). It’s so effing rich that they don’t want their precious grandson even looked at the wrong way, but my ass was always in trouble just for being a normal kid. 😠

[yourmother]

And we don’t hit, spank or do anything remotely physical to my DS. We just don’t have it in us and he certainly doesn’t do anything to warrant that treatment.



Which brings me to a dinner I had recently with my aunt and her grandson. He was being a typical 3 year old and she kept smacking his hands. So uncomfortable to be in the presence of that. I kept my mouth shut, but it was awkward as hell.


PDQ - Oh! I walked in on my MIL yelling in my 1.5 year old’s face. I had a talk with her about it after I calmed down. And switched him to a daycare shortly after.