@@@ I may finally know what caused my pregnancy loss

[redheadbaker]

I've been having some medical issues the past few months, and today discovered I have a clotting disorder called antiphospholipid syndrome. It explains my pulmonary embolism at age 27, and also my pregnancy loss ten years ago at 19 weeks due to pPROM. 

The knowledge of what caused the loss is bittersweet. I've felt all along it was something I did. Now I know it's something I didn't do. 

I was supposed to be giving myself daily blood thinner injections. After the first few weeks, it became torture. I couldn't find an area to inject that wasn't knotted up with scar tissue. I started skipping days and eventually stopped altogether. 

Then I was in a relatively mild car accident. Two weeks later, I had bleeding. A month after that, my water broke.

I never knew that blood thinners protected the pregnancy, I thought it was just to protect me. 

[penguingrrl]

Sending hugs. I’m sure it’s a lot to digest all of this!

[chickadee77]

Huge hugs to you.

ETA because huge overshare.

[suzubell]

That is a lot to process all at once. Sending hugs to you. Be kind to yourself.

[seeyalater52]

Oh gosh, it must be so complicated to find this out after all this time.

I don’t at all know how you feel, but years of recurrent losses and every test in the book never gave me any answers. I’m sure if I found something out at this point after not knowing so long it would feel really heavy.

Take care of yourself.

[jlt19]

Huge hugs. That’s got to be tough.

[ohgillian]

((redheadbaker))

[gretchenindisguise]

That is really heavy and will take time to process.

[pixy0stix]

I remember when you had your loss. Gentle hugs, friend.

[loira]

I'm sorry. That's a lot to take in. ((hugs))

[erbear]

Hugs to you.

[MrsAxilla]

I also remember. I’m glad you have some answers. Hugs, chica.

[StrawberryBlondie]

Hugs. So many hugs.

[noodleoo]

I’m so sorry. It must be really hard to process this information now and reopen old wounds. Sending hugs and thinking of you. Be gentle with yourself.

[lostrn]

Hugs 🤗 we can only make the best choices we can make with the information we have at the time. Life is so complicated...you did what you thought was best ❤️

[mrsukyankee]

Sending all the hugs.

[taratru]

So much love to you. ❤️

[simpsongal]

((Hugs))

[Pom]

Sending you love and big hugs.

[underwaterrhymes]

Many, many big hugs your way.

[Velar Fricative]

I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now. Lots of hugs to you.

[mcppalmbeach]

Hugs to you. That is really a lot to unpack.

[redheadbaker]

Thanks, guys. The weird thing is, I don't really feel *sad*. I haven't cried. I just feel ... guilty.

I've never told anyone else that I stopped the shots (H knew at the time). H has told me he has never blamed me and still doesn't. He wants me to see my psychiatrist, so I'll call on Monday.

[thejen626]

I’m so sorry. Please be kind to yourself. I agree with your husband that talking to someone would probably be helpful right now.

[tiramisu]

I'm sorry. That's so much to process. It's good YH is supportive and encouraging you to seek additional support. Guilt is such a tricky emotion. Sending you hugs

[bugandbibs]

Please be gentle with yourself. This is a lot to process.

I remember your loss because of the RPL I was dealing with at the time. There is no right or wrong thing to feel right now. Hugs.

[Michelle]

I'm so sorry - that is a lot to process. I agree with your husband. Please don't feel guilty. You aren't guilty for something you knew nothing about. (hug)