Parenting teens is not for the weak of heart. It’s HARD!
I didn’t quote your whole post in case you didn’t want it all out there, but I am in a similar boat with my 15 year old, he was expelled for carrying a THC vape he got from another kid and admitted to trying pot a couple times. Drugs are rampant at his school and he really just doesn’t see what the big deal is (yet, but hopefully he will?) Another kid was expelled the following week after getting sick from vaping too much or laced pot during school in a classroom.
Like a lot of small, wealthy school districts, they are turning a blind eye - no drug testing, no dogs, no random searches, etc. The kid DS was carrying for hasn’t been caught despite his car being searched. Thar kid posted on social media a photo of a pipe under his car seat with “lucky they didn’t find this”. But other kids involved have been expelled too. (Not saying DS shouldn’t be in trouble, just saying it is clear who is going to get in trouble for the same things).
How no one has commented on this blows me away. Drug testing teens-Children, random searching, etc doesn’t make the problem go away. It just causes further disparities in BIPOC populations. A drug charge for these kids could be 10x worse than white kids who will history get a slap on the wrist bs BIPOC that receive harsher punishments. The school is not responsible for teenagers doing drugs and implementing things like this won’t make them stop doing them. It just makes them better at hiding them. It’s also violates their rights. I’m far less concerned about my teen getting a vape vs a power hungry cop or admin trying to get my kid on something. We already teach our kids you do not give into a search, answer any questions, or speak to admin or LEO without an adult or attorney present.
I'll preface this by saying that I've been a juvenile prosecutor over half of my career, including setting up a juvenile drug court, and I currently work with a lot of school districts on truancy issues, which sometimes involve drug use. Vaping and gummies/edibles are becoming prevalent from middle school and onwards in our area. Many districts in the county are now keeping Narcan on campus, and some schools have even installed vape detectors at the bathroom doors or post campus security outside the doors of hotspots during passing periods. Most kids who get caught are sent to diversion programs or drug counseling; they typically don't end up in court unless they're selling or committing other crimes (e.g. theft, robbery, assault) as a result of their drug use.
My kids are in 3rd and 6th grade. This past year, with the explosion of fentanyl in our area and several youth who have OD'd or died, I've been very open about the street names of drugs, how they might be ingested, the risks of OD'ing, misuse of prescription drugs, etc. Despite many years of Red Ribbon Week and "Just Say No" neither one had an idea of what drugs actually are and why they're bad before I talked to them. I don't have any reason to believe either of them are at risk of using or experimenting right now, but I want them to be informed. Fentanyl, and the amount of other drugs that are laced with it, has a complete game changer.
Thanks to this post I had another brief chit chat with the 12 year old last night about not taking pills from anyone, how a tiny bit of fentanyl can kill, that I will always come get her, etc. 🤞 I check in with her frequently and she continues to say that she sees nothing in our middle school. I don’t know if she’s oblivious or what.
I’m not a parent but was a teacher prior to going back to a healthcare career.
Thanks for the response above about Narcan. It just got approved to go OTC and although it may have a price tag I’m hoping this allows better access. I’d highly recommend teaching your children (and yourselves) how to recognize a possible overdose. NARCAN can’t hurt if it’s given to someone who isn’t overdosing and it can literally save peoples lives.
The other thing I would caution is that ADHD stimulants are also very prevalent in the high schools especially among high performing students, during exam weeks, and this continues throughout college and further. I would not discount the damage these stimulants can do if misused either and would include these in the conversation.
I haven't read through it all, but need to get my stuff out for time constraints.
DD will be 13 in June (young 7th grader). She's recently been dx with panic attacks and a mood disorder (part depression part ODD). I think ADHD is at play too, but you know, gifted female.... Anyway, been on 25mg Zoloft for a month, GREAT results, them BAM, asks me to lock up the pills. Suicidal ideations. Went to the psych Tuesday, upped the dosage to 37.5mg, by Friday she's using a butter knife. So, I dropped her to 12.5 to "wean" her off b/c the office was closed and we go back Thursday. I am TERRIFIED she's going to self medicate soon. Why?
My 16 year old nephew has been vaping weed daily for over a year. Add in some shrooms and LSD (b/c of being drug tested). They are both lactose intolerant, but his is way worse, he's had CT/colonoscopy/endoscopy b/c of his pain and vomiting. They both come from two parents that have been dx with ADHD and anxiety/depression. He's seeing a therapist, psychiatrist and in a drug treatment program mostly to prevent him from going to harder things. Has barely gone to school this semester b/c of the side effects of trying to get everything under control.
Now I just found out yesterday, DD has been using a separate phone (old one I didn't think about monitoring) and has at least an Instagram, but she's "forgotten" the password. Too bad I've "forgotten" where her actual phone is...And school work isn't being turned in like she's sworn. But what do I "police"? She's passively suicidal. Do I care about this stuff? Should I right now? Is she purposefully using one to get away with the other? I WILL NOT take that chance. And it'll only get worse as she ages.
Kid in her school died in 8th grade last year from a weed vape laced with fentanyl. 10th grade girl was shot and killed a few months ago b/c she rode along with her boyfriend to a weed drug deal and it went bad. ALL teens involved. And still, every month is a fatal car accident with teens involved in the metro area. I guess I don't know if alcohol is involved, but I always assume. Guess it could be another substance or teen stupidity as well.
I'm just at a huge loss of what to do about any of it or how to prevent the worst without being overly controlling which could have the opposite effect.
jlt19 I am so sorry you are going through that with your daughter. It sounds terrifying as a parent. I hope that you are able to figure out her meds soon and keep her safe.
Drugs are my hill to die on and my kid knows it (approprately at age 10). My sister was an addict from age 16 to her death at the age of 32. She died because she took a pill laced with fentanyl after her second stint in jail and being clean for a year.
I have told her similar to above. I will pick her up if she's uncomfortable. I will take the blame if she wants to say her mom is a pain, etc.
And if I don't get through her, my mom will. She will never recover from the loss.
Well this is a terrifying thread - I appreciate y'all sharing.
One thing that strikes me w/young kids is in my parents groups - they haven't talked to their kids about drugs yet (kindergarten & 3rd grade). We start talking openly and honestly about it early. It probably "helps" that my brother is an addict so we've had to address it w/the kids to explain his behavior.
This is all so hard. I have an 11 year old and right now he is innocent and hates drugs. I did too at 11. My 13 I had my first drink and was doing coke by 15. I do my best to tell my kids the truth but to be honest I am not sure my parents could have done anything to stop me from doing drugs. They were good parents. They were involved. They got me into therapy. I was involved in good leadership activities (girl scouts). I volunteered. I got good grades. I still made the choice to do drugs. My parents fought tooth and nail for me and I eventually came around but to be honest the thing that did it was meeting DH and changing my friend group (so I was 20 at this time).
So I guess in the end, the only thing that could have helped me sooner is all of us moving to a different city and me getting a new group of friends that happened to be the right ones.
jlt19 Look up The Parent Project online. They have classes throughout the nation, both online and in person, offering tactics and support for parents of at risk teens ages 13 and up. It's fairly inexpensive, and the parents we've referred to it have had positive things to say. It's not all focused on drugs and cyber safety, but those are some of the components.
Post by jeaniebueller on May 9, 2023 9:58:22 GMT -5
I also talk a lot with my oldest about not taking pills that come from other people, and about watching out for his friends. I also think opening the discussion about what to do if one of their friends takes something and has an adverse reaction or needs medical help is also a good idea at this age. Even talking about alcohol poisoning, etc, things that they may encounter in college. And even the more 'old school' talks about not riding with people who have been drinking, using marijuana, etc. Its always a great idea to reinforce that. I also work in the criminal justice world and its really scary to see the bad things that can happen when people injest pills that they order online or get from other people, when they really don't know what is in them.
Was smoking not a thing in your schools? I feel like we couldn’t come out of the bathroom not smelling like a bar. I feel silly clutching my pearls knowing things haven’t changed that much. Just the substance.
i remember being pissed that i couldn't find an open stall because so many of them were being used for smokers. eventually the school just kept certain bathrooms locked or put an old lady in there to monitor
Like a lot of small, wealthy school districts, they are turning a blind eye - no drug testing, no dogs, no random searches, etc. The kid DS was carrying for hasn’t been caught despite his car being searched. Thar kid posted on social media a photo of a pipe under his car seat with “lucky they didn’t find this”. But other kids involved have been expelled too. (Not saying DS shouldn’t be in trouble, just saying it is clear who is going to get in trouble for the same things).
How no one has commented on this blows me away. Drug testing teens-Children, random searching, etc doesn’t make the problem go away. It just causes further disparities in BIPOC populations. A drug charge for these kids could be 10x worse than white kids who will history get a slap on the wrist bs BIPOC that receive harsher punishments. The school is not responsible for teenagers doing drugs and implementing things like this won’t make them stop doing them. It just makes them better at hiding them. It’s also violates their rights. I’m far less concerned about my teen getting a vape vs a power hungry cop or admin trying to get my kid on something. We already teach our kids you do not give into a search, answer any questions, or speak to admin or LEO without an adult or attorney present.
You’re right, and I apologize for not acknowledging this fact (my son is not white in a predominantly white district).
I was just short-cutting to try to fix the situation, and the other districts around us DO use many of those measures. But I know the answer is not to have kids overdosing in classrooms.
Edit to add too: I should have been more clear that our district doesn’t do these things even tho the other closest 2 do because “drugs are not a problem in our school corporation” per the high school principal. Again, clearly these tactics aren’t the right answer but it’s extremely frustrating that they won’t even admit there are issues when 12-15% of their freshman class is currently expelled for drugs.
100% tell your kids not to talk to the school or let them search them without a parent present. Schools are acting in loco parentis, but also as de facto law enforcement if the school has an SRO, which should be at odds, but is apparently legal.
A couple people have brought up whether you tell the other parents if you know their kid is using something. I think it's a great question. "Mind your business" is pretty much my life motto, and I really don't want to insert myself in someone else's drama. But I also would want to know as a parent, so it's hard to navigate.
DD told me her boyfriend drinks and smokes weed. I ran into his mom at a sporting event and she was talking about what a great kid he is - all honors classes, varsity athlete, doesn't drink or do drugs, etc. I didn't say a word. Minded my business and nodded along enthusiastically!
jlt19 Look up The Parent Project online. They have classes throughout the nation, both online and in person, offering tactics and support for parents of at risk teens ages 13 and up. It's fairly inexpensive, and the parents we've referred to it have had positive things to say. It's not all focused on drugs and cyber safety, but those are some of the components.
Thank you for suggesting this! I'm going to look into it bc Miss R's an 'at risk' teen due to chronic truancy and multiple suspensions.
100% tell your kids not to talk to the school or let them search them without a parent present. Schools are acting in loco parentis, but also as de facto law enforcement if the school has an SRO, which should be at odds, but is apparently legal.
We had a situation where my oldest was interrogated by school admin until she confessed to something. She had only actually done part of what she confessed to, but confessed to the rest because they told her she could go home if she just fessed up. She wanted to go home so she fessed up to the whole thing. They referred her to law enforcement and she was ticketed, but the SRO didn’t have to read her her rights or ask her any questions since that would have been a violation of her rights since the school admin had already done it. We were furious. Not that she got in trouble, she needed to be in trouble, but that the SRO could ticket her without proper procedures since the school admin did the interrogation.
The next time she got in trouble (she was/is a handful) all she said was “call my dad, please call my dad, call my dad.” DH went down and refused to let them search her, for which they suspended her, but her rights matter too and we wanted the school to understand that.
Kids don’t need to be ticketed for every stupid thing they do. Punished by the school, sure, but everything doesn’t need to go to law enforcement. And for sure teenagers should still have rights when dealing with law enforcement and they 100% do not in schools with an SRO.
I'm surprised that your SRO is taking reports and issuing tickets. Our SRO does not do any of that, if there is a situation where a report is needed, they referi to the local LE agency. The SRO is mostly there to resolve issues without the need of LE intervention and court intervention.
This fall, the elementary school across from DD's MS caught a dozen 4th grade girls vaping in a bathroom- so this isn't just secondary. My district installed some air quality alarms in MS/HS that alert to smoke and vapor, so bathrooms are not the hot vaping spot they used to be- guess they need to throw them in the elementary schools, too.
I have 6th graders (MS). This post is giving me anxiety. I mean, I am not naive I did shit in HS but that was me not my kids! 🫨
I have a dumb question but I have never been around it doesn’t vaping leave a smell? Like cigarettes do?
I will ask a dumber question…I don’t get the point of vapes with these fruity cartridge thingies. Does the fruity cartridge have something like nicotine that is a stimulant or…what does it do? Like my mom who has (sadly) smoked forever used to use an e-cigarette vape with nicotine and I understand the weed vape pens. I just don’t understand the “fun” of the fruity vapes.
I have 6th graders (MS). This post is giving me anxiety. I mean, I am not naive I did shit in HS but that was me not my kids! 🫨
I have a dumb question but I have never been around it doesn’t vaping leave a smell? Like cigarettes do?
I will ask a dumber question…I don’t get the point of vapes with these fruity cartridge thingies. Does the fruity cartridge have something like nicotine that is a stimulant or…what does it do? Like my mom who has (sadly) smoked forever used to use an e-cigarette vape with nicotine and I understand the weed vape pens. I just don’t understand the “fun” of the fruity vapes.
The fruity ones usually have nicotine. And not a little nicotine. They are incredibly addictive. Plus shady vapes companies (Juul especially) specifically targeted teens with their advertising. Get them addicted young and have a lifelong customer.
Post by chilerellanos on May 9, 2023 14:35:22 GMT -5
My kids are 24, 22, and 17.
My 24 yo did pot in HS. And vaped. Still vapes, and will 100% go and get edibles when they’re somewhere they’re legal.
My 22 yo was a party girl, and would get DRUNK. She also vaped (still does), do pot, has done acid, and once overdosed on like 40 benedryl and had to be hospitalized. That last episode scared her. She cleaned up a lot. She still vapes, and will go out to the bars with her girlfriend,and friends. But they have settled down. Both my older kid’s desperately want to quit vaping but it’s SOOOO ADDICTIVE!
My 17 yo is graduated. She was in a different program so not at the main school, so avoided a lot of the stuff. And just isn’t super Social.
She doesn’t vape, and really doesn’t want to and finds it so annoying her siblings can’t go like 4 min without it. She might try it one day. But I kinda don’t think so. She has had sips of alcohol but doesn’t like it.
100% tell your kids not to talk to the school or let them search them without a parent present. Schools are acting in loco parentis, but also as de facto law enforcement if the school has an SRO, which should be at odds, but is apparently legal.
We had a situation where my oldest was interrogated by school admin until she confessed to something. She had only actually done part of what she confessed to, but confessed to the rest because they told her she could go home if she just fessed up. She wanted to go home so she fessed up to the whole thing. They referred her to law enforcement and she was ticketed, but the SRO didn’t have to read her her rights or ask her any questions since that would have been a violation of her rights since the school admin had already done it. We were furious. Not that she got in trouble, she needed to be in trouble, but that the SRO could ticket her without proper procedures since the school admin did the interrogation.
The next time she got in trouble (she was/is a handful) all she said was “call my dad, please call my dad, call my dad.” DH went down and refused to let them search her, for which they suspended her, but her rights matter too and we wanted the school to understand that.
Kids don’t need to be ticketed for every stupid thing they do. Punished by the school, sure, but everything doesn’t need to go to law enforcement. And for sure teenagers should still have rights when dealing with law enforcement and they 100% do not in schools with an SRO.
I'm surprised that your SRO is taking reports and issuing tickets. Our SRO does not do any of that, if there is a situation where a report is needed, they referi to the local LE agency. The SRO is mostly there to resolve issues without the need of LE intervention and court intervention.
Yeah, the role and duties of SROs vary widely by district based on my experience. But fwiw, I've also told my kids not to submit to any questioning by school admin or police without asking for their parent/lawyer (me).
Post by wanderlustmom on May 9, 2023 15:24:05 GMT -5
Yes it is so hard raising teenagers! Our kids are 18 and 16. Our older one is pretty easy going, quiet and has talked openly about not wanting to drink or try drugs. My husband didn't drink in high school and barely in college. Our son confessed he drank a Truly once from our refrigerator. I wonder what will happen in college but he is mostly playing sports and studying. He is medicated for anxiety and he knows that substances could change how they help him. But still we never know for sure. He drives and has a job at a fast food place and a math tutoring place--with these freedoms he could definitely be doing things we don't know about.
Our daughter is more social and has friends who drink and parents who let them at 16. We talk about waiting until she's 18 and I think she's okay with that. I drank at 16 but don't want her to and don't want to allow it. She also has friends who don't drink. She also drives now so I can't be there obviously to watch everything. I will monitor her if she says she wants to go to parties. The older one is so quiet he doesn't go to parties at this point.