Teens and drug use

[jinkies]

If you are a parent of teens, what is your approach to talking to your kids about drugs and alcohol? How prevalent would you say that these issues are in your kid's school? 

My son's school is grades 7-9. His 7th grade year was not normal due to covid restrictions. But by 8th grade he started reporting that drug use was rampant. He was offered everything from weed gummies to vapes to LSD. 

He is now in 9th. He has been very upset/not himself for a few weeks now. He finally talked to me last week, and said that it is because more and more of his friends are vaping (nicotine and weed) and he feels like the circle is closing in on him. He named some names, and while some are not surprising, there were a few that I was legitimately shocked. 

To hear him tell it, the drugs have just taken over his school. The bathrooms constantly have the sweet smell from kids vaping in them. A kid brought in a bottle of whiskey last week and by 4th period was so drunk they puked in class. Kids are getting high on the bus platform. Again, this is middle school, not even high school yet.

This doesn't even include the legal-but-stupid things they are doing. Like one of his friends ended up at the ER because he ate so much Pre Workout one day (highly caffeinated protein powder that the kids are eating raw) that he started having heart problems in school. 

Any time I try to talk to other parents about this, I basically hear "that's a problem for OTHER kids, but MY kid would never." That is the lie we tell ourselves, I guess. I personally think it is naive, and am very worried. I trust my kid, and I believe him when he says that he hasn't tried anything (yet), but if it is as rampant as he says, how long can you expect a teenager to keep saying no? I can't keep him in a box forever, but I worry a lot. 

I feel like I'm the only parent I know who is concerned. I sincerely can't tell if I'm over-reacting, or if my kid just talks to me more than other kids do.

[gummybear]

I worry about it too. TBH I heard more about vaping in middle school than I do now in high school. There is a bit of drinking now and then. I'm most worried about fentanyl being laced into something "innocuous". DD and her friends don't seem to have much interest in drugs and mild interest in alcohol. at least at this point, but I think our daughter would def. be tempted to take some sort of upper, stim or fat burning thing if offered. We have a close family member who died from opioid overdose so it's always been a point of conversation.

I don't know if it's bc they are freshmen or if my daughter is blowing smoke up my ass, but she's said the boys she is friends with are "very against" drugs and drinking, moreso than the girls. A lot of them are athletes and they don't want to mess with that (I guess as they are trying to establish themselves?). I don't know. They are still pretty young.

[waverly]

DS is in 6th grade so we aren’t there yet with all his friends vaping and doing drugs. We’ve talked about fentanyl and how a tiny little bit can kill you and we’ve talked about how addictive vaping is. I follow Officer Gomez who is a SRO so his page might have some resources. My sister has older kids and I know she took them to a class, my guess might be through the health department for further education. Neither are in drugs or vaping (that I know of), so it seemed to have worked. They are 18 and 15.

We haven’t really talked much about alcohol more of a moderation approach. DH kind of wants to introduce it and not make it taboo to reduce binge drinking. More like a European approach. But we both think 12 would be too young for that approach- that might be at 17. They have more addictive brains the younger they are so avoiding the 12-15 age group for sure.

[gummybear]

Also...something I have noticed...and this may be a product of my generation or who I hung out with (I was in high school and college throughout the 90s)
Alcohol isn't like it was with us. I mean, I still hear of kids drinking/trying to sneak things into parties but I feel like when I was young, people got fall-down. smashed up drunk. Maybe it's because there's more options now, less in person hanging out, devices to capture your every embarrassing move?

[waverly]

May 8, 2023 12:41:42 GMT -5 gummybear said:

Also...something I have noticed...and this may be a product of my generation or who I hung out with (I was in high school and college throughout the 90s)
Alcohol isn't like it was with us. I mean, I still hear of kids drinking/trying to sneak things into parties but I feel like when I was young, people got fall-down. smashed up drunk. Maybe it's because there's more options now, less in person hanging out, devices to capture your every embarrassing move?

I’ve heard this too.

[jinkies]

May 8, 2023 12:37:01 GMT -5 gummybear said:

I don't know if it's bc they are freshmen or if my daughter is blowing smoke up my ass, but she's said the boys she is friends with are "very against" drugs and drinking, moreso than the girls. A lot of them are athletes and they don't want to mess with that (I guess as they are trying to establish themselves?). I don't know. They are still pretty young.

I know that one of my son's friends has experimented with a lot (same kid who went to the ER for overdosing on pre workout). DS swears that the rest of their friend group considers this kid a cautionary tale and that watching him makes the rest of them want to avoid the same fate. I hope that's true. 

ETA: I generally agree about alcohol, too-- that does not seem to be their drug of choice. Which is surprising to me only because I would think it would be the easiest for kids their age to access (taking from their parents?)

[mrsGreeko]

Poof deleted….
Parenting teens is not for the weak of heart. It’s HARD!

[shinyhappy]

May 8, 2023 12:41:42 GMT -5 gummybear said:

Also...something I have noticed...and this may be a product of my generation or who I hung out with (I was in high school and college throughout the 90s)
Alcohol isn't like it was with us. I mean, I still hear of kids drinking/trying to sneak things into parties but I feel like when I was young, people got fall-down. smashed up drunk. Maybe it's because there's more options now, less in person hanging out, devices to capture your every embarrassing move?

Well this is something at least lol.

I too am terrified of fentanyl and shit laced with fentanyl. We have another year before middle school but ugh, all of the drug stuff worries me.

[ans1999]

I have a 10th and 8th grader. My 10th grader says most people vape weed but that he has not tried it. I tend to believe him because he is a rule follower. He learned a hard lesson last year with sextortion so I think he is a little more cautious because of that. A lot of the athlete crowd have big parties but he isn't interested in going. He is going to a co-worker's 18th birthday party this weekend and I am nervous about that. He is driving so I have talked to him about drinking/driving plus the fentynal in everything. I am just praying he makes good decisions. 

My 8th grader hasn't said much re: drugs. She hangs out with a pretty straightlaced athletic crowd. I have talked to her about everything though.

[Jalapeñomel]

May 8, 2023 12:47:49 GMT -5 jinkies said:

May 8, 2023 12:37:01 GMT -5 gummybear said:

I don't know if it's bc they are freshmen or if my daughter is blowing smoke up my ass, but she's said the boys she is friends with are "very against" drugs and drinking, moreso than the girls. A lot of them are athletes and they don't want to mess with that (I guess as they are trying to establish themselves?). I don't know. They are still pretty young.

I know that one of my son's friends has experimented with a lot (same kid who went to the ER for overdosing on pre workout). DS swears that the rest of their friend group considers this kid a cautionary tale and that watching him makes the rest of them want to avoid the same fate. I hope that's true. 

ETA: I generally agree about alcohol, too-- that does not seem to be their drug of choice. Which is surprising to me only because I would think it would be the easiest for kids their age to access (taking from their parents?)

The kids here drink a lot. And vape. 

[gummybear]

May 8, 2023 12:54:31 GMT -5 mrsGreeko said:

My 11 year old DS with ADHD will probably also give us a run for our money, but I’m hoping we will have enough lessons learned to get through HS without too much crap.


Parenting teens is not for the weak of heart. It’s HARD!

I'm worried about our 11 yo ADHD'er too. She is a much kinder, gentler version of her sister who def. walks to the beat of her own drummer BUT she's def. more into - how to I say this - sensory pleasure. The last time she got laughing gas at the dentist she was saying, THIS IS AMAZING, GIVE ME MORE!! I can see her experimenting just to see how it feels. Plus she's got a lot of anxiety so I fear she'll be like I was...do anything you can to make it all go away

[mccallister84]

My kids aren’t anywhere near there yet but I know they have lots of problems with kids vaping in the bathrooms at the high school. They tried to go to a limited bathroom policy to combat that and parents clapped back.

I will say fentanyl terrifies me.

[InBetweenDays]

I have an 11th grade DD and 8th grade DS. There is a LOT of weed/vaping in both our middle school and high school. According to DS kids are always smoking in the bathrooms of his middle school, and some even in class (since you can't really smell the vape). DS has a few good friends that he no longer hangs out with for this reason. One went from never trying it to supposedly smoking every day.

We talk to the kids a lot about drugs and drinking. Especially about the concerns of things being laced with fentanyl - and not just pills anymore. I know DD has tried alcohol (she tried champagne when she went to visit my niece at college) but I do believe them when they both say they've never tried anything else. I think the fentanyl scare is enough to deter them, but they are both also into sports and pretty academic so they have stated they don't want to jeopardize that.

It is scary how prevalent it is though.

ETA: It does seem to be true here that fewer kids are drinking. I think because vaping is so easy to do on the sly. You can do it almost anywhere, whereas drinking is harder to conceal when walking around, on the bus, etc.

[jg183]

Im scared of fentanyl because even just a small experimentation that maybe we couldve done can literally kill you.
My older (rule follower) son is heading to middle school and is petrified of bullies and middle school in general but my younger one will give me trouble Im sure

[rootbeerfloat]

I have one in MS and one in HS, and both say kids are always vaping in the bathrooms.

Last year a student in one of DS's classes threw up because she was drunk, but he didn't think drinking at school was all that common. He did joke about a former friend being a drug dealer, so the opportunities are there. I asked if the friend sold weed or harder stuff, which he didn't know, but it was an opportunity to talk about fentanyl, etc.

After DD's mental health struggles, we don't really keep alcohol in the house. She wasn't drinking, but we were concerned she might start.

[devonpow]

DS1 is a high school sophomore. Vaping is a huge problem at his school and I hear a LOT about it. Also it seems the main activity for most of his peers is hanging in the parks drinking and smoking pot.

My biggest worry is pills/fentanyl - I try to talk to both the kids a lot about never ever ever taking pills. When we were kids in the 80s the anti drug messaging was so over the top and led you to incorrectly think that trying pot ot cocaine once abd you could drop dead. The scary thing is with fentanyl that could literally happen now. It’s really scary.

Marijuana is legal and everywhere here. I tell the kids I’ll have a pot party for them when they turn 25 but to try hard to wait until then (brain development). Who knows if that messaging will stick.

I have two things going for me with DS1 - he’s an introvert and he’s a 3 season varsity athlete. He skips Saturday night parties because he had to run 10 miles at 8 AM on a Sunday. I’m not complaining! He’s definitely been pressure on vaping. I try to talk to him about how peer pressure isn’t a kid openly mocking him for not doing it, but often times just feeling left out if you don’t, and how to handle that.

In the end I feel there is only so much we can do. I try to mainly stress the big safety issues - no pills ever ever. Don’t get in a car if incapacitated, take an Uber or call us we will not yell at you at all. That it’s better to wait until you are older if you can etc etc

[luckystar2]

Mine is also 9th grader in 7-9 junior high. My dd doesn’t talk about many of the issues in school. Honestly she’s kind of oblivious to stuff. She is very much a rule follower and while I am not naive I really would be surprised if she got involved with drugs/etc. she is also a very serious committed varsity athlete and high honor roll student. Most of her free time is spent practicing. She hangs out with teammates and girls who we’ve known for a while. They are all very academic/strong athletes. Sure those don’t guarantee it won’t happen but I do think it’s a protective factor. She knows that doing drugs could easily derail her athletics and academics. Anytime we’ve talked about stuff she doesn’t even understand why anyone wants to do them.

We do talk about stuff on occasion and we discuss how it can affect her athletics/academics. And I’ve discussed how anything can be laced with dangerous drugs so she shouldn’t take anything from anybody.

She reminds me a lot of me (although I wasn’t an athlete) and I never did anything besides drinking once in college. We are both prone to being rule following worriers - I never did anything because I was too afraid! What if parents found out, what if something bad happened. I definitely would see my dd feeling this way.

As far as school I’ve heard vaping is the big issue. They just had a dance and apparently they had a dog in the bathrooms to try to stop the vaping!

[wildrice]

For those worried about fentanyl, I just wanted to remind you that many states (maybe all?) allow anyone to get Narcan from a pharmacy without a prescription. You may want to get some for your kid to have on hand, and encourage them to let their friends know how to find it if they ever need it. Even if the kid swears they won't use drugs, they never know if they will end up in the presence of someone who does so they may as well carry it.

[pinkdutchtulips]

I worry about it as Miss R has a predisposition to it bc of her dad's family hx of addiction issues and her own ADHD. That said, the lines of communication about drugs, alcohol, and even sex have been open for a long time. She has friends who do it (vape, gummies) and a classmate brought in enough edibles for him to be charged w possession w intent to distribute She's curious about alcohol and I've let her smell things ... it warms my heart when she calls it gross, doesn't mean I don't have to worry but if that's her viseral reaction, I'll trust her until I can't. 

She herself is VERY aware of the havoc drugs and alcohol played in her life and for now, its been a deterrent. I don't know how much longer it will stay that way but I can hope that she models the safe alcohol behavior that J and I model in front of her. 

[dochas]

wildrice, I think you meant to say Narcan!

[abs]

Two years ago our middle school had a ton of problems. Kids were vaping in the bathrooms, sneaking alcohol in, skipping school and having sex by the dumpsters, and I don’t even know what else. There were several overdoses that year and the kids were running the school. A new principal was brought in and there are so many new policies in place. I personally think it’s a bit too strict (good luck ever using the bathroom) but I also get it. No one is overdosing now.

We talk to DD semi regularly about it. We had a recent conversation with her about never leaving her water bottle unattended and never taking food/pills from people she doesn’t trust. Fentanyl really scares me.

DD is a rule follower. She hates getting in trouble. She will of course make mistakes though. I know junior high has exposed her to so much. More than I probably even know. She is not aware of any of her friends vaping/drinking yet though. Her biggest complaint this year is the fighting and threats.

Oh and drinking is huge here in high school. Parents will even throw parties and provide it but take away keys. It’s insane to me! I have one friend who justifies it by saying this way they know where their boys are. Nope. Hard disagree.

[gardengal]

I’m sure there are drugs going on in school but my son is kind of a camel at school (he drinks so little during the day no matter what I try!), he’s not in the bathrooms much. He hasn’t reported anything.

I will say, he’s an avid sensational documentary watcher & watched one on vaping. That, combined with my uncle’s stage 4 lung cancer has put him off smoking anything. And we’ve discussed A LOT not to take pills from others, even if they say it’s Tylenol, bc fentanyl is no joke.

However, he has ADHD & adores feeling out of control & reckless. It’s…concerning tbh.

[wildrice]

May 8, 2023 13:30:24 GMT -5 dochas said:

wildrice, I think you meant to say Narcan!

Omg lol. Yes!!! That's the most important part!


Please don't give your kids fentanyl, lol.

[jinkies]

May 8, 2023 12:54:31 GMT -5 mrsGreeko said:

I think a lot of parents are completely naive about what their kids are doing. I certainly was. Couldn’t be my kid, I’d talked to her at length about the dangers and the alcoholics and addicts in our family and her risk factors based on her genes. She was a good kid from a good family! We sit down for dinner every night together, etc. but, it was my kid too. I’ve learned a lot about what vapes look like, how they work, what things to look for as a parent (cut USB cords charge vapes that you buy without a charger at school, who knew? I certainly didn’t, a cut USB cord didn’t make me wonder, it sure as hell does now though), where kids hide things (cut the lining of a purse and now you have a secret pocket in case your mom dumps your purse out), etc.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I think this is exactly why this subject scares me so much. It just seems so easy to hide, and so easy for even "good kids" to fall into it. 

Full disclosure: This is heavy on my mind, because DS hung out with friends all day yesterday. He came home around 5:30 abnormally tired. Like, he is always low energy, he never gets enough sleep, and he can usually fall asleep pretty quickly after school. But this seemed more than that. H went to wake him up for dinner and as DS was still sort of waking up, I guess he was mumbling and H started freaking out that he must have done something. DS did wake up for dinner, but basically fell asleep again around 7:30 or 8, and was out for the night. 

His clothes don't smell at all, his eyes weren't red, he wasn't slurring and we had completely normal conversation when he was awake. He had no reservations about us going through his bag or his phone. But the tiredness was really concerning and immediately sent our minds spiraling into worst case scenario. 

This morning before school he was telling me that they were walking around a huge, interconnected neighborhood all afternoon and stopping at different kids' houses, and his one friend likes to run everywhere (DS: "I don't know how that kid has so much energy") but basically said he was exhausted from trying to keep up. Which would track with what they've done other times they've hung out, and sounds plausible. It's always in the back of my mind that I'm being naive. But I also don't want to alienate him by constantly accusing him if he's not actually into anything. 

Idk. This is so hard.

[jinkies]

May 8, 2023 13:24:58 GMT -5 devonpow said:

Marijuana is legal and everywhere here. I tell the kids I’ll have a pot party for them when they turn 25 but to try hard to wait until then (brain development). Who knows if that messaging will stick.

I have two things going for me with DS1 - he’s an introvert and he’s a 3 season varsity athlete. He skips Saturday night parties because he had to run 10 miles at 8 AM on a Sunday. I’m not complaining! He’s definitely been pressure on vaping. I try to talk to him about how peer pressure isn’t a kid openly mocking him for not doing it, but often times just feeling left out if you don’t, and how to handle that.

In the end I feel there is only so much we can do. I try to mainly stress the big safety issues - no pills ever ever. Don’t get in a car if incapacitated, take an Uber or call us we will not yell at you at all. That it’s better to wait until you are older if you can etc etc

This is also my messaging. Like, I'm not pretending that you will never try it. But you won't regret waiting.

[erbear]

My focus with my kids (12 and 14) and my students (8th graders) is the same:

- be really careful with drugs. Everything here (Philadelphia) is laced with fentaynl these days and people are dying on the regular. If you choose to use drugs, you are putting yourself at a huge risk, more so than in the past, because you don't know what's in your drugs.

- Be really careful around other people when they are drinking or using drugs. Drugs change people.

- Use me as an excuse (this is more for my kids, though I have students who say they have used this line . Say "my mom is really strict and she will kill me" if you're in a situation where you feel pressured to drink/smoke/vape and want to say no. Go ahead and pull out "my mom literally teaches our health class. She will know". 

- Never ever ever drink under the influence or get in a car with someone who has been drinking or using. Call me. I will come get you, no questions asked. I hope you will keep me in the loop but being safe and in trouble is way better than being in danger or being caught.

- It's hard to be a serious athlete and use drugs regularly (this only works bc my kids are serious about sports).

At the end of the day, you can only keep the lines of communication open, give them the information, and trust that you have raised them to make smart and safe choices. It's hard.

[cjcouple]

I have a 16yo Junior in HS and a nearly 14yo 8th grader and while vaping/weed is in the schools, it's not as bad as you're describing.  The schools are pretty diligent about checking bathrooms throughout the day and the schools are smaller.  But yes, its in there.  

As far as talking with my boys.  This is a regular conversation and not just once or twice and done.  It's reminders before heading to parties, or hang outs with known smoker's, before school events (dances, bonfires, homecoming, even games). 

We discuss peer pressure and how to say no, and reminders that saying no, doesn't mean you'll lose your friends.   It's talks about why they shouldn't, the consequences and not just from me or even the law, but the consequences to their body and their minds.  And if these friends are super pushy and say they won't be your friend, or try to make fun of you, they are not true friends anyway. 

My oldest is completely open.  He tells me who gets high (in class and before), who is a drinker (alcohol is less common than vaping) and who is not.  He has told me that peer pressure is truly no big deal in his social circle/school.  He is in the social circle with the popular kids being a student athlete.  He is well liked and he has no problem saying no and he is not the only one who says no.  There are quite a few of them actually. He's definitely been offered.  They might ask "you smoke?" and at this point others will say for him "Nah S doesn't" and they move on.  Do I think he has tried anything?  I don't think so but I'm not naive and I know it's possible.  But if he has, it's not a regular thing. I have never smelled it on him, found a cart/pen, never see him acting off, and I don't think he'd be so open about his friends of he had.  I think he'd keep it to himself more. 

One of the biggest dilemmas and knowing a kid did something and I know the parents well and not telling when my son confides in me.   

DS2 hasn't mentioned seeing it much.  Sometimes in the bathroom he says but he just does his thing and leaves.  His friends are not into anything like that so for now, we just have normal conversation periodically.   In your son's case I'd just keep talking with him about it.  How to avoid it and give him responses.  That kind of thing.   
   

[rosiebear]

My kids are now in their early 20s and did slightly less than their fair share of drugs and alcohol when in high school. Both of them were certain we would be angered and appalled if they were caught, so they were careful not to get caught. This meant, realistically, that they partook relatively rarely because we monitored them pretty closely.

I don’t love how much my daughter drinks in college, but I know it’s not unusual. Son drinks maybe once a month with friends and takes an edible (illegal here, but he gets them from his dad) about 3-5 times a month.

I suppose my philosophy has been to accept that they will experiment and experience these things but to monitor as I can to make sure it’s not turning into a problem that interferes with their lives and growth.

[cjcouple]

Also, for those moms of athletes, watch out for the prescription drugs if they get injured. It is very easy to get a teen hooked on those and then they go looking for something to help at school which is when harder drugs can slip through. I warn my son about that all the time. Don't take any meds from your friends (not even Tylenol). Never even offer Tylenol to a friend, advise them to go to the nurse.

My nephew had a severe injury and ended up with surgery. He was running out of pain meds and was complaining of pain. The dr reused to give a refill and explained to my sister, its probably his brain playing tricks on him. He said if its bothering him in a few days after he is done to go back and see him. Sure enough 2 days without the meds and he was fine. Albeit a bit scared of those feelings. Thankfully that dr knew better.

[gretchenindisguise]

Just doing what everyone else here is doing. Talking to L all the time, talking about fentanyl (planning on getting narcan for her as she goes into high school next year because I figure it never hurts to have), and being generally open.

I don't think she uses. She seems to be most interested in alcohol and marijuana. We've let her have sips here and there. H is Spanish and I grew up with open parents, so we're going that route. For marijuana, it is legal here and H and my mom have both used microdoses for anxiety successfully. She knows this.