I'm curious why people think H wasn't invited? It sounded to me like ny96 , made plans with the kids because H wanted alone time at home. If he wanted to come, I'm sure he could have!
If that's his perspective, he can take the kids out on an "enjoyable activity" next weekend. Team you.
This. So much this. Having the kids is always work. Sometimes it's also fun, but... that's just so hit and miss. If he doesn't get that, he should really take them out for more weekend fun activities.
DH once told me that I should be responsible for most of the play time with our child because I clearly enjoy it more than he does. I was like, dude, it's so much work and so tedious. Just because I'm pretending to enjoy playing pretend because I'm a loving mother does NOT mean I wouldn't rather be washing the dishes in peace and quiet by myself.
I'm curious why people think H wasn't invited? It sounded to me like ny96 , made plans with the kids because H wanted alone time at home. If he wanted to come, I'm sure he could have!
I'm here. That seems like a weird take on the situation.
Taking kids out is exhausting, and H and I both know that thankfully. We both prefer to do stuff out of the house with the kids rather than stay home to entertain them, but if one of us stays home (generally by choice because there are things to get done), then that person takes over as soon as the kids are home!
I have 1 kid. If I take her out if the house for several hours, no matter what we do, I expect my H to take over the minute we're home. I don't care if he's been working or cleaning or what. I love my DD so much but I also feel like I need a tag team approach after a lot of time alone with her. H knows this and us generally pretty good about jumping in the second I get home but sometimes he has to finish something up and I am very impatient and it drives me insane.
yes, having 1 is sometimes harder because they do not have a buddy to help entertain each other; it is all on us. I regularly invite buddies to do things with us so I do not have to be the friend, lol.
I always tell H that if I take all 3 out I’m getting some alone time later. I’ve started announcing this because we had some disagreements in the past. H knows taking the kids out is no picnic, even when you are doing something fun.
It comes down to perspective- I will always pick taking the kids out versus keeping them entertained at home. H will always come up with fun things to do at home versus taking them out. Maybe your H sees going out as easier and you see it as harder. It’s something to talk through and get some clarity around.
I agree with this. I always say I am the “adventure mom” not the “imaginative play mom.” I will take those children basically anywhere on this earth before I would want to stay home and play. H feels the opposite.
I really think just being clear on hey I need a break makes a BIG difference.
my family summed up. It has actually led to a few problems because I overbook us (according to my husband; I disagree) but if I didn't book things I swear we would just be home alllllll the time and never leave. My idea of hell as a parent, haha.
I'm curious why people think H wasn't invited? It sounded to me like ny96 , made plans with the kids because H wanted alone time at home. If he wanted to come, I'm sure he could have!
I'm here. That seems like a weird take on the situation.
Taking kids out is exhausting, and H and I both know that thankfully. We both prefer to do stuff out of the house with the kids rather than stay home to entertain them, but if one of us stays home (generally by choice because there are things to get done), then that person takes over as soon as the kids are home!
I think we both are comfortable tagging along on any outing. We had just taken ds2 to see Spider-Man the day before and I was out of town the previous weekend. We talk a lot about needing alone time on the weekends and while I didn’t ask him if he wanted to join us, I knew that he would speak up if he wanted to come.
I agree with this. I always say I am the “adventure mom” not the “imaginative play mom.” I will take those children basically anywhere on this earth before I would want to stay home and play. H feels the opposite.
I really think just being clear on hey I need a break makes a BIG difference.
my family summed up. It has actually led to a few problems because I overbook us (according to my husband; I disagree) but if I didn't book things I swear we would just be home alllllll the time and never leave. My idea of hell as a parent, haha.
SAME. If I died I swear my kids would never leave the property.
Post by fortnightlily on Jun 7, 2023 12:59:10 GMT -5
Commiserating with the other adventure moms. My DH isn't a homebody, BUT, my kid has never entertained himself easily, and if we're at home, I'm the one he goes to 90% of the time expecting to entertain him. So if my husband wants to complete a solo task around the house, like, say, mulch the garden, he gets to do it in peace. But if I want to clean the bathroom, or tidy up, I have to try do it while being interrupted a zillion times by a little person. This is why Covid isolation was so painful for me. DH will take the kid in the backyard to throw a ball around for 30 minutes, but I'm the one who has to choose to either just let the kid watch hours of TV or else endure performing 30 pantomimed Pokemon battles in a row which I have to do it exactly as the kid wants it scripted or else we have to start over. I'm an introvert and not super high energy but I'd just so much rather do an outing of some kind instead to occupy the kid without screen time guilt.
Thankfully kiddo is older now but the majority of the things we do together at home that I find most tolerable are me reading aloud to him, or us watching shows/movies that we can both enjoy or playing video games together.
Also, maybe I am thinking about this in the wrong way, but wouldn’t it be more effective to clean while the kids are home so there is rest when they are gone? I know that isn’t always possible, but I am trying to imagine cleaning for that long while you were out.
Cleaning with kids home is like brushing my teeth while eating oreos…….
EDIT: I could clean for weeks. There is picking up, organizing, cleaning out items, putting laundry away, omg the list goes on.
Post by jeaniebueller on Jun 7, 2023 13:41:45 GMT -5
He needs to get over it, i would give my left arm for my H to take the kids out of the house for a few hours, even if I was doing housework while they were gone. I guess i don't understand why he was upset when you got home? was there someting pressing that he needed help with? I would expect everyone would just chill out
Team you - in our house, we're in agreement that if you've been on solo kid duty for a few hours, you get to tap out afterwards, and that in general, watching the toddler is a lot of work and requires more energy than any other household task (even if it can also be more fun).
Also, from the way you phrased the OP, it sounds like the plan wasn't that you would take the kids out so that he could clean, it was that you would take the kids out so that he could be by himself, and he decided to clean. Which is lovely of him, but sounds like he could have also not cleaned? Mostly I'm annoyed on your behalf that it sounds like you did him a favor and then he got mad that you didn't do more.
Team you - in our house, we're in agreement that if you've been on solo kid duty for a few hours, you get to tap out afterwards, and that in general, watching the toddler is a lot of work and requires more energy than any other household task (even if it can also be more fun).
Also, from the way you phrased the OP, it sounds like the plan wasn't that you would take the kids out so that he could clean, it was that you would take the kids out so that he could be by himself, and he decided to clean. Which is lovely of him, but sounds like he could have also not cleaned? Mostly I'm annoyed on your behalf that it sounds like you did him a favor and then he got mad that you didn't do more.
That’s the thing. I had no expectation that he was going to clean and we have a weekly house cleaner so there is nothing that needed to get done aside from special projects we decide we need to do. I was giving him time to himself. He chose to clean the grill.
Post by outnumbered on Jun 7, 2023 17:42:10 GMT -5
First off, taking kids out can be hard and disappointing. You were probably expecting a better day. These kind of days suck and are exhausting!
You each made choices with your time. He chose to work and should absolutely not expect you to pick up the slack when you got home You chose to keep going on an outing that was difficult and not enjoyable (i have been there and done that). Do NOT feel guilty, but also realize that you can just come home if the kids are sucking the fun out of the day.
If that's his perspective, he can take the kids out on an "enjoyable activity" next weekend. Team you.
This. So much this. Having the kids is always work. Sometimes it's also fun, but... that's just so hit and miss. If he doesn't get that, he should really take them out for more weekend fun activities.
DH once told me that I should be responsible for most of the play time with our child because I clearly enjoy it more than he does. I was like, dude, it's so much work and so tedious. Just because I'm pretending to enjoy playing pretend because I'm a loving mother does NOT mean I wouldn't rather be washing the dishes in peace and quiet by myself.
I had this exact conversation with my H about taking DS outside to play when he was a toddler/preschooler.
In my house, my H is an extrovert who enjoys taking our kid out. I’m the one who needs recharge time and would be happy to clean in peace. So, he takes her out without me quite a bit. Since your H thinks it’s so enjoyable, maybe he should take then next time?