Update to my bitch neighbor and our tree

[mel]

Since so many people got invested and pissed on my behalf, I thought I'd give an update.

This just hit a whole new level of interesting. DH called the Law Director on Wednesday and explained the situation. She already had the police report we filed Tuesday night and was expecting his call. She said that she'd send a detective and a land surveyor to our house, just to take photos and verify property lines. She said we have a very strong case for trespassing, destruction of property, vandalism, and reckless destruction of vegetation.

Yesterday, the detective and land surveyor came over. The surveyor determined that the tree was without a doubt on our property (which we knew). The detective took pictures of our tree and some of the other plants we have along the fence line (I planted hostas, lillies, a rose bush, and some other things to make the fence line not so stark). The surveyor also confirmed that these were a foot onto our property and not at all in hers. The detective noticed that my rose bush looked like it had also been cut and asked if I had done that. When I told him I hadn't, he raised and eyebrow, wrote something down, and kept walking. After a bunch of pictures and some conversation, he looked at us and said "We can actually press charges with 2 counts of destruction of property, vandalism, and destruction of vegetation since she cut your tree and your rose bush." He said normally, since we don't have no trespassing signs in our yard, trespassing wouldn't be added to the list of charges, but since she very clearly had to come on our property to cut the tree and rose bush, it definitely will be added on.

He said we have a very strong civil suit on our hands as well, and with 2 counts of each of those charges, we'd be entitled to probably a 4-figure settlement if we pursue it. DH quietly said, "yeah, but it won't bring back my mom's tree" and I lost it. So the detective also told us to put emotional distress in our suit. 

While all this was going on, the neighbor came out on her back deck at one point and yelled "make sure you don't touch my fence!" over the fence. The detective yelled back "Ma'am, we're not here for you, we're here for them, I suggest you mind your own business and go back in your house." The detective then told us that if we wanted to hit her in her pocketbook more, we can file a complaint with the city because her fence is actually inside out (the posts/supports face our property and not hers, which is a violation of the code in our city).

So, here's where we are conflicted. Obviously we're pissed and want to throw the book at this woman. However, we still live next to her. We have kids (albeit, older kids) and a dog. We're worried she's going to make our life even more of a living hell if we go through with pressing charges and suing her. Who's to say she won't call the cops if our kids are playing football and the ball happens to go into her yard? Or if our dog slips out of his collar (which he's done before) and runs into her yard? Or if our music is too loud? Or if DH is mowing the lawn and glass clippings go into her yard? Or, or, or, or....? She's already clearly unhinged, what if this doesn't teach her a lesson at all and just makes her even more miserable? 

We were given a ton of information yesterday that we still need to process, but man, she fucked up.

[Bad Dingo]

I'd press charges, she could retaliate in all of those instances regardless of what you do so you might as well show her you can't be bullied. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this!

[bugmeetsworld]

I would press charges. Who knows what else she’lll do if she feels like she got away with this?

[momin2013]

I agree with PP - she could retaliate anyway in any of those cases so I’d go ahead with the charges.

[simpsongal]

OMG- can someone link the last post, I missed it. I think I posted about the time someone cut one of our trees down under the cover of night.

[penguingrrl]

I would absolutely press charges on anything the detective said you could. As far as retaliation, it sounds like those behaviors and complaints are possibility regardless of if you do this. She needs to learn that there’s are consequences for being a spiteful hosebeast.

[origami]

She already called the cops on you for a nonsense complaint, so I’m guessing she’d continue that regardless of what you decide. She doesn’t seem like the type of person who appreciates getting let off the hook. (That would require acknowledging she did something wrong.) I would pursue charges. And get ready to catch her retaliating in some way.

[expectantsteelerfan]

I'm sorry you are going through this. Personally, I would move ahead with pressing charges about everything the detective mentioned, except the fence. I am the type of person that, while it 'technically' is something she did wrong, it doesn't seem to be something that is an issue for you at all, so I wouldn't go borrowing trouble and trying to bring up new issues while in the middle of this current issue. I'd keep it in your back pocket as a threat to bring up should she threaten you any further, but I'd sure as heck hope she learns her lesson from this and stays away from you guys after this, or better yet, moves, but I'd also be prepared for a further contentious relationship and I'd tell everyone in my family to stay as far away from her and her property line as possible.

[eb777888]

You are completely in the right to press charges. I fear if you let her get away with this, she'll get even worse.

[shauni27]

oh man, this is tricky. And I missed the original post about the tree, so I am only guessing, but it sounds like she cut down a tree from your yard, plus roses. In addition to other messed up history?

Without knowing said history, is it reasonable to say "please make XYZ corrections, or we will be pressing formal charges?" See how she responds and go from there?

ETA: just found the original post and I change my answer.

Burn it down. file all the charges, ignore the fence issue. Fuck her infinity.

[deadwing]

Jun 16, 2023 7:20:16 GMT -5 expectantsteelerfan said:

I'm sorry you are going through this. Personally, I would move ahead with pressing charges about everything the detective mentioned, except the fence. I am the type of person that, while it 'technically' is something she did wrong, it doesn't seem to be something that is an issue for you at all, so I wouldn't go borrowing trouble and trying to bring up new issues while in the middle of this current issue. I'd keep it in your back pocket as a threat to bring up should she threaten you any further, but I'd sure as heck hope she learns her lesson from this and stays away from you guys after this, or better yet, moves, but I'd also be prepared for a further contentious relationship and I'd tell everyone in my family to stay as far away from her and her property line as possible.

I agree with this. Press charges on the trespassing, destruction, emotional damage. Let the fence go for now.

[meanie]

She has already escalated things all on her own, so I don't necessarily think pressing charges will change that.

I would definitely do it, at the very least to document her behavior. She's going to be unhinged either way.

[RoxMonster]

I would press charges. Like others have said, she could retaliate regardless, and maybe going after her and showing her you aren't just going to put up with her shit would actually make her stop doing stuff. I'm sorry you're dealing with all this.

[Patsy Baloney]

I would do it all and laugh. Dumb bitch.

[fivechickens]

Jun 16, 2023 7:12:12 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

OMG- can someone link the last post, I missed it. I think I posted about the time someone cut one of our trees down under the cover of night.

It was in Wednesday’s Randoms post.

I am so sorry mel. Like others have said, I would press charges, she is clearly unhinged so regardless of what you do she is going to remain unhinged.

[maudefindlay]

Sounds like she already yells at you and retaliates for doing normal and legal things, so I don't see where this would be a change though she may crank it up. I'd go forward and press all the charges. She's never going to be nice to you.

[minzy]

She committed crimes so this isn’t just about you but the public interest. I would let them press charges.

[jwright]

Yikes, I didn’t catch the full backstory but I also wonder if you could talk to her as someone else mentioned. Tell her the detective said you could press charges for all manner of things and you’d like to settle things without taking it that far. See what the reaction is.

But maybe the relationship is too far gone?

[NewGirlNic]

I would absolutely follow through with pressing charges. This woman cannot just go into someone's yard and chop down a tree and get away with it. Like others said, she will likely continue to be a nuisance to you for years to come. Maybe if she's held accountable for her shitty actions it will teach her a lesson. 

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful tree. We have a Japanese Maple in our yard and it has no sentimental value (was here when we bought the house) and I would be very sad if anything happened to it. It's my favorite part of the front yard. A number of years ago we had a big ice storm and part of the trunk started to split and I thought we were going to lose it and I was almost in tears.  

[midwestmama]

mel, I'm sorry for all you're going through and the loss of your special tree.

I would go ahead and press charges, but I would probably include the fence to ensure that all issues are accounted for. She seems like she's likely to continue harassing you regardless, because she's a horrible person, but she needs to be held accountable. As others have said, I would be cautious with your kids and dog because she's likely to get worse once she gets charged.

mel, do you have full camera coverage on that side of your house to make sure any/all of her movements are captured?

[bex1973]

I agree, she's going to be a crazy bitch regardless so I would 100% move forward with pressing charges. Yes, you have to live next to her but you should absolutely be able to actually live in and enjoy your home and yard, I would not be walking on eggshells. I'd venture to guess that she's done thing to other neighbors as well.

[mpm]

What if your neighbor being unhinged isn’t limited to you and your yard? What if you don’t press charges and she escalates and hurts more than someone else’s property the next time she’s angry? Choosing not to press charges has implications too.

[bex1973]

Jun 16, 2023 7:34:04 GMT -5 jwright said:

Yikes, I didn’t catch the full backstory but I also wonder if you could talk to her as someone else mentioned. Tell her the detective said you could press charges for all manner of things and you’d like to settle things without taking it that far. See what the reaction is.

But maybe the relationship is too far gone?

Read the post in Wednesday Randoms.  There is no talking to this woman and mel should not settle.

[ECB]

I just went and read your initial post in the randoms. I can't imagine - I'm so sorry she did that. And yes- I would press charges. SHe's shown herself to not be reasonable and I think if you do nothing, she'll think she can do whatever she wants and you'll cower. People have always been like this, but I feel like in recent years, it's only gotten worse. And if she isn't brought to task on it- she'll keep doing it and doing more.

I would also cover my house in cameras to cover ALL angles of the outside.

[mel]

To answer some questions, talking to her is out of the question. We tried that and she got hostile. The backstory is in Wednesday's randoms, but TLDR, she came onto our property and took a chainsaw to a miniature Japanese Maple that MIL planted before she passed away. We have her on camera. Turns out, she also cut back my rose bush, which I didn't notice. Not sure when she did that (we may have camera footage, but I haven't checked).

We're getting an additional camera to put on the other end of the fence, where it opens up to both our properties. We have 2 acres, there's probably about an acre of our property that doesn't have her fence. So we'll have an angle from our house view, and from our back of property view. We're also going to put up very ugly "no trespassing" signs per the detective's recommendation.

We definitely don't want her to think she can bully us. She can't. She messed with the wrong neighbor. We just want to be able to enjoy our backyard without an unhinged person next door. The yard is why we bought the house.

[TR]

Agree to press charges on all, but the technicality of the fence posts.

Whether or not you press charges, and I’m sure you already do this, but I wouldn’t let my kid or dog out unsupervised and I’d regularly check the fence line for any type of poison or something she could chuck over it.

[heygrey]

I would press charges and I would include the fence. That seems to be the thing she’s concerned about (thinking the tree is ruining her fence) so I’d make sure legally she knew she was in the wrong.

I’m sorry. I hope there is a good resolution to this situation.

[Patsy Baloney]

Oh, I would also go all-in on the fence.

No mercy.

If the neighbor wanted to be afforded the kindness of looking the other way, she should have stayed on her side of the backwards fence.

[cjcouple]

I am stunned at the audacity of this person. I'm in agreement with the others, press charges.

Let her call the cops. I'd be most concerned about the dog and that she would hurt it so I'd probably make it a priority to put up extra safeguards. Obviously budget plays into it but tall privacy fence, electric fence, creative gardening that might make it challenging for the dog to pass. Anything you can do to avoid that. I'd consider anything that goes over the fence? basically gone.

I'm so sorry about your MIL's tree.

[TR]

I might just save the fence posts thing for the future lol like if you do this, she loses and continues to harass you? Ok, next suit.