12 year old and sports commitment WWYD

[dglvrk2]

DD1 will be 12 next week. 
About a month ago, H proposed signing up our local mountain bike club to her.  She's gone on a few easy trail rides and did just fine.  One of her friends and a few of her classmates she enjoys being around are signing up.  She agreed enthusiastically and even got excited about the idea of going to a few neighboring towns for clinics with them. This is a late June through September commitment. Rides are two days-week. Doing one race is encouraged but not required.

Since then she and said good friend have been on a ride with the dads. She realized good friend is a more experienced and thus skilled mountain biker than her.  However, she did fine for a beginner.  

She's totally changed her mind about mountain bike riding, stating she doesn't want to join the team because she's "not in shape" and will be slower than the rest of the kids.  She's outright refusing to go to practices, which start this coming week.

Selfishly, I'm disappointed. This seems like a good group of kids and a fun skill to learn.  I love mountain biking myself, but know the learning curve is a little steep.  (I just learned over the last two years.) 

In a perfect world, she'd become a confident rider and have fun, but there's no guarantee this will happen...

I just want her to give this a chance, but she seems to have her mind made up already. 

H insists we make her follow through with this commitment.  

I don't want her to resent us for this, but want her to at least try.  

Bigger picture, she's developed a negative attitude towards so many things lately.  I have to blame some of it on her age and the fact that it's end of a LONG school year - we have one more week of school left.  But I need a break!

Thoughts?  

[mommyatty]

I think I would make her try. She really can’t extrapolate from one kid that she’s going to be the slowest. Her friend may be a total rockstar. And I was just telling DD yesterday that there is a lot of research that shows doing things you enjoy that you really aren’t good at is great for your mental health. It lets you let go of the need to be the best and just lets you enjoy the activity for the sheer fun.

And if she feels she’s not in shape, the answer isn’t to stop physical activity. It’s to get more physical activity.

[sagelily]

My kids started participating in a mountain biking club last summer when they were 13 (DD) and 11 (DS). It is affiliated with NICA. In our experience it is a really supportive group and most kids are just starting out around age 11. For our club, they divide the groups up by experience for each practice but the groups vary each time since not every child is there for every practice. It is not rigid with an A team of the most skilled riders and a B team with the newer riders. My son is not a big fan of the competitive races but by the end of last season he was more open to racing once we talked with him more about treating it like longer distance running races where you are only competing against yourself and your past performance and aiming towards progress over time. Both my kids are joining again this year and looking forward to it. They improved a lot in just one season. I hope your daughter gives it a try and has a great time!

[librarychica]

I know nothing about mountain biking, flatlander that I am, but I’d split the difference. She doesn’t really know what the team would be like since she hasn’t tried it. It could be totally different than a small group ride. My 11yo is an expert at quitting before she begins but generally once she’s started she finds that whatever she’s trying is somewhere between “not bad” and “awesome.” I’d insist that she go for a set number of weeks and then, once she’s given it a real try, if she does hate it she can quit.

[sandandsea]

I’d encourage her to go to some practices to at least check it out. She doesn’t have to compete or race yet but can have fun, learn a new skill, get some physical activity and meet friends. All wins that have nothing to do with winning or competition. If she gets to the point she feels comfortable and wants to compete that can be a next step but I’d tell her and the coach it’s not an expectation at this time.

[kitty]

I would encourage her to at least give it a shot but I would try to get her on board by reframing her reluctance.

I’ve explained to my DD that sometimes people don’t try things because they are afraid to fail. The avoidance is a self-protection mechanism to prevent the pain of trying your best and still failing or falling short of your goal. But if you don’t put yourself out there and try you may miss out on a lot as you go through life and end up regretting it. Explaining it this way got my 11yo DD to try out for the school play that she really wanted to be in despite being really afraid of going through with the audition!

[erbear]

I’d make her try at least 3-5 rides. I think she’ll get better quickly and will see that it’s really fun. No chance would I let her quit without even going. I

[waverly]

I agree with setting a number of rides to try it.

DD was throwing huge fits about not having her cartwheel. I tried to teach her (ouch). So then I signed her up for tumbling but she hated it. We pay monthly so I had her finish out the month and let her quit. I think she had gone to 4 or 5 sessions by that time.

[jinkies]

My son started mountain biking with a team last year and LOVES it. He had no experience at all going into it. We found everyone to be so supportive, not competitive, and focused on the kids having fun. Having said that, I'm sure some teams are more serious than others.

It is also really supportive of girls-- NICA has a GRiT program with lots of special activities to encourage girls to try it.

I would ask if she can try a couple practices before you fully commit. She might find other kids on the team who are closer to her skill level.

I wouldn't force her though. if you ride, maybe you could work on riding together this year, and have her try again next year when she feels more confident in her skills. Maybe she can go to some events to cheer on her friend and see what they are like.

[186momx]

Is this a kid mountain biking group or all ages? I 100% can't see adults letting kids get left behind. Also I bet she won't be the only beginner ride. Can your or your DH go with her for the first couple rides?

My road bike riding experience with a large group was dreadful but it was a large group of adults only. I think I would have been better off in the family group but it was before DD and DH wouldn't think about it.

[ECB]

I agree with the majority- I would have her try it for a couple weeks. But if she tries it and really still doesn't like it, I'd let her quit. This type of "commitment" isn't one where if she bails, it affects the team.

And a HUGE "ditto" to if she feels she's isn't fit enough to do it, NOT doing any physical activity isn't going to help her get fit! That's a goal you actually have to put work into.

[dglvrk2]

Jun 19, 2023 10:11:35 GMT -5 186momx said:

Is this a kid mountain biking group or all ages? I 100% can't see adults letting kids get left behind. Also I bet she won't be the only beginner ride. Can your or your DH go with her for the first couple rides?

My road bike riding experience with a large group was dreadful but it was a large group of adults only. I think I would have been better off in the family group but it was before DD and DH wouldn't think about it.

It's only middle school age kids, ages 11-14

[cjcouple]

I'd definitely have her try it I'm sure they'll be other kids at her level. If she tried it a few times and felt it was too advanced? thats a different situation

[dglvrk2]

Thanks, everyone! We talked with DD1 about the commitment aspect yesterday. She's getting used to the idea. She proposed quitting after 5 or six practices if she really doesn't like it. H and I are considering this, but have not agreed to it yet. I'm thinking go through July and see how she feels....

[supertrooper1]

I hope your DD tries it for a while. I know how she feels. I started dirt biking 3 years ago with Beau and his family, who have been on bikes since they were all about 3 years old. I'm still very slow even though I can go on most of the trails they can go on. When I started, I was very out of shape, but have since been a regular at the gym. Even though I can tell the gym has helped, I still get fatigued and have to remember it's not because I'm out of shape but because it's physically demanding. It's very tough to not get discouraged when I don't keep up with everyone, but I have to remember I'm still having fun.

[whattheheck]

My DS and DD are also on NICA teams and LOVE it! In our league the girls are such a small group that they are all pretty close even though they only see each other at the races. Most of the girls wait at the finish line for the other girls when they are done and cheer them on and the GRiT rides are always well attended. What's interesting about both my kids is while they struggle on the uphill parts of the course - they fly down the downhill So even though they aren't the most "in shape" their talents for mountain biking lie elsewhere. So while she might be the slowest up the hill - she also might be the fastest down the hill!

[mae0111]

dglvrk2, did your DD end up trying the club? I hope she liked it!

[dglvrk2]

mae0111 She's only had one practice and liked it since then, she's gone on two rides with H and one with me. She said she hated mountain biking in the heat of a bumpy downhill, but talked about her the upcoming practices in a positive way with neighbors later that day. It's definitely a work in progress, but we are going in the right direction.
Thank you for all the encouragement, WPs 💚

[waverly]

dglvrk2, I would love to get DS into mountain biking. He was delayed riding a bike and did a special needs camp to finally master it. The recommendation for special needs is a cruiser which means no gears and sort of the opposite of a mountain bike. It has been 2 years since that class, and he has been biking ever since, but I am not quite ready to the do the whole mountain biking thing. There is an REI class he can take at 14, so I was thinking of waiting until then and they provide the bike and see if he likes it or not. It's OK that he is delayed, no rush. At least he learned in the first place.

[dglvrk2]

Jul 6, 2023 12:18:51 GMT -5 waverly said:

dglvrk2, I would love to get DS into mountain biking. He was delayed riding a bike and did a special needs camp to finally master it. The recommendation for special needs is a cruiser which means no gears and sort of the opposite of a mountain bike. It has been 2 years since that class, and he has been biking ever since, but I am not quite ready to the do the whole mountain biking thing. There is an REI class he can take at 14, so I was thinking of waiting until then and they provide the bike and see if he likes it or not. It's OK that he is delayed, no rush. At least he learned in the first place.

In my experience, REI does a great job introducing people to sports. I hope he has fun!
In the mean time, are there any local groups that support kids with special needs? They me be able to gently introduce him too.

[waverly]

Jul 6, 2023 19:08:53 GMT -5 dglvrk2 said:

Jul 6, 2023 12:18:51 GMT -5 waverly said:

dglvrk2, I would love to get DS into mountain biking. He was delayed riding a bike and did a special needs camp to finally master it. The recommendation for special needs is a cruiser which means no gears and sort of the opposite of a mountain bike. It has been 2 years since that class, and he has been biking ever since, but I am not quite ready to the do the whole mountain biking thing. There is an REI class he can take at 14, so I was thinking of waiting until then and they provide the bike and see if he likes it or not. It's OK that he is delayed, no rush. At least he learned in the first place.

In my experience, REI does a great job introducing people to sports. I hope he has fun!
In the mean time, are there any local groups that support kids with special needs? They me be able to gently introduce him too.

I’m not aware of anything for special needs and mountain biking. He also doesn’t currently own a mountain bike. There are rec camps and programs for special needs but those tend to be for more profound difficulties. He would do fine in a regular group but benefits from instruction as in not me teaching him. Plus I never really mountain biked.