I feel like I am becoming a hermit

[cleo29]

At least when it comes to functions in my neighborhood or at the pool. I have barely been this summer, partly because physically I am so uncomfortable with myself that I do not really feel like squeezing into a swimsuit and also, I just have no desire to socialize. I am happy to run errands, grab a bite to eat out, see a movie, etc, but I just have no desire for the rest. 

Also, I am not sure I will be able to go on our trip to the beach in large part due to boarding challenges for the dogs. (Our large male is not fixed yet, thus the challenge). I am a little sad at the thought as I LOVE being at the beach, but the reality is I am still in session, so will have to be doing school work while down there and I kind of want more time to get things set up in the apartment. We might be able to get the dogs boarded for part of the time, so I might do that and just head home early. 

Anyway, I can't decide if all of this is healthy or not. lol Or just normal given everything that is going on in my life. Oh, and my mom is doing better, but my uncle, her brother, has been having some complications from a recent surgery and is in the ICU. So, there are a lot of things happening in all areas right now

[nsl]

I think given all that's going on in your life right now there's nothing wrong with needing some time to yourself/time where you're not surrounded by other people and feeling pressured to socialize. Why are you worried it's not healthy?

[cleo29]

I don't know, I think most of my life I have been an extrovert, but maybe I am becoming an introvert or a highly selective extrovert. lol

[Jalapeñomel]

Jul 22, 2023 17:45:11 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

I don't know, I think most of my life I have been an extrovert, but maybe I am becoming an introvert or a highly selective extrovert. lol

I used to describe myself as an extrovert, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become way more introverted.

[cleo29]

Jalapeñomel, I definitely prefer smaller, intimate gatherings, but still also love a big wedding with tons of dancing. Like I said, selective. lol

[krystee]

I started a book called Wintering that’s about how certain seasons require wintering—kind of an inward focus and solitude as you heal—and that it can be very healing and beautiful and important in its own way. Maybe you are wintering now so you can spring soon!

[cleo29]

krystee, I love this idea and it makes a lot of sense.

[rosiebear]

I’ve been making myself go out more, with an eye toward hunkering down and being cozy all winter. Wisconsin only has so many beautiful days, and I’m making myself go out while it is nice. But at the same time, if I need a break I need a break and will take one. I fully intend to be a flannel-clad, candle-surrounded hermit in a few months.

[cleo29]

Jul 22, 2023 19:04:57 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

I’ve been making myself go out more, with an eye toward hunkering down and being cozy all winter. Wisconsin only has so many beautiful days, and I’m making myself go out while it is nice. But at the same time, if I need a break I need a break and will take one. I fully intend to be a flannel-clad, candle-surrounded hermit in a few months.

I didn't realize you live in WI. H's family has a cabin on the Brule River.  

[starburst604]

I think it’s ok and even essential to protect yourself as needed right now. It’s ok to not be up to things you normally would be. You’re still doing the things you need to do and being selective about what you want to do and that’s ok.

[waverly]

I’m an introvert so this sounds normal to me. We don’t usually enjoy crowds I guess is the best way to word it. If it’s something that I want to do or in the mood for then I will tolerate crowds but we aren’t seeking out festivals, concerts, fairs etc on a regular basis.

I avoided the pool last summer due to body issues, and they closed early, no concessions because they were still coming out of the pandemic. I am back to it this summer but still only have gone a few times.

[flex]

There are different levels of introvert-ness, including being a socially outgoing person but needing time to retreat and "recharge".
That being said, as we get older, we become more selective when it comes to getting things done. Avoiding a trip to the beach because of the hassle of boarding the puppers is not being a hermit--it's being discerning and realistic lol

Regarding being uncomfortable with how you look at the local swimming hole--at 63 I'm squishy in certain parts of my post-menopausal body, but I gave up worrying about folks judging me. I want to get in the pool and cool down, dad gum it!

[mags]

I go in spurts. When I'm under a lot of stress I like to stay in and not do a lot of th8ings with people. Sometimes you just need to chill. Other times I like to have a full Calander and go out all the time. As I get older home is a lot more appealing to me.

As long as you dont think it is caused by depression.

[ECB]

I think it's normal. This summer has just been a LOT. I've been SO busy and I feel SOOOOO spent. I've been feeling like this the past couple weeks and talking to friends who all have the same crazy schedules, we're all feeling like this.

We went to the beach last weekend and stayed with good friends. I knew we'd have a good time, but I was like "I dont know if I can do this". We leave in a week for vacation and the first 1/2 will be just the 3 of us and I CAN NOT WAIT. I need these 4 days with my little family to just RELAX and not have to be "on".

I was at the pool last night and while I talked to a few people - I made a point to go sit alone and read. It was LOVELY.

And while I"m social, I am DEFINITELY an introvert. I know that's a part of it. Too much having to be "on" - I just need a break.

[cleo29]

Jul 23, 2023 11:44:05 GMT -5 mags said:

I go in spurts. When I'm under a lot of stress I like to stay in and not do a lot of th8ings with people. Sometimes you just need to chill. Other times I like to have a full Calander and go out all the time. As I get older home is a lot more appealing to me.

As long as you dont think it is caused by depression.

I do have clinical depression and the last 4-5 years, maybe longer, have not been great. I am on meds, but I do think of this as my depression or working through depression personality. I am so far from who I feel is "me", that I am not even sure I would know what that feels like anymore. So rather than trying to recapture something, I am just working on building who I want to be now, how I want to live, what I want to do going forward, etc. I guess i want to rediscover myself and what I like now and be really content with it. 

[spindle92]

Jul 23, 2023 14:49:35 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

Jul 23, 2023 11:44:05 GMT -5 mags said:

I go in spurts. When I'm under a lot of stress I like to stay in and not do a lot of th8ings with people. Sometimes you just need to chill. Other times I like to have a full Calander and go out all the time. As I get older home is a lot more appealing to me.

As long as you dont think it is caused by depression.

I do have clinical depression and the last 4-5 years, maybe longer, have not been great. I am on meds, but I do think of this as my depression or working through depression personality. I am so far from who I feel is "me", that I am not even sure I would know what that feels like anymore. So rather than trying to recapture something, I am just working on building who I want to be now, how I want to live, what I want to do going forward, etc. I guess i want to rediscover myself and what I like now and be really content with it. 

I really like the bolded.
I don't know if it was the aftermath of my divorce, turning 40 or a combo of both but I just wanted to find peace and be happy with who I was.  
It may take a while but you will get there.

[mrsukyankee]

I'm a big fan of working on values with my clients and then having them make goals and decisions based on their values - in other words, instead of running from things that trigger their anxiety or depression (making their world smaller), I have them go toward things that fit their values (world gets bigger).

thinkcbt.com/images/Downloads/GOALS-AND-VALUES-SMART-THINK-CBT-V-16.08.17.pdf

I remind my clients who have depression that doing less can something make it harder to do anything AND to also recognise that they may not have the energy to do everything they would like to do. We work on figuring out what would be fulfilling and value driven, and how to do it to gain energy versus drain them.