Parents of Teen boys - hygiene question

[AJL]

How do you get your teen boy to shower regularly? My 15 y.o. DS is a great kid, but dang! You would think he was allergic to water. I was hoping that peer pressure would encourage him to shower more often, but apparently all his friends smell like musty goats. Any tips or suggestions to get him to bathe?

[eb777888]

David has a list on the fridge of what he needs to do every day. I told him to add shower. It's not an issue for a long time, then suddenly he stops taking them, lol, round and round we go. Same with deodorant. So, we have a list. He also has ADHD, so not sure if that play into it. I try to be kind, but like also, bathe yourself.

[nsl]

We just send ours back to their bathroom if they show up at the breakfast table unshowered. They get up earlier than they need to for school so it's not a time crisis if this happens--I can imagine if you've got a late sleeper this solution might not work as well.

ETA: for awhile we were also having an issue where they'd "shower" but not actually use shampoo or soap effectively. I had no problem sending them back to the bathroom right after school to do it correctly if they came home with clearly unwashed hair/smelling like they hadn't showered. It took way too long for them to buy a clue that they needed to do it right the first time, but now (at almost 16) they aren't trying it anymore.

[maudefindlay]

My 14 yr old is in a routine, he gets home from CC practice and showers right away. On the weekends I just tell him to go shower before bed and he does it. I guess I should back off and see if he does it on his own, but it's habit as I tell the younger 2 as well.

[AJL]

Jul 25, 2023 11:08:08 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

David has a list on the fridge of what he needs to do every day. I told him to add shower. It's not an issue for a long time, then suddenly he stops taking them, lol, round and round we go. Same with deodorant. So, we have a list. He also has ADHD, so not sure if that play into it. I try to be kind, but like also, bathe yourself.

DS also has ADHD and I think it does play into it a bit. He's also sensitive to textures and doesn't like the way regular bar soap feels so we're trying to find a body wash that a) feels right and b) doesn't smell too much. lol. It's a lot of trial an error. I just want him to be consistent in bathing.

I'm going to try the list idea of "Need to's"

[wanderingback]

What does he say when you tell him to go shower every day?

[eddy]

My son showers after sports practice. But even if he isn't in a sport, he always showers at night before bed. That seems to help with the routine. He is NOT a morning person, so just adding in the expectation that he shower before bed helped.

Also he can smell ripe pretty quickly so in the morning I always innocently ask "Did you put deodorant on? Brush your teeth?" That helped him get the routine going.

He is now in a good routine and my youngest is on the cusp of puberty so I get to go through this all over again. yaaaay......

[eddy]

Also I really don't think they can smell themselves. So I try to be as gentle, but firm as possible. I will say when I can smell BO, but again trying to not be shamey about it. I even will throw in the "Wouldn't you rather hear this from your mom instead of a kid at school?" When I get the eye rolls or the sighs. :-)

[eb777888]

Jul 25, 2023 11:18:48 GMT -5 eddy said:

Also I really don't think they can smell themselves. So I try to be as gentle, but firm as possible. I will say when I can smell BO, but again trying to not be shamey about it. I even will throw in the "Wouldn't you rather hear this from your mom instead of a kid at school?" When I get the eye rolls or the sighs. :-)

I agree with this. I also try to be gentle, but also tell him that I expect him to shower every.single.day. I don't know when that became such a chore for him. I think they get tricky when they get more independent and do it consistently on their own, then suddenly "forget" when they just don't feel like it. Or, if there's like a change in routine like a break or vacation. At least this is the case with David. 

[CrazyLucky]

DS is 13 and also has ADHD, but he doesn't give us any trouble with the shower. Although it IS suspiciously fast. My issue is with teeth brushing and deodorant. It's like, you're 13. We or you have been brushing your teeth twice a day every day since you had them. Why are you surprised every time I ask if you brushed your teeth? Why is the answer never yes? Brush your damn teeth! He's getting better at deodorant though. So we're getting closer.

[eddy]

Jul 25, 2023 11:23:45 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

Jul 25, 2023 11:18:48 GMT -5 eddy said:

Also I really don't think they can smell themselves. So I try to be as gentle, but firm as possible. I will say when I can smell BO, but again trying to not be shamey about it. I even will throw in the "Wouldn't you rather hear this from your mom instead of a kid at school?" When I get the eye rolls or the sighs. :-)

I agree with this. I also try to be gentle, but also tell him that I expect him to shower every.single.day. I don't know when that became such a chore for him. I think they get tricky when they get more independent and do it consistently on their own, then suddenly "forget" when they just don't feel like it. Or, if there's like a change in routine like a break or vacation. At least this is the case with David. 

It is like having a toddler all over again lol. They feel like this is one area they can flex their independence and we have to tell them "No, no that is a terrible idea. Pick something else lol."

[CurlyQ284]

Jul 25, 2023 11:12:40 GMT -5 AJL said:

Jul 25, 2023 11:08:08 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

David has a list on the fridge of what he needs to do every day. I told him to add shower. It's not an issue for a long time, then suddenly he stops taking them, lol, round and round we go. Same with deodorant. So, we have a list. He also has ADHD, so not sure if that play into it. I try to be kind, but like also, bathe yourself.

DS also has ADHD and I think it does play into it a bit. He's also sensitive to textures and doesn't like the way regular bar soap feels so we're trying to find a body wash that a) feels right and b) doesn't smell too much. lol. It's a lot of trial an error. I just want him to be consistent in bathing.

I'm going to try the list idea of "Need to's"

I would say ADHD absolutely plays into it. My husband (45), stepdaughter (20) and DS (10) all have it and all of them don't shower enough IMO. DS will shower when I remind him every other day. H doesn't smell like BO but I still tell him on days that DS takes a shower that he should too.

SD smells like an onion frequently. H has tried everything with her and nothing works.

[midwestmama]

My DS (just turned 14) takes a shower everyday, it's my DD (12) who I have to badger and remind to take a shower. Unfortunately, she has worse BO than DS, so she is the one who really needs to shower every day. (I tell her that she doesn't have to wash her hair everyday (she has very thick hair, so washing, conditioning, and thoroughly rinsing her hair is what takes the bulk of her shower time).)

DH and I have tried to gently tell DD that her BO is strong enough to warrant a daily shower, and at her age it should be part of the normal routine to shower daily, and it is always better to hear that kind of feedback from parents who love her and are not judging her about it, than from mean kids at school who are being mean/judgmental about it.

[k3am]

I don't have a teenager yet, but how was I so oblivious that I assumed that at some point they'd magically realize showers are important? I just hoped that in the relative near future, I wouldn't be responsible for hygiene anymore and you all have burst my bubble.

[gastro]

I have the opposite issue! My boys love taking showers for hours if I let them. My oldest likes to shower in the morning and at night. I’ve threatened them with paying the water bill. Im screaming water is a precious resource, the drought…. All my kids swim a lot too so they are getting a chlorine cleanse most days as well.

[calamity]

Yeah my son is always in the shower. He doesn't want his face to break out and he exercises a lot. I don't want to know any other reason he's taking so many showers LOL

[expectantsteelerfan]

I will commiserate. My ds often turns on the shower to make us think he's showering, but then just, doesn't. AND I also have to remind him to put on deodorant daily or else he forgets that, and man does he stink without it.

[definitelyO]

honestly - getting his first girlfriend helped increase the shower frequency.

But now (at 17) and before that - he showers every morning before school. On the weekends not so much and right now in summer it's a few times a week....

[eb777888]

Jul 25, 2023 12:38:40 GMT -5 expectantsteelerfan said:

I will commiserate. My ds often turns on the shower to make us think he's showering, but then just, doesn't. AND I also have to remind him to put on deodorant daily or else he forgets that, and man does he stink without it.

Oh, I totally did this as a kid, lol. My sister said "isn't it just easier to actually......get in the shower?" FTR, I shower every single day as a teen and adult. I don't know why kids can be so weird about this. 

[devonpow]

My 16 year old is fine with this - I think years of fulk summer overnight camp helped to be honest. Daily/twice daily showers due to all the sports with some peer pressure thrown in.

My 11 year old haaates showering. I have to make him still and he will tell things like “WHY??! I just showered THREE DAYS AGO!!!” Lol

[rosiebear]

Liked in solidarity, expectantsteelerfan.

[EvieEthelGarland]

Is this where I can sing the praises of Lume for teenage boy funk? We tried everything and Lume was the only thing that worked, but he will sometimes add anti perspirant if going to the gym. One his friends mom's texted and asked what he used because he does not smell.

I think we're ok on the showers, but it was touchy for a bit. Thankfully the questionable time was during remote school.

[booky]

My 16.5 year old has always been good about showering without being asked or told. He buys himself toiletries in the higher price ranges and always looks nice and tidy and smells lovely. My older daughters were the same way. No issues with them.
My 14 year (almost 15) old has just recently started showering and brushing his teeth without being asked. It was a struggle to get him to care about not smelling like a goat and because it hadn’t been an issue with his siblings I wasn’t really sure how to deal with it. I figured he’d come around on his own one day though and coincidentally that day was yesterday. He asked to go to the drug store to get a basket full of hygiene products and ordered himself some nice combs and beach hair spray stuff from Amazon too. He’s asked for some $$$ cologne for his birthday and I suspect he has a crush he’s trying to seek attention from so perhaps that his motivation to look dapper as he put it.

[waverly]

Nagging? DS went through a stage of pretending to shower until I started washing his hair in the sink because his dandruff was out of control, and he wasn't washing his hair properly or at all, just kind of wetting the bangs. I also sent him back up to shower when it was subpar. Luckily, now he has realized that showering feels nice. But his breath is terrible, and I keep sending him back up to brush his teeth more. I don't think he is spending enough time on brushing.

DD tries to avoid showering and is in the camp of I just showered 3 days ago, so no. Her hair is getting super long though, so I will try from the angle of you need to wash your hair so that I can get a brush through it and braid it since she is into braids.

[CurlyQ284]

Jul 25, 2023 14:12:01 GMT -5 EvieEthelGarland said:

Is this where I can sing the praises of Lume for teenage boy funk? We tried everything and Lume was the only thing that worked, but he will sometimes add anti perspirant if going to the gym. One his friends mom's texted and asked what he used because he does not smell.

I think we're ok on the showers, but it was touchy for a bit. Thankfully the questionable time was during remote school.

The deodorant or like the lotion stuff?

Hmm I also see they have body wash. Or all of the above?

[Roc A Bee]

My ADHD teenage boy showers much more regularly than my teen girl. We set the expectation that they shower nightly. When we notice they haven’t, I tell them to get in. Nothing magic, just a “hey go take a shower”

Sports season helps because they want to shower.

[EvieEthelGarland]

Jul 25, 2023 15:34:59 GMT -5 CurlyQ284 said:

Jul 25, 2023 14:12:01 GMT -5 EvieEthelGarland said:

Is this where I can sing the praises of Lume for teenage boy funk? We tried everything and Lume was the only thing that worked, but he will sometimes add anti perspirant if going to the gym. One his friends mom's texted and asked what he used because he does not smell.

I think we're ok on the showers, but it was touchy for a bit. Thankfully the questionable time was during remote school.

The deodorant or like the lotion stuff?

Hmm I also see they have body wash. Or all of the above?

he's just used the deodorant and costco or TJ's basic body wash. He goes through massive quantities of body wash so I want to keep it cheap until he starts using an appropriate amount. The cream is good for thigh rubbing anti-chaffing.  

[SusanBAnthony]

My almost 16 year old would never shower if not reminded and he needs a daily shower. He also forgets deodorant every single time.

He doesn't smell himself and doesn't care about girls or peer pressure so that's not a factor. I'm hoping he starts to shower on his own before he moves out.

My teen girl is the same!

And both of them act like daily showers is New Information every single time.

[eddy]

Jul 25, 2023 12:46:36 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

Jul 25, 2023 12:38:40 GMT -5 expectantsteelerfan said:

I will commiserate. My ds often turns on the shower to make us think he's showering, but then just, doesn't. AND I also have to remind him to put on deodorant daily or else he forgets that, and man does he stink without it.

Oh, I totally did this as a kid, lol. My sister said "isn't it just easier to actually......get in the shower?" FTR, I shower every single day as a teen and adult. I don't know why kids can be so weird about this. 

I did this with tooth brushing. Spoiler alert- I got cavities

[katiecj6]

My two boys shower for ages....like forever...but will rarely use soap or shampoo. It's infuriating.

We essentially just make them shower every morning and night.