We’ve had conversations about it since my now 10 year old DS was probably 3 or 4. We have It’s Not the Stork and the other one by the same author, I need to get him the puberty book too. Our philosophy is to be open and honest when he has questions, and try not to act like it’s embarrassing or awkward. My 3 year old DS2 asked how babies get out of moms bellies the other day and I just said either the mom pushes them out of her vagina or a doctor helps by making a cut in her belly.
I really like how the PP says the women puts the penis in, I’m going to use that too!
I came thisclose to telling my preschooler that babies come out of vaginas. (I wasn’t ready to get into other ways). She flat out asked, how does the baby get out. I tried to deflect to usually a doctor helps. She was like, ok, but HOW does the doctor get it out.
But I didn’t know how H would feel about that and I don’t need other parents coming after me.
I was thinking, if she lived on a farm, she’d already know. And it’s something humans can do that may happen to her.
Why would other parents come after you?
To answer OP, I would def get a book now, so you’re prepared. Def no need to lie or deflect. If they ask you randomly in the grocery store then you can just say you’ll answer their question when you get home and you have the book ready. It’s totally fine to be proactive though and talk about things in an age appropriate way.
I’ve talked to other parents in my line of work who talk about how they start out young talking to their kids and even explain how they help people not be pregnant anymore. There’s so much misinformation out there it’s better to get it right from the beginning and keep the conversations going!
It came on the heels of a discussion about cussing and what those words actually mean because I wanted him to understand the true context and not just that they’re words he shouldn’t use at his age. He was throughly grossed out and hasn’t brought it up since.
DS2 is 6 and this topic hasn’t come up yet.
We have one of the recommended books that covers puberty, sex, hygiene, etc. and have looked through that together. I refer to it sometimes as his body is changing and he seeks more privacy. Both my kids have masturbated from a young age, so we’ve also had conversations about that with both of them.
She does know that babies can come out of vaginas, and I think I mentioned that people who are born men can put a seed into people who are born women, but she didn’t ask more and I didn’t offer it.
I took the "give them the amount of information they are asking for" approach. So having the talk was a bit like unpealing an onion. Probably around 5-6 they asked how a baby was made and I gave a simple description about fertilization that didn't include the technicalities of sex. And over time we finally got to the full blown talk.
This was a fantastic book. Lots of details. Used inclusive language. My oldest was mortified by it and wanted nothing to do with it. My youngest devoured this book and then asked for the more mature version for older kids lol.
Just had the sperm, egg and how they meet conversation a week or so ago with A who is 8.5.
How did they meet in your conversation?
I told my daughter that everyone has cells and it is science.
She then asked how do couples of the same gender have babies? I said adopt, or scientific procedures.
I haven't gotten into the science too much. My biggest fear holding me back is that the kids will take what I say and repeat it in front of their grandparents who will use this info to make me look like a bad parent. Because the grandparents telling me NOTHING worked out so well (it didn't).
Post by picksthemusic on Jul 26, 2023 12:09:24 GMT -5
Just another book recommendation. The Celebrate Your Body series is great. It's written by pediatricians and experts, and it's super inclusive and comprehensive.
I was also paranoid that my kids would be the one out there blathering on about sex to their peers who had not had the conversation yet. So I told them that this is a topic that isn't appropriate to introduce to their friends, it was the parents job. So for now this is just something you talk about with us.
Obviously that rule changed once they were in upper elementary and the topics were being introduce in the curriculum.
My DD is 10 and we have had many smaller talks - about how babies grow and are born, what a period is and how it the process works, and we have an anatomy book for kids that has anatomy drawings and shows the sperm/egg, etc.
I still need to have the BIG talk to tie it all together for her.
I remember when my mom told me she sat me down with a big medical book and my dad kept interrupting by making weird/funny faces because he felt so awkward. I missed half of the talk and was super confused after. Then I watched an episode of Oprah after school (it was either about trans women or intersex, not sure), I was SO confused and I called my mom at her work in tears crying that I thought I had a small penis. OMG my poor mom had to explain what a labia was while sitting at her cubicle.
Just had the sperm, egg and how they meet conversation a week or so ago with A who is 8.5.
How did they meet in your conversation?
I told my daughter that everyone has cells and it is science.
She then asked how do couples of the same gender have babies? I said adopt, or scientific procedures.
I haven't gotten into the science too much. My biggest fear holding me back is that the kids will take what I say and repeat it in front of their grandparents who will use this info to make me look like a bad parent. Because the grandparents telling me NOTHING worked out so well (it didn't).
Sex or petri dish.
We got into females having all of the eggs in their bodies when they are born. And males have sperm in their testicles (although he says balls and it makes him laugh). And when they have sex, the penis goes into the vagina and releases the sperm (totally stealing DotAndBuzz's phrasing of female places penis in her vagina) and they get pushed up to the egg by the woman's body (yay tiktok for deprogramming me from the male-centric "strongest swimmer narrative).
This wasn't just a narrative but a continued conversation of me stating a piece of it and him saying "buy how?!" to move it along.
I was also dying on the inside for reasons I should probably unpack.
Post by penguingrrl on Jul 26, 2023 12:36:14 GMT -5
For us, it has been an ongoing conversation pretty much their entire lives. My kid told the whole kindergarten class about how some babies come out of their mom’s vaginas and others have to have surgery to come out. That came about because my then-3 year old asked how her baby brother would come out of my belly so we talked about vaginal a c section births (I had a C with my first, a VBAC with my second and was hoping for another VBAC).
We also first introduced p in v and the sperm and egg that same year. Our 3 year old had happily gone along with having a new brother and asked very few questions. Then Hs sister took her for a fun aunt day and she mused to SIL that “why did mommy swallow that baby?” So when SIL brought her back we corrected that misconception.
We never made it taboo and always discussed it, and now my 10 year old asks a lot of questions that we answer factually, but the basics are something he doesn’t remember learning. We had to be a bit more deliberate with him because my pregnancy with him naturally brought those questions to mind for the older two, but we did all along, or a sibling asked about it in front of him so he was there for it.
My kids are 12 and I still haven’t had that talk with them.
I have had the talk about their changing bodies but not sex. I don’t wanna!!!! 😩.
I will though.
Ok I am glad I am not the only one! My boys are 8 and 10 and I didn’t really plan on addressing any of this for a long time.
Super surprised to hear some of these young ages. We have never had a situation where we felt like we have needed to explain anything yet and are not getting any questions.
I feel like if I were to, it would be awkward as hell and appear out of the blue.
My kids are 12 and I still haven’t had that talk with them.
I have had the talk about their changing bodies but not sex. I don’t wanna!!!! 😩.
I will though.
Ok I am glad I am not the only one! My boys are 8 and 10 and I didn’t really plan on addressing any of this for a long time.
Super surprised to hear some of these young ages. We have never had a situation where we felt like we have needed to explain anything yet and are not getting any questions.
I feel like if I were to, it would be awkward as hell and appear out of the blue.
I kind of think that’s why you need to start the conversations early, so it’s NOT awkward. Little kids don’t know to be embarrassed by sex and bodies. And the younger you teach them it’s just a natural part of life that they know there is no shame around. It’s also important IMO to set the precedent that you talk about sex and feelings and whatever totally honestly with no judgement. My DS1 is almost 17 now - he has always been able to ask whatever questions about sex or bodies that he has had, and while I know that doesn’t necessarily mean he will tell me when he starts having sex etc, I do think it puts us in a better position for him to come to us if needed
First one around 8? Continued often from there. We have friends who are gay and friends who are lesbian who have children so we discussed how those families had their children and recently discussed how they have sex. We talk about it pretty openly despite their embarrassment. I haven't gone into much detail about oral sex, but I'm sure that's coming.
Y’all, My neighbor cuts thru a wooded area walking her dog near a middle school. She has totally interrupted middle schoolers (this is 6th-8th) performing oral sex with each other. Middle schoolers. Kids are having sex (we consider/have taught oral is sex, not just p n v) much earlier than you think.
DD and I have had lots of conversations about sex and about the different forms of sexual intimacy. We started around when she was 8 or 9. DS is 11 and still has no interest
Post by formerlyak on Jul 26, 2023 13:36:25 GMT -5
I was pregnant with my younger son when older son was 7, and he asked.
My now 9 year old has big emotions sometimes and is starting to get bo when he is super active, so I tried to start the puberty conversation. He knows the basics because of his older brother, but he did not want to talk about it with me.
The idea that I would owe other parents my secrecy about this more than my own kids deserve truthful responses to their questions is crazycakes.
Go ahead and come at me, other parents. 😂
I agree with this, kids are going to talk about this no matter what. My son was introduced to the subject of porn in 4th grade by his peers who had older siblings. They were 8. It is never to early to talk about sex with your kids.
My kids are 12 and I still haven’t had that talk with them.
I have had the talk about their changing bodies but not sex. I don’t wanna!!!! 😩.
I will though.
Ok I am glad I am not the only one! My boys are 8 and 10 and I didn’t really plan on addressing any of this for a long time.
Super surprised to hear some of these young ages. We have never had a situation where we felt like we have needed to explain anything yet and are not getting any questions.
I feel like if I were to, it would be awkward as hell and appear out of the blue.
It will only get more awkward. As I said above my son heard about porn when he was 8. When he was in 6th grade a classmate showed him porn on their phone in the school cafeteria. Please don't wait.
My kids are 12 and I still haven’t had that talk with them.
I have had the talk about their changing bodies but not sex. I don’t wanna!!!! 😩.
I will though.
Ok I am glad I am not the only one! My boys are 8 and 10 and I didn’t really plan on addressing any of this for a long time.
Super surprised to hear some of these young ages. We have never had a situation where we felt like we have needed to explain anything yet and are not getting any questions.
I feel like if I were to, it would be awkward as hell and appear out of the blue.
Mine have never been super interested in bodies so they don’t ask questions. I did talk about their changing bodies because D2 started her period at 10 but sex talk hasn’t come up. When I bring up relationships they still respond ‘ewe’ so it’s not a topic that comes up very often.
On the rare occasion they do ask a question I answer honestly.
My mom had the talk with me and my brother together so I was younger, 7 or 8. Honestly, I don’t even think about having to talk to them about it. I will soon.
Ok I am glad I am not the only one! My boys are 8 and 10 and I didn’t really plan on addressing any of this for a long time.
Super surprised to hear some of these young ages. We have never had a situation where we felt like we have needed to explain anything yet and are not getting any questions.
I feel like if I were to, it would be awkward as hell and appear out of the blue.
Mine have never been super interested in bodies so they don’t ask questions. I did talk about their changing bodies because D2 started her period at 10 but sex talk hasn’t come up. When I bring up relationships they still respond ‘ewe’ so it’s not a topic that comes up very often.
On the rare occasion they do ask a question I answer honestly.
My mom had the talk with me and my brother together so I was younger, 7 or 8. Honestly, I don’t even think about having to talk to them about it. I will soon.
I would be shocked if they are not hearing a ton of sex talk at school by age 12. Frankly, I would be surprised if they have not been exposed to porn yet assuming they have friends or ride the bus with kids that have phones. They may be trying to ignore it, but I bet they are hearing it.
ETA — I don’t mean this to be confrontational or anything. I just hear from other parents that middle school is full of sex talk. I’ve been trying to get ahead of this a little with my 11 year old since she heads to middle school in a few weeks. The reality is I have not discussed all the different types of sex with her yet. But I’ve told her some basics. I’ve told her to never ever take a topless/naked photo, to simply look away of someone tries to show her naked people on a phone. And I’ve told her to never, ever look up a word she doesn’t know on the internet because she will see pictures she can never unsee — and that it will actually be a million times less uncomfortable to hear it from me that see pictures. I’m probably a little bit overly panicked about this!!
Mine have never been super interested in bodies so they don’t ask questions. I did talk about their changing bodies because D2 started her period at 10 but sex talk hasn’t come up. When I bring up relationships they still respond ‘ewe’ so it’s not a topic that comes up very often.
On the rare occasion they do ask a question I answer honestly.
My mom had the talk with me and my brother together so I was younger, 7 or 8. Honestly, I don’t even think about having to talk to them about it. I will soon.
I would be shocked if they are not hearing a ton of sex talk at school by age 12. Frankly, I would be surprised if they have not been exposed to porn yet assuming they have friends or ride the bus with kids that have phones. They may be trying to ignore it, but I bet they are hearing it.
And if by some miracle they aren't hearing it - they are feeling it. Hormones be crazy, yo.
Post by Leeham Rimes on Jul 26, 2023 15:16:07 GMT -5
We also did the info increments. When the kids were little little, like 5, we answered the question of how a person gets pregnant (egg and sperm meet and create a baby). X didn’t ask how they meet until he was 10 or so, so I told him (sometimes p meets v, sometimes doctors have to help with that, etc). A little bit after that he asked about same sex sex and how they have babies so I then answered that.
It wasn’t one big conversation, just a bunch of little ones that happened naturally over time. With Wes, his friend told him about the “how” when he was 8 with hand gestures. That was a surprise!
Last Edit: Jul 26, 2023 15:25:00 GMT -5 by Leeham Rimes
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