Tuesday GTKY: medical and friend stuff

[waverly]

Medical stuff:  I got the results of my scope yesterday, and I have a hernia so that sucks.  It isn't big enough to recommend fixing it and the fix isn't always guaranteed, so it is suggested I just leave it for now. 

Friends stuff:  Anyway have the friend that constantly has great ideas to do together with no follow up?  In fact, she changed my idea which I would have followed through with to her idea which is on a time line, and I am 100% sure there will be no follow up.  In the past, she has suggested a sport event, theater event, drinks and now a movie, and then crickets.   Just a bit more specific then the we should get together and never hear from them again.  

[twinmomma]

waverly, I've had an umbilical hernia repaired with mesh twice now. My body was not meant to stretch as much as it did for a twin pregnancy. The first mesh repair lasted a couple years, then I was having pain again and they went back in and put a bigger piece of mesh to hold it better. No problems since, and it's been like 5 years since then. Good luck! Hernias are not fun.

[waverly]

twinmomma, I think that one might be easier to repair? This one is a hiatal hernia, and I am pretty sure it was also caused by pregnancy. $%^& kids!

[mommyatty]

Medical stuff: I have asthma. I developed it as an adult, and it just really sucks. I have a constant cough that causes people to ask me if I’m okay all the time. Honestly I would love to go back in the office a few days a week, but our offices are morgue-level quiet so I feel bad going in and making it sound like a tuberculosis ward.

Friend stuff: BFF and I walked every day for a while and it was awesome. Now we are going to be members of the same gym, so we are going to start working out together. I’m excited about it. But we both suck at follow through so I hope she sticks with it and so do I. We are equally guilty of falling off the wagon.

[mae0111]

Medical Stuff: After years of not really having a period (I had an ablation), they're back. Ugh. And they suck. I'm 47, and if I follow my mom's path, I still have several years of this to look forward to. I never lost the cramps and the severe mood swings, but now I also have migraines and flow again. So that's fun.

Friend Stuff: Since having the week to myself, I've realized that I... don't really have very many. I'm so wrapped up in my kids' stuff - schedules, issues, etc. - that I'm too tired for much more most of the time, and I haven't really nurtured my friendships well. At the same time, I am always the one to reach out to people to check in, make plans, etc. I blocked my day off today to bring my mom to our new beach house since she hasn't seen it yet. She canceled on my at 8pm last night, which is very like her and not surprising. And I literally couldn't think of anyone else in my life that I could ask to go there, or to dinner, or for a walk, or SOMETHING today/this evening.

I'm just feeling sorry for myself I guess.

[polecat8]

Medical stuff: After dealing with 1+ year of pain, 4 months of PT, a round of steroids, ice, braces, electrical stimulation, and way too much Aleve and Mobic, I have finally found the miracle cure for the radial tunnel syndrome in my right arm: dry needling. I was skeptical when my PT suggested it, but after one session, I am a believer. My arm was achy for two days immediately following the treatment, but then it was like a cloud lifted. Two weeks later, my arm is starting to get achy again, so I have another session tomorrow morning. I'm hoping that a few more sessions will provide more permanent results.

Friend stuff: I guess I am like mae0111 where I am too devoted to the kids' schedule that I am too tired to do anything else. I have one dear friend that I would love to see more often, but she has a special needs son who she cares for solo. I try to reach out to her every so often, but it can be difficult. I'm starting to make some good friends at taekwondo, but we are at the studio so often that we don't get together outside of it.

[mommyatty]

mae0111- me too on the period stuff. BFF and I had dinner with our friend last week. She’s already gone through menopause, and we were both like “We hate you.” I don’t think I’m even in perimenopause. I had an ablation too, and I swear DD starting her period brought mine back. Mine never completely stopped but they got close.

[dglvrk2]

mae0111, I'm about your age (will be 46 in November) and it sounds like our daughters are similar in age. Mine are 9 and 12. It really is hard to carve out time with friends when you're working and going 95mph to keep up with your kids' activities.
This summer, DD2's mountain bike club practices were on Monday nights. Two to five of us moms rode while the kids were at practices. They're a great group. This was my one and only real social time most weeks. While this club will stop practices for the year in a couple of weeks, I'm hoping the moms will continue to ride.
One of the other mountain bike moms and I usually initiate get togethers. This generally works, so I have no problem being the coordinator of this and any other activities.
In retrospect, I've been the planner/initiator in most of my groups of friends since I was a kid, so it's basically second nature.

Health: I wish I had more of an appetite and tolerance for alcohol. I can barely eat a normal portion of anything these days without feeling very full. This isn't new, but has become more prevailant in the past year. Likewise, my tolerance for alcohol is almost non existent. I had 2 glasses of wine plus a few sips of tequila over the course of eight hours Sunday. I woke up Monday feeling like a train ran over my head. 🤷‍♀️

[waverly]

I've seen friends outside of the kids twice since January, and friends with kids maybe once. This does not include kid events or parties, just times that I actually planned someone with someone else.

So yeah pretty rare here too especially with the kid sports schedules and then when I do have free time, I need to clean the house and do laundry and get the kids to all their appointments and then maybe read a book. I wish I were more inclined to make an effort but I also don't have a ton of energy in that area. But I am glad to see that I am not alone. It makes sense typing this why friend suggests something fun and then crickets because she doesn't have time to plan anything either. 2 of the 3 were planned by someone else for once, yeah, but I feel like I have to organize all the kid stuff or if the kids organize it without me, then my house is the default house. Luckily, the soccer club has a lot of activities and parties for DD that I don't have to plan. Not sure how DS's soccer club will go.

[186momx]

Medical: my chiropractor retired a year ago this month and I haven't found a new one. The style he did isn't widely done and the person he recommended for me is 90 minutes away which is just too far. My hips didn't return to the right spot after having DD and when my illium are twisted and out of place it causes my whole spine to have a meltdown. I've been seeing an acupuncturist for the last 18 months. He does help and pairing the acupuncture along with the chiropractor was super helpful.

I feel like I'm constantly bloated and retaining water. I have my annual visit in November and going to ask what they can do to help because I think I'm dealing with some perimenopause symptoms. The night sweats are horrible.

Friend: I got to see my BFF last weekend. It will probably be months before we see each other again. We half talked about a doing a girls weekend and meeting up along the gorge before the weather gets bad. The rest of my friends are more family friends and not individual pals.

[mae0111]

Along the friends line... when do you give up?

I have a friend that had been an amazing friend for many, many years - we met at work when she was my manager. She is chronically ill now and cannot work. She doesn't have kids, lives about an hour away, so while I can't see her a ton, I made it a habit to reach out to her about once a week to check in. I sent her a series of "checking in/thinking of you" texts over the past 18 months, and I usually send 4-5 before I get a response. The response is always, "thank you so much for continuing to check in, it really means a lot, things are really crazy, I will catch up with you soon."

The last series I sent ended in mid-June. She never responded. It's time to give up, right? I feel like she seems to make time for other friends in her life, but maybe not.

[waverly]

mae0111, I probably would have given up by now.

It’s hard to stay friends with people who push people away. Yes, they may be going through tough times, mental stuff like anxiety etc. But if their default is to push people away, then it makes friendships one sided. I keep trying for a while but when they make it clear that their preference is then it’s hard to keep going.

[rere]

I'm just going to chime in on there perimenopause. I hope I'm almost through it?? I'm late 40s, but I haven't had a period since February and before that it was September. So maybe I'm heading to the back slide? The night sweats suck. But seem manageable. But the thing that bothers me most is the weight gain. It's pretty discouraging to work out almost every day and watch everything you eat and still put on weight.

[mae0111]

rere, my periods are still regular so I'm not even sure I'm in perimenopause yet (also in my late 40's), but I agree with the weight gain. I have to admit that after carefully counting calories my entire life, I have eased up a bit, but I still eat really well and am aware of what I'm putting into my body. Lots of salads with almost no dressing (I don't like it), lean meats. I don't work out every day like I used to, but I close my rings and exceed steps almost every day, and my weight has just steadily ticked up over the past couple of years. The last time I lost a good amount of weight, I was literally tracking and eating 1200 calories and working out 1.5-2hrs a day intensely. It wasn't sustainable. So I slowly gained it back.


I've kind of given up on trying to take it off. I'm going to just continue moving and trying to eat well most of the time.

[erbear]

Health: I am trying to lose some weight (I'm at my heaviest ever...even 9 months pregnant) even though I am eating well and exercising regularly. It's really frustrating but I need to fit into my clothes again and my joints are aching from carrying an extra 40 pounds.

Friends: The older I've gotten, the more I realize it's quality over quantity. My closest friends are 1) my neighbor whose kids are my kids' BFFs, so we see them regularly with and without kids, 2) my college roommates, who talk over chat every day all day but who I don't see much as we are in a million different locations and 3) my close work friends who are my lifeline at work. I've pretty much cut out any peripheral "friends" who don't put in the effort (I wasn't either) so I figured it was time to let the friendship die.

[supertrooper1]

mommyatty, I also have the asthma cough and hoarseness that I developed as an adult that makes people ask if I'm sick. Have you found anything that works? I'm still trying to find the right combination of meds between Singulair, an inhaler, and OTC allergy meds.

Medical: My asthma and weight are my main issues right now. I've been going to the gym regularly 4 days per week for over a year now, and have seen gains in my strength, but I'm still struggling with food and my weight.

Friends: I gave up on having friends a long time ago. Part of it was ex-H alienating me from friends, but I also never created new friendships as an adult. The last time I did something with my childhood best friend was when DS was just a baby 10 years ago. I got tired of her condescending unsolicited advice. Beau and I do things together that I would probably do with a girlfriend, like getting pedicures. And we do a lot with family.

[twinmomma]

Health: I've been going to physical therapy for my calf muscle. It has been sore for months so at my annual physical in June I finally mentioned it to my PCP. She sent me to a specialist and physical therapy. Turns out, I somehow severely strained the muscle? They told me that usually this type of injury is seen in middle aged men who think they are still young and can play soccer or basketball, pivot quickly, and tear it. I obviously did not do this. I just woke up one day to it being sore and figured I had slept wrong and then it dragged on for months before I really did anything about it. Last night my PT was telling me it's one of the toughest things to heal because you use your calf muscle constantly. So that's encouraging.

Friends: I have a few distinct groups that I'm close with. A couple parents from school that we've now known for years and years, my two BFFs from college, and then a group of friends that I met through ExH but I "got them" in the divorce because they like me better than him. LOL I talk to my BFFs basically daily via text but we only see each other in person once every 6 weeks or so. The other group of college friends we try to get together quarterly, but all really spread out after college so it's trickier.