I'm sorry that you will no longer own a lake house. However, you made that decision because you wanted to use that money to other businesses that are more profitable. However, when you tell me you want to look at other lake houses, I honestly think you have gone insane. Any other lake house Airbnb will be the same. Not enough money for a business but fine for a personal/ business combo. The factors are still the same (management company, cleaners, no rentals in the winter, having to pay utilities), so why would you look at those houses? Are you insane? Why would you casually drop that information to me and then think I would have zero issues with that. Then you tell me I am not supportive, well guess what, I am not.
Paging 186momx , for tax question. Capital gains tax? Can we write off the renovation costs? Do we need to do a 1031? Does it matter that we only owned the property for about 1.5 years? Feel free to PM me. It is in a LLC name.
Need help because DH screwed us on the taxes last year, and I can't handle another year of that. I've sent him 3 names of local tax people, and 5 websites of real estate tax advisors, but I am afraid he won't use any of them because he is "going through the failure of the business".
So I think he is just going to knee jerk buy another property right away and not think of consequences, but I have convinced him to do a local long term rental again (our second one) rather than look at lake houses.
Dear DD's school We are now on the 3rd interim principal for this school year. 1st guy didn't even start as he couldn't handle his admin job plus act as principal because of the new math curriculum being rolled out. 2nd guy we were sharing with another school, and he had a medical emergency and will be out for the unforeseen future. 3rd and current guy I know as he was one of my elementary teachers. Our regular principal will be back in 2024 as she had a baby in August. This is just kind of weird Laughing parent
I am not sure you even noticed that I have said 4 words to you this entire week. If this is your idea of how to handle our marriage, we can just create you an entire apartment in the basement and we can lead separate lives, since apparently you can put no effort into a relationship.
It's official. I'm not challenged. I've brainstormed ways to make you more meaningful, but always seem to come up at dead ends. I want to grow in my current position. In theory, I should be. But I'm stuck.
Help? Your loyal employee
Dear DD2,
I'm in a funk and I'm feeling like you got the burnt of my blahhhhh feeling today. I'm sorry. I wish I could share your love of Halloween. To me, the music and decorations are just not doing it for me.
We were good enough to be in your Covid bubble and spend 3-4 evenings a week together at the park (because there were no other activities or friends for you to get together with). But once Covid ended you made a concerted effort to see other friends and family. That's great, I am glad Covid ended and we can both see more people.
But, then you drop DD off the invite list for your daughter's birthday parties even though they still play together outside, and then now you are trick or treating in a different neighborhood so that you can ditch us (motivation is not proven, but last year when I asked to trick or treat, you didn't answer for 2 days, so I can tell you were thinking about it and finally decided to invite us along when you could see no other way out).
We arranged to do flag football together last year (can't select teams), but your BFF threw a huge fit to the officials and made your boys be together even though they aren't friends anymore. You also dropped BFF's son from your son's birthday parties. I get it kids evolve and make their own friends... Then, you arrange to leave a GS event to go drink at a bar with BFF which I found to be disrespectful and sad for the girls sitting there alone when all the other moms stayed.
OK I get it, friendships change and evolve. You were never THAT into me, until you HAD to be. But completely dropping me and DD for BFF and her DD is not cool, especially when the husbands and boys are still friends. I get all friendships rotate on their own, but it is still hurtful especially when nothing happened. We are still friends and still carpool, but you don't want to see me otherwise. When we are at a party, you say hi and then talk to everyone else.
I see what you are doing, but sometimes I just don't know how to react. Since the boys are in each other's lives, I just deal with it and never say anything. And that may be the right approach since you no longer hang out with your other friend (pretty sure she confronted you on this behavior), but it doesn't make it easy to just always be on the other side of it watching your maneuvers. Which as a person who literally has no maneuvers, I find very hard to understand the maneuvering and secrecy. I know your other friends see it too since the one I think confronted you, and the other one tries VERY hard to hang out with other friends. I take the hints and leave you alone except what is the minimal essential for friendships. The only thing I can do is distance myself and hang out with other friends.
Signed, Still as confused about your behaviors as I was years ago. If anyone knows someone like this and can explain let me know. All I can say is that they do exactly what they want which Kudos to them, but if it isn't what they want then they will cancel/ shift plans/ lie/ act secretive and I guess I am more go with the flow maybe that is it. Control issues? Not sure...
Post by mustardseed2007 on Oct 5, 2023 9:39:20 GMT -5
waverly , I have a mom "friend" like this. She called and texted me all the time during covid about all her worries. She still talks to me all the time whenever she is anxious. But then she will even tell me, "I'm at a mom dinner right now" with other moms from our school like...I'm not a mom? Like I wouldn't enjoy a wine night? WTF. What I think it is, is that she's hanging out with the SAHM crowd at our school even though she has a job, it's just a very flexible one.
I'm just finally made a concerted effort to decide that she is NOT my friend and I need to shield my feelings from her and have no expectations. And also I know she's a B!#$% for doing that, even though I won't tell her to her face.
ETA: OTOH, she still invites my kid to birthday parties and occasional playdates for now bc our school is very small and our kids are pretty close. So I am grateful for that.
mustardseed2007, I'm annoyed since I hosted her kids about 100 times in my yard, and she hosted my kids about 2 times in their yard (occasionally invited for other events). But she consistently sent them up to my house because I had the park and better sidewalks to bike and scooter, but they were young like 6 and 8, 7 and 9 so it did involve parenting even though they were outside. And now you drop my daughter from stuff but not my son because the boys are closer. I get that there are different levels of closeness, but you would think a neighborhood friend/ close friend from Covid would make the list even if they drifted a bit afterwards- they are still friendly.
She would never tell me she is at a mom's night. It would be hush hush secret secret so as to not hurt anyone who wasn't invited. On one hand, good manners, on the other hand far more excessive secrecy than anyone else I have ever met. When I find out stuff accidentally and by reading between the lines I am far more annoyed then with my friend who is open about stuff.
waverly, I had a similar situation years ago. I had to come to the conclusion that we are not friends. And act accordingly. Sometimes the nean girl, queen bee stuff carries into adulthood. It was hard to explain to my dd, but we had to have some discussion about what is a good friend and how you should allow others to treat you.
I completely washed my hands of them. I have other friends and Dd is actually best friends with their daughters even though they are a year or two younger. The other women's daughters ended up all dropping away, because they had the same traits as their mothers and only used people when convenient. What's funny is to see from the outside now how these women move from friend to friend and be far enough removed that I am glad I am out.
rere, I think that is what is happening here. The son takes after the dad, and they are both more inclusive of DS.
The daughter takes after the mom and has always been demanding since a toddler which caused some catering. Ironically, mom prides herself on being kind and by being kind then it just means radio silence and secrecy rather than being inclusive. She thinks she is inclusive by saying hi and welcome in person, but there is no next step or follow up.
She was the popular girl in high school and the BFF was also. So I guess it is the queen bee stuff- I'll have to look more into that. I was not popular but had more authentic friendships in HS, so I never had to deal with it, and am just sort of lost on how the queen bee politics work.
Last night was a doozy and I feel like I have a hangover from all of the screaming.
But the bottom line is this. If I ask you, text you, and remind you again verbally and via text to do the things that you are required to do every day, and you don’t do them, there will be consequences. And you don’t get to tell me it’s my fault because I didn’t remind you a 5th time.
waverly, Queen Bee politics go way over my head as well. Sad that some people never shed them. I've always been a classic introvert and interesting, authentic people are more my type than people who are popular just for the sake of being popular.
I haven't had a situation like you're describing happened to me per se. However, when my family first moved to the town we currently live in, DD1 made friends with another newcomer kid. They seemed to have a great relationship for about a year. By the end of 5th grade, this other girl was clearly making popularity a priority in friendships. She dropped DD. The mom and I had gotten together occasionally without the girls, but after her daughter dropped DD, the invitations for me stopped as well. I'm slightly curious to know what really went down, but I think it was just a preteen selecting her friends on her criteria. We all do this and I hope I'm teaching my daughters to not factor popularity in as much as some people do when choosing friendships.
Thank you everyone for weighing in. The person is not the evil Queen Bee in terms of gossip or being mean or anything like that. She's just very "exclusive" whatever that means. I'm going to chalk up DD being dropped due to what dglvrk2 said about a preteen selecting her friends on her criteria. I just wish it wouldn't affect our friendship and of course it is hard when I've hosted this child so much to see DD get dropped for no reason since they are actually still friends/ friendly. But I also see DD trying to figure out her friend group, so of course I understand it happens...