Watching siblings alone

[Jalapeñomel]

At what age did you allow your oldest to be home with your younger children, just for a couple minutes and then an entire evening?

[jinkies]

They were 14/10 for us to leave for the night. We probably could have done it a little earlier but it was the height of covid.

I left them each individually for short periods (30 min-ish) starting around 8 or 9, but they fought very badly and couldn't be left together.

[cjcouple]

they were 12 and 9

I asked if they were comfortable first.
Also, I should note my oldest had bad anxiety/SM and that was before meds.

[Roc A Bee]

For an evening, I’d say when they were 11 and 13.

But we recently had an issue where the 16 drank when they were home alone this summer so we are back to not being left alone.

I feel like we went to not trusting them because they were too little to not trusting because they made stupid decisions.

[mommin]

I feel like this is kid and neighborhood dependent. Our oldest would stay home with just the youngest for 10-15 minutes when they were 9 and 2. I had to leave to get the girls to gymnastics at the same time dh left work once a week, thus the 15 minutes. We had amazing neighbors all down the street that knew we were gone for that time every Wednesday. I felt comfortable leaving them with all the other adults around.

We started leaving them alone while we went to dinner or out on a date for an hour or two at age 11. The others would have been 9, 6, and 3 at that time.

Around 12-13 we felt comfortable doing dinner and a movie and staying out longer.

They are now 17, 14, 11, and 9. We will leave them for the better part of a day, if we need to. They have never been left alone overnight.

[devonpow]

Going out for the night I think it was around age 9 for my youngest, which would have made his brother 14. Daytime was earlier - but both are pretty responsible kids. It’s a 5 year difference in age which is enough of a difference that they don’t really get into mischief together - they kind of do their own thing. They are 16 and 11 now and the only issue is booking my older kid in advance so he doesn’t have plans

[devonpow]

Oh and for a couple of minutes diring the day was way earlier, I can’t even remember. But I know I would leave them when I had to walk the dog (maybe 15-20 minutes) when my little guy was in kindergarten so my oldest would have been 10

[sunshineandpinot]

This is definitely not one size fits all. Mine have always been independent and were never afraid to be alone. I probably left them alone when they were 10 and seven, or maybe even nine and six.

[rosiebear]

My kids were absolute assholes to each other much of the time, but they were both highly motivated to stay alone, so we started trying around 12 and 10. Mixed success.

[pixy0stix]

www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/when-is-leaving-a-child-at-home-alone-illegal.html

And then extrapolate to include watching another child for the oldest.

Ages 7 and under: Cannot be left alone at home during any period of the time. This includes leaving them unattended in the cars, backyards and playgrounds. This is a vulnerable age and their would be a high risk to their safety;
Ages 8 to 10: are permitted to be home alone only during daylight and early morning hours for no later than 1 and ½ hours;
Ages 11 to 12: can be left alone during the day for up to 3 hours but not late at night;
Ages 13 to 15: are permitted to be left unsupervised, but not overnight and;
Ages 16 to 17: can be left unsupervised for up to 2 days.

Most states say that 11 and under is too young to be left alone for childcare. So 12+ for babysitting.

[dontlook]

Started leaving my older 2 kids alone last year so 11 and 9 but would take the youngest, 3, with me. I’m still not comfortable leaving the 12 year old in charge of the 4 year old because they bicker too much. Im not sure when I will, but I hope they grow out of fighting soon .

[nsl]

Individually I let each of them stay home alone (with a cell phone to call me if something was wrong) for no longer than 30 minutes starting at age 10. We waited longer to let them stay alone together because of bickering--maybe 14 and 11. These days they're 16 and (almost) 13, and we feel comfortable with them home alone for a whole school day if they're sick or doing an asynchronous day, and together for up to 5 hours if H and I have an event or tickets to something they didn't want to/aren't old enough to attend. Our oldest is a huge rule follower, though, and I suspect that when DS 2 is in his older teens and Kid 1 isn't around as much we may crack down again because he does not have awesome judgment.

[Jalapeñomel]

The reason I ask is that we are trying to eliminate one car, and we are looking forward to eliminating a Lyft on the occasions I’m home with the kids.

My oldest is very responsible, and I was thinking my he needed to be 12 or 13 to watch his sister (they’re 8+ years apart). DH thinks that’s too young.

[nicolewi]

I started this during Covid, so my oldest was 11. I would go to Costco or the grocery store and leave the kids home alone with strict instructions. No one was coming to the house anyway!

I think that fall, when she was 10, I left the kids alone for a shorter time sometimes when I needed to drop somebody off at soccer.

[waverly]

5-10 minutes age 8 (not watching sibling).

Watching sibling 8 and 10 years old under 30 minutes

Progressively got longer as they got older.

Entire evening 3-4 hours ages 13 and 11.

[erbear]

8 and 10 for a couple of minutes, 10 and 12 for real.

[sonrisa]

12.5 and 9.5. They are allowed to be home for up to 90 minutes during the daytime or during parent back to school night (which ended before sunset). They call it their "bonding time." (At most other times they are at each other's throat.)

[sonrisa]

Oct 6, 2023 17:40:04 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

The reason I ask is that we are trying to eliminate one car, and we are looking forward to eliminating a Lyft on the occasions I’m home with the kids.

My oldest is very responsible, and I was thinking my he needed to be 12 or 13 to watch his sister (they’re 8+ years apart). DH thinks that’s too young.

I think age of youngest  also matters. I'd want that child to be moderately self sufficient. For an 8 year gap, I'd likely wait until the youngest is 7 or 8 before leaving them an hour or more.

[jeaniebueller]

During Covid my son who was 11 watched his kindergarten aged sister for a few hours.

[Jalapeñomel]

Oct 6, 2023 18:31:25 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Oct 6, 2023 17:40:04 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

The reason I ask is that we are trying to eliminate one car, and we are looking forward to eliminating a Lyft on the occasions I’m home with the kids.

My oldest is very responsible, and I was thinking my he needed to be 12 or 13 to watch his sister (they’re 8+ years apart). DH thinks that’s too young.

I think age of youngest  also matters. I'd want that child to be moderately self sufficient. For an 8 year gap, I'd likely wait until the youngest is 7 or 8 before leaving them an hour or more.

So we will get maybe a year before he goes to college. 😭

[steamboat185]

We left them alone for a few minutes starting at 9 and 6 for things like a walk around the block or a car pick up from Target (Target is within walking distance, but we’d drive to make it faster).

I know lots of people here are very cautious, which is great. But in real life I’d say most people are much more liberal. Most of my 5th graders watch their siblings frequently. Or are left alone themselves for 6-8 hours.

[dancingirl21]

DH and I went for a 20 minute walk in the neighborhood recently and our boys didn’t want to go. They are 10 and 7. We left them home but had strict instructions: no eating, no wrestling around in the basement, absolutely never answer the door, and we left my cell phone with them. I think they basically stayed glued to the couch and were afraid to do anything else, haha.

I will probably leave them alone for longer (like a date night) when they are 13 and 10.

[sent]

DD is not ready to be home alone with DS because I don't trust DS. He's getting there, but not quite totally there yet.

Occasionally I will tell them to go for a walk together nearby. On the cruise this summer, I let them go off and explore together for up to an hour at a time.

[jinkies]

Oct 6, 2023 19:33:01 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Oct 6, 2023 18:31:25 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

I think age of youngest  also matters. I'd want that child to be moderately self sufficient. For an 8 year gap, I'd likely wait until the youngest is 7 or 8 before leaving them an hour or more.

So we will get maybe a year before he goes to college. 😭

Ha I think that's pretty extreme. I would trust a responsible 14 year old to babysit pretty much any age. Siblings during daylight hours, the oldest being 12 or 13 would probably be fine depending on the personality of both kids.

[karinothing]

At evening? 10 and 7. For short times during the day 9 and 6 (maybe 8 and 5!) I can't remember.

My kids are pretty chill and DS1 is very responsible. They haven't fully put themselves to bed yet though. We made them turn off TV at 9pm and they had yo read in bed until we got home at 10pm. But I don't feel comfortable having them go to sleep without us and I doubt DS2 would do it anyway.

[wanderlustmom]

We started leaving our kids alone at 10 and 8 for me to run in the neighborhood or go to the grocery. We told them not to use the ovens or answer the doors and we left them with a phone. They could be left by themselves for us to go to dinner or out with friends once they were 10 and 12. We left them overnight once at 18 and 16. Now that one is in college they are getting along better but they never had issues with us leaving them at home.

[dearprudence]

I just started leaving them alone for a bit while I ran down the street to the supermarket or target (both less than a mile away) when my oldest was 11 and youngest was 7/8.

They've done fine, but they are often at each other's necks so I probably won't leave them alone for the evening for another couple years, maybe when my youngest is 11 and the oldest is 14.

[mala]

Big Kid is 11 now, Little Kid is 5. Big kid was left home alone for no more than 30 minutes at a time starting when she was 8. She's home alone occasionally now, but almost never for more than an hour, it was usually when I was picking up Little Kid from daycare. Legally she has to be 12 before she can babysit, even her little sister. Little kid is not left alone. She will probably not be left alone when she's 8, either, I don't know if she'll be mature enough or have good judgement of what to do in an emergency. I'm not even sure Big Kid will be able to babysit Little Kid next year when they're 12 & 6 because Little Kid will NOT tolerate Big Kid being "in charge".

[Saudade]

Kid 1 and 2 hate each other so at 12 and 9 it feels like they’ll never be able to be in the house together.

I’ve left Kid 1 alone for up to an hour but he gets anxious. Kid 2…nope, can’t trust him. Not sure if/when that will change.

[penguingrrl]

We started for very short things (running to the grocery store that’s a short walk) when my oldest was 10, so my youngest was 5. It’s been a slow progression for longer periods since then. Now at 16 and 10 we leave them a lot and the youngest is home alone for 3 hours after school once a week, though I don’t prefer it (aftercare ends after 4th grade in my district, so anyone without a stay/work at home parents is alone starting in 5th).

Overnight won’t happen until everyone is over 18, and even then I’m not 100% sure I’ll do it right away.