HS music trip WWYD?

[nicolewi]

DD joined chorus at school this year. They are doing a trip to Orlando in June. I wish this trip were somewhere different, as we would love to do another FAMILY trip to Disney in the next couple of years, and I would like her to experience something new. I also think it's a hard trip to do without a lot of friends in chorus, b/c you need someone to go around with you at the parks all day (not like the group will hang out together on a tour the whole time as they might in other places). 

--Choir director says about 60% of kids will go. 

--They do a trip every two years, so she would have another opportunity junior year, in theory. 

--DD says she doesn't want to go unless I chaperone, which I am not planning to do due to cost plus having 3 other kids and a dog at home to manage. but I don't really see this as a valid reason NOT to go.

--None of her best friends are in chorus and I'm not sure what the status will be by the end of the year. Maybe she will make friends, but at this point, there isn't really anyone she would want to room with or hang out with all day.

ETA: The trip sounds totally fun if she did have some friends by year-end, but I forgot to mention that it's over $2K. Seems like a lot. 

We are leaning towards having her not go. We have a couple weeks to decide for sure. I thought for sure she would try to do any trip like this that was offered, but when I look at the facts I feel like it's not a good fit. WWYD? Curious.

[hermione]

She doesn’t want to go and you’re not jazzed about the location? Seems like an easy no.

[jinkies]

Yeah this seems like a nonissue. She doesn't want to go, and it's easier for your family if she doesn't. 40% of the class doesn't go, so she wouldn't be the only one. I'm not sure why you are conflicted? She can always revisit in 2 years if she has made new friends in chorus.

[nicolewi]

All of this high school stuff is so new to me. I guess that's why I was unsure. I"m remembering when WE did trips in HS, and it was a huge deal, and everyone went, and we only had one shot at the trip at our grades 10-12 school. But today they have multiple opportunities to travel and it's not the "everyone goes" thing it used to be. I feel weird passing up an opportunity that sounds like it could be amazingly fun, but at the same time, I'm not sure the overall value of this trip (on different levels) matches the cost...and she may have other trips offered over time through her other classes as well as music. So I initially thought of COURSE she would go, but after getting more info I'm now leaning the other way.

(Her not wanting to go is a factor but also not as huge as it might be b/c of anxiety; there are many many things she only did after we really encouraged her and then they turned out to be fabulous. So her natural first instinct is not always the best thing for her.)

[InBetweenDays]

I would follow her lead. If she doesn't want to go I don't see any reason to try and push it.

[SusanBAnthony]

I feel the same way as you with my high school experience being trips are rare and special and everyone went. And that is apparently no longer the case?!?

I will say my band on high school went on a trip that entailed a 2 day bus ride each way and I was so glad to opt out (due today a family conflict) because nothing about that sounds fun to even teenager me.

My kids have been meh about some of the opportunities they have had and we have been more selective than I would have thought we would be. They are expensive and don't sound fun and the social part has been a concern of different degrees for my kids.

So nothing helpful, but commiseration.

[minniemouse]

If more of the class was going and it was more reasonably priced I’d encourage her to go. She would find kids to hang out with and get a lot closer to them with that shared experience. I say this as a former band kid who went to Disney twice in high school and did not have many friends in band as a freshman. Those trips were amazing.
The big issue for me would be the price. That’s a lot of money for a freshman family to come up with on relatively short notice. Have the older kids been fundraising for 2 years?
Dd1’s spring chorus trip is to Cincinnati. It’s about $600 per kid. We just finished the first fundraiser to help with the costs.

[expectantsteelerfan]

I get your surprise...the band trip is the only reason my ds is still excited about being in band, and if we told him he might not be able to go, he would be so annoyed and want to quit band on the spot. We are very grateful we can afford it. But there are lots of kids whose parents don't want their kids to go, and a few kids who don't want to go themselves. And the thought of chaperoning...my idea of hell on earth, truly.
But in your situation, it seems like a no-brainer to let her just not go this year.

[ssmjlm]

 I don't know what's changed in 20+ years since middle school and high school music trips (orchestra, band, and chorus went), but it was utter chaos and looking back, I'm not sure why any adult put up with it.

We did orlando one year and had such minimal time at Disney in the end. And now with the fast pass/lighting lane, whatever, I don't know that it would be all that fun for the kids. It was like 2 hours in the park, get on the bus to a local high school to "compete," back to the parks. You were changing on the bus in a round robin before/after the performance. 

[jeaniebueller]

If she doesn't want to go, i would be fine not forcing her. BUT I would encourage her to consider it. We took band trips every few years and they were major bonding experiences and very formative for me. She would definitely find a group of kids to hang out with and I assume that she'll get to sign up for rooms and will have someone to room with. 

[joy]

She doesn’t want to go. That’s the answer.

[wanderingback]

Oct 13, 2023 9:35:52 GMT -5 joy said:

She doesn’t want to go. That’s the answer.

Yeah this. This is a completely optional activity so I don’t think there is any need to encourage her to go.

[stemmie]

Given what you've written, I would skip it. Perhaps she'll make close friends in chorus between now and her junior year. I feel like part of the learning experience is fostering independence and having mom along doesn't support that goal.

My kid's school's senior class does a Disney trip and about 75% of the kids attend. The band, orchestra and choir also do a "performance tour' but generally to a more educational place-- Europe, Asia, South America in the last 15 years. FWIW, the price seems quite reasonable for 4-5 days onsite plus air and some meals-- the kids' portion has to cover the teachers and administrators who go. I have a friend who is a principal in NJ; his WDW trip is $2200 this year I think.

Our district (and my friend's) do not allow parents to chaperone-- they travel with an experienced crew of teachers, nurse and admins who have done the trip and know how to wrangle their charges. In my district, parents can go on the performance tours, but they often have different itineraries some days and even stay in different hotels sometimes. When DS's band went, about 90% of the band and all of the color guard attended the trip. They had 15 months to fundraise both for the band and towards individual travel accounts. I would say about half the color guard moms went along (they were a tightly knit group) and about 20% of the kids had one or both parents go along.

[waverly]

My oldest is in 7th so we aren’t there yet. I will say that our band director did some trips and he always said they were awful and he’d never do them again. Main reason was kids not behaving. That might have changed in the last 20 years but that was the issue back then.

[JayhawkGirl]

Skip it
We just had this conversation- DS is in 8th grade, enjoys choir. Last year the district said no more to the 3 hour away amusement park that was a leave at 4am get home at midnight kind of deal. They went to the local amusement park instead. And that was fine.

We won’t be in a position to afford the big band/choir trips. NYC, Europe, etc… we are surrounded by not the real world socioeconomically and if we are putting that kind of money to a trip, we are all four going somewhere we want to go together.

Bah humbug.

[lo]

My HS had a band trip to Orlando and everyone got super drunk and in trouble. Granted this was over 20 years ago, but I’d skip it since she doesn’t want to go.

[waverly]

Oct 14, 2023 21:11:25 GMT -5 lo said:

My HS had a band trip to Orlando and everyone got super drunk and in trouble. Granted this was over 20 years ago, but I’d skip it since she doesn’t want to go.

Yup, we were just at a local field trip, but kids snuck pot and alcohol on the bus to use later. Got found out and in trouble. Luckily, this wasn’t my friend or I, and we weren’t part of the get together where they were drinking. I don’t even know how they got together since we were staying with families but maybe the families were neighbors or agreed to drive them to hang out.

[Poppy]

I did a Disney trip with band my junior year and loved it. No alcohol/weed that I knew of.

That said, given your cons, I think I'd skip for now and revisit in 2 years.

[jeaniebueller]

Oct 14, 2023 7:54:33 GMT -5 waverly said:

My oldest is in 7th so we aren’t there yet. I will say that our band director did some trips and he always said they were awful and he’d never do them again. Main reason was kids not behaving. That might have changed in the last 20 years but that was the issue back then.

And on the other hand, hundreds of schools across the country do band trips every year with minimal issues.

[waverly]

Oct 15, 2023 17:45:50 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Oct 14, 2023 7:54:33 GMT -5 waverly said:

My oldest is in 7th so we aren’t there yet. I will say that our band director did some trips and he always said they were awful and he’d never do them again. Main reason was kids not behaving. That might have changed in the last 20 years but that was the issue back then.

And on the other hand, hundreds of schools across the country do band trips every year with minimal issues.

True, it's all anecdotal because there isn't much out there on this.  Bands/ schools take care of their own discipline issues and it isn't broadly shared outside of the school for specific student privacy issues.  But I am hoping that other school and band trips have had a lot less issues.