Thanks to my mostly working from home this week, I'm going into the weekend with a clean house. So hopefully a relaxing weekend ahead. Saturday, we have a 50th birthday party that I just found out starts at 3?? I was really planning on going to church Saturday at 4, so I'm trying to decide if I should just be late. This will go well into the evening, so I am not sure why the early time.
The reason I really want to go to church Saturday is because I have a big plan of sleeping in Sunday. It's going to be chilly, so I want to baracade in my very clean basement with a blanket and my fireplace going watching scary shows while I have a pot of beans in the crockpot and Dh cooks a meatloaf on the smoker.
Chilling this weekend, because next weekend we are hopefully meeting both kids and Ds's girlfriend in the mountains for 5 days.
I'm ready for the weekend! I only had the girls here for the past two days, but good lord, the back talking and not listening was at an all time high. DH has asked me a few times if I'm ok, because I've been so snappy and irritable, but I think it's just the tween attitude grating on me. I'm honestly relieved they're not here this weekend so I can reset myself. I've already mapped out what I'm going to do each day.
Today they're installing the tank for our gas fireplace, so tonight I'm giving myself the night off to read my book and be cozy in front of a nice fire. DH is at work so I'll have the house to myself. I'm totally hooked on the Throne of Glass series right now.
Tomorrow I'll crank out all my homework for the week. DH is working again, so I'll have the house to myself and can focus without interruptions.
Sunday we're doing a breast cancer charity walk with my company. The weather looks beautiful and it's always a fun event. Then DH and I will come home and watch football and chill out.
I also think part of my annoyance is with DH and the bedtime routine (or complete lack thereof) for DS. A few weeks ago DH made a big speech to DS about how he's not going to sleep in his room anymore, he needs to learn to go to bed alone, he needs an earlier bedtime, etc. And since then, literally zero progress on that at all. It's like the whole speech never happened. I was looking forward to this behavior issue finally getting resolved and getting some kid free time in the evenings with DH, but it looks like DH actually has no intention of doing anything about it. So I know I need to talk to him about that but it's not going to go well.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Oct 13, 2023 9:11:10 GMT -5
twinmomma, our kids slept with us for a long time and it wasn't until we went to couples counseling that we really fixed it. I was the issue because it didn't bother me but it really bothered DH. I totally admit it is better for them too but him saying "we need to do this" wasn't going to make me do anything...well also at the time him telling me to do anything was bound up in a bunch of other stuff that also needed resolving....
Why do the short weeks always seem the longest?? We both worked on Mon but the kids had the day off, and they're home today due to parent teacher conferences. DH and I started with them at 8am, and I just feel so bad for the teachers that have to do a marathon of 5 min conferences all day long.
It's going to be a busy weekend. I have a ton of errands to run today, so I think I'm going to cut my work hours to get things done. Tomorrow DD2 has a soccer game at 915, then I'm rushing home to get to a baby shower by 11. My friend delivered twins at 22.5 weeks back in June. One survived for 10 days, and the other is still in the NICU, but making good progress, so she feels comfortable having a shower now. After that DD2 has a tryout for spring travel soccer. It's a joke, they only tier one team and then everything else is technically tiered, but really based on carpooling.
I bought tickets for the Taylor Swift movie concert for Sunday morning right when they went on sale. Now DD2 has a birthday party at the same time. My kids aren't huge swifties, I just thought it would be fun. So DD1 is going with a couple of friends and DD2 is going to the party. Then DD2 has a soccer game in the afternoon.
The next few weeks will be busy. My dad is having his second knee replacement and my sisters aren't available to really help out. One lives on the other coast, the other can't get the time off work. So I've already told my boss I'll be out of the office, working when I can. DH has an offsite the following week, and I need to prepare all of the slides and materials for him (I will be paid to do so). I've already done his gift bags, so I'm glad that's off my plate. I'm also glad that I recommended hiring a former coworker to plan the whole thing, because there was NO WAY I could have done it.
mustardseed2007 , It's such a tough, touchy subject that I had mainly given up on addressing it because it wasn't worth the conflict. We each have our own parenting styles that we're carrying into this blended family and I had to release it to stop stressing myself out. But now I'm annoyed that DH supposedly made such a "strong stand" and then zero behavior to back it up. It's bad enough that DS will absolutely refuse to go to bed until DH is home. So if DH is working and I'm home with the kids, DS stays up in his room until midnight or 1 AM sometimes because DH gets home from the restaurant so late. It's at a point where we have to literally structure our lives around DH getting home in time to lay in bed with DS for 2-3 hours to get him to go to sleep. Last week my mom was watching the kids for us while we were dealing with the funeral services for DH's friend, and we had to leave things early to make it back in time for bed time because it's such a disaster if DH isn't home. Or DH has to cut out of work early to get home for a reasonable bed time because he knows DS won't sleep without him in the bed. It's way past a bad habit at this point and is causing issues for the family overall. DS will be 10 in a couple months. It shouldn't be this hard!
Post by supertrooper1 on Oct 13, 2023 10:51:11 GMT -5
It was a strange work week with my once a month in office day and covering emails for a bunch of different coworkers. I'm ready for the weekend and to have DS home tonight.
Beau's grandson was supposed to come over tonight, but their plans changed and he's not coming until we meet them at the pumpkin patch tomorrow. I'm secretly relieved that we'll only have him one night. After the pumpkin patch, we took advantage of a free room offer from a local casino and will take the kids swimming. We won't spend the night, but having the room will allow us to get pizza and take a break from swimming. No plans yet for Sunday other than to take Beau's grandson home.
Random dd update. Dd was overwhelmed with midterms and kind of down yesterday. So I called to check on her. She's on her way to the horse track looking all cute with her friends and tomorrow is a the big Homecoming game with all that entails. So clearly over it and didn't have time to chat and having a much more exciting weekend than me.
I am just done with this week. If I'm not working all day to meet a big deadline, I'm at the hospital with my Dad. If I'm lucky, I get to see my family and/or go to taekwondo for a few hours. I'm feeling the crunch and it doesn't look like it will let up any time soon. This evening I am getting a hair cut. DD is tagging along to get her hair color touched up. Then I want to spend a little time hanging out with DH and the kids. Tomorrow I hope to sleep in a little and then go see my Dad for a few hours. It is supposed to be a yucky rainy day, so I would like to order some pizza and chill in the evening. On Sunday, I will do some class planning and work the rest of the day. I can't seem to get ahead and the software developers are still making changes to software. Hopefully I can get to a good place mentally and physically for Monday.
We were supposed to have 3 soccer games this weekend, but it has done nothing but rain, so I have a feeling that anywhere from 1 game to all 3 are going to get cancelled.
I also have a trolley tour Mom's night out and seeing the Eras movie with DD.
Post by soccermama on Oct 13, 2023 15:48:14 GMT -5
waverly, report back on how you like the Eras movie!! My DD is going tomorrow night with her friends (I wasn't invited, boo). But I would like to check it out at some point!
DD is back from science camp. She had the bestest time.
DS has.. not one, not two, but THREE birthday parties this weekend. I wish I was as cool and had as many friends as him, but I also don't have the energy for it. All three kids are getting the same thing, a pack of Pokemon cards and gift card, since I just don't have the energy.
It's kind of a low key weekend. I saw the acupuncturist today and am having a lazy quiet afternoon. Saturday is the eclipse but the forecast says rain and clouds. Sunday DD is going to ride.
This has been a very long and funky week. I feel like everything has kind of imploded and everything has been overwhelming.
DD1 melted down for most of the day today. Any request to help out with anything - clean up her own mess, strip her bed so I could wash the sheets, take the dog out to pee while DH and I were juggling parent teacher conferences and work - was met with screaming.
My head is pounding and I don’t know how I’m going to get through the weekend.
mae0111 I'm sorry your DD is in such a state. DD1 had a few all-day tantrums last year. The impact they had on me was jarring for multiple day....hang in there
This weekend should be nice. H floated a few out of town plans for the weekend by me earlier this week. I suggested he take DD2 and leave me with DD1 so I could have some quiet time....then he decided that leaving for 24 hours would be too much work 🤣 he's taking the girls to breakfast while I run this morning. Then we are all going to watch the eclipse.
We have a fun birthday party to go to this afternoon. It's a kid's birthday, but will have adult beverages (uh for the adults) a burning man DJ and good company. DD1 has a gymnastics clinic this afternoon and a team sleepover tonight. I'm hoping that someone from the birthday invites DD2 to sleep over. Then DH and I could have a night to ourselves.🤞 That's a lot to hope for...
We’re having fun catching up with old friends at the grad school reunion. Even though DH is the one who got his MBA here, I work in the same industry as a lot of his former classmates, so it’s good networking for me too.
DH and I are staying at a Marriott property 3 miles from town instead of at the historic inn where our friends are - because historic inn cost over $500 a night for teeny tiny old rooms this weekend, and Marriott is free on points. So that meant I stopped drinking relatively early last night in order to drive us back, and am feeling a lot better than everyone else today. I’m excited to head our on a run around town now (even though I have to drive 10 minutes into town).
My parents seem to be doing well with the kids so far. Fingers crossed they do ok today too!
DD2 and I are at urgent care. She got knocked down in her soccer game and landed funny on her wrist. She’s already broken that one once and she’s in a lot of pain. I’m not hopeful that this isn’t a fracture. Such a bummer.
Woke up at 6:50 and DD’s practice was at 7. Got her to the rink by 7:15. Went to leave and.. battery is dead. Now waiting for DH and a friend to come jump me. I’m so over today already.
They didn’t see a fracture at urgent care but encourage us to follow up with an ortho. DD1’s elbow and wrist fractures weren’t found on ray - she needed an MRI - so I’m erring on the side of caution and keeping her out of tryouts today. It doesn’t matter anyway - the teams are based on friendships and carpools. I’d rather she not injure it further.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Oct 15, 2023 10:21:32 GMT -5
twinmomma, I totally get the added layer of blended family. I'm sure your DH may even have misplaced guilt feelings that makes him crappier at standing firm too.
This weekend has been such a whirlwind. We had DS' show case, fall carnival, DD's performance at the fall carnival, and even though I missed most of the carnival because I'm on the PA, I helped set up and clean up. It was a great event, though.
Today DS is at a friends' house, DD has a friend over and will then be going to a girl scout community service event. I need to clean. How does our house always look like we've had a frat party after the weekend even if we haven't really been here?
We had a nice weekend traveling to family but it was 6 hours of driving in one day and I’ve spent Sunday exhausted.
ExH has spent the last week ramping up. I believe that since I’ve severed the connection to my personal and private texts, he is escalating his attempts to have physical contact as well as visual access.
He suddenly wants to be involved in medical appts, which was always a source of contention bc I’d beg for him to help and he would refuse. All of a sudden he wants to attend an ortho appt for DS and assumed he would just meet us there. I mean, driving 3 hours total to see our son get spacers for 10 minutes is weird. I was not going to be in a small room w him so I offered two choices: pick DS up at school or home, but since he’s planning to come he would transport him. He’s also been emailing the office to try to get the insurance reimbursement check sent directly to him. Presumably so he can withhold my 1200 above my head. Since he read my texts he knows I do things like Uber eats delivery and he has unlimited funds.
I watched my sons location. He picked him up late, I suspect he went to the wrong school my son used to go to. He picked him up from the school I work at and he now attends, and took him (late) to the old location of the ortho-they moved out a year ago. He circled back to my school parking lot, the opposite direction he was supposed to go. I assume it was to check my car status-when do I leave after school. Turned around the opposite direction, passed the school again and finally went to the other direction toward the ortho. They showed up 15 mins late for the 15 minute appointment.
Upon dropoff, he entered my garage, he does this often despite me asking him to stop, looked at and pointed to the camera, called for my other child to come out and asked her about things in the garage. “I thought you guys sold that” or “that’s bigger than I remember.” There were no texts he would have read, about selling the stroller. I haven’t figured out how he knew about me listing that, yet.
My child had his virtual psychiatry appt. The psychiatrist knows the dynamic and has wanted us to have separate sessions with her (within the same appt) like she meets w me and the child, then with ExH, then sometimes me again. She has acknowledged the liklihood that he attends recently only to see me, and knowing his history of intercepting my electronic communications she feels it’s nothing but retraumatizing for me to face him there unnecessarily, and that it takes the focus off the child. I appreciate everything about her skill set.
Then my child had a BIP review at school. He said he was coming to that. I attended virtually and asked that my face not be shown. I also asked for no small talk prior to the mtg. It went great. He drove 3 hours total for that 20 min meeting that he was invited to attend in person or online.
That night, my college friend received a text from him asking for our other college friends contact info. Neither of them know him well enough to even have his number. He only knew them for me and has had zero contact for years.
He has no reason to speak to either of them. It’s very pathetic.
This is all weird right I’m getting my car serviced soon and going to ask them to look for trackers. Do I sound paranoid?
campermom- would it be possible to have a handoff somewhere like a police station? His being in your garage and poking around creeps me out. Like could you arrange to wait in a room in the station until you get the all clear and then leave with your kids?
campermom - would it be possible to have a handoff somewhere like a police station? His being in your garage and poking around creeps me out. Like could you arrange to wait in a room in the station until you get the all clear and then leave with your kids?
I was thinking something similar. Would it be possible to do a supervised hand off like that and/or get a restraining order of some kind so he can't come on your property?
Right now the agreement is that it’s at their house and that has given me the ability to not even be at exchange at all. The older kids are home from school and the younger one is picked up at daycare by him.
There are times that I have to work late, or travel, maybe make plans. God forbid go out w friends or something-he has a real problem w me being able to “go out.” It’s a control thing. Which is why he want me to travel to bring the kids to him.
If we open it up to change the plan, I’m certain he will fight for me to travel (as a proposed solution.
It bothers me that he is in there, yeah. But it’s one of those things I have to give up. Kind of like the assumption he’s watching anything I do online. I just have to live w that. Weirdo
twinmomma he hasn’t shown enough violence for a restraining order. You can’t get a protective order for harassment. You can get a peace order for harassment but you can’t get a peace order on someone you’ve been married to.
campermom, how is he getting into the house/garage? I would be buttoning that down tight if you're not willing to change the exchange location. I assume you have already changed all locks and the garage door opener?
Locks are changed. We decided not to change the garage door code the kids were opening in front of him anyway, if I wasn’t home and in no time he’d know it. He used to (potentially still does) record drop offs anyway. I keep my youngest’s suitcase and meds right inside the garage in case I’m not there when the older ones get picked up and he’s picked up from daycare.
We (legal team and I) have talked through this and she said it will go nowhere to pursue it. We asked for him to just remain in the car since he was poking around the windows of another garage, he responded by giving a dumb excuse that his back hurts and he needs to walk around after being in the car. He did listen sort of, and stopped going through the trash and stopped walking in the yard.
So poking around the garage is one of those things I just need to tolerate. And not put anything in the garage that I don’t mind him seeing. It’s annoying but could be (and has been) worse.