@ Children today have less independence @@

[pixy0stix]

wapo.st/3QrZmvK

Children today have less independence. Is that fueling a mental health crisis?

[pixy0stix]

My kid and the neighbor girls have really started playing together. They have free reign between our houses, and regularly tear it up in the culdesac. They've tried periodically to get another neighbor girl the same age as my son to play, but she's very restricted to what she can do, and is often away at structured play dates. I've even reached out to mom (dad is open and let's the girl out to play when in charge), but mom isn't comfortable.

All that to say, my kid has really blossomed having neighbors to be wild with.

[penguingrrl]

That honestly makes so much more sense to me than the blanket blame placed on screens and increased screen time as the only/primary culprit in teen mental health (not suggesting there isn't some relationship there, but it has seemed like a lazy/easy answer to a much more complex problem). I live in a town where there is still a strong culture of kids walking/biking to school, but even within this community I've had people get very critical about the independence I've given my kids (like my 10 year old coming home to an empty house a few days a week out of necessity; he aged out of aftercare but I didn't hire a nanny like most other families have done) and it has worried me how few kids have much time that isn't structured.

[redheadbaker]

This is something I've read about before, and worried about. We always limited him to one activity at a time (mostly due to scheduling issues). But am I giving him enough unsupervised freedom? Did I start giving him freedom too late? In our previous apartment, he'd have to cross a busy road that *I'm* afraid of crossing due to the amount of traffic accidents and even a few deaths.

Our house now is in the main part of town, so no busy roads to cross. He's almost 12, and I'm fine with him going to friends' houses, or scootering around town by himself. He walks to school without supervision. He and his friends even go to the local bookstore and coffee shop on their own.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Oct 24, 2023 12:13:35 GMT -5 penguingrrl said:

That honestly makes so much more sense to me than the blanket blame placed on screens and increased screen time as the only/primary culprit in teen mental health (not suggesting there isn't some relationship there, but it has seemed like a lazy/easy answer to a much more complex problem). I live in a town where there is still a strong culture of kids walking/biking to school, but even within this community I've had people get very critical about the independence I've given my kids (like my 10 year old coming home to an empty house a few days a week out of necessity; he aged out of aftercare but I didn't hire a nanny like most other families have done) and it has worried me how few kids have much time that isn't structured.

Same .. they're surprised that I have no problem leaving her by herself while I'm at work or running errands during the weekend. She has more than enough independence, maybe too much but it's the function of a being a kid w a mom who works w a sizeable commute and no other parent in the picture. 

Contrast this with my bonus kid whose mom has his day fully booked from the time he wakes up until bedtime w school, band, sports. He has zero unstructured time unless he's w J. Thankfully J understands the need for downtime and allowing him some independence. 

[fortnightlily]

I'm really struggling with how to navigate this. My son has friends in the neighborhood and we have a few parks but all are several blocks away: just far enough that he doesn't want to just wander over or knock on doors to find no one's around. We're on the busy main street leading into the neighborhood that's also at the top of a hill so he doesn't want to bike or anything out front either.

How do kids make their own plans when they're too young to all have phones and too far to knock doors? No one has landlines any more. Some have Kids Messenger but not all and then someone has to be near the device, it has to be on and charged, etc.

Am I doomed to be his social director and have to coordinate with other parents until he's a teenager?

Or else just deal with him watching the tablet during all his downtime at home or expecting me to entertain or redirect him? I just wanna be like, dude, if you're bored go find your friends and do something! He absolutely refuses to go play outside by himself.

[abs]

I can see this.

The article talked a lot about education but one thing I didn’t see mentioned is so often parents want to jump in and immediately solve an issue with a teacher/class/friend. Kids aren’t getting a chance to address things themselves which in turn can harm their confidence and lead to anxiety that they need their parents to intervene. Obviously sometimes it’s necessary but it shouldn’t be the default.

To me the bigger problem isn’t over scheduling (that isn’t great either though) but the blind oh my kid can’t do that. About everything. They can actually really surprise you with what they can accomplish when given a chance.

[simpsongal]

It's very hard to row against the tide on this... esp for year-round activities like an instrument and swimming.
We're fortunate that we're in a roving-kid free play neighborhood where kids age 4 and up run in the streets playing and knock on doors seeking more friends. But DS is in a lot of activities right now, and sometimes he just wants to veg' on a screen when he gets free time (understandable).

I do what I can to facilitate creativity. My folks called it 'setting us up' - w/free access to paints, paper, etc. Outside I have a huge pile of bricks, landscaping materials, and random items the kids use to set up house and invent all sorts of games. I let them pick my flowers and leaves to make potions and other things. About 6-7 neighbors text each other when we're looking for our kids, knowing they could be at any one of each others' houses.

Eta - one idea- kids can get off at different bus stops. Maybe take different busses with permission. We’ve had kids come to our house that way. So it’s a little more like a knock on the door playdate.

Wfh helps too bc my kids would be in an after care situation if I were not home

[sent]

We live in a very walkable town. But I hardly see the kids that I know live around here out and about walking around by themselves. I was lamenting about this with a mom who also has a kid in the same grade as DD. She said "oh I just worry with so many highways nearby that they could be gone so quickly if they're walking out there alone." Basically she was saying that she's afraid her 10 year old will be abducted. Then I wasn't sure if I was the crazy one because abduction never crossed my mind. There is no busing to our high school and the amount of parents who complain that their kids have to walk 2 miles at most if they don't have a ride home is exhausting. I just want my kid to have more freedom than I did when it comes to unstructured stuff like this. I was raised in the style of structure mentioned in the article. My free play involved me being utterly bored out of my mind every summer because I wasn't allowed to join the other feral neighborhood children. They would definitely corrupt innocent me who had to focus on studying and getting into college.

I learned on ML that if a kid gets injured by accident playing in my yard, the parents can come after me for the injury and file a claim on my homeowner's policy or something. Maybe that's why the moms here only ever want to meet at the playgrounds.

That said, I do see older kids out and about where I live and where I work. It's funny because at work, we are very close to the high school but the moms won't let their kids come to a school appointment by themselves. The moms will say "oh he has to take the bus home right after school or else he won't have a ride home." Yet we see that kid walking around with his friends at the local hangouts here meaning his mom doesn't realize that her angel child doesn't always take the bus home. They're not causing trouble, they're just eating bagels and hanging out. We see this with multiple parents who are convinced their kids go home on the bus but we see the kids around town.

[scm1011]

Oct 24, 2023 12:09:20 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

My kid and the neighbor girls have really started playing together. They have free reign between our houses, and regularly tear it up in the culdesac. 

All that to say, my kid has really blossomed having neighbors to be wild with.

This is the same with my kids (4 & 6) and their same age counterparts 5 doors down (urban neighborhood, so probably only 50 yards between houses). They've been running back and forth free range for about 1.5 years at this point, in and out of each house and backyard, up and down the sidewalk, etc. I'm glad to have found like-minded neighbors and there are a lot of texts between us all "kids are heading your way, feel free to shoo them home whenever".

[wawa]

Oct 24, 2023 12:37:18 GMT -5 fortnightlily said:

I'm really struggling with how to navigate this. My son has friends in the neighborhood and we have a few parks but all are several blocks away: just far enough that he doesn't want to just wander over or knock on doors to find no one's around. We're on the busy main street leading into the neighborhood that's also at the top of a hill so he doesn't want to bike or anything out front either.

How do kids make their own plans when they're too young to all have phones and too far to knock doors? No one has landlines any more. Some have Kids Messenger but not all and then someone has to be near the device, it has to be on and charged, etc.

Am I doomed to be his social director and have to coordinate with other parents until he's a teenager?

Or else just deal with him watching the tablet during all his downtime at home or expecting me to entertain or redirect him? I just wanna be like, dude, if you're bored go find your friends and do something! He absolutely refuses to go play outside by himself.

Could the inbetween be that you see who he'd want to hang out with, "knock on door" via text and then tell him, "hey Friend A is home. Go walk/bike/scoot over there and play."  

Like, you're not scheduling a whole ass "playdate" just saying, "hey Parent A, is your kid around and free?"  

it requires probably telling the parents upfront that you've been struggling with this but want the kids to get to be more independent and see if they're on board, but we went from "mom can you please schedule a playdate with so and so's mom!!??" being my kids only social planning device to "hey mom, can you text Ms. L and see if P is home?" and then I'd say "hey L, is P around?" and the response was usually "she has to finish her chores.  Should I send her to you when she's done?" and I'd say, "yes please" and then a little while later a 10 year old appears at my door.  it really feels so much different than the way more structured formal figuring out a schedule and plan with another set of parents, where I really am just confirming somebody's home and then the kids take it from there. 

[waverly]

We did have a good group of kids that played outside especially when activities during Covid were restricted. One family always sent their kids to my house and the park by me which meant I supervised them, so "free range" actually meant pawn off on the neighbor.

When they are really free range, they are older let's say middle school and they bike to school and back and to McDonalds and more.

We've had problems though with one of the boys becoming a trouble maker, and luckily leaving DS out of it, but now they just aren't friends because DS has no interest. The other problem is after the pandemic, one of the moms went back to her over scheduled controlling ways so the kids are always busy with her preferred activities. So the playing outside has gone down quite a bit and dealing with friend drama.

Another neighbor moved in that had DD in their yard quite a bit, so I was happy that someone else was stepping up for a bit. We have alley's and parks within walking distance, and the kids walk to the dog around the block etc.

I wasn't free range as a kid either, so I never had that "classic" upbringing, but I also lived in the country where the closer friends are 1/2 mile away so bouncing from house to house wasn't easy. But, we did tend to socialize a lot more with each other because we weren't in organized activities.

I'm told the neighbor thing ends in upper elementary school, so I guess I am seeing that with the 7th graders and a little bit with the 5th graders.  Instead of the neighbors being important it is the popular (or trouble maker?) kids.  So we shall see how that all evolves.  

[Susie]

Oct 24, 2023 12:09:20 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

My kid and the neighbor girls have really started playing together. They have free reign between our houses, and regularly tear it up in the culdesac. They've tried periodically to get another neighbor girl the same age as my son to play, but she's very restricted to what she can do, and is often away at structured play dates. I've even reached out to mom (dad is open and let's the girl out to play when in charge), but mom isn't comfortable.

All that to say, my kid has really blossomed having neighbors to be wild with.

Our neighborhood was a lot like this until earlier this month, when we spent a couple days under amber alert for a child who was abducted from a state park campground about an hour away.  The child had been out on her bike when she was abducted, doing "one more loop" after riding with friends.  She was found (physically) safe, and the abductor was taken into custody.  It wasn't a random crime, the abductor knew the child's family.  Some of the families on our street are still super anxious though.  Not so much that the likelihood of an abduction has changed at all, but more that it was a reminder of what could happen in an almost-worst case scenario.  I think it will take a long time for them to open back up.  Obviously it's a scary thing to think about, but I also worry about the impact on the kids of hyper supervision, for this reason and others.  My DD is part of the grade level of kids that started kindergarten remotely in 2020, and struggled a little to settle into a "normal" school and friends experience.  I feel like if anything she and her peers need the freedom to be a kid a little more than some.

[waverly]

Susie, I remember that and followed that story closely. My kids have frequently biked through the campground on their own, so yeah it does give you pause when they should be done in 5-10 minutes as the loops are not big, but instead didn't come back.

[jamaicam]

thanks for the free link so I could read it!

This is something I think about a lot. I do live in a country with a very high crime rate so I am very cautious about my kids roaming. But I deliberately bought a house in a large gated community with a reputation for having lots of kids so that they can roam within a safe environment. My two regularly come home from school or activities and go and find the other kids to play soccer with. And I like the difference between playing pick up with friends versus organised sports - it is a very different thing as pick-up means they are organising themselves.

The other thing I reflected on is the use of technology. On a friday evening, lots of the kids gather at one house with their device and play the same game - so yes they are on electronics, but they are playign together. It's a friday night, they are tired and want to relax and that is a way they do it. But I do view it differently to them being in their rooms on ther own playing - at least thsi way, they are still having to figure it out together. We try and give them freedom by the parents gathering at a different house close by and they know where to find us if we are needed.

[noodleoo]

This is interesting because during Covid when activities were all shut down, everyone started playing outside and we actually met a ton of kids in the neighborhood. It was really fun, there would be kids playing outside all the time. Now that things are back to normal, no one is home anymore.

DD1 is 8 and there are 2 kids who have started riding their bikes around the neighborhood unsupervised. They ring our doorbell all the damn time, which really annoying. I've let DD1 go biking with them a few times, but 1) now they ring our doorbell constantly and I'm sick of it. Like on a Saturday, they rang the bell 3x before 11, even though we told them the first time that we were having breakfast (it was a lazy, family morning!) and 2) I gave DD1 specific rules about where she was allowed to go and she broke them because the friend wanted to bike to a different park, which meant she crossed a big road that I told her not to. So while I want to give her more independence, we're cutting back on bike riding for now. She seems a little young at 8 to be off on her own. It is interesting that these 2 kids are both only children and their parents are *very* hands off, almost too hands off for my comfort.

[breezy8407]

We moved into our current house when my kids were 3 and the neighborhood was mostly people with high school kids or recent empty nesters, so not a lot of kids their age. At the time we couldn't afford to be in the neighborhoods where all their now friends live. DS met one friend within walking distance in kindergarten, but they haven't stayed very close. Just in the past year, DS (11) has made friends with boys his age that are within biking distance, and its been awesome. Its been scary for me, but we've let him bike further to hang out with more kids lately. He has a phone and keeps us updated where he's at, if they go somewhere else, etc.

H and I always wonder if things would have been different had we been able to buy a house in one of those neighborhoods. From the sounds of it, they are very much roving pack of kids type neighborhoods and cul-de-sacs like my childhood. Our current neighborhood has starting turning over more in the last couple years, but the families moving in are much younger than our kids. Still fun to see the little running around together.

[waverly]

I definitely feel like certain ages are not or maybe should not be free range. For example, at 8, I was still intervening. At 10-11, I started to let go more, and DS is 13 and I trust him to go pretty much anywhere. Whenever people talk about free range roaming, it makes it seem like their 6 year old is just totally independent (not on this message board but in articles and more).

I also think my kids anyway want to send time at home with the family which to me seems strange, but I feel like it is because their friends are busy or they are tired from activities, so I don't see the need to socialize as much, and that seems to be a societal trend also where kids get together less in general and that may be replaced by screen time or even playing video games together but in separate locations.

[VillainV]

We are very lucky to have ended up in a “free range” neighborhood. My kid often goes out to see who is free to play. Sometimes I have to text around to see who is free, and sometimes I end up driving him if it’s too far to walk or ride his scooter (he doesn’t like to bike because many of his friends don’t know how). Most of the kids have smart watches (Gabb, Gizmo, TickTalk, etc) so we can track them and text them, which maybe isn’t really “free range” but I think it does give parents peace of mind while giving kids more independence.

Strangely, it’s a lot of older people (boomers or slightly younger) who complain the most about kids roaming around. They always talk about how great it was to “stay out until the street lights came on” but they don’t actually like it when kids do this. I guess they think our kids should all be inside on screens all day, out of sight.

[stephm0188]

It's such an increasing and growing problem. Working in a lower elementary school really highlighted it the last few years especially.

Kids largely don't understand how to play games together at recess without an adult directing it for them. Playing on playground equipment, sure, but an actual game like tag or Red Light, Green Light is completely foreign.

But aside from play, there are the basic skills- opening their own lunch items, zipping jackets, tying shoes, putting their library books or homework in their backpacks to return to school. If you question or push them to learn the skills, it's a blank stare and "My mom does it for me." Don't get me wrong, I get that not every kid is going to be able to tie their shoes yet. It's not about mastery of the skill or lackthereof... it's that it's a completely foreign concept to many first and second graders that it's something they should be attempting to do for themselves.

[waverly]

stephm0188 , I totally agree with you. DS has fine motor delays, so we did OT and they taught him to tie his shoes in first grade, but otherwise I am not sure he would have learned.

Executive function and organization was a nightmare. This continued into middle school where it came to a head in 6th grade where he lost a library book, gym shirt, his coat, almost every homework assignment ever given, and much much more. I had to role play how to organize folders and it eventually led to an executive function tutor. He is doing much better.

And I wasn't even doing stuff for him, but he spent 4th grade in my basement doing e-learning where there were no lockers, no folders, no recess, no social interaction with a nanny supporting him.  

[lo]

My kids are pretty free range in our immediate neighborhood, as are pretty much all the kids. I swear I live in an 80s movie throwback sometimes. HOWEVER, it does give me anxiety and I prefer they play at the playground that I can see from my window. They also have Gizmo watches that they have to wear outside.

My main concerns are cars driving too fast through the narrow Victorian streets in my ‘hood, and a local 9 year old girl was stranger abducted a few weeks ago bike riding, and was missing for 2 days before they found her(alive, thank god). They caught the kidnapper, but it hit way too close to home.

[gerberdaisy]

Great article and definitely makes me think a little about how I parent. I'm thinking about it two different ways, independence and unstructured friend time. I think both kids have sufficient independence. DD walks home from school alone, is allowed to make her own decisions (within reason and with guidance), I try to let them figure out issues alone. DS but has similar age-appropriate independence.

However, unstructured friend time is harder. We don't have a neighborhood with kids knocking on the door. While we live close to places, our street doesn't have sidewalks and is a little out of the loop. The kids really see their friends at school and activities. I try to encourage staying after a lesson and skating with friends, or setting up get togethers, but its hard with everyone's schedules tightly packed. Plus as a whole, the people we're around seem to really look down on giving kids independence.

[melissa]

I love the fact that we live in a "free range" neighborhood. DD takes more advantage of it than DS but I love how she can run around the neighborhood and main street and I feel comfortable. She does have a phone so I can track her. I'd rather her be out and around the neighborhood than held up in her room.

DS is getting more into getting outside with friends and I think it will get better. He does spend a little too much time indoors for my liking.

I think this independence helps them make good decisions and it teaches them to self-entertain themselves. I was so tired of having to give them things to do and now at this age they can take a friend to the local McDonald's or down to the local park. What's nice is a lot of the families have the same feeling so they have others kids to hang out with.

I definitely see a difference in my DD's mental health between now and COVID times.

[meanie]

We juuuust started letting our kids roam the neighborhood with a group of friends. This was mostly preempted by some freedom allowed during the summer while on vacation, we let them walk around with friends and explore the resort - it was a good test.

All the neighborhood parents exchanged numbers and there are boundaries they can't cross, have to check in, stick together, etc. It's still very different from the freedom we had at their ages but it has been amazing for them AND for us!

The correlation to screen time is a given- they are outside more and on electronics less. Since a lot of behavioral issues stem from time on their devices this has been a natural good consequence, plus they are tired out at the end of the day.

Not to say it doesn't come with it's own downsides, like the drama! Oh, the drama.

[ellipses84]

I struggle with this because we are in a neighborhood but it’s centrally located on top of a big hill in the middle of a major city. There’s almost a false sense of security because it feels pretty safe but we get a lot of people passing through and there’s been incidents of attempted abduction, flashers in the park, and drive-bys with BB-guns, plus 50mph traffic and crazy drivers on the main road that cuts through.

I’m very anti-phone until teens are 15+ but we got DS1 age 12 a smart watch which allows him to call 911 or call/text us if needed. I’ve started letting him do things like walk to the park nearby, get dropped off at sports practice, etc. A bunch of our friends live on the same couple blocks and the kids have free reign between houses and play games in the street like we did when we were kids, but we are too far of a walk to send the kids over there daily. We try to encourage independence and good manners in social / life situations, like running in to get a take out order by themself. If he expresses a desire for independence I allow it with baby steps. Like he really wants to babysit his brother even though they fight often, so I told him if he takes a babysitting and cpr course I’ll start allowing it. He still goes to before / aftercare but it’s basically a fun club. It’s about a 2 mile walk home from his school and he’s at an age where I’d feel comfortable letting him walk home, but he’s an introvert and I think the social aspect is better for him since none of his friends live on our side of the neighborhood.

Most parents I know are anti-sleepover unless we know the other parents very well (and TW I think that’s because a lot of experienced SA as children).

[Jalapeñomel]

I think this is actually part of the problem:


“At a bigger level, I think parents have at least some influence with schools. There is a growing number of parents who are recognizing the anxiety and depression in their kids. If parents voice that this is a problem, people can have an effect on schools, and if schools change — that’s a big part of the problem, frankly.”

Not the anxiety/depression part but the influence of parents on school, and part of the reason kids have a lot of anxiety and depression is because of the pressure parents put on kids to be “good” at school and extracurriculars, and sports (over scheduling kids all week long)…he does address this in the article, but not specially here, and here he mentions that parents need MORE influence at schools, which is what I’m disagreeing with.

I think the change has to start with parents and their pressure on the kids about going to college and overscheduling.

[StrawberryBlondie]

We have new-ish neighbors who seem to really have a free range attitude toward their kids, which is kind of shocking to me because the oldest is in, like, pre-K. They're ALWAYS outside playing in the street and honestly, it's a little unnerving because they seem to have no sense to watch for cars or anything.

And I can't just avoid their house because the kids seem to think the entire street (all 1-1/2 blocks of it) is fair game so you never know where they're going to be.

[Michelle]

Oct 24, 2023 18:59:49 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

I think this is actually part of the problem:


“At a bigger level, I think parents have at least some influence with schools. There is a growing number of parents who are recognizing the anxiety and depression in their kids. If parents voice that this is a problem, people can have an effect on schools, and if schools change — that’s a big part of the problem, frankly.”

Not the anxiety/depression part but the influence of parents on school, and part of the reason kids have a lot of anxiety and depression is because of the pressure parents put on kids to be “good” at school and extracurriculars, and sports (over scheduling kids all week long)…he does address this in the article, but not specially here, and here he mentions that parents need MORE influence at schools, which is what I’m disagreeing with.

I think the change has to start with parents and their pressure on the kids about going to college and overscheduling.

And this is a collective issue that has peer-pressure effects.

My JR in HS was registering for classes and I kept telling her that I thought it was too heavy. She was pissed that I was "holding her back" so i let her make her choices. She signed up for:

AP Chem
AP Language Arts
AP Pre-Cal
Pre-AP French 3
Dual Credit History
AP seminar
Theater production

At her HS, everyone is competing for the third and fourth decimal point position on GPA. I think this year they have 16 or 18 National Merit semi-finalists. Last year they had 15 finalists. She felt she had to sign up for that load to even have the potential to stay in the top 15% required to stay in the honor society. I told her that it wasn't worth it if it was going to drive her to depression (she already struggles with anxiety).

I at least wanted her to take AP Bio instead of Chem because I knew Organic Chem is super hard. Her Chem teacher promised her she'd be great.

She is struggling hard to keep a C, which is the same as an A in an on-level class, but her other classes dropped from all A's to a mix of both because she has to put so many hours of work into chemistry labs. And she went from loving chem to hating it now.

She has requested an appointment to drop AP Chem but at this point in the semester she would only be able to drop down to PE and of course we wonder how that will look to colleges. But I'm at the point where IDGAF... we don't want the school if they school can't appreciate that she overcommitted and had to level-set to a more reasonable load, and PE was the only option so at least she could get some physical activity in during that time for mental health support (although she says she will use it as study hour after walking the first 10 min which is all that is required)...

But again - she felt like she had no choice if she wanted to be able to be competitive because all her classmates' parents were making them sign up for that type of course load. On top of that, she is

In NHS
President of the GSA
in DECA
in Model UN
Thespian Society and active in Theater (Head of Costume Crew for the spring musical); going to state competition in Nov.
in a volunteer service club
Events Committee Chair for the Girls Empowered club
She was in but dropped Future Problem Solvers because it conflicted with theater

Neither of her parents are telling her she has to do all that. In fact I recommend she pick up to 3 favorite activities and no more than 4 AP/DC classes for a balanced load. But again - she is so competitive and feels this is just the minimum to keep up with her peers.

[fancynewbeesly]

I agrees with the article. 

In our old neighborhood, where we lived until DD1 was going into 5th grade and DD2 was 3, there were no kids. Just none. If they rode their bikes they couldn't actually leave the neighborhood--I mean they could but then it was a main road and it was still a good 3-4 miles a way to reach a destination. So DD1 never rode her bike, only really played outside if friends were over because it was "boring". Sometimes she would go outside with her sister, and always find things to do, but still not like I used too. 

We moved into a new town, and the part that we live in is fairly walkable. And tons of kids in the neighborhood. DD1 is THRIVING here. She is almost always outside, and riding bikes or running the track at the high school, walking to the convenient store or meeting friends at the diner. She has way more independence here and I know that right before we moved, her anxiety was at an all time high, and now it is non-existent. 

My two girls have always been good about independent playing. They could disappear in their rooms for hours and I won't hear them---they can be reading, drawing, playing. Very rarely do I hear that they are bored. But having friends that you can just knock on the door to see if they want to hang out. Or ride bikes when it isn't preplanned or orchestrated is huge.

DD1 had a bone marrow transplant this summer, and even though she is 12 and in 7th grade, she is home by herself ALL day long. She hates it, but there is no other option (DH and I both have to work). She hates having to be responsible and remember to do school work, or take her medicine or get her sister off the bus. It is a lot to ask for a 12 year old and even though she grumbles and hates it, it definitely is giving her more independence too (at least time management-she does school work for homebound instructors during the day). 

As a teacher, I just see that kids don't know how to play. Either at recess or in the classroom. I definitely think changes need to be made, but I think there are so many things and factors that contribute it.