Post by Leeham Rimes on Oct 26, 2023 6:02:18 GMT -5
I honestly hate these exchanges bc everyone had their own likes and wants. I would love things like nail polish or candles or luxury body soaps but my good friend would hate every thing I’d like. I’ve learned here that many people have scent sensitivities so I’ve always avoided any kind of beauty products if I don’t know the gift receiver well. (Though in an exchange can’t people trade or whatever?)
The last time I did one of these, the person cried they hated it so much and I personally would have loved getting it so I just took it back and gave them what I had.
I like the lottery scratcher idea. If you don’t enjoy scratching off lotto tickets, you’re probably a serial killer. (I kid I kid I promise).
I also agree with the food idea, that’s generally my go to for gifts these days (other than gift cards). We have this new chocolatier in town so I’d probably get a fancy box of that or something.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
7costanza, jinkies, I dislike your friends. Those are both wonderful gifts and I would have been THRILLED with either of them. Even if, god forbid, I was not, I would NEVER let that be known!
The last time I did one of these, the person cried they hated it so much and I personally would have loved getting it so I just took it back and gave them what I had.
How does a grown adult function in society if they act like this? People are the absolute worst. (Unless you were giving out homemade Hitler cookies, then maybe I can understand their reaction 😆)
People are the literal worst. If you don’t like it, save it for the next gift exchange, return it, or donate. We are presumably adults, not toddlers with poor impulse control. Wtf???
The last time I did one of these, the person cried they hated it so much and I personally would have loved getting it so I just took it back and gave them what I had.
How does a grown adult function in society if they act like this? People are the absolute worst. (Unless you were giving out homemade Hitler cookies, then maybe I can understand their reaction 😆)
LOL @ the cookies part
WTF Leeham Rimes, imagine having so few real worries that you cry about a present!
The last time I did one of these, the person cried they hated it so much and I personally would have loved getting it so I just took it back and gave them what I had.
Please, I need more. I cannot imagine at what point in the process of opening a gift you know is random you can possibly start crying. And also, even if it's awful, it's a random gift! It's not like your SO intentionally bought you something hideous! My god, how do people function?
Also 7costanza were the other people in your group aware of nail lady being rude, and if so what did they do? I wouldn't be cool with the group just ignoring actively mean behavior and continuing to invite her back.
People are the literal worst. If you don’t like it, save it for the next gift exchange, return it, or donate. We are presumably adults, not toddlers with poor impulse control. Wtf???
A coworker got a terrible gift in our last work exchange. It's patiently been sitting on the bottom shelf of the bookcase in his office just waiting for this year's.
We've sort of hinted that it needs to become the annual bad gift, so whoever gets it has to regift it at the next one.
I did a cheeseboard and knife set last year that was stolen a couple times during our exchange.
The last time I did one of these, the person cried they hated it so much and I personally would have loved getting it so I just took it back and gave them what I had.
Please, I need more. I cannot imagine at what point in the process of opening a gift you know is random you can possibly start crying. And also, even if it's awful, it's a random gift! It's not like your SO intentionally bought you something hideous! My god, how do people function?
Also 7costanza were the other people in your group aware of nail lady being rude, and if so what did they do? I wouldn't be cool with the group just ignoring actively mean behavior and continuing to invite her back.
I was flabbergasted honestly. And maybe it was a crap gift but I liked it. It was for a book club I was in so it was a nice bottle of wine, a little box of chocolates, a candle, and one of those diamond art kits. (And I know everyone there drank wine bc we did it during book club every month)
And I didn’t just randomly give those things, we chatted in book clubs like one normally does and lots of us were talking about feeling stress (we were fairly news-ish moms at the time with toddlers/preschoolers) and unwinding, and how we unwound and people were saying they liked the adult coloring books and those type things. So I thought that would be a great gift, because we were talking about it. (This was a good 5-8 years ago so those things were just becoming popular I think)
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
Omg at the terrible gift behavior anecdotes in this post. Imagine what the rest of these people’s lives are like if their social skills are this bad.
I agree that food gifts are (usually) best. I’d go for something with a known name - chocolates or coffee from the best place in town, or a nationally known name like Williams Sonoma peppermint bark, or either W-S or Penzey’s cocoa mix with some extra fun stuff like fancy marshmallows, those sparkly pink and red sprinkles, and maybe a few candy canes.
I also like all of the ideas in the OP. You have a good sense of what makes a nice gift, so don’t let that one asshole put you off. Hopefully this year she’ll get the host’s gift. Then if she’s a jerk about it, maybe they won’t invite her back. 🤞🏼
Post by litskispeciality on Oct 26, 2023 9:17:15 GMT -5
@@@
Goodness I missed all the fun. OP and Leeham Rimes WTF to the reactions. Maaaybe a little grace to LH's gift story if the mom was under a lot of stress, but you'd think that group would be a safe space to apologize later for the reaction. "sorry it wasn't this gift, this is what's going on can I get some support here?" I also hope the nail queen wasn't invited back.
I once openly complained (no filter moment) at one of these work gift exchanges because I ended up with the gift I brought and didn't want. It was rude and I apologized. I'm still embarrased by my behavior. It was a stressful exchange because some bozo thought it'd be fun to require the gift to start with one of three letters in the name of our team. We ended up with very few folks in the exchange and it turns out most folks got what they brought and later gently said "why did we do this (that way)?"
Overall I'm team I wish these would go away because you end up with crap. I typically get a coffee mug with one packet of hot chocolate and a candy cane every.singleyear. Maybe a $10 gift card if I'm really lucky. I've had people complain they hate my gift card that I donated, I can't win.
OP, I've seen nice blankets be very popular, however I have a closet full of blankets. I'd steer away from water bottles even nicer brands because we all have a cabinet full. I don't buy a lot of scratch tickets so those would be amazing. You could get a $10 and a couple of $5's or something a little higher value for better chances to win.
I firmly believe the dollar amount for this kind of exchange should be really low. Like 20 bucks or maybe 25. Because the whole idea is just to get a fun or funny token gift, right? But when it gets up to $40+ it gets stressful bc you need to find more of an “actual” gift, or multiple items.
Sorry the lady was so rude last year. I bet most of the people at the party were way more horrified by her behavior, than by your gift!
I think I've told this story before, but my very first Christmas at my very first job, we did one of these exchanges. I was by far the lowest paid person in the exchange-- had just gotten my first apartment and had an extremely limited budget. I had to make actual sacrifices in my food budget for the week to afford the $25 to participate, because I didn't feel like I could opt out.
I ended up with a bicycle pump. I didn't own a bicycle. I didn't cry but I was definitely visably disappointed. I gave it back to the person who brought it, but I don't think I got anything in exchange.
I say this not to defend people with bad manners, but just as a reminder that you don't always know where people are coming from.
Anyway.
My last job, they had the holiday party in January. They did a dirty Santa, but the rule was that you couldn't buy anything-- you had to just bring something that you had received for Xmas (or generally had around the house) but didn't want. You still ended up with weird stuff but at least it wasn't so uneven and also you hadn't spent your own money.
People are the literal worst. If you don’t like it, save it for the next gift exchange, return it, or donate. We are presumably adults, not toddlers with poor impulse control. Wtf???
Seriously! And honestly, if anyone has a sense of humor the terrible gifts coming back as regifts every year is the best part. Our group has a very artificial-smelling chocolate candle that's been regifted three years running. Whoever has it adds something related (or alcohol) each year and around it goes! I have it right now, and grabbed a Star Wars-themed baking cookbook to go with it since Star Wars stuff is definitely fought over in our exchange.
If people are sensitive about their gifts, then I go toward generic stuff that's easily regifted- nice blankets, alcohol, chocolate, cold cups, set of neutral stone coasters + Sbux card, old school Hickory Farms box.
Post by litskispeciality on Oct 26, 2023 9:36:03 GMT -5
jinkies , I was coming back to say that these things put pressure on people to participate. I think I've been to one where you "didn't have to participate", but then it was obvious that the person who didn't participate probably opted out because they openly worked two jobs and didn't have the extra funds for this. They had to sit there and watch the exchange. I also hate the lower limits like $10 - $25 because it's so hard to find something useful. Again my go-too is gift cards, and then people don't like where they go. Sometimes the rules say no gift cards too, and that's annoying. I have a lot of feelings about these things, but every year it feels like more and more of a chore to get something useless to end up with something less thoughtful.
Oh and when you have to do this swap, plus a secret santa in-office, that adds up. Last year I got a super nice, thoughtful gift from someone who just started, but it stressed them out trying to find out what I like to avoid a gift card. I ended up giving a Pop-Funko to my person, which they liked...but didn't even think to give a $25 (that was the max) gift card to the grocery store when they always complained about cost of food for a big family. Could they have just not participated and put all of that money toward their holiday meals? I know it's bah hum bug, but the person who can't afford too, or just doesn't want to participate ends up looking like a jerk.
The re-gift old bad gifts idea is a little better. I worked at one place that had that, but didn't share with the new employees so we had a mix of new gifts (where someone complained about my gift card), and some old stuff. I still have a mini poker set I won in that exchange that I've never used or found a chance to re-gift.
OTOH, I went to an after hours work Christmas party once (won another mug!) where they played Left-Right-Center & karaoke and it was one of the best nights of my life. Lots of fun and "oh do I screw the boss over?" Lots of time to get to know people as people rather than work drama. More games, less gifts!
I really don't get why people bring alcohol to these things. If you know the entire group well and know that they all drink, ok. If you don't, you could be putting someone in a tight spot. It's not just alcoholics, a lot of people are choosing to be sober in increasingly high numbers. I don't drink, never have. I give the booze away before it gets in my house. It's the same with scratch tickets but I know I'm in the minority for that. Maybe I'm wrong and assume that there are more alcoholics and gambling addicts than there really are 🤷♀️
People are the literal worst. If you don’t like it, save it for the next gift exchange, return it, or donate. We are presumably adults, not toddlers with poor impulse control. Wtf???
A coworker got a terrible gift in our last work exchange. It's patiently been sitting on the bottom shelf of the bookcase in his office just waiting for this year's.
We've sort of hinted that it needs to become the annual bad gift, so whoever gets it has to regift it at the next one.
Thank you to all the people also horrified at the gift recipients reactions, I don’t know what is wrong with people. The woman who cried?! Get a grip lady! That was a good gift!
In my lady’s case, she was very drunk (not an excuse!) and angry about the gift, she tossed it down and said something like “what the fuck is this, this is stupid, what am I supposed to do with this”, then kept trying to get people to steal it from her. Other than my H and one friend, no one seemed to have much of a reaction. I pretty much only see her at this annual party but assume she was invited back. The hosts, one of whom is my H’s coworker/friend, never said a word to me or my H about it.
Also, I am not proud of this but I did take it back from where she left it on my way out so problem solved for her I guess. I regifted to my dad’s girlfriend and she loved it.
I really don't get why people bring alcohol to these things. If you know the entire group well and know that they all drink, ok. If you don't, you could be putting someone in a tight spot. It's not just alcoholics, a lot of people are choosing to be sober in increasingly high numbers. I don't drink, never have. I give the booze away before it gets in my house. It's the same with scratch tickets but I know I'm in the minority for that. Maybe I'm wrong and assume that there are more alcoholics and gambling addicts than there really are 🤷♀️
I totally hear you, but this just shows you can’t win with these exchanges! Lol
I really don't get why people bring alcohol to these things. If you know the entire group well and know that they all drink, ok. If you don't, you could be putting someone in a tight spot. It's not just alcoholics, a lot of people are choosing to be sober in increasingly high numbers. I don't drink, never have. I give the booze away before it gets in my house. It's the same with scratch tickets but I know I'm in the minority for that. Maybe I'm wrong and assume that there are more alcoholics and gambling addicts than there really are 🤷♀️
I feel like your real issue is more with the way alcohol is so present in the context of society as a whole? It's normal to think of alcohol as a good generic gift in many contexts *because* the assumption is that alcohol is something most people enjoy (or at least are neutral on and will be happy to regift). Maybe I'm splitting hairs, but it feels different to me to say that people are making a poor individual choice by bringing booze vs. saying that it's unfortunate or not reflective of reality that society make us think most people would like that gift. I'm not trying to contradict you by the way, I am regularly surprised by how much/often many people drink and hate how wine especially is marketed to women as a necessary tool just to get through the day, so I'm continuing the conversation.
I will admit gambling addiction is not on my radar at all as something to be sensitive to, despite having a college acquaintance who struggled with it, so maybe I'm wrong in not being more aware!
People are the literal worst. If you don’t like it, save it for the next gift exchange, return it, or donate. We are presumably adults, not toddlers with poor impulse control. Wtf???
Seriously! And honestly, if anyone has a sense of humor the terrible gifts coming back as regifts every year is the best part. Our group has a very artificial-smelling chocolate candle that's been regifted three years running. Whoever has it adds something related (or alcohol) each year and around it goes! I have it right now, and grabbed a Star Wars-themed baking cookbook to go with it since Star Wars stuff is definitely fought over in our exchange.
If people are sensitive about their gifts, then I go toward generic stuff that's easily regifted- nice blankets, alcohol, chocolate, cold cups, set of neutral stone coasters + Sbux card, old school Hickory Farms box.
A coworker got a terrible gift in our last work exchange. It's patiently been sitting on the bottom shelf of the bookcase in his office just waiting for this year's.
We've sort of hinted that it needs to become the annual bad gift, so whoever gets it has to regift it at the next one.
i need to know what the gift is!!
A dark red, old, dusty urn type thing with a flower painted on the front. It is as gaudy as you would imagine.
Post by litskispeciality on Oct 26, 2023 14:08:27 GMT -5
Getting a little off track here. I drink, however I am actively trying to cut back, and watch what I drink.
Alex, I get what you're saying. Basically I think society lacks awareness that not all adults drink and don't need to disclose why. Non-work parties I go too have a lot more alcohol than soda, juice etc. in Dec and it seems like it's just socially acceptable "the holidays are hard, drink up!" DH and I get crap for not drinking a lot with his family...when we live an hour away. Sorry I don't want to drive home drunk, and/or don't worry about why I'm not drinking. Also a guest shouldn't be considered rude for not accepting a gift of alcohol without disclosing why. It's rude to say "I hate (this brand of) vodka!", but should be fine to leave the bottle behind, or quietly ask a guest without alcohol to switch gifts. Maybe the happy medium is here's a pile of gifts with alcohol, or adult themes, or whatever could be controversial, and here's a pile of more "PG" gifts...take your pick. Hell I might pick the PG pile because I can open a winery with how many bottles of special wine I keep for a special occasion but never drink. I don't need any more.
Now I'm wondering what people do with all of this alcohol if they participate in dry January? Drink it all in Dec, or hold on until Feb?*
*I know wine and liquor don't have to be consumed right away.
Post by soccermama on Oct 26, 2023 14:29:54 GMT -5
This just reminded me of one of these parties I attended years ago, it was actually a work holiday party with great food & drinks, including a white elephant gift exchange.
Of course many of my co-workers got great items and me, what did I get? It was a weird wooden, "knick-knack" of two older ladies (they looked like gnomes?) taking selfies?!!!? Seriously, it was the dumbest thing I've ever seen. And it was purchased by one of the law partners! Just wow. I definitely bit my tongue and laughed about it at the party, but I bitched about it when I got home for sure.
Post by maudefindlay on Oct 26, 2023 18:56:33 GMT -5
Years ago when I was a new SLP I had a huge office, but the closets were filled with old crap I was told to not trash. I found a head shot of one of the longtime SLPs in there. I wrapped that baby up for the white elephant. The confusion on his face when someone opened it, then the laughter. It was so fun and luckily well received. If you ever have a white elephant a forgotten/not often seen photo of someone there can be fun.
Eta years earlier a woman in a bar had told this SLP he looked like MacGyver and apparently he really leaned into that as evidenced by that head shot.