Monday again

[supertrooper1]

I hope you had great weekends!

[waverly]

I've started keeping secrets, and I am not sure how to spill the beans. Mostly these are from my mom. We went away this weekend, and I didn't tell her because she seems to take our trips as a personal offense to her because she wasn't invited. I don't think she would actually be upset because she was also on a trip, and there was some overlap so she couldn't have gone anyway.  We stopped inviting her because she complains the whole time and doesn't help with the kids anymore anyway.  I also didn't put anything on social media.

And, then if we go on vacations she demands pictures and then told me I wasn't sending enough pictures on one of my vacations. I think I sent 3-4 pictures. So yeah very aggressive with me even if she isn't there.

I also haven't told her that we sold the lake house. I guess I just don't want to deal with it. Even without sharing she still managed to send me texts about people that have died in my hometown that I didn't know. I think there are boomer parody videos on this where your mom just texts you with obituaries now.  I need to find the handle again, it is all about your boomer mom does x.  

Anyway, we had a great vacation but back to reality now- ugh. We must have walked about 8 miles every day.

[mae0111]

Weekend was busy as usual! Both kids had plans on Friday night, so DH and I just hung out and chatted a bit and had a quiet dinner. DD2 volunteered at an open house for her new school on Saturday morning. I love that she's so happy after being so resistant to changing schools. She's really thriving, more than I thought possible.

While she was at the OH, the dog and I did a quick 4 mile walk/hike. Then I rushed to get her and ran to a playoff soccer game. She scored for the first time this season, and her team won a hard-fought game. Then DD1 and I went to visit my parents for a bit. Unfortunately DD2 had a huge meltdown over earrings that soured the night.

Sunday DD1 went shopping with a friend from her new school, which was nice. She was with kids from the new school on Friday as well, so I'm hoping she has found a nice little friend group. DD2 had a club soccer game and they actually won! She had a great game - aggressive, good passing, set up the strikers perfectly but they couldn't convert. But still a great game! Then picking up DD1, laundry, cooking, cleaning.

This week will be busy. My uncle passed away on Sunday at age 92, and his funeral is tomorrow over an hour away. So our T or T plans have changed a bit, but it's fine. DH and I are meeting with the kids' therapist this week as well, because we are not at all on the same page about how to handle the kids. DD1 has her last field hockey game of the season on Thursday. Friday I have a few appointments before I pick up the kids for a 1/2 day, and then DH and I are going away for a few days. I'm excited to get away, but I just wish the schedule was a little better because now DD2 has at least one, possibly two, rec soccer playoff games on Saturday as well as a club game. I hate to miss the games, and I hate that the schedule is up in the air. But it will all be fine, and we will have a great weekend. I'm looking forward to relaxing, hiking, good food, and just not having to break up fights or shuttle everyone everywhere!

[waverly]

mae0111, I think I need to get DD (10 almost 11) into a therapist. For example, she spilled water on her sleeve and starts yelling at me and freaking out. I just can't handle the disrespect about nothing that even had anything to do with me. If I were part of the problem then I would own it and apologize and work on the disrespect, but I am not doing anything wrong and getting yelled at.

[186momx]

waverly, I also don't share everything with my mom. She loves to reshare and overshare with anyone and everyone. I don't need her neighbors knowing all my ins and outs. The worst right now is when DD has a gymnastic meet and her and my dad don't attend. She wants play by play with videos as the meet is going but then always has tech issues and wants me to resend or fix it. I also get the let me know when you arrive, when you leave, and when you get home texts to make sure you are safe. But then they go on vacation and us kids ask for the same thing and she forgets and sends us a text only when we start wondering if they arrived safely. It's not hard to text when a plane lands.

[supertrooper1]

We had a low key weekend that was really nice. Saturday we lounged around and then met Beau's mom and brother for an early dinner.

Sunday was football and I did a ton of decluttering and organizing. I've been putting off cleaning out my office which is also our 3rd bedroom/guest room/Beau's gaming room, and I finally got rid of the few remaining boxes in the corner that have been there since I moved in 4 years ago. Now we have to figure out how to rearrange everything to fit a bed in the room without blocking the closet or the heater. We've been talking about putting a bed in the room for a long time so Beau's grandson will have a place to sleep rather than on the floor of our bedroom when he's here.

[mae0111]

waverly, DD1 has been seeing a therapist for years. We kind of stopped and started with DD2, but she's fully in right now. It's helpful that they both meet with the same person on the same day, and that we can do it over zoom.

DD2 reacts the same way as your DD. If something happens, it's ALWAYS someone else's fault. It's frustrating, and she immediately goes to an 11. This weekend, I gave her a list of 4 things to do before she could have her iPad (which was taken because she hadn't done what was asked, and because she was super disrespectful). Not hard things - lay out uniform for soccer so we know all pieces are clean, brush teeth, etc. One thing was to allow me to take an earring out of an infected ear and let me clean it. Almost 3 hours of screaming and she finally let me take it out... and now it's fine. It has ramped up in the past 6 months, and she hates acting like this too - she always feels awful afterwards.

Ironically, DD1 also had an earring-related meltdown on Sunday... she won't do chores and she owes me $$, and she wanted me to buy her 5 pairs of earrings for... no reason other than she wanted them. I said no. Cue meltdown. It's much harder to parse out her behavior caused by her learning and neuro differences, and behavior caused by her being spoiled.

[waverly]

186momx, I had that issue with MIL with a dance recital during Covid. I sent her the file to watch but it was the entire recital, so I had to tell her hey you cannot download this, the file is WAY too big.

My mom wants to know when the band concert is, then tells me because it is a Tuesday that she won't come because I work during the week (5 hour drive for her). Yes, I do work but if she hadn't of made proclamations, I might consider taking maybe Monday off and then all she would have to do is entertain herself for 1 day which she is capable of doing. But it is easier if she isn't here anyway though, so I just left it.

[k3am]

DS woke up today complaining about his leg. He doesn't remember hurting it. It's not red or inflamed or swollen. But it hurts when he's sitting, hurts more when he's standing, he's limping when he walks. He wasn't able to articulate much about it, but he graded it a 5 on the 1-10 scale (1 no hurt, 10 so bad it feels like you'll die).

As a clear contender for the mother of the year award, I... gave him Advil and sent him to school crying and limping. I let his teacher know and haven't heard anything yet.

My guess/hope is that he gets to school and is so distracted by his friends that he forgets it hurt in the first place. But he's not the kid that ever complains about random body pains. He's never had growth pains, never even had a headache. Made the mistake of googling because I'm dumb.

[sdlaura]

My vacation that I returned from on Friday night seems like a distant memory after having to be up and ready at 6 am for a softball tournament both days this weekend! Plus 3 other sports games and various other weekend activities. Oh well, it was still a fun trip. I just need to start going to bed earlier here.

This week is more nuts that usual. On top of our usual work stuff, sports practices, etc. we of course have Halloween/trick or treating, then also I have a monthly meeting for the credit union oversight committee I'm on outside of work, we have our annual family photos Thursday, and this is the 2-week period where winter basketball has started but fall soccer isn't over yet. My kids have 6 practices on Wednesday alone, which is also the day of that monthly afternoon committee meeting for me. Also my parents just left on Saturday so we have no back-up.

But, if I survive till Friday, I'm flying to Vegas to meet my sister and her friend for like 30 hours (come home Saturday evening). It's my sister's 40th birthday this Wednesday, and she and her friend are big Bravo/Real Housewives fans, and there's a Bravo convention in Vegas this weekend. We're going to dinner and then to see Katy Perry Friday night.

[186momx]

Weekend started with DH asking me what I needed to get done this weekend. I rattle off the 12 million items (laundry, shopping, vacuuming, cooking, rocks, grass mowed, patio cleaned up, cookie baking, bathroom, etc.) and he told me I should turn my brain off because that has to hurt. Then he was a sullen teenager whenever I asked him to deal with something and when he did do something he was upset that he didn't get huge amounts of praise. Actually, he was cranky over everything between what we had on the TV to dinner choices. He insisted on going shopping with DD and I and then was upset on us just shopping off the list and not wandering the stores. DD hates to shop so when she asks to go to Target I take her and she shops for what she wants and then is ready to go. Wandering makes her almost meltdown and a lot of that is DH would take DD and put her in a cart and just wander the stores when she was little and I had to work over the weekend.

Dad's surgery went well. They didn't do a nerve block so he came out of the surgery in a lot of pain. I've been updated by my siblings who did the driving to and from PDX and have yet to get an update from my mom and she actually hasn't responded to any of my texts. My sister came down yesterday and stayed over to help him out of his immobilizer and to change his wrapping. Mom tends to pass out over blood.

[rere]

Great weekend. Friday we had a bus load of kids trick or treating, and it was a lot of fun.

Ds texted me all weekend because he was trying to make our Christmas cookies for Halloween? It said put the sugar, eggs, shortening and mix then blend the flour. He just dumped it all, so not sure how that turned out, because I think he gave up. He did text me a picture of his homemade biscuits and gravy, scramble eggs and bacon, so I was impressed

I did get my fireplace, scary shows, lasagna making, pajama day Sunday, so that was great.

Dd is DISTRAUGHT over Matthew Perry. She watches Friends probably daily and has seen every episode at least twice.

[traveltheworld]

We had a low key weekend. DS only had one hockey practice, which is very unusual, so we kind of just chilled at home most of the time.

I'm trying to be more productive in general - it's proving to be hard.

[librarychica]

We had a lovely weekend. Halloween party on Saturday, Sunday we did a lot of puttering, H and I cleaned out the laundry room/garage. I think I had parts and attachments to 3 different vacuums in there. The kids did their chores and spent the afternoon riding bikes and playing mad-libs, I fell asleep on H at one point. It was all very cozy.

This week is already crazy at work. Friday I fly out to do some networking then to attend/present at a conference. I am tired in advance, lol. I will be gone nearly a week, but I think this is my last work trip this year. Definitely the last long one.

Back to the Halloween party, these are H’s old friends. They have kids that are close to our girls’ ages and younger. They throw big parties and it’s always just unstructured chaos with the kids. My oldest, nearly 12, is just over it. The son, 13, is her oldest friend but they have little in common now, they might hang out if it’s just the 5 of us, but when it’s a huge group neither is very comfortable — he either actively avoids her or just ignores everyone and plays Minecraft and she reads a book or plays with the babies and dogs. I think this is fine, she is polite, replies when spoken to, etc. H is always pushing her to socialize and meet the new kids at the party.

Anyway I flat out told him to cut it out. Am i wrong here?

[waverly]

librarychica, this sounds like DS. I feel like if he had no friends at a party (not saying they aren't friends but not large group party friends) then he would want to play switch, and DH would take away the switch. So I think it is on the other parents to encourage their child to socialize at the party if they are hosting. However, 13 and 12 are just such awkward ages, that I can see why they just let it go.

Since their child is ignoring DD, then I don't think she has to do a lot in this situation, but just like DH would take away the switch he would probably say hey no reading at the party. I feel like with Barbie's or the dog, younger kids might join in and that might be more social. Like oh look a 4 year old wants to play with your toys. The other option is that she stays home alone next year at 13 if she doesn't have any other friends at the party OR if it is the kind of hosting where they say bring whoever you want, then she could bring a friend. I wouldn't normally just invite someone over, but some people host like that and since you know them well you would know.

[k3am]

librarychica, I'm team you. Your kids are long past the age where they're forced to be friends with the children of your friends. DD is 10, and we let her opt out of stuff like that and stay home if she choses to. If she wants to go, great, if she'd be happier at home, we are all happier.

[twinmomma]

Our weekend was pretty good. We didn't end up spending much time in NYC but we did make the trip. DH had to do some cooking for work on Saturday, so I hung out reading my book at the bar while he did that. Then we finally hit the road in the early afternoon and got to NYC for dinner time. Grabbed some takeout with his aunt and just visited at her place before we went to bed. On Sunday we relaxed and visited a little more, all went out for brunch, and then we drove home. We stopped at DH's dad's grave on the way home since it's near NYC and on the way home. It was my first time there and it's a really beautiful family spot with his grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc. I'm glad I finally got to see it. It did remind me just how much older his parents and family members are compared to mine. His aunts and uncles are the age of my grandparents.

Today I had to be in the office for a leadership meeting so that was a bit rough on a rainy Monday. But in the meeting my colleague and I got to actually express the major frustration we're having with a big piece of our workloads and it felt good to be so honest and transparent about it. I'm hoping it will help set better expectations with the teams for 2024.

And on top of all that, I picked up my cpap machine on Friday! So exciting! Lol I've been getting used to it and have kept it on for about half the night each night so far. I'm building up to a full night. While I'm asleep it doesn't bother me, but if I wake up to use the bathroom, I have a hard time putting it back on and falling back asleep with it.

[waverly]

Oct 30, 2023 12:43:03 GMT -5 k3am said:

librarychica , I'm team you. Your kids are long past the age where they're forced to be friends with the children of your friends. DD is 10, and we let her opt out of stuff like that and stay home if she choses to. If she wants to go, great, if she'd be happier at home, we are all happier.

This is true, but the transition is tough.  

[k3am]

Oct 30, 2023 13:30:07 GMT -5 waverly said:

Oct 30, 2023 12:43:03 GMT -5 k3am said:

librarychica , I'm team you. Your kids are long past the age where they're forced to be friends with the children of your friends. DD is 10, and we let her opt out of stuff like that and stay home if she choses to. If she wants to go, great, if she'd be happier at home, we are all happier.

This is true, but the transition is tough.  

YES! Life was SO MUCH easier when the kids were more than happy to become fast friends with the kids of our friends! 

[k3am]

School is almost over and no calls. Phew. Keeping my fingers crossed. I am clearly a hypochondriac, but even DH was debating whether he needed to go to urgent care. At least we saved that copay.

[mommyatty]

DD and I were both home sick today. I couldn’t even get out of bed until noon and then only because I was worried no caffeine plus no food was going to equal a massive migraine. I’m hoping tomorrow I’m back to normal, but today I couldn’t even manage to turn on my computer. That’s unheard of for me.

Weekend was fine. DD was sick for a lot of it. I was a bit under the weather but was still productive. I got our pumpkins bought and carved and I built two feral cat shelters because we went from sunny and 80s to rainy and 30s in one day. Not sure our strays we feed will use the shelters but at least I tried.

[dglvrk2]

mae0111, I'm sorry about your uncle. I hope the funeral offers good closure and fond memories.
On another note, I may PM you. I have a few therapy questions, related to my DD1.

librarychica, I'm totally with you here. We've gone to parties and not taken DD1 who is 12. If folks ask where she is, we just say she had other plans, even if those involve her beanbag, iPhone and a Hunger Games novel

My weekend was busy. Lots of cleaning and running kids around. DD1 had a crazy meltdown about her Halloween costume on Saturday. It made us an hour late for a Halloween party. Part of it is her anxiety that she doesn't not want professional help with. The other part is how much pressure tweens can put on themselves to look perfect for Halloween. I'm not the biggest Halloween person, but putting together costumes, especially, in a rural community where I have to order everything on Amazon, really gives me strong mixed emotions about the holiday. Grrrrr...

[twinmomma]

I'm feeling really frustrated and upset for DS and his Halloween plans. He was trying to go trick or treating with a friend from school and his mom was supposed to be coordinating it because it's her night and she's "friends" with the kid's mom. Well, turns out she didn't reach out until just the other day. And apparently this kid lives in a neighborhood where everyone rents golf carts to go trick or treating. It's the most ridiculous, over the top thing. But I guess there's not enough seats on the golf cart for DS and his mom, so now he can't go with them. From what I gathered, there would be room for DS, but not mom. But she won't let him go without her. So last night we worked it out that he and mom will just meet up with us and the girls and our crew of friends. DS was really upset about it because these are the girls' friends, not his, and he didn't want to be in a big group with people he doesn't really know. (Side note: he totally knows these kids, they all play together at our house pretty often and he's been to their house for pool parties all summer, we're not dragging him along with strangers)

I'm just so mad that his "friend" from school is so exclusionary in their trick or treating style. How are you going to say that a kid can't join your group because you didn't reserve enough seats on the golf cart?! What kind of BS is that?! And of course, the layer of his mom making it a whole thing and not being involved in his school life here because she lives halfway across the country half the time didn't help the situation.

[waverly]

Yeah IDK twinmomma, but this year I am disliking Halloween because DD’s friend dropped her. On one hand I appreciate the head up, friend said I’m going here with X and wasn’t mean. On the other hand it was a 10 year tradition thrown out the window and it’s not like they couldn’t add another person- they just didn’t want to. Girls are still friends. Now we know for next year no more birthday parties or Halloween. Sigh.

DD also had costume struggles requiring 1 order to Amazon and 2 trips to Spirit Halloween.

Add in DS’s friend telling him they aren’t friends but still invite him to parties (um no ha ha). That one I am ok with but it’s still unnecessary 7th grade boy drama.

[mae0111]

waverly - DD1 had a similar situation. She has gone with the same friend for the past several years. All of a sudden, over the summer, this friend just… disappeared. Wouldn’t return texts or FaceTimes. Stopped allowing DD1 to join games online. DD1 started panicking about Halloween in like late August.

It worked out with another friend, but DD1 is sad and confused about what happened with her friend.

[sdlaura]

Add us to the same boat. I have always thought of trick or treating as a ‘more the merrier’ activity, but 6th grade DD got excluded by a few friends from their group costume and trick or treating. I meddled a bit and she’s going with a softball friend instead in a different neighborhood and luckily she’s excited about it.

Compared to where I grew up (or maybe just because it’s a different time now?) San Diego people seem over the top about Halloween. I think the summer like weather we usually have in October is part of it (high of 82 today), but the adults here turn Halloween trick or treating into a party thing and all bring along alcohol and go in big groups. So it’s easy to feel left out. I’m just going to take my 3- and 6-year-olds by myself while DH goes with DS1 and a couple other dads.

[186momx]

This morning one of the gym mom's posted about how upsetting it is to be excluded from a group and that she tries so hard to include everyone and doesn't get why her kid got left out. I'm assuming a bunch of the gym girls are going to TOT together and her daughter got left out of the group. But on the other hand, she was very social media vocal on their TOT traditions. DD is excluded from this group all the time and DD says it's because she isn't an optional gymnast. They are all the same age and have been friend since preschool and I've just told DD that friendships change and as long as they aren't mean and talk about all their cool plans in front of her then it is okay to not get invited to everything.

DD hasn't TOT for years and got invited to go with a school friend. I've been bugging her about the plan and as of this morning we still don't know. DD thinks 6:30ish meet up time. DD is also upset that I won't let her walk on her own to meet friends in a close to us neighborhood (she passes it on her walk home every day). I said I won't walk with you but I'm not letting you walk in the dark alone.

[waverly]

We are on the middle of a full on snowstorm. It looks like it stopped for a minute but should be interesting when we roll out.