Kids who like to talk/explain

[dancingirl21]

I didn’t know how to title this. DS1 is 10. This kid can talk. And talk. And talk. He often gets stuck on a topic. Lately it’s gaming or coding. But it can be anything. Just now at bedtime he was telling me every single plot point about the book he’s reading. Often he will go on and on about a game he’s making in Scratch.

I try to give him my undivided attention. But kid needs to get to the point. Sometimes he loses his thoughts and just keeps going about something else. I really try not to zone out or cut him off, but I need to get things done and can’t always listen to 30 minutes of one subject.

Is this something your kid does? Anything to look
into or does this just change as he grows?

I am trying not to wish him actually wanting to speak to me away, but as a very introverted person, it can be really exhausting.

[slbride2003]

H and I often wonder how 2 introverts are raising an extreme extrovert. I adore DS but he never stops talking. It’s exhausting. And he couldn’t care less if no one is interested in the subject he’s talking about. I keep hoping it’s a phase, but it’s been years.

[countthestars]

Sometimes when my kid is doing this I will interrupt him politely when there's a pause and say "wow! I love to hear about this. Tell me 2 (or 3 or 4) more things, and then I've got to go _____ (switch the laundry, help your sister, etc)"

[campermom]

It’s hard especially at the end of the day when I’m overstimulated and tired.

I did something that’s really helped.

I tell him I have 100 mental coins per day. I get no extra coins. If he uses them up at Home Depot while I’m trying to measure wood for a repair, for repeated questions he already knows he answers to? He has wasted 17. (Arbitrary) For nothing.

Using them up while I’m backing up the car in a tight parking spot uses double. (Do I keep track? No. No space for that.)

If I have extra at the end of the day I have some leftover to play beyblades or something.

If I run out? I’m no good to anyone.

Mental coins is a concept in my home now. It’s explained w respect and has been received w respect too. All 3 kids get it

[arehopsveggies]

Mine ends up talking to Alexa a lot. Even if she responds that she can’t answer that

[Roc A Bee]

SS is similar. Sometimes I just say, ok I can’t hear anymore. He understands.

[7costanza]

My 10 year old is the same way, and I am also an introvert raising an extreme extrovert. I straight up tell him I need a break from video game talk. Sometimes I want to crawl out of my skin when it’s the end of the day, I’ve been listening to play by play Roblox or fnaf stories for hours on end and just need silence. It hasn’t seemed to discourage him from talking to me at all.

[lillaguma]

I remember I read a suggestion (maybe on this board or mm moms) that you could set up a time for them to talk to you about a certain obsession/passion. So you can say, I really want to hear all about this, but I have things I need to do right now. Can you save it all and we'll sit down at 4 for a half hour and you can tell me all about it? Not sure if it works with a kid who has a passion for everything, though! I think it was specifically with a child who was obsessed with a certain thing and driving the parent crazy with non-stop talk about it.

[lostrn]

I get to a point I just let DS talk and I retain absolutely nothing. And internally I'm going absolutely insane but I just keep reminding myself "someday he won't want to talk to you"

But it's super hard. So glad I could help lol

[jewel]

No advice, just commiseration.

My H and I are both introverts. Our boys, but especially the oldest (age 9), is an EXTREME extrovert with an unlimited amount of energy. His most recent thing is a never-ending stream of hypothetical questions. Dinner tonight was a 15 minute discussion about a very specific baseball play that has never happened and is unlikely to ever happen, and will most definitely never happen to him in little league. We didn’t know the answer with certainty, even my H who is a huge baseball follower wasn’t sure, and my kid was unsettled about it.

For the most part, I do my best to half-listen while also doing whatever I need to do at the time. We can chat about his Minecraft world as a make dinner or fold laundry. Sometimes I tell them I’ve had my quota of sound for the moment and the kids just need to discuss with each other. Or I’ll ask them to draw out a picture of what they’re explaining, which will usually give me a good 15 minutes of quiet while they prep for their next presentation.

[gretchenindisguise]

Nov 2, 2023 22:59:05 GMT -5 jewel said:

No advice, just commiseration.

My H and I are both introverts. Our boys, but especially the oldest (age 9), is an EXTREME extrovert with an unlimited amount of energy. His most recent thing is a never-ending stream of hypothetical questions. Dinner tonight was a 15 minute discussion about a very specific baseball play that has never happened and is unlikely to ever happen, and will most definitely never happen to him in little league. We didn’t know the answer with certainty, even my H who is a huge baseball follower wasn’t sure, and my kid was unsettled about it.

For the most part, I do my best to half-listen while also doing whatever I need to do at the time. We can chat about his Minecraft world as a make dinner or fold laundry. Sometimes I tell them I’ve had my quota of sound for the moment and the kids just need to discuss with each other. Or I’ll ask them to draw out a picture of what they’re explaining, which will usually give me a good 15 minutes of quiet while they prep for their next presentation.

I am so curious what this scenario was.

[VillainV]

I don’t use the “mental coin” concept (though I kind of love it!) but I do explain that my brain doesn’t have space to think about (whatever he is talking about) right now and to either wait and tell me later, or pick the 2-3 most important things he wants me to know. We are also trying to slowly impart on him that he needs to be respectful of other people by picking discussion topics that interest everyone and not monopolizing conversations, and we are always working on him not interrupting.

We have DEFINITELY cut him off completely when trying to drive in difficult traffic conditions or when parking the car, etc. I
Have an aviation background, so I call it “critical phases of flight.” Aircrew limit talking in critical phases of flight (like takeoff and landing and a few other times) to only what is essential for safety of flight. So if he tries talking about Minecraft or whatever during one of those times I just say “critical phase of flight” and he knows to wait.

[Poppy]

I am also raising an explainer. I do feel like I ought encourage him to try to be concise, because it will help socially long-term (for now, his friends seem to put up with it). But I am a little afraid of giving him a complex, because he's anxiety prone.

Anyway, at home I try to balance. If he is telling me about something that happened to him or something he learned (including from TV), I listen. If he goes on a Minecraft or similar lecture, I listen for a bit and then politely tell him I've absorbed all I can about the topic for the day and that if he keeps talking, I probably won't be able to keep things straight any more. That usually does the trick. We also often say no Minecraft talk at dinner or whatever activity. When his sister is around, she gets really frustrated when she can't break into the conversation and we can use that to reinforce social norms about giving everyone a chance to talk.

[whattheheck]

Not to dash anyone’s hope of their kid growing out of this but I just picked up DS for a weekend visit home from college. Almost three hours each way. Non-stop chatter about cars, trucks, tractors, engines, etc., etc. (This all does relate back to his program.). However, the house is way too quiet when he’s away. And I do sprinkle in questions about stuff I want to know (roommate, social life, etc.). And he knows I require silence when entering/exiting the highway, when changing lanes, when merging, navigating a rest stop, and when the GPS is talking.

[meanie]

Both my kids are like this, currently DS is hooked on Pokemon and DD is obsessed with making Roblox "edits". I give them some undivided attention for maybe 10 minutes, after that I either have to do something else or if we are trapped in the car I just say uh-huh once in a while.

Letting them call a friend who shares their interest is great if possible.

I did the same thing to my mom, so I guess it's payback! She says I would follow her from room to room as she got ready.

[emilyinchile]

My 2 year old was told by one of his daycare teachers that she didn't want to talk to him anymore because she was busy - he told me this totally matter of factly, and it was actually a hilarious situation where she was completely justified - so I am mentally bookmarking these strategies to use in a few years!

[dochas]

Yes,and no it doesn't get any better. He's probably not zoning out or trailing, he just wants to keep talking so you can't interrupt and it never ends. What helps us (me!) is to have time with him alone hiking or walking. He can talk continuously and it's still recharging for me. My son literally cannot help it, he has to talk and talk and talk. I was also getting very annoyed when he started correcting all the time.

He explained that he wasn't trying to be rude, he just couldn't stand it when something wasn't correct. I am less understanding about that and will cut him off when he tries to correct something trivial. Good luck, it's exhausting and no one gets it unless they live with it. It is way beyond "chatty".

[SusanBAnthony]

I tell my kids that my brain cannot. They get the concept.

I also tell them I am available to talk when I am making food or cleaning up the kitchen, or when I am walking the dog. And if they want to have a long involved chat they need to talk then.

And I also tell them that I work all day and come home and work all night, and if they want me to have time to chit chat, they are welcome to take some work off my plate so I have time. Shockingly they suddenly don't want to talk.

And finally I set a bed time after which I wasn't available to talk. You want a long involved conversation at bedtime? Get in bed at 8:30 because I'm done at 9.

That all sounds a lot more harsh than it is in reality. I don't do all those things all the time. I use them selectively when I'm out of steam or they are particularly chatty.

[SusanBAnthony]

VillianV love the critical phases of flight! My kids always pick right when we get in the car to unload. If we are running to the grocery store down the street, great. That's a good time! But if we are leaving for a road trip at rush hour and need to figure out where to go and navigate traffic and run through a list of house prep verification, I just cannot. And of course the thing they always want to talk about is something extremely annoying lolol.

I have told them more than once "if you ask me that again before we are on the interstate in the country, the answer is no".

[wanderingback]

Nov 3, 2023 5:41:04 GMT -5 whattheheck said:

Not to dash anyone’s hope of their kid growing out of this but I just picked up DS for a weekend visit home from college. Almost three hours each way. Non-stop chatter about cars, trucks, tractors, engines, etc., etc. (This all does relate back to his program.). However, the house is way too quiet when he’s away. And I do sprinkle in questions about stuff I want to know (roommate, social life, etc.). And he knows I require silence when entering/exiting the highway, when changing lanes, when merging, navigating a rest stop, and when the GPS is talking.

Yeah I was about to say, we all know people who talk way too much lol. Some people never outgrow it!

I think it’s totally fine with family to be honest and say "I need a minute" and that goes for all ages.

[macmars45]

VillainV I absolutely interrupt my autistic DS(7) when I'm driving and need to concentrate. He gets pissed every time because interrupting people is rude. I explain every time I'd rather we both be alive and safe than be respectful by not interrupting him during those times. Black & white literal thinking at all times is exhausting to parent.

[sent]

Is there any in-between? My almost 10 year old is the exact opposite. I want to hear more words and sentences and explanations and details and she won’t do any of it. To extract the details out of her is also exhausting.

[ECB]

Nov 3, 2023 0:50:48 GMT -5 VillainV said:

I don’t use the “mental coin” concept (though I kind of love it!) but I do explain that my brain doesn’t have space to think about (whatever he is talking about) right now and to either wait and tell me later, or pick the 2-3 most important things he wants me to know. We are also trying to slowly impart on him that he needs to be respectful of other people by picking discussion topics that interest everyone and not monopolizing conversations, and we are always working on him not interrupting.

I think this is definitely an important part of the equation - depending on age, of course! But yes, some of this needs to involve teaching our kids about being polite, and aware of other people - are they interested in the topic, what do THEY want to talk about, etc.  We, as the parents, of course want to balance their desire to be themselves, and to just be there and listen to them, but at a certain point, it does start to move into manners.

I have a friend who I've come to notice does not work with her 13 & 16 yo sons on not interrupting.  If they walk in the room and just start talking, she stops talking to me and puts all her attention on them.  Sometimes it's just short little snippets that they run in about and run away again, but other times they'll sit down and just talk about anything random - and she just rolls with it.  On one hand, I get it.  We want our kids to feel included and feel heard, but her boys are at an age where they need to start learning about "Oh- I need to be aware that there are other people!".

It's a balancing act!!

[mommin]

Yes, my 9 year old is exactly the same way. I love that he wants to talk but it can be exhausting. I try to indulge as much as I can so he knows he can talk to me and feel comfortable sharing about his day/interests/friends/experiences. The stuff he shares now is often not super exciting or interesting to me but I know he will grow up and I want him to talk to me as a teen when life is harder.

I don’t let him have 100% attention 100% of the time but I try to at least give him short bursts of undivided attention. There are definitely times when I’ve said, “Can you get to the end of the story so I know what happens?” Or “I love you but you’ve used up all of your words for today so I need you to finishing this story.” He’s never offended and wraps up what he’s saying. It’s tough for me sometimes because I can feel really overloaded by the afternoon or evening and the stories can be a lot. And yes, car rides are sometimes tough because I’m trapped with the adorable chatterbox.

On the plus side, I took the same approach with my teen and he still shares his life with me. I’m sure I don’t know everything in his life but he’s much more open and honest than many teens are with their parents. Sometimes I still have to shut him down too. He sometimes gets the desire to chat after everyone else is in bed and I can only hang for so long.

[cville]

My son is like this. Partly, for him, he feels compelled to share his thoughts because if he does not then he'll forget them.

It's become disruptive in school. This CAN be an ADHD thing or OCD thing or an anxiety thing. And for several reasons we're having him evaluated for those things. Just in case.

But what has helped in the interim, especially in school, is that he has a notebook with attached pen. If it's not time to chat or share ideas, he can write them down. That alleviates his concern about the idea being gone forever. But has also helped him to understand that not all of his ideas are actually important to share. He says he writes down maybe 1 a day. Compared to, formerly, 286676 shared thoughts.

Now at home I'll say "is this something you'd write down?" Helps remind him.

[eb777888]

Yes, David is 14, almost 15 and STILL does it. At least it's not gaming anymore, but him wanting to be a lawyer. I now know way more than I ever wanted about different kinds of lawyers, how much they make starting out, and omg I'm so sick of hearing about the LSATS. You are in 9th grade sir.

Oh, and he describes every YouTube short he watched that day. In detail.

[dancingirl21]

Thanks, everyone! I’m glad to know I’m not alone and there are some good suggestions here. DS can definitely be an anxious child. When he’s in new or challenging situations it comes out the most. DH was also a super anxious child and has thrived as an adult, so not all is lost (kidding).

We had parent teacher conferences last week and DS’s teacher said he’s great in class and not disruptive. She had lunch with just him and a couple of other kids a few weeks ago and said she had to ask him to stop talking so someone else could have a chance. I’m trying not to damper his spirit but also realize it’s my job to teach him to be a functioning, kind human. Parenting is not for the faint hearted.

[jewel]

gretchenindisguise

LOL. What if the outfielder catches the ball, but as he catches it, his glove flies off his hand while the ball is still in it? The glove lands on the ground but the ball doesn't touch the ground, and bounces back up and the outfielder catches it again. Is it an out still, or is it considered a drop? Since the ball never technically touched the ground, and stayed in the glove, but the glove left the players hand, but also the player ended up with the ball anyway, without it ever touching down.

My H guessed it would be a drop and a live ball, but my kid argued that it was an out because it never touched the ground. So I said it would probably be an out, and then he said maybe not because he's not sure what the rules are if the glove leaves the player's hand. It was a very long hypothetical situation in which my kid played devil's advocate for both sides. Which...is very typical, and tiring. Ha.

[erbear]

We call our younger child "Sir Talks-A-Lot". It's excessive.

[mustardseed2007]

Nov 3, 2023 12:30:18 GMT -5 jewel said:

gretchenindisguise

LOL. What if the outfielder catches the ball, but as he catches it, his glove flies off his hand while the ball is still in it? The glove lands on the ground but the ball doesn't touch the ground, and bounces back up and the outfielder catches it again. Is it an out still, or is it considered a drop? Since the ball never technically touched the ground, and stayed in the glove, but the glove left the players hand, but also the player ended up with the ball anyway, without it ever touching down.

My H guessed it would be a drop and a live ball, but my kid argued that it was an out because it never touched the ground. So I said it would probably be an out, and then he said maybe not because he's not sure what the rules are if the glove leaves the player's hand. It was a very long hypothetical situation in which my kid played devil's advocate for both sides. Which...is very typical, and tiring. Ha.

I googled this and found the funniest website and a comment that addressed parts of this scenario as actually happening in a little league championship game.

I think it would be considered a dropped ball when the glove touches the ground. The expert on this website said that if the glove comes off and the player catches the glove, then it's still an out. 

However in the comments someone wrote that in a little league championship game, a ball was caught in a players glove but the glove few off the fielders hand and landed on the ground. The batter was still called out. 

www.theoleballgame.com/glove-removed-from-hand-with-ball-secure.html

Maybe we need to start a new thread about this question.