Happy Friday Everyone!

[mae0111]

What's happening this weekend?

[mae0111]

Dh and I are heading to the beach house without the kids this weekend. I just wrapped up therapy, now scrambling to clean my office where our old nanny/sitter will sleep while she's with the kids this weekend. I have a hair appointment in a little while, and then I'll pick the kids up from school since they have a 1/2 day.

We have literally nothing planned this weekend. The weather is supposed to be great, so I'm hoping to maybe hit a nearby hiking trail, go out for a nice dinner, and just maybe have some uninterrupted conversations with DH.

I do feel guilty about missing some soccer games that were scheduled after we made our plans, but if I didn't just block out the time, we'd never go. I have a lot of prep to do before we go, but I can't wait!!

[rere]

Dd is ecstatic that she is old enough to join me for or Friday women's volleyball, so we are going tonight. Other than that, I'm not sure what we will do. Dh will be hunting, and she had an entire list of things such as watch Hallmark movies, put out Christmas decorations, go shopping, hang out with friends on her list, but only a couple of days to get it done.

[twinmomma]

DH and I had a big talk this morning about DS. DH was expressing his concerns that DS spends recess alone, reading his book, because he's too nervous/shy to join any of the big chaotic groups. DS also really doesn't have friends. He has kids he gets along with and has done a few playdates with, but they're certainly not close friends by any means. I point blank told DH that his son is a very anxious kid and that shy personality is ok, but he's beyond that and needs tools to learn how to cope. This is something DS has literally said to me before - he's too anxious to be away from his parents when they're at work and he's home so he melts down, he's too anxious to sleep alone, he's afraid to even walk down into our finished basement by himself. He's certainly not going to insert himself into a social situation where he doesn't know exactly how it will play out like the chaos of recess. It was tough for DH to hear and he tried to push back on me but I wouldn't let up. I take anxiety medication daily. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with his son being anxious, some of it is certainly just personality too. But if you want him to grow as a person, he needs the tools to do it and you can't give him that if you don't acknowledge it as an issue first. So we'll see what happens moving forward.

As for this weekend, the girls have their final performance for theater class. DS is going to a birthday party. Otherwise, nothing. I'll just be getting some homework done and packing before I travel for work next week.

[mommyatty]

twinmomma, I’m glad you did. DS takes medicine for anxiety/depression and it has literally saved his life. And your DS needs to be in therapy. His parents are divorced, his mom doesn’t live locally half the time (even when she’s supposed to have custody of him), he can’t sleep alone, he’s a budding hypochondriac, and he has no discernible social skills. What a shit existence. My son’s pediatrician always says “pills don’t replace skills, but sometimes pills allow our minds space to be able to learn the skills.” That’s been true for DS. But without admitting your DS needs help, he isn’t even being given an opportunity to learn the skills.

[sdlaura]

Have a nice weekend mae0111 and don’t feel bad at all about missing some kids’ sporting events.

I’m on my way to the airport for the short flight to Vegas to see my sister and her friend (who I’ve also known forever) for my sister’s 40th birthday. They’re doing the BravoCon thing and I’m excited to have some alone time while they’re doing that. Then we’re going to dinner and seeing Katy Perry tonight. Tomorrow plans TBD and I fly home at 7 pm tomorrow evening. I’m not a big Vegas or concert person but I’m excited to just fly a hour to see my sister instead of all the way to the east coast.

I got DH a babysitter this evening and most of the day tomorrow. That way he can take DD to her end of season flag football party tonight and take each of the older kids individually/or just two kids at a time to their 3 soccer games tomorrow, rather than bringing all four kids to everything. DS1 has a bday party tomorrow afternoon at k1 speed and I’m trying to get him a ride.

Sunday I’ll leave to take DD to 3 softball games an hour away at 5:45 am (I’m so thrilled that it will feel like 6:45 am because of the time change)! DD also has a late afternoon basketball game. DS1 has a baseball game and basketball practice Sunday, and it’s also the elementary school fall festival that we’ll probably hit for an hour in between sports. My sister will be in Vegas all weekend but the Sunday schedule is why I decided to just go tonight!

[waverly]

twinmomma, our school offered DS a social skills group during lunch with the social worker. That could be an option if the school offers it.

We ended up declining because the problem was related to a behavioral improvement plan from another student that interfered with DS playing with his friends at recess. The BIP kid could pick students to attend his "special recess" and he picked all of DS's friends, so DS had no one to play with.

[twinmomma]

waverly, I've mentioned things like that before, but DH gets VERY defensive when I bring up anything that would mark his son as other or "less than" which is how he interprets it. I think him acknowledging that I'm not wrong today and actually listening to me talk about it was a huge first step. I also made it clear that this is one of those things that his ex is not going to in any way helpful with, so we need to just handle it from our end and stop hoping she steps up and gets involved.

[waverly]

twinmomma , it is really difficult especially in the blended family. DH is also reluctant of anything that might be a stigma or getting involved at the school level, but I was able to get involved where I know you really can't.

Middle school kids will absolutely notice this behavior, so even if he is flying under the radar socially now, doesn't mean that when kids get more socially aware that he will continue to be successful at that.  I'm talking about your DH's less then comment.  The younger they are the easier it is that the classmates don't notice that anything is going on.  

[waverly]

We have a relatively free weekend. We have 1 soccer game and that is it. I am excited although usually I end up thinking it is too much time at home and togetherness.

DS has a 98% in science and it currently is his best class. We just got notice that his teacher is moving to Australia. And you know what during PT conferences, right after she said he was doing well in class she said he needs to show more initiative and participation. Well, OK, sure, thank you, we'll talk to him about raising his hand more/ valid comment. But, you are moving to Australia, so you aren't participating in class either, teacher.

[mommyatty]

Both kids got today off. DS’s school closed because the World Series parade was close to his school and traffic was crazy. DD was supposed to have a field trip but she’s still getting over a cold so we let her stay home and rest.

I took today off just to rest. I’m having trouble getting over my weird cold and I have business travel the next two weeks. I need to be well.

ETA In other news, I had to have an ultrasound yesterday to see if my gall bladder needed to be removed (it didn’t) and the young woman who checked me in looked at my paperwork and said “I absolutely never would have guessed your age. I would have said you were 35 max and would have guessed you were in here for a pregnancy ultrasound!” I’m going to be 50 in a few weeks. Which I keep forgetting. I don’t feel that old.

[186momx]

I have a 6 hour in person tax class tomorrow an hour away. DD is insisting she is coming with me because she doesn't want to be stuck home with dad. It's going to be a long day.
Sunday we are baking; bread, pretzels, and I think brownies.

I took DD lunch today. She got spaghetti and baked apples. She was so stinking excited about her apples her friends thought she took something this morning. She told me she squealed during lunch.

twinmomma I'm going to agree with everyone that the sooner DS gets help with social skills the better. By 3rd/4th grade there is a noticeable difference between the kids who have them and don't.

[dglvrk2]

twinmomma, Kuddos to you for staying strong during the talk with your DH. Acknowledging your step son's struggles will not go away on their own is huge but incredibly hard, especially for your H. waverly, mentioned addressing this early, while he's still in elementary school. I completely agree.

I really appreciate what 186momx, mentioned about medication. I was on Paxil for about one year in my early 20's, right after college graduation. I had started to see a therapist (BEST $1500 I ever spent!!) as soon as I finished college. Eventually we agreed to "try" an anti-anxiety medication. It helped me "feel" what it felt like to not be as anxious and depressed. It gave me headspace to work on my anxiety. After 20+ of no anti-anxiety meds, I started taking Zoloft in March. It's a low dose and having the same affect. I do plan to get off of it at some point too. My point being, meds don't have to be indefinite.

This week was really full with Halloween and our usual activities.....

DD1 was a total brat from Thursday morning through Friday morning. She's also suffering from anxiety. I wish we had caught this earlier. She's 12 and refuses to see a therapist. We've been trying to get her to one for over a year. She can be great for weeks at a time, but then has these total meltdown episodes that crater our days. If she's in a good place to talk, I want to bring up therapy again with her this weekend. I'm also calling her pediatrician on Monday to see about meds.

DD2 and I are going on a mountain bike ride with a few other moms and kids today. Tomorrow H has ski patrol. We may go see a friend and her new puppy. DD1 and I will volunteer at our local Humane Society as well.

I also have to start deep cleaning our house. My parents come in about 10 days for the week and I want things to look nice for the cleaning inspector who is my mom.

[callmekd]

Our kids are on fall break so we are at Disney. It’s been a relaxing low key trip - trying not to overload them with rides and activities. We slept in today and didn’t get to Epcot until 10am.

One of our former sitters goes to college in Florida so she’s here tonight to watch the kids while DH and I go to dinner.

[waverly]

Update: All the 7th grade boys played together outside today so apparently the Halloween party and asking the other boy’s parents to bring DS home ended the feud. We still don’t really know what caused it but we know the other boy is struggling with choices right now.

The girls also played together. I don’t get it. They are friends, but apparently not enough of a friend to be invited to anything, but enough to play with. I’m just going to accept it because I can’t change it and the other girl does invite DD. It makes absolutely no sense but I’m working on my acceptance.

[supertrooper1]

twinmomma, at DS's school, they have a bench at recess where kids that don't have anyone to play with can go and socialize. They even have an adult there to help the kids interact. Something like that may be helpful to your SS. DS has taken advantage of it at school because he also doesn't have close friends. He says he now has a group that he plays tag with. I also agree with everyone's counselling suggestion. DS is also struggling at times with anxiety, and I'm really hoping his new counselor will help him with coping mechanisms.