How's everyone doing? Anyone need advice or support?
My autistic DS(7) is spending the night at our house with my parents tonight because H and I are heading OOT for 24 hours. The care of my DS falls mostly on my mom because my dad has no idea how to engage with my DS. It's hard to see. My dad is a joker/teaser and DS does not do jokes. He doesn't like it when people hide his things, scare him or play in that way. That's entirely how my dad engages with his grandkids. DS just wants people to engage with him about his interests which are mostly boring and very repetitive. My mom & sisters are great at it. My dad just can't. I'm not sure why. Thankfully he very rarely does the joker stuff anymore. This past summer while swimming with us my dad swam under the water and pulled DS' leg! DS is very wary of the water to begin with AND has a hard time being touched. He had a complete meltdown from that. Like seriously dad?! WTF?! I know he's not the grandson you are used to based on your other neurotypical grandkids, but please get it together.
ETA: I went to this amazing 1 hour presentation on the difference between meltdowns and tantrums for work (I'm a reading para at an elementary school). I have very strict boundaries between work and home (per my bosses suggestion) so I didn't ask all the questions I was dying to get answers to as they all pertain to my DS. I want to reach out to the speaker and ask if she'll come present at a ASD support group for parents.
Post by mysteriouswife on Nov 11, 2023 10:42:54 GMT -5
Thanks for starting this post. I am not in a great place parenting this week. DS has been refusing school.
We still don’t have answers. I feel like we are throwing pasta and hoping it sticks. We did have a very productive IEP meeting and addressed concerns his IEP wasn’t being met. That’s when we discovered his 504 accommodations were not absorbed into the IEP. A complete oversight on mine and H’s part when we converted to the IEP. To be fair we didn’t understand the process either. The counselor said it was an error with the new system. 🤷🏻♀️Now the accommodations are there and things at school are improving greatly.
Speech is improving. He still has selective mutism. We are working with him to write what he needs on a board. This is a solution I created for dining out. It’s working.
We are still leaning toward (confirmed) OCD with anxiety induced sensory processing and (suspected) Tourette’s.
How's everyone doing? Anyone need advice or support?
My autistic DS(7) is spending the night at our house with my parents tonight because H and I are heading OOT for 24 hours. The care of my DS falls mostly on my mom because my dad has no idea how to engage with my DS. It's hard to see. My dad is a joker and DS does not do jokes. He doesn't like it when people hide his things, scare him or play in that way. That's entirely how my dad engages with his grandkids. DS just wants people to engage with him and his interests which are mostly boring and very repetitive. My mom & sisters are great at it. My dad just can't. I'm not sure why. Thankfully he very rarely does the joker stuff anymore. This past summer while swimming with us my dad swam under the water and pulled DS' leg! DS is very wary of the water to begin with AND has a hard time being touched. He had a complete meltdown from that. Like seriously dad?! WTF?! I know he's not the grandson you are used to based on your other neurotypical grandkids, but please get it together.
ETA: I went to this amazing 1 hour presentation on the difference between meltdowns and tantrums for work (I'm a reading para at an elementary school). I have very strict boundaries between work and home (per my bosses suggestion) so I didn't ask all the questions I was dying to get answers to as they all pertain to my DS. I want to reach out to the speaker and ask if she'll come present at a ASD support group for parents.
My dad really likes to tease and my boys are not fans. My 8 yr old came up with a plan that my dad gets a certain number of teases per evening. We talked about how that is how he shows love and it’s hard to him to stop completely because he does it without realizing. But then my kids can say- oh you have used two of your three for the night, and he knows he needs to watch himself more carefully. It has really reduced the number of meltdowns we have
Edit- I feel like I made no sense there. I’m tired this morning….
Post by arehopsveggies on Nov 11, 2023 11:06:22 GMT -5
I’m frustrated with the autism clinic. I need the report with what tests they gave and the scores etc. because the school wants that to amend the IEP
We got the diagnosis end of August, a few weeks later we got a two page thing that said- autism diagnosis, ask to schedule an IEP
But we are still waiting on the real report. And the clinic is annoyed when I ask- because at first I panicked and worried that the two page thing was the report?
We were able to jump the line at the autism clinic because we already attended another connected clinic. So now I’m laugh crying because they saw him SO quickly but the report is the part taking the longest
Post by mysteriouswife on Nov 11, 2023 12:56:57 GMT -5
The stories of people not understanding how to interact reminds me of DS. Older people just assume he’s shy. They are always in his face talking loudly and trying to get a reaction. He just looks at them blankly. My dad gets frustrated DS won’t talk with him. The more someone gives attention to DS the further they push him away. No matter how much we tell them to leave DS alone they don’t listen. Then they sit puzzled that DS is quiet. The snide remarks about how if he was around more he would know them sends me over the edge. No… he will still not talk. FFS I have to take him in a bathroom or outside to ask him what he needs.
DS is doing ok. All A’s and B’s. He still lack initiative for his age both educationally, socially and other stuff, but I did find he started laundry without me asking. We had an issue with him last week not doing everything he needed to do but hopefully next week is better. He still has his tutor and with math being so hard he might just have her forever.
I’m actually struggling a bit more with my neurotypical kid misbehaving. DS has a more laid back personality and DD is very emotive plus I definitely think hormones are kicking in.
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Nov 13, 2023 12:42:11 GMT -5
It's been its usual sh!tshow w school refusal, non particpating in class, barely participating in her Home & Hospital classes. Swearing at me for asking a simple question or making a simple statement. Never thought, 'sweetie, I have hoodie you wanted out of the dryer' would result in "stop f*cking bothering me". This is the main reason why in spite of the fact J and I want to live together (especially since we've been together 6y, it's TIME), we don't. I don't want to subject others to her verbal assaults and I don't want to him to lose any custody time w his son bc his xw doesn't want their son subjected to her rants.
I finally have the paperwork for her IEE but idk know its going to be done bc she's rarely in school.
I'm tired of her being unmedicated ESPECIALLY since I know how much less stressful her life and mine would be. Being unmediated is her choice and under state law, she CAN make the decision to medicate or not. I tell fellow parents, DO NOT delay a dx and DO NOT delay meds bc once they turn 13, its THEIR choice not YOURS to continue them or not.
I realize that I'm to blame for some of her behaviors bc as a parent, I let alot slide bc after working and commuting all day (7a-6p m-f) I didn't have the bandwidth to deal w her. It was just ME, there was no shared custody. It's alot for one person to deal with.
eta: today's reason for school refusal, none of her friends are at school today so why should she go? to most kids this would be a minor annoyance but they'd still go regardless, w mine its a reason NOT to go to school period. no amount of reasoning would get her to go.
Post by wesleycrusher on Nov 13, 2023 13:32:40 GMT -5
We just took a big trip and I am so happy overall with how DS did. Travelling can be a pretty big trigger for him and it can make trips unenjoyable for the rest of us. He only had one meltdown on the way home in the 3rd (and longest) security line for our final flight home (I'm not sure what the people around us in the security line thought, but I can't worry about it!).
DS(7) is definitely disregulated from a week of half days & 4 afternoons at my parents' house due to conferences. His emotions were all.over.the.place today.
He is getting his hair cut and a covid shot tomorrow. Both things he dreads and hates. So yay. It'll be fun. /s
DS has been struggling with his teacher and I think his school is aware that I’m about ready to blow my top. It’s a private school, and we are big donors on their scale, so they want to keep us happy and there, but they are doing a shit job. The school had turnover at the top right before we started, and I think the head of school has no flipping idea how to work with or hire people to work with neurodivergent kids. And every single kid at the school is neurodivergent. So it’s a problem.
His current teacher retired from public school. She has never taught special ed. Admits she has zero experience with or knowledge about neurodivergent kids. When I brought that up to the head of school, her response was “Well, since 1 in 4 kids has a language-based learning disability, she actually has a ton of experience with neurodivergent kids. She just doesn’t know it.” And it took everything I had not to say, “And how much harm did she do those kids even with good intentions?” For example, DS had to tell her with the help of the school counselor that it would be helpful if she would give him words of encouragement occasionally. And I told her I want her to report to me one thing she’s complimented him on every day. In a week, she’s sent positive-ish things he’s done, but only once did she tell me she had complimented him. WTF. I bet if I asked her for 5 things she had corrected him on, she’d be able to rattle those off with no issues. So my AuDHD 9 year old literally has a higher EIQ than his neurotypical adult teacher. And she apparently doesn’t understand that ADHD kids will do anything to avoid criticism and if they can’t avoid it will become openly defiant. So my never before defiant kid is now openly defying the stupid cow, and I don’t blame him. And he’s not the only one.
Ds3 (4yo) finally had his eval and they agree with PDA profile of ASD but also said he may also be twice exceptional. They need to calculate his test scores to confirm all of this but they are fairly sure he will qualify for services (speech articulation, pragmatic language & ASD services) through early intervention.
Since he is behind socially we are now decided that we are going to hold him back a year and do bridge kinder at his preschool. Not thrilled with another year of tuition but it's for the best long term.
Yesterday DS was supposed to get his covid shot. It took half an hour to get him in the car and ten minutes to get him out of the car once we got to Safeway. Then H wrestled him to the back of the store to the pharmacy and into the waiting area (WHY is the pharmacy at the back of the store?!). Only to be told all their kid covid vax are expired. I cried out of frustration and annoyance when the pharmacist told us. It took so much to get him there and we have to try again! So we went and got DQ after H got his shot even though the ice cream was really supposed to be for DS.
My only options in my city are Walgreens or Safeway. Maybe Walmart. I have an appt scheduled there for DS so we'll see. I'm not getting my hopes up.