ohgillian , mostly Birkenstock clogs, ankle boots, or casual sneakers, like Allbirds or Rothy's lace ups.
My random: I am so tired of being the assumed bearer of the mental load associated with thinking up gifts for everyone on our list. I have to come up with Santa gifts for the family, gifts from H & I to the kids, arranging/acquiring/helping wrap gifts from kid to kid (they are 4 and 8), brainstorm gifts for my dad to our family members, brainstorm gifts for MIL & FIL to give all 4 of us...
I only have to buy and wrap the ones from us and from Santa, but that's the easy part anyway for me. It's the thinking, and the stress when inevitably somebody stumps me, that gets me. And MIL just waltzes into my texts every year, "I need ideas for you and H and DD and DS for Christmas." Well me fucking too! Lol.
So much this. I'm trying to pass more of the Xmas mental load to H this year. I told him he's responsible for gifts for his siblings kids. I don't know why I took that on in the first place. I'm also making him help pick out gifts for the kids because I'm honestly out of ideas. We don't do gifts from the kids to each other (or to us) although we should probably start that soon, maybe it would help with them appreciating what they get.
I used to love the holidays but man as a mom, it is SO MUCH WORK. The annual town tree lighting is Sunday and it is going to be freezing (as always) and I kind of want to skip it. It might rain (fingers crossed LOL).
I have Covid and am on day 3 of feeling like crap. Ugh. This is my first time with it. I’m holed up in dss’ room, since he’s not here this week. I like the alone time, but I’m already bored.
ohgillian , mostly Birkenstock clogs, ankle boots, or casual sneakers, like Allbirds or Rothy's lace ups.
My random: I am so tired of being the assumed bearer of the mental load associated with thinking up gifts for everyone on our list. I have to come up with Santa gifts for the family, gifts from H & I to the kids, arranging/acquiring/helping wrap gifts from kid to kid (they are 4 and 8), brainstorm gifts for my dad to our family members, brainstorm gifts for MIL & FIL to give all 4 of us...
I only have to buy and wrap the ones from us and from Santa, but that's the easy part anyway for me. It's the thinking, and the stress when inevitably somebody stumps me, that gets me. And MIL just waltzes into my texts every year, "I need ideas for you and H and DD and DS for Christmas." Well me fucking too! Lol.
So much this. I'm trying to pass more of the Xmas mental load to H this year. I told him he's responsible for gifts for his siblings kids. I don't know why I took that on in the first place. I'm also making him help pick out gifts for the kids because I'm honestly out of ideas. We don't do gifts from the kids to each other (or to us) although we should probably start that soon, maybe it would help with them appreciating what they get.
I definitely already do some of that, H does gifts for his brother's fam, certain of our friends' kids, and gifts for his parents. I just wrap them for him, and I kind of enjoy that part. Him doing the choosing takes a lot off for sure.
What I mind the most is the entitlement, mostly from the grandparent gen, that I will just do all the mental work of shopping for the kids and even us for them, so that without spending the time to really know the kids well, they get to give an awesome gift that will be perfect -- and that I'll be the one to make it possible. I see it with both my dad and my ILs. "I need ideas." Cool, me too. But where do I go to get the ideas? I talk to the prospective recipients, I pay attention to them and their needs and wants, and then do the mental work of shopping and picking out.
So while I'm the one juggling parenting, a full time job, Christmas magic for kids, etc., I'm also putting hours into figuring this stuff out so they can bang out their shopping in 5 minutes on Amazon, and hit a home run. Amazing. You know what I want for Christmas, MIL? I want babysitting for a night out (or just off). I want another me to turn to. I want a 25th hour in the day, or an 8th day in the week. Can you find that for me?
Post by litebright on Nov 29, 2023 10:10:00 GMT -5
Re: shoes with jeans, it depends on the jeans. Skinnies, I wear with Chelsea-style booties, riding boots or tall or short winter boots. With bootcut jeans, I'll wear my Keen clogs, athletic shoes, and I've also got athletic-style high-tops that are sort of a shoe-boot crossover--more insulated/waterproof than regular athletic shoes but lighter than hiking boots.
Post by midwestmama on Nov 29, 2023 10:11:59 GMT -5
My 14 y.o. DS is apparently going on 40, lol. DH said DS got home from school yesterday happy that he didn't have anything that evening, because "he underestimated the how exhausting the transition is from a long weekend back to the normal routine and going to school." So funny.
Regarding footwear with jeans for an outing with friends in the winter, I usually wear Sorel booties.
So much this. I'm trying to pass more of the Xmas mental load to H this year. I told him he's responsible for gifts for his siblings kids. I don't know why I took that on in the first place. I'm also making him help pick out gifts for the kids because I'm honestly out of ideas. We don't do gifts from the kids to each other (or to us) although we should probably start that soon, maybe it would help with them appreciating what they get.
I definitely already do some of that, H does gifts for his brother's fam, certain of our friends' kids, and gifts for his parents. I just wrap them for him, and I kind of enjoy that part. Him doing the choosing takes a lot off for sure.
What I mind the most is the entitlement, mostly from the grandparent gen, that I will just do all the mental work of shopping for the kids and even us for them, so that without spending the time to really know the kids well, they get to give an awesome gift that will be perfect -- and that I'll be the one to make it possible. I see it with both my dad and my ILs. "I need ideas." Cool, me too. But where do I go to get the ideas? I talk to the prospective recipients, I pay attention to them and their needs and wants, and then do the mental work of shopping and picking out.
So while I'm the one juggling parenting, a full time job, Christmas magic for kids, etc., I'm also putting hours into figuring this stuff out so they can bang out their shopping in 5 minutes on Amazon, and hit a home run. Amazing. You know what I want for Christmas, MIL? I want babysitting for a night out (or just off). I want another me to turn to. I want a 25th hour in the day, or an 8th day in the week. Can you find that for me?
Not to turn this around, but why can't you just not do it? My SIL texted me this morning for Christmas ideas for the kids and I legit responded with a shrug emoji.
So much this. I'm trying to pass more of the Xmas mental load to H this year. I told him he's responsible for gifts for his siblings kids. I don't know why I took that on in the first place. I'm also making him help pick out gifts for the kids because I'm honestly out of ideas. We don't do gifts from the kids to each other (or to us) although we should probably start that soon, maybe it would help with them appreciating what they get.
I definitely already do some of that, H does gifts for his brother's fam, certain of our friends' kids, and gifts for his parents. I just wrap them for him, and I kind of enjoy that part. Him doing the choosing takes a lot off for sure.
What I mind the most is the entitlement, mostly from the grandparent gen, that I will just do all the mental work of shopping for the kids and even us for them, so that without spending the time to really know the kids well, they get to give an awesome gift that will be perfect -- and that I'll be the one to make it possible. I see it with both my dad and my ILs. "I need ideas." Cool, me too. But where do I go to get the ideas? I talk to the prospective recipients, I pay attention to them and their needs and wants, and then do the mental work of shopping and picking out.
So while I'm the one juggling parenting, a full time job, Christmas magic for kids, etc., I'm also putting hours into figuring this stuff out so they can bang out their shopping in 5 minutes on Amazon, and hit a home run. Amazing. You know what I want for Christmas, MIL? I want babysitting for a night out (or just off). I want another me to turn to. I want a 25th hour in the day, or an 8th day in the week. Can you find that for me?
My mom does this too. Actually she sends me a check and I buy and wrap the gifts and then FaceTime her to open with the kids. But it is just my mom that does this so I do it and it lets me control what the kids get so I don't end up with more toys they won't play with taking up space.
For adult gifts I'd just put an end to it. Why are you picking out gifts from MIL to you and your H? Either have her give you a gift card or check or just stop the gift exchange altogether. We stopped all adult presents in both our families after the kids were born and it is so much easier.
I can tell that you are really burnt out tho, and I relate to that. The pressure on women at the holidays is overwhelming. I agree, I would do anything for grandparents that are actually helpful and able to babysit, but we don't have that, and it sucks. I get really jealous of my friends who do.
I wear ballet flats or short boots with most pants.
I'm on COVID day 6 and agree with the tiredness. I'm mostly OK otherwise though, aside from a nagging cough. So many people are sick right now. My poor 14YO niece barfed in class at high school yesterday, and if I could just do a Freaky Friday with her to take away the awkwardness, I would. Poor thing.
What shoes do you wear with jeans, if you don’t want to wear athletic shoes? Eg on the weekends if I meet a friend for coffee, I’ll wear jeans and a sweater. I don’t know what shoes to wear but my summer shoes aren’t cutting it because I can’t wear socks with them.
ankle boots are my favorite for winter, and loafers for all season (no idea if they are still in style but I LOVE mine!)
I am also semi concerned about the heat in our house. For the past few days, the temperature in the house has consistently been much warmer than I'm setting the thermostat at (like, I have it at 68 and its 74 in the house). We have a gas boiler that was just serviced and everything was fine. IDK if the thermostat is maybe going bad? Or is this just a radiator heat thing? Like, when it kicks on the radiators get super warm and then cool down throughout the day? I do notice that when its super cold out, and it's been pretty cold the past few days, my house gets warmer. I'm not sure what to do here.
Is it at night when the house is too hot? We have a boiler/radiator too and our house gets chilly during the day if there isn’t much sunshine and then the evenings the heat really kicks on and it gets hot, especially at the start of the cold weather season. After a few days of consistently cold weather it sort of evens out.
There is a cubicle decorating contest in my new office. People go ALL OUT! WHEN I was young and dumb I thought this kind of thing was stupid and hokey. Now I know anything that brings fun and joy into any part of work life is great. I want to curl up and nap in some of these little spaces. LOL
I definitely already do some of that, H does gifts for his brother's fam, certain of our friends' kids, and gifts for his parents. I just wrap them for him, and I kind of enjoy that part. Him doing the choosing takes a lot off for sure.
What I mind the most is the entitlement, mostly from the grandparent gen, that I will just do all the mental work of shopping for the kids and even us for them, so that without spending the time to really know the kids well, they get to give an awesome gift that will be perfect -- and that I'll be the one to make it possible. I see it with both my dad and my ILs. "I need ideas." Cool, me too. But where do I go to get the ideas? I talk to the prospective recipients, I pay attention to them and their needs and wants, and then do the mental work of shopping and picking out.
So while I'm the one juggling parenting, a full time job, Christmas magic for kids, etc., I'm also putting hours into figuring this stuff out so they can bang out their shopping in 5 minutes on Amazon, and hit a home run. Amazing. You know what I want for Christmas, MIL? I want babysitting for a night out (or just off). I want another me to turn to. I want a 25th hour in the day, or an 8th day in the week. Can you find that for me?
Not to turn this around, but why can't you just not do it? My SIL texted me this morning for Christmas ideas for the kids and I legit responded with a shrug emoji.
This. Stop doing it. Respond like you did above to their request for ideas: "Cool, me too."
In fall 2021, my mental health was at an all time low. It forced me to cut out everything that was not keeping myself or my children alive. My family figured the gifts out. H's family started contacting him instead. The world continued on and everyone figured their own shit out without my help.
Every single birthday or Christmas list I have given anyone includes "babysitter" and "gift cards for dates with H". It took some time, but it finally worked and I receive somewhat regular offers to take the kids for a weekend.
This morning was one of those days where I feel like a portal opened up and time stopped because I mailed out a USPS package, went to Trader Joe’s (20-25 minutes away) and back home in an hour and 15 minutes. There was no one in line at either place and I got spots right in front but still. I got two very full bags of groceries! I sniffed candles with a stranger!
Related, has anyone seen the Minty Mallows (dark chocolate peppermint marshmallows) this year at Trader Joe’s? They did not have them and I didn’t see them online but I did see them in some Trader Joe holiday haul social media. They are the whole reason I went and the staff said they weren’t sure if they were getting them this year.
Add me to the club of no sleep last night. DD is really struggling since she got sick, and I can't tell if it's just because she got used to one of us sleeping with her or she really just doesn't feel good. She woke up crying for us probably every hour last night. In the past we may have made her suck it up but now she shares a room with her 1yo sisters and no way we want her to wake them up! But I have heard from several friends where their kid started sleeping in their bed while sick and then never left, and I refuse to let that happen 😅
I also was supposed to give a presentation today, but I got whatever crud DD had. Woke up with a slight fever and a wicked sore throat and just feel like shit. So the person I was supposed to give the presentation with will just have to do it all, which I feel awful and stressed about (he made the ppt and can give it no problem and really doesn't care, but I've missed so much and been so underwater this year with sick kids and crap like that, so this is just one more thing).
I'm also annoyed that MIL asked for ideas for us for Christmas. I actually had several ideas... But she requested they be from an actual store and not online 🙄 and she can't get any of the things I wanted in a store around her. I also got sick of bugging H to get ideas for his family and finally told him last night I'm washing my hands of it, it's his family, he can do all of it.
There is a cubicle decorating contest in my new office. People go ALL OUT! WHEN I was young and dumb I thought this kind of thing was stupid and hokey. Now I know anything that brings fun and joy into any part of work life is great. I want to curl up and nap in some of these little spaces. LOL
Haha. I’m the opposite. When I was younger, I was really into this stuff. But I’m in a middle age funk, and can’t be bothered with any of this anymore. OTOH, maybe I should to try to bring myself joy.
Related, I am trying to spark joy at home. I got a bee in my bonnet that I wanted a white Christmas tree with blue bobbles. I’ve always been someone who had to have a real, live tree. But, I just ordered a fake white tree. My grandpappy is shunning me (he came from fraiser for land NC).
With the mental load of gifts. H takes that on, but I finally got him talked into give ONE idea when asked. No more lists to the grandparents. they get one idea. If they want to give more then one gift, they have to figure it out on their own. That took care of a ton of the stress. I used to do the thing where I bought the gifts for my dad to give to the kids and wrap them. I no longer do that. He is a capable man. So that means my kids get cash, which is just fine.
We work really hard on just matching the energy that the other party is giving out. My oldest is 16 so we have been doing this awhile and have learned some hard lessons over the year. Finally we are at a good place.
I definitely already do some of that, H does gifts for his brother's fam, certain of our friends' kids, and gifts for his parents. I just wrap them for him, and I kind of enjoy that part. Him doing the choosing takes a lot off for sure.
What I mind the most is the entitlement, mostly from the grandparent gen, that I will just do all the mental work of shopping for the kids and even us for them, so that without spending the time to really know the kids well, they get to give an awesome gift that will be perfect -- and that I'll be the one to make it possible. I see it with both my dad and my ILs. "I need ideas." Cool, me too. But where do I go to get the ideas? I talk to the prospective recipients, I pay attention to them and their needs and wants, and then do the mental work of shopping and picking out.
So while I'm the one juggling parenting, a full time job, Christmas magic for kids, etc., I'm also putting hours into figuring this stuff out so they can bang out their shopping in 5 minutes on Amazon, and hit a home run. Amazing. You know what I want for Christmas, MIL? I want babysitting for a night out (or just off). I want another me to turn to. I want a 25th hour in the day, or an 8th day in the week. Can you find that for me?
Not to turn this around, but why can't you just not do it? My SIL texted me this morning for Christmas ideas for the kids and I legit responded with a shrug emoji.
I'm not OP, and I only have 2 people asking but if I ignore it then they just keep asking for weeks/ months. Yes, I could put up that boundary and have a discussion that says never ask me again. But it is easier for me to just answer the question. And since this is the grandparent generation they won't be around much longer. So we vent here on message boards, but ultimately help them out because they are aging. But it is a common complaint I think of our generation to be like why are we doing extra work when we are parenting and working, and the boomer generation is retired and done with childcare. My mom will drive up to an hour and arrange pick up, but the reality is that the item was not that important and she could definitely just get them a t-shirt and call it a day. But they wanted the list, and then the list was hard, so then they want more or something easier. Now, I make my kids text my mom their list and answer her questions.
I definitely already do some of that, H does gifts for his brother's fam, certain of our friends' kids, and gifts for his parents. I just wrap them for him, and I kind of enjoy that part. Him doing the choosing takes a lot off for sure.
What I mind the most is the entitlement, mostly from the grandparent gen, that I will just do all the mental work of shopping for the kids and even us for them, so that without spending the time to really know the kids well, they get to give an awesome gift that will be perfect -- and that I'll be the one to make it possible. I see it with both my dad and my ILs. "I need ideas." Cool, me too. But where do I go to get the ideas? I talk to the prospective recipients, I pay attention to them and their needs and wants, and then do the mental work of shopping and picking out.
So while I'm the one juggling parenting, a full time job, Christmas magic for kids, etc., I'm also putting hours into figuring this stuff out so they can bang out their shopping in 5 minutes on Amazon, and hit a home run. Amazing. You know what I want for Christmas, MIL? I want babysitting for a night out (or just off). I want another me to turn to. I want a 25th hour in the day, or an 8th day in the week. Can you find that for me?
Not to turn this around, but why can't you just not do it? My SIL texted me this morning for Christmas ideas for the kids and I legit responded with a shrug emoji.
Or can you just say something generic: kid 1 is into Barbie’s, kid 2 is into Spider-Man. And let them go find the toys themselves.
Not to turn this around, but why can't you just not do it? My SIL texted me this morning for Christmas ideas for the kids and I legit responded with a shrug emoji.
Or can you just say something generic: kid 1 is into Barbie’s, kid 2 is into Spider-Man. And let them go find the toys themselves.
I definitely do that, but then there are always follow up questions, so that is when I handed the phone to my daughter and was like answer their questions. And then I also repeat it doesn't have to be that specific item, I just gave specifics because they asked but it still could be any Barbie. It's just a lot of communication, and many of us are collectively over the communication. I'm at the point that I just want people to figure it out on their own. If they want to give guidance sure, if not we will figure it out. And I want to stop buying for adults, and I have with some but not all.
What shoes do you wear with jeans, if you don’t want to wear athletic shoes? Eg on the weekends if I meet a friend for coffee, I’ll wear jeans and a sweater. I don’t know what shoes to wear but my summer shoes aren’t cutting it because I can’t wear socks with them.
There is a cubicle decorating contest in my new office. People go ALL OUT! WHEN I was young and dumb I thought this kind of thing was stupid and hokey. Now I know anything that brings fun and joy into any part of work life is great. I want to curl up and nap in some of these little spaces. LOL
Haha. I’m the opposite. When I was younger, I was really into this stuff. But I’m in a middle age funk, and can’t be bothered with any of this anymore. OTOH, maybe I should to try to bring myself joy.
Related, I am trying to spark joy at home. I got a bee in my bonnet that I wanted a white Christmas tree with blue bobbles. I’ve always been someone who had to have a real, live tree. But, I just ordered a fake white tree. My grandpappy is shunning me (he came from fraiser for land NC).
I can totally understand that. I love that there's no pressure to participate though. Honest to God, one man has your tree in his cube! And a 3 foot tall nutcracker. Next Thursday is a whole holiday event and there are 3 prizes for the cube decorating. There's "events" all day including an ugly sweater contest. That's in the lobby so you don't even have to see it if you don't want to. We all get free tickets for a tricky tray set up in the conference room. Bringing in food for a food pantry gets you extra tickets. There's a catered lunch and then a champagne toast and dessert where they call the winners and the office closes at 3pm!
Or can you just say something generic: kid 1 is into Barbie’s, kid 2 is into Spider-Man. And let them go find the toys themselves.
I definitely do that, but then there are always follow up questions, so that is when I handed the phone to my daughter and was like answer their questions. And then I also repeat it doesn't have to be that specific item, I just gave specifics because they asked but it still could be any Barbie. It's just a lot of communication, and many of us are collectively over the communication. I'm at the point that I just want people to figure it out on their own. If they want to give guidance sure, if not we will figure it out. And I want to stop buying for adults, and I have with some but not all.
It does get easier. My 16 made an online wishlist and sent it to me. I bought what I wanted and sent the rest out to my ILs. I’d say starting at 11, they would make their own lists I would just forward.
dochas, what is a tricky tray? Sounds interesting!
Maybe called gift auction? They have numbered baskets or gifts lined up and you drop a ticket with your info in a bag or whatever for that item. They shake it up ant the end and pick a winning ticket. Last year there were PTO days and all of my tickets are going in that bag. LOL
dochas , what is a tricky tray? Sounds interesting!
Maybe called gift auction? They have numbered baskets or gifts lined up and you drop a ticket with your info in a bag or whatever for that item. They shake it up ant the end and pick a winning ticket. Last year there were PTO days and all of my tickets are going in that bag. LOL
Oh yes! I've participated in that type thing before and it's great. I've just never heard it called that before - ReGiOnAl? LOL
Maybe called gift auction? They have numbered baskets or gifts lined up and you drop a ticket with your info in a bag or whatever for that item. They shake it up ant the end and pick a winning ticket. Last year there were PTO days and all of my tickets are going in that bag. LOL
Oh yes! I've participated in that type thing before and it's great. I've just never heard it called that before - ReGiOnAl? LOL
I am also semi concerned about the heat in our house. For the past few days, the temperature in the house has consistently been much warmer than I'm setting the thermostat at (like, I have it at 68 and its 74 in the house). We have a gas boiler that was just serviced and everything was fine. IDK if the thermostat is maybe going bad? Or is this just a radiator heat thing? Like, when it kicks on the radiators get super warm and then cool down throughout the day? I do notice that when its super cold out, and it's been pretty cold the past few days, my house gets warmer. I'm not sure what to do here.
Is it at night when the house is too hot? We have a boiler/radiator too and our house gets chilly during the day if there isn’t much sunshine and then the evenings the heat really kicks on and it gets hot, especially at the start of the cold weather season. After a few days of consistently cold weather it sort of evens out.
It seems kind of random. Yesterday it got to like 76 in the house at 8pm and we had to crack a window.
Like, the heat shouldn't be kicking on if I have the thermostat at 68 and the temp is over 68, correct? Yet my radiator is super warm so it must have? I don't hear it running though. Clearly I don't understand heat lol.
I want to see what happens tomorrow when its supposed to be 50ish out.
Post by countthestars on Nov 29, 2023 13:20:03 GMT -5
For some reason I feel like my 8 year old nephew needs a kids metal detector. My sister didn't say it was a bad idea but I just can't get it out of my head lol.