Tween—tangling hair issues

[nicolewi]

I don’t know what happened to my almost 11 year old’s hair within the last month or so. It seems really dry, and it’s tangling like crazy. She’s had huge rat’s nests underneath her hair that I could hardly comb, so at first I was blaming her for not combing through. But now that I’ve been helping, I’m realizing it’s just tangling like crazy all the time.

I suspect it could be related to our water. We have well water, and we have a water softener and an iron curtain, so typically things are OK, but I’m wondering if something’s up with the water?? But her two sisters and I haven’t had any major issues. Maybe just a little tangling. Nothing like hers.

What would you do? I was thinking of starting with some kind of clarifying shampoo, and then doing some deep conditioning-type treatments? And putting it in a loose braid at night?

PS she’s white, with long brown hair (not super long), mostly straight with a slight wave. Her two sisters and I do not have the same issues.

[Susie]

When my DD (8) started having a similar issue, it was due to how she was swirling her hair in the shower to rinse.  I had her show me what she was doing because I was mystified as to how her previously braided pony became such a rats nest in 20 minutes in the shower... light bulb moment.  She was swirling it around, playing with it, flipping it over her head...

I would start with a physical cause like that, given that nobody else is having an issue.  If it has grown longer than it was before, she might just be rinsing it with a different movement pattern than she used to.

In the meantime, spray and leave-in conditioner was helpful.

ETA:  This is the hair texture in question

[waverly]

I posted on another group about DD’s hair and many moms said their daughter’s hair was tangled underneath and by the nape of the neck. I was wondering why DD still couldn’t brush it out. Washing more often always helps us with knots. She ended up getting a good 3 inches off and that helped a lot. Now it’s underneath the shoulders while before it was lower than mid back. She prefers it longer but I needed a break from knots.

[thoseareradishes]

How long has it been since she got a trim? If it's been awhile that might be making it knottier. Also, does she wear a wool coat? My hair at the nape of my neck got so tangled when I would wear my wool pea coat.

[nicolewi]

She just got a trim recently. And it’s just a little bit past her shoulders. But the coat thing might be part of it!! She’s been wearing her winter coat with a stand up collar and I wonder if that is playing into this!

I also talked to her about how to rinse it more carefully and try to finger comb in the shower instead of swirling around too much.

[countthestars]

I just bought DD a silk pillow case to see if it helps (we haven't started using it yet, so can't report back!)

[ellipses84]

Part of it could be puberty, although my tween’s hair is greasier lately. When it’s a little long (for a short boy haircut) it tends to get tangled or crazy looking. We’ve had to have a few refresher convos about the proper way to wash hair, which shampoo to use (not his bald dad’s 3-in-1), to massage it into his scalp, how long to wait before rinsing, etc.

If her hair isn’t the same texture and thickness as everyone else, the hard water and shampoo / conditioner could be reacting differently and she could need a different shampoo/ conditioner. Even if it’s a 1x week clarifying shampoo. My hair sounds similar and our hard water makes it terrible. I’ve always used lots of conditioner every time I wash my hair (and was surprised to find out not everyone does). I have a wide tooth hanging comb in the shower and with the hard water, combing my hair as I’m rinsing out the conditioner makes it so much more manageable to brush once I get out of the shower.

[ellipses84]

This is the shower comb I have.

[ssmjlm]

We do a silk pillowcase and I can tell when she sleeps somewhere else that doesn’t have one.

[noodleoo]

DD1's hair gets really knotted and I find combing it out in shower helps a lot. I use a heavy conditioner (Nexus from Costco) and a wide tooth comb. I also keep her hair pretty short, about shoulder length. The knots are definitely worse when it is longer.

It is probably the coat too. I always cut my hair shorter in the fall because coats and scarves would make the hair at the back of my neck knot like crazy.

[mrsGreeko]

When my middle DD was that age and getting major tangles I bought her a spray on detangler (Aussie brand mostly, occasionally fairy tales brand). And I braided her hair every night before bed. It helped a lot.

It hasn’t been an issue since because I think she brushes her hair better more consistently now that she is older. I think she just wasn’t always getting the brush through anything but the top layer at that age. I’d stopped brushing and she just didn’t take the extra minute to do it.

[ohgillian]

My daughter’s hair is like this. We de-tangle it every night, and then she sleeps in 2 loose braids. When she takes the braids out in the morning, she usually has some tangled areas that we de tangle. Then, in the evening, we detangle again and braid it. It’s crazy how often we detangle.

[meanie]

My DD has the same type of hair and it was super tangly. Same as you, I thought she wasn't brushing the underneath layers so I took over and realized it was just matting together. We switched up shampoo/conditioners but what really helped was doing a big chop to just above her shoulders.

I don't think it was our water since my hair was fine.

[raleighnc]

Definitely coats and hats and scarves play a role. I make sure my daughter braids or pulls her hair up when we get to this weather. I usually only have her apply conditioner to the last few inches of her hair, but in the winter, I will sometimes tell her to do a little near the nape of her neck.