Meltdowns over gifts

[konapoppy]

My holiday spirit is dwindling. One child or the other complained about their present every night of Hanukkah. The only exception was the lego night. I did fun small stuff most of the other nights. Tonight they got what they had asked for, yet still, a meltdown.

Is this normal at 6? At this point I’m done doing gifts for Hanukkah - next year we can just do candles and then presents only at Christmas.

Am I raising the world’s biggest brats?

[loira]

That sounds a bit like my DD a couple of years ago when all the festivities just got really overwhelming for her. Like she had used up all her Christmas energy too early or something. I don't remember her having gift related meltdowns but there were a lot of other meltdowns about Christmas-related things. I think you're fine. I vote not brats and just a phase.

[sdlaura]

I would chalk it up to a stage if it’s the first time it’s happened. Could be totally different reactions next year.

[jorja]

I don’t think they’re brats, it sounds pretty age appropriate for an overwhelming time of year.

Since it sounds like you celebrate Christmas as well and they’ll get more gifts then, maybe have a conversation or read a book about gratitude and graciousness to reinforce that stuff.

[pittpurple]

We have Chanukah and Christmas in our house and i've really pulled back on the gifts for both. We don't do gifts every night for Chanukah - one night they give me (handmade) gifts, one night we donate to a food bank, one night they give small gifts to each other and otherwise the gifts are like books / something homemade (I knit), experiences (we got sushi one night as they love it and we don't do that very often). For Christmas I try to focus on fun experiences as well with maybe 5 gifts each. It's made it all much easier and less chaotic and I think with fewer things they actually have the time to appreciate them a bit more - it really doesn't take much to make it overwhelming when the entire month is one holiday or another.

[joy]

We just took our daughter away on a huge trip out of the country. Several days at the end were dedicated to a fun park for her. She spent so much of it crying. My husband was frustrated but I think she was completely overwhelmed and worn out. Lots of travel, time change, so many activities, very cold weather, SNOW, etc.

Kids love routine and this time of year really undoes that. Add in magic and presents and excitement and some struggle to control themselves.

That doesn’t excuse the feelings, but may explain them to some extent.

[felicity]

I think it's normal. There's so much build up and excitement for kids around gifts and it's hard for them to contain any disappointment. I think some kids just have a harder time learning how to manage this. DS had a massive meltdown the year he was six on Christmas morning, before even opening gifts, because he knew he wasn't getting one thing that he really wanted. I cried that morning too because it took me off guard. It wasn't great.

He's 9 now and is a lot better about it, but he still has his moments. It's taken many repeat discussions about focusing on what he did get/did like/did appreciate and less focus on what he didn't get/didn't like. I still prep him with reminders about this before gift giving events or other exciting events like his birthday party, trips, fun outings, and that sort of thing because otherwise it just becomes a stream of complaints.

[konapoppy]

Thanks, all! We have had tons of fun things, and a few work trips made the calendar even crazier. Plus there has been a lot of sugar.

The gifts really have been small (a fun pair of socks, a new pair of sheets, a new I Spy book, etc.) and Christmas is really only 2 gifts per kid plus some stocking stuffers.

But now I know for next year

[meowmaps]

We celebrate both holidays too. I limit gifts to Christmas and give the kids gelt during Hanukkah. I’ve also tried, more so in theory, having a hard time implementing the practice with a 5 and 2 year old, to carry out mitzvahs like donating cat food, picking up trash, making cookies for neighbors during Hanukkah. I hope it’ll teach the kids gratitude and indicate that the season isn’t just about receiving but giving back too. And ditto to everyone else too. It’s an overwhelming time of year.

[countthestars]

It’s normal! Dr Becky actually just did a feel about this on Instagram the other day.

[macmars45]

Very normal. DS(7.5) had epic meltdowns the Christmas he was 4 (6 months before he was diagnosed with ASD). Ever since that year we do a quick reminder of how to be kind even if what you received isn't the exact thing you wanted. And we've also re-imagined how we celebrate Christmas too. It's been much better since that year.

We always talk about how busy and stressful this time of year can be for adults. It's an overwhelming and chaotic time of year for kids too.

[icedcoffee]

Normal. But I think it’s also a good time for a reminder on how to be a gracious gift receiver. Many adults I know need this refresher also so this isn’t a slam on your kids.

[madringal]

So my friend had a really great way to help embarrassing meltdowns when her kids would get gifts they didn't enjoy. She calls it Putrid Christmas. So basically she wraps up just crap from around the house. A pair of socks, toothpaste, can of beans, dog toy, etc. And the kids all open their gifts and practice having a gracious response. It's like a whole fun event in their home, the kids look forward to Putrid Christmas each year and then are excited when they get to use their response in real life, like "yes! I got to use mine!"

[waverly]

madringal, So funny. I love that.

I don't remember meltdowns but probably pouting. Makes you kind of feel like they are being spoiled. And when I feel that way I try to add more gratitude and community service to the season. Hard to do at 6, but we do have one charity in town that kids can help at starting probably around age 8. And they do a ton of events, so I wish we did more with them.

[shauni27]

100% the experience at our house too. I finally said on night 3 that no more hanukkah gifts were coming bc his attitude was just too much. SO SPOILED and not at all aware of it.

I think it is age appropriate but it still sucks and still needs to be dealt with.

[quesyrah]

I have never experienced that with my kids. Not that they are perfect, but we’ve never had a lot of money so I guess at a young age they learned that they’re never going to get exciting or expensive gifts?

I would be really really irritated at that behavior and honestly it would probably hurt my feelings. As parents, we work hard to provide our kids with a nice life and good memories and happy holidays. And for them to complain about every gift would honestly make me sad.

ETA: after reading other responses, I see that it’s normal behavior. I can understand about all the changes to routine, etc. My DH has always had to work holidays and we don’t have family around so Christmas has always been very low key for us. I’m sure my kids would have acted similarly if we were doing a lot of things that disrupted their routines.

[meanie]

Probably normal, given the age. If they were older I would have them donate the gifts that they complained about, but at 6 kids really suck at emotional regulation.

[Poppy]

I saw a home movie of myself as a young child getting a bicycle for my birthday and I was MORTIFIED at my ingratitude. Point being: there is certainly hope for them as grown ups.

Still, it is not fun to deal with as a parent. Hugs to you. You're doing great.

[konapoppy]

Dec 15, 2023 10:34:09 GMT -5 madringal said:

So my friend had a really great way to help embarrassing meltdowns when her kids would get gifts they didn't enjoy. She calls it Putrid Christmas. So basically she wraps up just crap from around the house. A pair of socks, toothpaste, can of beans, dog toy, etc. And the kids all open their gifts and practice having a gracious response. It's like a whole fun event in their home, the kids look forward to Putrid Christmas each year and then are excited when they get to use their response in real life, like "yes! I got to use mine!"

I love that I literally got them socks 🤣🤣

We will definitely do this!