My mom was a huge shopper and packrat, with tons of knick-knacks. Growing up, there were always two big bins of unread magazines because she and my dad subscribed to everything, and they could only get through them so fast. Bookshelves were packed with cookbooks she'd read but never cook from, and stuffed with her collections of dolls and teddy bears and my dad's collections of salt dips. The door to the 4th bedroom/den had this over the door rack FILLED with paperback books, and it got so heavy that you the door couldn't really shut. In the late '80s / early '90s you could buy these storage drawer things that were basically carboard filing cabinets, and we had those all over the house, filled with craft supplies, and holiday supplies, and miscellaneous crap.
She *LOVED* to host parties and decorate for each holiday, so there were special Christmas dishes, and boxes and boxes for each holiday. There was a cabinet purchased to hold fabric in the garage. We had an upright garage freezer and a garage fridge, and so much random crap in the garage that it barely ever held cars.
She had this weird obsession with ironing t-shirts, so she'd do laundry and instead of just hanging things up, she'd create an "ironing pile" in the laundry room on top of a little dresser in there, that would become this unwieldy pile3-4 feet tall. But I'd run out of shirts (or she would) and she'd just buy us more, and then one of use would iron, and my closet would be overflowing with shirts all smooshed in there (totally negating the ironing).
When she passed away, my dad wanted all of her clothes gone, and my sister and I spent days just going through about 3 closets, 3 dressers, and pulling stuff out from under the beds. (She stored stuff in all of our old bedrooms too after we moved out.) We got rid of things mixed in with her clothes, but >80% of it was just clothing.
My sister was getting more and more mad as time wore on, but she also kept taking more and more of our mom's clothes. Things she absolutely will *never* wear, because it's not her style or size. I took like 3 clothing items that were foisted on me and that I didn't really want. Also, despite how mad and disgusted my sister was at our mom's shopping and squirrelling everything away, she was showing me her new "she-shed" in her backyard for her own storage.
Meanwhile our dad (whose own bio mom was a full blown, didn't clean, broken stuff, little pathways type hoarder) now has piles and piles of crap and papers all over the dining room table and kitchen counters, and sofas. There was basically no place for me to sit or attempt to cook while I was there. The bedroom I stayed in only had a cleared off bed because my sister came in and did that before I arrived. At least when my mom was alive/healthy the mess was tucked away.
I came home and started decluttering my own house. Clutter stresses out my H, and we are no where near the level of my parents, but those few days stressed me out so much. I wanted to throw out everything (and I got rid of a bunch of stuff). I've slowed down in the last year because my panic waned, and I'm terribly sentimental (I have 35 year old stuffed animals that I can't part with), but I'm trying to get rid of stuff.
I'm following r/declutter and this month's challenge is to purge health and beauty products.
TL;DR - having pack rat parents messes with your head in a lot of ways and is a giant PIA when they die.
FIL is a major hoarder. He has executive function issues in general though, and this is just one of them. It's gotten really bad ever since MIL passed. He has piles and piles of paperwork around, and I'm pretty sure he still has all of MIL's clothes and things. He still has her car parked in the driveway, that was in decent condition when she passed away 5 years ago, but now it probably doesn't even start and probably has a bunch of other issues from just sitting there. He won't let anyone have it or do anything with it. He is bad about cleaning out old food, just doesn't ever take care of anything around the house really. He won't let people come over, although I think some of DH's aunts do stop by and help as much as they can with his resistance.
DH is very tidy, has one tiny basket of paperwork to get to (bills, etc) and he clears it out regularly. His spaces are always immaculate. Mine...eh. I'm actually more of the cluttered one than he is and I grew up in a spotless home.
Neither H's parents nor mine are "hoarders" in the sense of diagnosable hoarding disorder, but both of us have/had parents that saved way more stuff than we would ever have wanted them to, than we ever want to dig through, than we want to inherit to deal with, etc.
My mom died pretty young (59) and never touched an iota of it. I've been cleaning it out ever since. Neither my dad nor my brother helps, even though my dad's the one that lives there.
H's mom seems to be working on it a little, but way too much of her "working on it" means she digs it out and gives it to us to deal with because she can't bear to throw it out. So it's just double the aggregated effort.
I absolutely dread when my dad will eventually pass, because then I'll have all "his" and "their" stuff to deal with (currently I'm just dealing with "hers"), and a lot of his stuff is going to be technically challenging to deal with. For example, he has had a lot of highly specialized hobbies that I don't know much about. Some of them, he no longer pursues, but he keeps all the stuff because it's easier than not, and he lives in a ~1800 sf home by himself, and he can fill rooms that once had us living there, with his stuff. Dealing with it is some magical other person's problem (hi) at some future time.
It is exhausting. I've reacted to it by living according to Swedish death cleaning ideals. I ruthlessly give stuff away on Buy Nothing. My philosophy on giving stuff away is less "what if I need it someday," and more, "I'm not using this right now, so someone else should." I've textile recycled so many clothes from my childhood that my mom so carefully saved, only to have no interest at all in putting them on my own kids. For what? Her sentimentality did not protect those clothes from discoloring in storage, or from being a total mismatch with what my kids would actually wear. Same with tons of baby stuff that MIL saved from H's babyhood that we didn't want to use when we had kids of our own. More recently, I've passed on my own pre-kids clothes that I saved for when I lost the weight, when I realized that I didn't want to wear those styles 5-10 years later even if they did fit. Etc. Seeing the purpose of long term storage of clothes/goods being completely frustrated so many times has really illustrated for me what a bad idea it is to begin with.
Post by Leeham Rimes on Jan 16, 2024 15:40:57 GMT -5
Oh man, my mom is a clutter queen. She absolutely cannot throw anything out. She claims she’s trying to clean up the house and the garage but she is just unable. For example: she “cleaned” my dad’s office by handing me a box of plugs to electronics that no longer exist. The plugs had to have been at least 20 years old. But she swore “someone can use them”.
I refuse to help her bc I have no patience for her to go through, say a box of plugs or 30 year old cell phones that my father hung on to. She’s always been this way, my entire childhood was clutter. Clutter everywhere. You couldn’t sit at the kitchen table unless you carefully removed piles of clutter.
I am the extreme opposite. While my closets are a shambles right now, for the most part my house looks like I just moved in, lol. Very little of anything anywhere.
I hate HATE going to my mother’s house. It gives me the worst anxiety. And it smells.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
Post by wanderlustmom on Jan 16, 2024 15:52:15 GMT -5
Neither of my parents were hoarders but my dad and stepmom keep a really dirty house and they don’t update it. They could easily have a service and take care of their home and they don’t. You can tell they just leave the floors dirty even hosting company. They hardly talk to each other but both love the house on the water they let go to pot. I was just there at Christmas and luckily people brought food so we could eat. They never clean out their refrigerator and have unwrapped food all over it. I have to wash a cup out before I can use it.
My mom is deceased but she kept our home clean and cozy and wasn’t a stuff person. My step dad too.
My MIL has a cozy and clean house. FIL filled up his study that was the only room she let him clutter. He’s passed away now.
DH and I both prioritize a clean uncluttered house and our kids are good too. Both of us feel so much better without a lot of stuff
I don’t think my dad has ever gotten rid of anything ever. My Mom is a little better but their closets are full of who knows what. She is not a great organizer - probably bc she has too much stuff. I dread having to deal with it all when they are gone.
My H is in the military and we move every 2-3 years and do a good purge each time. I still feel like we have too much and would be fine with getting rid of a lot. My H is more sentimental though and keeps things “just in case”.
Post by lilypad1126 on Jan 16, 2024 16:14:57 GMT -5
My parents aren't hoarders, but they do keep all the stuff. My mom is FINALLY trying to clear things out, because she had to deal with getting rid of my grandparents stuff when they died a few years ago and she was like, ugh that was hard. They lived in a small assisted living apartment and had a small storage unit. So, no, mom, that wasn't hard in comparison to your house.
But my mom is not a neat housekeeper, and just shoves things she doesn't want to deal with in a closet or the basement. And now that she's FINALLY on a kick of clearing out b/c she doesn't want to leave me with it. Which I appreciate. But also, if she leaves it all for me, i'm renting a dumpster and getting rid of it that way. I'm not going through boxes that were packed when we moved in 1988. Yes, she still has boxes from that move. My favorite story about this is the time we went through a box (no address on it) and found "her favorite pan" that she had been looking for since they moved into their current house 15 years prior. She legit thought she left that pan in the oven of the house they moved out of. Didn't occur to her to, you know, unpack the boxes. OMG. My dad isn't much better, and he gets pissed anytime she makes him part with something (ie, one of his 200 ties that he hasn't worn since he retired 6 years ago).
As for H and I, we are minimalists. We've moved a bunch of times over the past 14 years, and can fit all our sentimental stuff in 1 load in our vehicles. Maybe 2 loads if we pack poorly. There's one sentimental thing I wish I had kept (and H randomly talks about a couple things he wishes he had kept). It doesn't keep us up at night though.
Post by imimahoney on Jan 16, 2024 16:16:01 GMT -5
I grew up in a very messy/dirty house where there was some packrating behaviors.
My husband's childhood was similar except his house was not dirty, just so much stuff.
I absolutely hate clutter and become very overwhelmed when there is too much stuff around. I go through periods of time where all I do is throw crap away. Other times, I just kinda ignore the piles of stuff.
My husband would likely be a hoarder if not for me. I make him throw things away.
My sil is a hoarder and it's very sad. I am deeply uncomfortable going into her house for family events. Her kids and husband don't really see anything wrong with the insane amount of stuff everywhere, like you can't sit at the table or island, half of the couch cant be used. It legit boggles my mind.
Post by penguingrrl on Jan 16, 2024 16:22:31 GMT -5
My mom is constantly purging, and even threw out some things I wanted (wedding shower gifts I was storing with her while living in a tiny apartment) because they “sat” too long (less than a year).
My ILs are the opposite. The main floor of their house is spotless and looks neat and tidy, but the basement and attic/second floor (tiny 50s cape) are packed to the brim with things that they “might need” someday. I think it’s a mindset they were raised in from their depression-era parents. Both MIL and FIL grew up poor and reused/repurposed everything out of necessity growing up and I think the mindset that created has never gone away. In their case, they don’t shop excessively, but MIL saves everything they do get. Recently she showed up with all of the notes from every single well visit H had at the pediatrician from birth to age 18, which was wild to me (and went right in the trash). I don’t look forward to cleaning out their house someday and it will likely fall on me and H to do so.
Post by icedcoffee on Jan 16, 2024 16:53:03 GMT -5
I joke that my mom is a hoarder. I don't know that she would clinically be called a hoarder, but she definitely likes stuff and cannot get rid of things. I think if she were to sit down with a therapist there would be a lot to talk about. She grew up very poor with very little. She and my dad were very successful and have plenty, but I think there is a lot of hoarding because of her past. I'm at the point where I kind of hate going home because I feel like the walls are closing in on me. It's just too much stuff. Like there's not even a place for my bags in the bedroom. I always end up going home and throwing out ALL.THE.THINGS.
I hate when my mom gives us certain things because I feel like I can't get rid of them. Example: Our baby glider/rocking chair was a gift from her. My youngest is 4. We turned his room into a big boy room. I told her I was going to sell the chair and it was a THING. "Why don't you just move it to the family room?" Uhh---Cause I don't want a nursery chair in my family room? I mean, I loved that chair and am attached to the memories in it, but it was also time to let a new baby and mama use it.
Post by Mrs.Syntax on Jan 16, 2024 16:58:40 GMT -5
My mom has always had a problem with clutter and it has definitely evolved to hoarding. It’s never been “filthy” but she has way too much stuff for the size of her house and lacks the ability to see that she doesn’t need all the stuff she has. When I was a kid, I never had friends over because of the embarrassment factor. As an adult, I feel resentment that I’m going to inevitably be the one to clean it out someday.
As for it affecting my personal habits, I am very stressed by clutter and keeping things we don’t need. My husband is very sentimental and we’ve argued about me wanting to sell/donate the kids’ toys and dispose of art projects and school papers. His mentality is “just put it in the basement!” which was exactly how things started with my mom. It’s a definite point of contention.
Post by Leeham Rimes on Jan 16, 2024 17:41:40 GMT -5
Oh, and as far as cleaning things out whenever my mom passes, I’ve told her that she better figure out what to do with all of her stuff because if it’s left to me in its current state, I’m getting a dumpster and I’m just throwing everything out.
She got pretty mad at me for that one but woman, if you’re gonna save everything that you’ve had since 1972 regardless of value/use ability/etc, that’s your deal not mine. I’m not wasting my time when you yourself, owner of the things, couldn’t be bothered to chuck the garbage and keep what’s valuable (whether emotionally or financially or whatever).
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
Post by silvercrayon on Jan 16, 2024 18:42:01 GMT -5
I was raised in a clean home. We didn’t have much and our house was tiny, but mom kept it very clean.
My MIL was a hoarder, and all of her siblings were as well. My husband has a hard time getting rid of anything, because he might”need it” one day. We have a deal that he can store that stuff in the basement as long as it does not interfere with our laundry and parking both cars. My nickname for our basement is “the hell hole of the universe”. I can say that my husband is way better than all of his siblings. His 2 sisters and brother are all hoarders and their homes are never clean. It’s sad.
My paternal grandmother was a hoarder. My dad (her son) followed in her footsteps. My mom was neat and tidy, so she was able to keep our house from being totally overrun growing up. Unfortunately, I've noticed that as she gets older, she no longer seems to have the energy to stop him and is following in his footsteps as well. She recently had to go through her mother's house after my grandparents both passed, and it was a year-long-plus job for two reasons: there was so, so, so much, and my mom insisted they not throw away anything of potential value. Even though dealing with my grandparent's stuff was a huge task, I'm not sure she had a lightbulb moment that will prevent me and my siblings from a similar fate someday. When I go home it takes everything in me not to launch into organization mode. They have a very frustrating life because they choose to try to accommodate 10 lbs of stuff in a 5 lb bag, so to speak. Growing up, I thought we didn't have enough room/storage. I've since realized that while they were short on storage in some areas, they are largely just hanging on to way too much, and things no one needs/will use. A pen jar doesn't need 30 pens crammed in so tight, you can barely remove one. It's okay to throw away 10-year-old cosmetics and free samples. Stuff like that.
Me and my siblings have a very "3 bears" dynamic as a result. I am a minimalist, my junk drawer is beautiful, and I know where every single thing is. We have never lost so much as a puzzle piece without me being able to find it eventually. One of my siblings is also a hoarder, and their home is so filthy there were times I considered calling CPS. My youngest sibling falls in between us in terms of stuff, cleanliness, and organization.
I feel like I definitely have some "baggage" from it all (not counting the physical baggage like when my mom tells me she's found something of mine and it's just waiting for me). Even as a kid I enjoyed purging things I no longer wanted/needed, but I knew I had to hide things in the trash/donation pile or my dad would just move them to another part of the house. It's really hard for me to not feel like their entire life would benefit SO much from a more minimalistic/organized approach. I fantasize about doing their house, basement, and garage from top to bottom. It doesn't feel healthy for me to spend this much mental energy on it though.
I DO feel like I'm breaking the cycle though. My kids help me go through toys/books/art/etc. and decide what to keep and what to let go of. They have done it so often and from such a young age that it is "easy" for them. We talk a lot about not purchasing things in the first place because of the environmental cost/what they already have/etc. I really hope it's a lifelong skill for them.
Post by yourmother on Jan 16, 2024 23:26:22 GMT -5
My dad is/was a hoarder. We sold his house as-is, junk and all a month ago. We still needed to purge 35 years of paperwork and sensitive documents. Find pictures and things that he/we wanted to keep.
It was a very, very emotionally hard week for my dad and for those of us who helped. It was just like the show hoarders where I found myself arguing with him about what he could and couldn’t take to his new, pristine apartment. It was hard to see how desperate my dad was to hold on to this useless junk.
A few junky things made it last me, but I’m so glad all that’s behind me. I’m just praying he doesn’t collect a whole new set of unneeded stuff for his new place.
I relate to so much in this thread. Both sets of grandparents were definitely products of the Depression and then WWII- for my paternal grandparents that meant buying stuff just because they could, for my maternal grandparents it was keeping everything because it might be useful. My parents clearly picked up on those mindsets, my dad impulse buys a lot of stuff that they don't really need or isn't really the right thing, my mom is a crafter and retired educator and keeps SO many odds and ends of stuff because it might be needed for some project or another. My mom also loves going to auctions and comes home with the most random stuff, though the amount has lessened over the years.
BUT they are making an effort to curb those tendencies. One, they had to do a lot of cleaning out and purging when they relocated for my dad's job ~18 years ago- they moved out of my childhood home into a rental for a year, and then again into another house when they decided where to buy, and that house is somewhat smaller than where I grew up. Two, they ended up with a TON of stuff from both of their parents' houses just filling their basement, and it was definitely a wake up call that it's a burden to leave that much to deal with to your kids, especially when they're likely grieving as well. They've put a lot of work into clearing out unused and unsentimental items, and sorting and properly storing stuff that is worth keeping.
I fall somewhere in the middle; I get stressed out by clutter and have really tried the last few years to be mindful about buying stuff and regularly purging, but I also have a closet, and small storage area, and a utility room/garage that are in perpetual need of being cleaned out that we never seem to get to.
My father is the packrat who keeps lots of miscellaneous odds and ends that he may need some day. Unfortunately we have ended up using things over the years so it reinforces his habit. My mother has kept it out of the house but the barn, shop, and outside of the shop are full of junk. She is in the process of completely purging the house in preparation for them selling in the next 8 years and she is slowly working on the barn junk. The shop and outside junk will be our headache to help clean up when they get closer to selling time.
My grandmother lived in a single room in my aunt and uncle's house for years and she had boxes stacked floor to ceiling with paths around the bed and to the bathroom. She then moved into two rooms at a friends house when my aunt and uncle divorced. When she passed away two rooms worth of boxes was moved to my parents basement and my mom had to deal with all of it. She has vowed not to do that to her children so that is what is also driving her desire to purge before selling.
Post by litskispeciality on Jan 17, 2024 9:42:17 GMT -5
I need to stay out of this thread as it's triggering. Another issue we ran in to with my dad is that he kept hanging his hat on "well remember when we had a teenager come over and clean things out...(2 years ago)" as if that took care of allll of the crap in his house. At the time didn't know how sick he was, so it was hard to get him to even just fill an empty box with books he didn't want to keep, then DH or I would then take said box to donate somewhere. It was just so frustrating because he just let crap sit, and when it was time to move it fell to his kids to get rid of it. My dad ended up selling his house to a flipper because it had to be fixed up, and the realtor made a comment about "thanks for cleaning things out" when there was finally a visible difference, as if we weren't trying for weeks. I don't know HGTV tells me I should have been able to leave everything and let them deal with it, but here we are.
I see a common theme here that it falls to us kids to either take the crap for sentimental value, or it's up to us to get rid of everything, and I'm still mad about that, pending it's not say a medical emergency like moving to assisted living or memory care. My girlfriend basically lives in a hoarder house with her dad and due to health issues can't move anything. I'm fully prepared to have to spend a weekend helping cleaning out if they ever move and sell the house.
Post by lavenderblue on Jan 17, 2024 9:53:46 GMT -5
My Dad wasn't a hoarder per se, but definitely a pack rat. His home was kept relatively neat, things were a bit crazy in his storage areas, he clearly never through anything away and it only got worse after his Mom died and he took in all of her stuff as well. We filled several dumpters when cleaning out his house, and still kept a ton of stuff as well. Most will eventually end up in my basement because as the oldest child, and now matriarch of the family, that's just how it seems to work out. I'm okay with it though, because I really like the family "stuff" as I'm a very sentimental person, and I know that it will be safe through at least the next generation because my daughter is very sentimental like me.
My mom was a packrat for sure. It's coming up to the year anniversary of me moving her into memory care so I clearly remember going through a ton of stuff.
Some highlights: Found blank 1960s style greeting cards that likely were bought by my grandmother. I packed up three mid size duffle bags full of unopened brand new AVON jewelry. My daughter packed up old jewelry which weighed would likely be 25 pounds for sure. I must have came upon 10 nail clipper sets. Easily 20 or so chapsticks. I estimated that I donated more than 700 DVDs 99% of those were never opened. (Found 3 copies of Top Gun and Forrest Gump for sure) Several of unused pamper chef items. 40 plus pairs of slacks/pants My mom had 3 huge storage boxed of sweatshirs, all the same brand, just different colors. So much yarn. Not to mention the bank statements that were dated back in the 90s! Did I mention all the greeting cards?
You get the idea.
My dad said that my grandmother would also buy the same pair of pants or top in all the colors available.
So, clearing that out was stressful. I kept anything that was historically from the family, some kitchen items I would use, and some sweatshirts. I also kept all the jewelry, thinking that I could resell it, and I have this idea of going through the used stuff to make sure there isn't anything of great value, but I don't know. I plan to have a garage sale with the unopened jewelry to see if I can make some money for her.
What angers me the most is how wasteful she was in buying all this. It's such a waste of money even now because I'm applying for her to be on Medicaid because she's officially broke. Angers me how careless she was even after begging her to stop buying useless stuff.
Post by midwestmama on Jan 17, 2024 10:07:52 GMT -5
Ah, here is a post where I completely belong. My mom is the main packrat and keeper of clutter in the family, but unfortunately, I inherited some of her tendencies. I grew up with clutter, and I tend to hold onto things and also clutter as an adult. I'd love to have someone come in to help me declutter and organize, but I just don't have the time or energy to tackle it right now. (I am trying to work on it in stages on my own.) My poor DH hates clutter and hanging onto things, but he gives me some grace because we are just in a very busy season of our lives (work, kids, kids' activities, etc.).
My parent's 2000 sq ft. house (plus storage space in the basement) is full of stuff. My mom keeps basically all of her clothes, unless they completely wear out. Every room is full of stuff. I don't know what I will do when my parents pass away. My parents have talked about moving to the house that my mom's dad left to her when he passed away, but that house is completely full of stuff (see, it's a family problem) and my mom wants to keep most of that stuff, so there is no room for the stuff from their current house. My dad is tired of maintaining two houses, but my mom will not make any progress in going through and getting rid of anything from either house. They are in their late 70s, and he would really like to only have 1 house when they are 80. Without intense intervention, I don't see it happening.
My older sister is also similar to our mom. She does not have a SO or kids. Her 1100 sq ft house is chock full of stuff too.
So anyways, I have no gems of wisdom to share, but would like to become less of a packrat and keeper of clutter.
My father’s brother (and his wife) moved from a large family home to a 2-bedroom condo, and did the hard work of downsizing. It was spearheaded by my aunt with the deliberate plan to retire and streamline. Time moved on and after they both passed, I was close with my cousins when they cleaned the place out and attended to all the things. Even with the downsizing, it was an enormous effort to sort through, trash and donate a lifetime of comforts and memorabilia. For example, my uncle had a record collection and stereo. They had to play the mantra in their head that the records were enjoyed & used for their original intention even though they didn’t have second-market value and it was okay to trash. The whole place was like that. They boxed the crystal glassware collection that still sits in one of the cousin’s closets. My uncle was an accountant and had stacks and stacks of filing cabinets of 30+ years of tax returns (& multiple copies) of clients. Those needed a special sort and shredding appointment. Their town had special appliance trash days and the neighborhood cars lined up and wound around the drop-off site for hours.
I imagine my future as similar but probably a bit harder since my parents have not downsized. I imagine my sister is going to have a very difficult time to donate or trash anything my parents leave behind. I imagine decision delays, hard feelings, and tears.
The thing that keeps playing in my head is that after all the cleaning, sorting, and removing, they found a storage unit in their parent’s name in the condo place. It came up in the final sale on the paperwork. A garage unit filled with boxes (floor to ceiling) from the original move from the big house. Just stuff, neatly boxed up and never touched. Never touched, not even once, in all the years their parents lived in the condo.
MIL is a hoarder. DH is very much like you. In fact, we were discussing his mom yesterday and I asked if he thought she'd continue "going through" stuff after his BiL family moves out next month.
He said "no". He has a hard time understanding why she doesn't want to live a simpler life and just let go of the "stuff". Even he feels as he gets older he's ready to streamline.
I will say when you have small kids and into elementary, you collect a lot of stuff. The toys, crafts, games are overwhelming. I started purging a couple years ago and was ruthless. I has this closet in my garage with bags and bags of clothes. I literally just threw them away without even looking at them. Those bags had been sitting there for 5+ years from when we moved in. If I hadn't gone looking for an item in 5 years, I don't need it!! It felt great!
I started going through the attic last spring and the paperwork we had stuffed up there was crazy. I did have to go through that but once I focused, it went quickly. I have more to do but I'm taking it bit by bit.
Anyway, my DH is not a packrrat or a hoarder growing up as a child of hoarding.
Post by ellipses84 on Jan 17, 2024 10:53:37 GMT -5
My grandma was born to depression era parents with a packrat mentality, but she was also a talented professional Tailor and could do every household thing like canning, gardening, cooking, crafting. Her tiny home was always clean and living spaces in her weren't too hoarder-y but her 2 spare rooms, half her garage and entire attic were stacked to the gills. By the time she died there was only a tiny path in the spare rooms with piles of things 6'+ high and we were worried for her safety. She kept a lot of my mom's old toys including her OG barbjes. She unfortunately got rid of her amazing MCM furniture snd decor because she said it seemed like a cheap fad for starter homes and the antiques she inherited from her parents seemed nicer. She also got rid of her 50s/60s dance dresses she made in the 80s thinking pouffy tulle would never be in style again and that was totally the style in the late 90s for her granddaughter’s proms. So she kept too much but not the right things! It was really hard on my only child mom when her mom died and she sold everything in the house dirt cheap in a garage sale.
My mom and stepdad are shopaholics and our family's love language is gifts but they have a big house and make sure to purge once a year. They still buy food for a big family instead of 2 people so we joke about always checking the expiration dates at their house. I’m definitely sentimental like my grandma and keep things I think I may need someday and can never find. We have too much stuff for our small house, but I purge stuff frequently.
DH grew up in poverty and chaos (space wise and otherwise) and his mom is a bit of a hoarder / not that clean. We do not stay with her when we visit and he doesn’t even like the kids going in her home (single wide trailer). He can be oblivious to clutter and mess in our house though, and does not have good organizational shkills. Clutter / mess stresses me out.
I inherited some packrat tendencies as well. My trouble is that when I try to tackle getting rid of stuff, I get overwhelmed and overthink how I'm going to do it.... so then I just don't. I still have a ton of the kids clothes that they have outgrown. I keep thinking 'I should have a garage sale to get back some of the $ I put into these clothes' but then I don't because I have no idea how I will organize everything... so then it is all still sitting in their closets.
Sigh. I am worried that I am on my way to hoarder. I read about it and learned that it often gets worse as people age.
My maternal grandfather was a packrat and I think my grandmother kept it at bay (or at least confined to the garage and basement). After he passed, she took on the Herculean task of getting rid of all of it before she moved to assisted living, bless her. I assumed it was because of him being a depression era kid, but I also think his family was well off and afaik did not live in scarcity.
My H helps me keep things under control but I really really need to figure out how to deal with stuff myself before it becomes worse. I just get totally overwhelmed when I try to go through things.