WWYD- absent neighbor edition

[buffalogal]

wondering what ML would do in this situation:


TL/DR- absent neighbor's 'mailbox' is full, and i feel like the mailman made it my problem and i don't know what to do.

PDQ

older next door neighbor was taken away in an ambulance in the fall of '22. they have not returned home, and last spring the neighbor on the other side informed us that our neighbor had a major stroke and would not be returning home. somewhere in-between my camera caught an assisted living van in the driveway, two woman getting in with bags, presumably with some of his belongings from the house. that was the only time we've seen any activity.

their 'mailbox' is actually one of those slots in the front door, about halfway the door. every now and again i am home for lunch and catch the mailperson, usually as i am pulling out of my driveway, i will stop and wait, and last few times i have noticed them walking past the neighbor's house- so i assumed they were not getting any mail delivered anymore. i was wrong as the mailman rang my bell the other day to inquire about the neighbor, and that they cannot fit any more mail in the slot. for anyone wondering their house is a colonial like mine with a tiny foyer- think 1 person 1 man-door-wide; meaning there has to be about 3.5 feet of mail on the other side of the front door

he was active on social media, but hasn't posted since the end of the summer. he lived alone. he has a sister but i was told they are not on speaking terms. i reached out to her last winter and received no response and she does not live in the state. my DH has been taking care of the lawn all summer.

so do i do anything? do i call the assisted living center- centers really i would have no idea what location he would be in as they have many. inquire if he is still alive and wants a ton of mail?

the mailman made it seem like they HAVE to deliver the mail, i explained that he wasn't home and that i wasn't sure he was even alive. i google their name periodically, which is how i know about the social media posting, but have not seen any death notice issued- but would one be issued if he has no one to issue it? i messaged them once but they did not respond, but i don't know if that is because they didn't see my message or didn't care to respond. over the years they have pretty much kept to themselves.

i feel the neighborly thing to do is to do something i just don't know what.

what happens when someone goes into assisted living, is perhaps incapacitated, and has no one on the outside to take care of their stuff?



TIA

[deadwing]

I don't know what the answer is, but the mail situation most definitely isn't your problem. It's very kind of YH to mow the neighbor's lawn.

[bex1973]

Nothing. It's not your responsibility. Although it's nice of you to consider doing something!

[sarahsays]

Yeah, this isn't your problem. There is a process for the mail carrier to follow if they can't deliver the mail.

[ECB]

I don’t see how the mailman made this your problem. It seems like he wanted to find out what happened, and maybe expressed frustration. But doesn’t sound like he expects you to do anything, and it’s not on you anyhow.

[starburst604]

You don't have to do anything about it. If mailman asks you again just say you have no idea what's happening and perhaps they should hold his mail. When my office was under construction recently for a couple of weeks, even though they could have accessed the office the USPS seemed to believe that we were no longer there and held our mail without any sort of notice. I had to go to them to have the hold removed and get our mail. That to say, they can certainly make the determination on their own that the address isn't able to receive mail and I think soon enough they'll start returning things to sender.

[buffalogal]

mailman stated something to the effect that they cannot hold mail, that they had already held some because they couldn't get anymore into the slot, but that they 'had' to deliver it.

[ssmjlm]

You could maybe try your local aging office.

I'm surprised no one has done anything. Houses need to breathe. And someone should be maintaining the yard.

[waverly]

Maybe ask your other neighbors if they know anything or have contact info for which home he is living in?

[Whitecaps]

Jan 16, 2024 15:26:00 GMT -5 buffalogal said:

mailman stated something to the effect that they cannot hold mail, that they had already held some because they couldn't get anymore into the slot, but that they 'had' to deliver it.

Then the mailman can problem-solve this situation with their employer. They asked you a question, but should expect nothing more of you. 

[bex1973]

Jan 16, 2024 15:29:00 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

You could maybe try your local aging office.

I'm surprised no one has done anything. Houses need to breathe. And someone should be maintaining the yard.

OPs H is - which is kind and keeps her house from looking a mess but also not their responsibility.

[ssmjlm]

Jan 16, 2024 15:38:20 GMT -5 bex1973 said:

Jan 16, 2024 15:29:00 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

You could maybe try your local aging office.

I'm surprised no one has done anything. Houses need to breathe. And someone should be maintaining the yard.

OPs H is - which is kind and keeps her house from looking a mess but also not their responsibility.

I know, but they shouldn't be. That was my point, someone needs to be maintaining the property.

[bex1973]

Jan 16, 2024 15:26:00 GMT -5 buffalogal said:

mailman stated something to the effect that they cannot hold mail, that they had already held some because they couldn't get anymore into the slot, but that they 'had' to deliver it.

Maybe they do but it's still not your responsibility.

I can't imagine my carrier asking this and he legit lives 4 houses down the street from us LOL

[bex1973]

Jan 16, 2024 15:39:15 GMT -5 ssmjlm said:

Jan 16, 2024 15:38:20 GMT -5 bex1973 said:

OPs H is - which is kind and keeps her house from looking a mess but also not their responsibility.

I know, but they shouldn't be. That was my point, someone needs to be maintaining the property.

Oh my bad I had a reading fail haha

[litskispeciality]

You're a really good neighbor for all that you're doing. The last thing I could think of is to call your local post office and state that you were asked about the status of the resident, which is unknown, so please stop asking you. To me it seems a bit unprofessional to ask the neighbor for an update as if they're fishing for info rather than "hey I know Bob personally and I wonder if you hear how his knee replacement went?"

I believe as others have said that the Post Office should eventually mail a letter or some form of communication saying they can't deliver mail any longer and for the customer to reach out to receive services again. We went through that every single year growing up because they said we didn't clean out our mailbox enough of snow (we did).

[VillainV]

I agree that this isn’t your problem. It’s nice of the mail person to be concerned, but surely they have a process for this, and that process has nothing to do with you. Cant they just return to sender as “undeliverable”?

You could call the local council on aging if you feel like you want to do something.

[cville]

Jan 16, 2024 15:26:00 GMT -5 buffalogal said:

mailman stated something to the effect that they cannot hold mail, that they had already held some because they couldn't get anymore into the slot, but that they 'had' to deliver it.

I mean, maybe? But that's for the mail carrier to raise with supervisors and lawyers. Not with you.

[Leeham Rimes]

I’m not sure there’s anything you can do, if the person has no willing next of kin to take care of their property/mail/etc, generally things are left to rot and the city may (or may not) step in.

There’s not much the city can do either unless the house or lawn becomes a public nuisance and people file complaints with the city like for overgrown lawn, (which homeowner will sent warnings for and the city may or may not mow it and send the homeowner the bill) or the house in stages of disrepair (rotted siding/rotting stairs/broken windows, etc).

You could always call your police non emergency line, request a wellness check and tell them what you know of the neighbor’s situation. But I don’t know if that will yield much of anything.

The postal worker should know the steps they can take if they believe that nobody is living at the house or they physically can’t deliver bc the mailbox is full. (There’s a form that they’d drop to the house to inform the occupant that their mail is being held or whatever due to a full mail box. )

[livinitup]

I find this set of circumstances fascinating. I agree the mail isn’t your responsibility to solve but there is some lingering questions and you are quite close to the situation. I mean, at least by physical location.

I can imagine that he has some type of guardian who has been legally empowered to authorize his savings to pay for his assisted living bills, right? My first thought is that the property taxes need to be paid, right?

I wonder how it all works when you don’t have someone to take care of what you leave behind.

[noodleoo]

I get it, my first instinct when someone asks me for help is to try to fix the problem, whether it is my responsibility or not. I’ve been working on allowing myself to say “I don’t know” and let it go. This is the USPS’s problem to figure out, not yours. And I’m sure it happens more often than we would realize. Not everyone has kin to take care of this stuff for them.

[wanderingback]

It sounds like the mail person was just asking if you knew what was up with the situation, not that they expected you to fix it.

As far as the neighbor being gone. If the property seems abandoned then I would call 311 to ask them what should be done.

[buffalogal]

Jan 16, 2024 16:08:20 GMT -5 livinitup said:

I find this set of circumstances fascinating. I agree the mail isn’t your responsibility to solve but there is some lingering questions and you are quite close to the situation. I mean, at least by physical location.

I can imagine that he has some type of guardian who has been legally empowered to authorize his savings to pay for his assisted living bills, right? My first thought is that the property taxes need to be paid, right?

I wonder how it all works when you don’t have someone to take care of what you leave behind.

i don't want to say it is consuming me, but i do think about it alot- i mean i have to look at their house every day, knowing some of the circumstances and wondering about all the unknowns.


the town won't cut the lawn till it gets knee high- and we aren't letting that happen. we have small front lawns and backyards, we aren't talking acreage here so it isn't a huge deal

the house is generally in good shape on the outside, roof and siding are not falling off. we've had rats previously (outside) and had the county set the bait boxes- i know the neighbor on the other side was concerned about vermin getting into the house and getting at their food left behind. but none of our cameras have picked up any action lately.




their car is in the driveway and hasn't move in all this time, a groundhog was stealing insulation and wiring out of one day last summer, but got what he wanted and left the next day? so weird!

the neighbor on the other side had sued them before over a tree, so i imagine maybe they had a lawyer?  maybe they are the guardian? 

[wildrice]

I don't know if this is the right thing or not, but I think I'd report it to the city. I don't care what the post office does about his mail, but I would be concerned about an empty property just sitting there long term without anyone caring for it. Houses need maintenance and eventually there could be a huge problem. While it's not your investment, it's adjacent to yours so it probably doesn't hurt for someone to do something about. I wouldn't do anything beyond reporting it, though!

[mofongo]

Yeah, I’d maybe call the non emergency number, not about the mail, moreso the abandoned house.

[mcppalmbeach]

I think it’s very nice of your H to do the lawn. I don’t think the mailman was trying to make it your problem, but was curious. If he says anything again, I would probably just say “I really don’t know anything about neighbor’s situation. I’m sure you have a process on how to handle undeliverable mail.” Now I am also a little nosy and I hate mysteries so I might call the non-emergency line or the post office and see if anyone has any ideas on how to proceed.

[klee23]

Jan 16, 2024 16:08:20 GMT -5 livinitup said:

I find this set of circumstances fascinating. I agree the mail isn’t your responsibility to solve but there is some lingering questions and you are quite close to the situation. I mean, at least by physical location.

I can imagine that he has some type of guardian who has been legally empowered to authorize his savings to pay for his assisted living bills, right? My first thought is that the property taxes need to be paid, right?

I wonder how it all works when you don’t have someone to take care of what you leave behind.

Not necessarily- taxes may be behind and they are slow to process a sheriff's sale or maybe he had to sign over the rights to the home to fund the assisted living. If there is no next of kin and and he is unable to make decisions a person can be assigned through the court system. Maybe he is cognitively intact enough but just can't manage bills- that by itself wouldn't warrant a mandated POA.

It'd be nice if everyone had a "someone" who could step in but many times there is not

[mustardseed2007]

This is neither here nor there but I wonder if the taxes are being paid. Eventually if they aren't then it will get foreclosed on and sold in a tax sale. That process could take years, though. If they are paying then the house will just sit. The house next to us has been vacant for the entire 12 years that we have lived here. Someone does mow the yard and someone does pick up mail (I guess? or they don't get any, I don't know).

It was even painted about 6 years ago.

My understanding of the situation is that he owners live in assisted living and the kids are keeping the house up but also hanging onto it without doing anything with it for some reason. At one point it was listed for sale but then came off the market without being sold.

It's a weird situation but because the house is being generally kept in sanitary condition I forget it's vacant.

[circa1978]

I would leave it alone, but my Roman Empire is a house that was empty when we first moved to our first house in 2009. In the middle of a very nice suburban subdivision, there was a house with no mailbox. Totally empty inside. No one ever came or went but there was a lawn service. I figured it would eventually go up for sale (most houses in the subdivision sold in under 30 days) but it never did. We moved in 2014; it was still empty. We drive by sometimes and it is STILL empty. What happened to the people? Is it an estate dispute?

Which is to say that a house can sit empty a very long time.

[heyyounotyouyou]

I have one of those mailboxes that has like 40 of them together for the entire neighborhood. It’s about a shoe box side for each house. There are times where I just don’t check my mail for weeks (99% of it is junk mail). When the mail box is to full to put anymore the mailman leaves a note that I have to go to the post office to pick up my mail. Not sure why the postman just doesn’t do that.

[beerlover]

circa1978, I would be fascinated by that too!