Gift Giving age to stop

[waverly]

This is brought to you because my nephew is turning 19.  I was hoping to stop giving Christmas and birthday gifts once they were over 18.

I did still give a gift to nephew (16) and both boys for Christmas.  I may finish out the round of gift giving for nephew 1 when he turns 19 and then let him know, I am not giving gifts anymore?

I might have kept giving if he were a college student and had those kinds of needs (maybe even a care package type thing), but he still lives at home and works a full time job.   I am not given ideas for anything that is a present- it's just cash and gift cards which is fine.  

My sister still seemed to expect it, but we are a family that gave to everyone except we were just trading 30 checks.  For example sister husband gets a $30 check and my husband gets a $30 check for their birthdays and Christmas.  I figure just cut that out for everyone, instead of trading it, and I think everyone ended up fine with that. 

I typically buy for my sister's birthday and she buys for mine because we are close and have actual gift ideas.  I stopped buying her and her H Christmas presents, and only bought for the boys since they were under 18 at the time.  

[mae0111]

Honestly we've taken this on a case-by-case basis. My sister's kids and BIL#1's kids are super thankful and really appreciate it, so I continue to give. Also, they're still all in school (One in law school, 3 in college, 2 in high school).

BIL#2's kids are... not super thankful, so we stopped gifts when they turned 18. They stopped birthday gifts for our kids years ago and barely sent Christmas gifts, so I get the vibe that they'd like to stop all together - and that would be fine with me - we barely know them.

[waverly]

mae0111 , My sister makes sure they are thankful, so I get a phone call or text message.

On DH's side though, the other step cousin never aknowledges anything even though his step mom (DH's sister) asks us to send pictures of her presents to our kids. Maybe it's because it is not her kid, but she insisted at the beginning that he was treated the same, but then we were told he won't visit us when he is in our area with his dad because he is only visiting his grandparents. And that we should not expect to see him.

I thought since she was so insistent at that beginning that she would care to foster the relationship, but the dad doesn't seem to care and she is..... well you know how she is, I've posted about her a lot. Narcissist is probably the best description.  If you ask her stuff like oh we'd like to see cousin, she gets real snippy about it.  

[dglvrk2]

I agree with mae0111 . It varies between families. I have only one sibling. She has four children whose ages range from 15-25. I still give all of the kids Christmas presents. I'll probably do this indefinitely. I stopped birthday presents for the two oldest after they graduated high school. I'll do likewise for the youngest. The third has some special needs, so I'll continue birthday presents for him because of his circumstances.

H's two brothers both have one child -both girls. They also both live overseas. They don't give our girls gifts unless they're with us for a holiday. We do likewise for the nieces

[CrazyLucky]

I was super close to my sister's kids because they were born when I was 11 and 13. I gave them gifts until they turned 30! Now I usually just send a card, but I also give them stuff whenever. Like I took my niece to a World Series game last year. My brothers' kids are still minors, so we're definitely still giving them gifts. But now my sister has 7 grandkids, so we're doing gifts with them too. It's really not an issue of money, it just seems like there's got to be an end somewhere. LOL. My oldest grand-nephew graduates high school this year, so his graduation gift might be the last one? I don't know.

[sandandsea]

Can you suggest adults or everyone even go into a name drawing for Christmas and then just stop for bdays without saying anything?

[waverly]

Jan 17, 2024 17:10:21 GMT -5 sandandsea said:

Can you suggest adults or everyone even go into a name drawing for Christmas and then just stop for bdays without saying anything?

They refused to draw names. Apparently everyone wants to buy for everyone. For siblings I asked that we only buy for the kids which eliminates 4 adults. But we still buy for my mom, MIL and FIL.

My sister still buys for my kids and expects me to buy for hers for birthdays so I feel like I have to make an announcement or else she will be like what is going on. I mean she will definitely notice.
For their step cousin I might go back to doing nothing. No one seems to care over there. All I get is he wants cash and I never get any indication they even received it let alone a thank you. There is basically no communication. In fact I guess I would say we are semi estranged based on DH and SILs relationship. Her communication style is aggressive or she wants something.

[186momx]

We stopped with DHs brother and our nephew this year and nephew is a 2nd garder. BIL idea. He actually tried to stop the year before but I had already bought and wrapped. He waited until the 20th of December to make the announcement. DH and his brother don't get along and I'm ignored 99% of the time and DD is hit or miss.

[madringal]

I will be the old aunt that sends my fully grown and married nieces and nephews $5 bills for their birthdays, lol. But my sisters kids are 23, 19, and 17 and I still love to get them gifts. I send the older two (one in grad school, one in college) money randomly, gift cards, snacks because I can and I love them like they are my own! My husband and the 17 year old and practically BFFS, so he spoils him constantly. We are very close to my sister and BIL.

On the flip side, DHs sister buys my kids a Christmas gift and doesn't even acknowledge their birthdays (my girls are 15, 12, 8). She has no children and I imagine she will stop gifts as soon as she is able. She has never shown any interest in having a relationship with my kids. It is what it is.