What’s the dumbest way you’ve injured yourself?

[fangoriagurkel]

I’m not looking for sympathy or hair pats, just solidarity. I was playing fast and loose (100% sober, I have no one to blame but myself) with some parking lot purchased FL fireworks on NYE and wasn’t able to outrun one. The outside of my right big toe was split from tip to tail.

After New Skin + a butterfly bandage was unsuccessful I went to Urgent Care on the 1st. They sent me to the ER for stitches and my second debridement with a wound care specialist was yesterday. I’m in a walking boot until Thurs.

Please reassure me that I’m not the only dummy out here.

The before: ibb.co/YQ001sL (My Dad got an “action” shot of me running away but you only see maybe a small part of my arm or elbow

The after: ibb.co/7Wdp6yn (No gore, just bandaged / booted)

[mrsukyankee]

I was trying to get out the pit from an avocado and the knife slid off of it right into the V between my ring and middle fingers on my left hand. I did not get stitches but I did sever a nerve or two and still don't have full feeling in my middle finger (which sometimes means my typing isn't great and if I hit the area wrong, I get what feels like a shock through my fingers).

[momin2013]

On a completely dry day, I stepped off the curb wrong, twisting my foot and falling on it. I broke my foot (5th metatarsal) and was in a boot for 8 weeks (on crutches for the first month).

[Jalapeñomel]

This is why fireworks should be illegal everywhere!

I’m sorry you’re hurt, and I hope you heal quickly!

[InBetweenDays]

I was playing hide and seek with my dog. I was running downstairs into our guest room to hide and he was coming quickly behind me. I turned the corner and ran into the door frame with my little toe. I never had it looked at but think I may have fractured it. It was painful for months.

[VillainV]

Oh man, too many stories to tell.

1) I scratched my cornea when a guy three houses down was weed whacking and kicked up a tiny rock, and it flew into my eye (from like 75 feet away), total freak accident.

2) I scratched the SAME cornea ten years later when a bug flew into my eye

3) I cut my thumb with a chef’s knife when trying to cut a sweet potato, and needed three stitches

4) I sprained my ankle stepping off a school bus.

5) I sprained the same ankle while running on flat level ground, when I shifted slightly to the edge of the sidewalk to allow someone else to pass

[charlatti]

I can’t remember what I was making, but my food processor blade got stuck somehow. I apparently thought the wisest course was to use my bare hands to wrench it off, and hey, blades are really sharp. It has been at least 12 years and I still have wonky spot on my thumb knuckle — definitely should have had it stitched, but I was 1, home alone with a toddler and 2, feeling too dumb to admit how I did it.

[devonpow]

I was super into the summer Olympics in 1984 (i was 7) because my mom was a volunteer with them - i loved watching the swimming and diving. I thought I could also be a diving superstar so I jumped off the edge of our country club pool and did some twists in mid air, slamming my chin into the concrete side on the way in and knocking myself out. I was rescued by the life guard and got stitches on a lounge chair next to the pool by a dr friend who was there (the 80s were a wild and lawless time lol)

[mirabelle]

I hurt my wrist really bad falling down bus stairs in high school. I also tripped over the dog at an outdoor party and dislocated my knee really bad. The dog was fine.

[moreace01]

Threw out my back lifting a cooler full of beer.

[slbride2003]

I was using resistance bands in the gym to stretch my hamstring. I twisted funny and the band popped off my food and the plastic piece whacked my in the face giving myself a black eye.

[Pibs]

I was putting on a pair of knee high Frye boots, bent over to pull one of them on, and threw out my back.

[yaga]

Nothing requiring serious medical attention, but in college, I decided to go out one night in heels. It was snowing. I was walking home with my roommates and some guys that lived nearby. Obviously being late at night, none of the sidewalks were shoveled and I was slipping with my heels on, even though we decided to walk in the streets. So one of the guys gave me a piggyback ride. Well he slipped. We fell. My lower leg landed on a small hill of snow/ice and guy landed on top of it. I ended up with crutches for a few days and after the bruising went down a long time later, a dent in my calf for years. Heels. In a snowstorm. I probably wasn't wearing a jacket either.

I've also fallen twice hard while running within 6 months of each other. One time was because I saw a dog and the other time I was trying to get my phone out of my pocket to take a photo of my childhood home (yes, while running).

I'm incredibly clumsy - always walking into doorways, tables, etc.

Oh and I burned myself with a hot glue gun a few months ago. I had searing pain in two of my fingers for a full 24 hours. I was pushing a wire into a fake flower and it slid too easily, so my two fingers went right into the hot glue.

As you can imagine, I have plenty of stupid self inflicted injuries. 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

[underwaterrhymes]

Once, I burned the shit out of my finger making hot homemade caramel on the stove.

I KNEW it was scalding because I had a candy thermometer, but my brain, I don’t know, was seduced or something by the candy and convinced me to dip my finger in it for a taste. (😬🤦🏻‍♀️🤣)

[fangoriagurkel]

I’m a firm believer you’ve got to be able to laugh at yourself. So when anyone asks me what happened, I’ve been embracing the bad pun that I “Started my New Year with a bang”. 😎

[keweenawlove]

I dislocated my shoulder reaching back to put the 2nd arm of a cardigan on.

[macmars45]

I fell off a normal height chair and broke my collar bone when I was 6.

In 2008 I slipped on ice in my paved driveway and slammed my head into the driveway. I probably had a concussion. Did not see a doctor.

In January 2013 I initially sprained my ankle (almost fractured according to the dr) by tripping over a sitting prek kid at work. The kid was fine. I was off my ankle entirely for 4 weeks and I can't use crutches due to my cerebral palsy. I lived in a 2nd floor apt too. That was super fun. Wheelchair and using a rolling desk chair on carpet for the win. /s At least worker's comp paid for that.
I re-sprained it while moving 1.5 years later. I stepped wrong on a broken down box.

In spring 2021 I slipped on loose dirt and smack my head hard onto the ground. (I lived in an incomplete construction neighborhood for the first 2-2.5 years I lived in my current home.) This time I saw a doctor. Yep, I had a concussion.

I grated my thumb with the cheese grater last year.

[yaga]

macmars45 I have a subtle set of scars on my hand from a cheese grater incident from years ago. I asked for the olive garden cheese grater for Christmas this year. Aside from how easy it makes grating cheese - no risk of grating my own skin off!

[babsbunny]

I covered the shower walls and floor in soapy chemicals and then stepped into it to give it a good scrubbing. I of course slipped and got a huge bruise on my knee that my gyno had to ask about.

When I was little, maybe 3, I broke my collar bone because I was jumping on the bed.

[MrsAxilla]

Jan 21, 2024 13:24:59 GMT -5 mrsukyankee said:

I was trying to get out the pit from an avocado and the knife slid off of it right into the V between my ring and middle fingers on my left hand. I did not get stitches but I did sever a nerve or two and still don't have full feeling in my middle finger (which sometimes means my typing isn't great and if I hit the area wrong, I get what feels like a shock through my fingers).

I don’t think you will get feeling back if you didn’t have it repaired ☹️.  I tripped over a poorly placed bench with a pint glass of beer in both hands and landed on my right side, shattering my elbow and shoulder and slicing my palm right between my forefinger and thumb.  Severed the nerve to my index finger.  It had to be surgically repaired, and even then I was told there was a 90% chance I’d never get full functionality back.  I did, thank god, but it took more than a year for the nerve to regrow and my finger had to be immobilized so I didn’t rip the nerve again (imagine your dominate index finger immobilized for a year!!  Yes, wiping was a challenge 😳☹️). Ten years later it’s still kinda numb.  

[heygrey]

I was putting on my shoes for work and severely sprained my wrist. It took a good six months to heal. I still feel twinges in the tendons if I twist it a certain way two years later. It was a few days after my 35th birthday so we had some good laughs about how it’s all downhill from here.


ETA: another one that's even better...

We were hiking and there was a short, but steep path from the trail to the edge of a river. I pointed out some loose dirt to DS and told him to stick to the left where there were rocks and more grip. I promptly stepped on the loose dirt, went head over ass, and landed between a rock and a tree. I fractured 3 ribs and dislocated the cartilage between them. It was hands down more painful than childbirth. 

[wise_rita]

Jan 21, 2024 13:37:05 GMT -5 VillainV said:

Oh man, too many stories to tell.

1) I scratched my cornea when a guy three houses down was weed whacking and kicked up a tiny rock, and it flew into my eye (from like 75 feet away), total freak accident.

This happened to my FIL while sitting in the back of a pickup truck, but it was a homemade firework and he lost his eye!  He was moving and the firework was like half a mile away.  He was destined to lose that eye, I swear!

I severely damaged my tailbone while drunk in college, thinking I could jump down a tall staircase.  I landed straight on it, and could barely walk for a month.  I am convinced it impacted how I felt birthing pains (they were NOT where they should be).

My first and only ER visit was after a junior high school dance.  I was doing The Twist and my kneecap popped out of its socket.  It hurt like a bitch!

[fryjack2]

I tried to unscrew the top off a jar of pickles while it was still in the fridge as a kid. My hand slipped and my finger got frozen onto the cooling thing that was in there. I yanked it off and lost some
Skin in the process. It also left me with a freezer burn all Down my index finger.

[1confused1]

I was celebrating not stalling a manual car in a parking lot, tripped over the concrete parking stop, fell onto the edge of the curb and broke my kneecap. This was the same night I was going on a 26+ hour bus trip to go skiing. I had already spent the money so I went, it was so painful and stupid.

[mcppalmbeach]

Let me count the ways haha! When I was a little girl I climbed up into the window of my grandparents’: old house so I could get a better look at the tv. These were the old windows with ledges and the wood frame was rotted and broke way. I fell about 2 1/2 stories (part of the basement was above ground). Broke both arms and my femur. That began a literal lifetime of dumb injuries. I am definitely accident prone, have a terrible attention span, awful coordination…not a good mix!

[VillainV]

Jan 21, 2024 14:28:59 GMT -5 keweenawlove said:

I dislocated my shoulder reaching back to put the 2nd arm of a cardigan on.

Ive dislocated my shoulder by sneezing….(this was after multiple dislocations when there wasn’t much else holding it in at that point). I’ve since had surgery…but I still sneeze by holding my bad shoulder with my good hand, then sneezing into my good elbow.

[fortnightlily]

I fractured my foot tripping over my own purse at work.

[isabel]

Jan 21, 2024 13:31:49 GMT -5 InBetweenDays said:

I was playing hide and seek with my dog. I was running downstairs into our guest room to hide and he was coming quickly behind me. I turned the corner and ran into the door frame with my little toe. I never had it looked at but think I may have fractured it. It was painful for months.

I wasn’t doing anything other than walking, but I did something similar and hit my little toe on a leg of the couch. I definitely think I broke it. It hurt so fucking bad in the moment and was painful for months after. So dumb.

[sadie]

I dislocated my knee by bending down to pick up pjs off the floor.

[sugarbear1]

I broke my toe on a mini fridge. We were driving to Banff, a vacation I'd been planning for months but dreaming about for years. Stopped in Sand Point, Idaho for the night. Woke up to pee, stubbed my toe, and went back to sleep telling myself it would not hurt by morning. I never even turned on the lights. When I woke up in the morning, my toe was bent at 45 degrees and the whole top of my foot was purple. Went to urgent care, drove back to Seattle, and spent 6 weeks in a boot.