DS is 6 and is not really involved in sports. He did a run club in the fall and I signed him up for soccer this spring. In the past, he has also played t-ball and taken swim lessons. We had soccer assessments this weekend, which basically was a mock soccer game. DS kinda just stood there the whole time, playing with the turf, biting his nails, and even sitting down. He cried the whole way there and said he didn’t want to play. All the other kids were seriously playing (some even slide tackling!).
My question: If you have a kid who is wholly disinterested in sports, do you push it? At what age should I stop asking him to try new things? I’m worried that if I don’t expose him to sports now, he will be super behind his peers if he wants to play in the future. I think he could be good at and enjoy soccer, because he can kick the ball really well/has great aim. I LOVED sports as a kid, so this is all new to me.
6 is still SO young. What are his interests? He will find his thing. Don’t push it though. You can ask about different activities but participating is his choice. He may be more inclined to like LEGO club or theatre. There is a whole world beyond sports. Or maybe he just wants to be a kid and move for fun right now. There is a lot of time for him to decide.
I know "organized" soccer starts as early as K, but if it's not their jam I think waiting is fine.
V started playing organized basketball in 4th grade. He's not *good* but he says it's fun and he knows he's getting better at some things.
I wasn't very athletic until I started doing year round swimming in 6th grade. I went from last or almost last to under a 7 minute mile and top 3-5 in my class in 6 months. By late 7th/early 8th grade a few more soccer players caught up, but I was still doing well.
Unless your/your child's goal is "get a D1 basketball scholarship" or maybe "get a D1 quarterback scholarship", there's really plenty of time. Interest and commitment at the high school level is way more important than being ahead at age six.
My DD1 had no interest in any kid activities until recently, which is 8/3rd grade. I used to feel a lot of FOMO because everyone else we knew had their kids in a bunch of sports and activities. But she didn’t enjoy them and when I tried to push them, she hated it and I was stressed and it was miserable. So I’ve let it go and let her take the lead. I still offer activities when I see the sign ups, but if she says no I don’t push it. This year she asked to sign up for basketball because a few of her best friends were doing it. She loves it! She’s a little behind since other kids have been doing it for a few years, but she’s having fun, getting exercise and learning fast.
I think the pressure around sports these days are insane. It feels very hard to opt out because so many people are all into sports at a super young age. I was never a sports kid so I wouldn’t be surprised if my kids aren’t either but it really feels like we are in the minority.
DD1 is 5.5 and has never expressed an interest in sports or honestly, much of anything extracurricular. She did a dance class but then refused to go to the last one after missing one due to illness. Said she liked krav maga after we did one free session but then said not to sign her up for it. Swimming lessons were a total fail. She's pretty anti-group stuff so I think that's been a common theme. Everyone's different. I was not athletic at all and my parents kept signing me up for soccer, softball, etc. I don't want to force my kids to do things they don't want to do. Something will click eventually and then we'll support her doing whatever that is.
I wouldn’t push sports necessarily, but I would try to make sure my kid was engaged in enough physical activity. Some kids don’t like team sports and prefer something individual like tennis or swimming. Some kids thrive on the structure of marital arts. Dance can also be a great physical outlet.
But if running and soccer aren’t his jam, I wouldn’t push it.
He's only 6, he won't be behind if he doesn't play something. It's a great age to try different things. If he isn't interested in group sports, try other things like art, dance, music, or theater, sports may just not be his thing. I wouldn't push it, but I'd keep trying different things, give him a few options and see if anything sounds interesting to him.
My DD never enjoyed group sports, she didn't like the competitiveness, but she enjoyed gymnastics, swim lessons, and now dances on a team.
I wouldn’t push any particular sport. Offer up potential activities he may be interested in and let him try things he is interested in. If it’s not soccer, that’s okay, there are a million other activities. If he’s not into anything at the moment, that’s okay too, he can try later when he wants to and you aren’t fighting him on it. Really.
My 12 year old DS does junior Bassmasters and is trying flag football this spring for the first time. One of his friends does break dancing. I know in some circles soccer is the end all be all sport, the only acceptable team sport, but there are so many other things out there, let him find what he loves, it might take a lot of time and iterations. Childhood should be all about trying all kinds of new things, not specializing in soccer at 6. .
And there are plenty of individual low key sports if team sports aren’t his thing: tennis, swim, fencing, martial arts, gymnastics, horseback riding, etc etc etc.
I wouldn’t push sports necessarily, but I would try to make sure my kid was engaged in enough physical activity. Some kids don’t like team sports and prefer something individual like tennis or swimming. Some kids thrive on the structure of marital arts. Dance can also be a great physical outlet.
But if running and soccer aren’t his jam, I wouldn’t push it.
At 6 I think kids can get enough exercise from playgrounds, play dates and playing at home (bike riding, scooters, family walks, running around with neighborhood kids, etc). I think organized activities are overrated for such young kids. In fact studies show that kids need unstructured play time for development and they aren’t getting enough of it these days because parents focus on organized activities.
Our rule is you have to do something. Not necessarily sports though. We just tried whatever she wanted to try. So from 4-7 she did: horseback riding, soccer, gymnastics, basketball, ceramics, swim, drums, more that I’m forgetting.
By 4th grade basketball stuck. She loves it. She also just loves being on a team and also plays volleyball and throws shot put.
At 6, I’d let him pick something and just offer everything available.
Post by minniemouse on Feb 5, 2024 11:59:22 GMT -5
I wouldn’t push any particular sport but I’d sign up for different sports or activities each season so maybe he would find one he likes. Elementary school is a great time to experiment and try out different sports or activities! In our school district kids need experience in order to play on middle or high school teams for the most part. Also, there are very few recreational leagues outside of school by age 11-12- it’s expensive travel leagues. I wish we had tried more sports when the kids were younger. Granted, the pandemic screwed that up for awhile.
Post by InBetweenDays on Feb 5, 2024 12:07:01 GMT -5
I would NOT push sports if they're not interested in it. I also think soccer "assessments" at 6 years old is a bit much. Did the kids think of it as an assessment? If so is it possible that made him more hesitant or nervous to play? Whatever the case, I wouldn't push any organized activity if they didn't want to do it and I wouldn't worry about being "left behind" - especially at 6 years old. There are also usually great rec leagues out there that are welcoming of all skill levels (our rec soccer goes through high school and I know kids who joined for the first time in high school).
No, I would not push a 6 year old. I would ask if they are interested in trying this or that but if they say no then I wouldn't push it. Why blow the time and money?
From 6-8 years old maybe even 9 years old, DS was playing in the sand at baseball, and picking his nose and grabbing his crotch during basketball. He was just basically cringe. Soccer was a little bit better for him that that but not by much. 6 is so so young. He is not going to be behind unless y'all are planning for him to go pro which I am sure that you aren't.
I never pushed activities. I asked and if they wanted to try it, I signed them up if not then oh well. Once they were in the activity I did push them to stay in it until the season was over with or it was a natural ending place. For example, for gymnastics we paid monthly so she finished out the month. For dance, it was after the recital, and for sports at the end of the season.
I don't know if this is the beginning of his spring season. If so, it might be early enough to say hey looks like soccer isn't for him and quit and maybe get some money back. But if he has already been in it a while, then maybe he finishes the season.
Post by thebreakfastclub on Feb 5, 2024 13:14:49 GMT -5
I pushed nothing except year round swim lessons 30 min per week. That was a push for a few months, then my son liked it so all good there. He loves to swim.
We tried various rec sports here and there. Most were not hits.
At almost 11yo, my son does archery each summer, plays flag football in spring, and likes soccer and deck hockey at school.
I've never been on a sports team so honestly I reject the theory that sports are anything special to have crying.
I would be inclined to try things that are physical but not necessarily sports in the same sense. I think that physical movement and exercise are really important, but not every kid will want to run, play soccer, t-ball, etc.
My kids are currently 4 and 8. My 8 yo didn't click with team/ball sports like soccer, but she loves running, she does youth track and XC. She also takes swim lessons, and at least for now she says she is interested in doing swim team when she graduates out of swim lessons. She's currently learning flip turns, competition legal breaststroke, and butterfly. She also handles our 1 yo dog in obedience classes. She wants to do agility with him, but he has a ways to go in obedience before he can progress to that.
Other ideas for activities that I have had: there is a mountain biking club for kids in our area. Cycling is an awesome lifelong sport but not necessarily competitive like soccer would be. I hear martial arts suggested a lot but have never tried it.
My 4 yo only does swim lessons right now, and currently says he wants to do all the things his big sister does, but I'm sure his unique interests will emerge soon enough.
I wouldn't push it. I have one kid that has been sports obsessed from the moment he started walking, and one that for whom soccer was a massive fail and now has zero interest in any of that. Once she's gotten a better hang of the fact that she does in fact have to follow rules and it's not her world that the rest of us just live in, we'll tiptoe into other activities...but she marches to the beat of her own drummer so who know's when that'll be.
Post by penguingrrl on Feb 5, 2024 13:22:52 GMT -5
Only one of my three kids liked team sports. The other two were bored out of their minds and annoyed at going. We stopped signing them up after like 1st grade and never looked back. My oldest has developed teamwork skills through musical ensembles (marching band, concert band, symphonic orchestra and the school plays). My youngest hasn't really developed teamwork skills, but his misery with team sports wasn't going to help that. He started middle school this year and is doing stage crew for the school play and joining chorus, so I'm hopeful involvement in those will help him learn teamwork and he loves taking karate.
I don't see team sports as important unless a kid really enjoys them. There are lots of ways to get energy out and learn teamwork.
I feel this, and it's tough. DS has never been super excited about any activities either. He loves being at home, playing with us, and playing video games. I struggle with knowing when I am going from encouraging to pushing, because I do think some kids need extra encouragement to get out and do stuff.
Honestly I'm so glad he didn't end up sticking with soccer. At 6/7 there were some really good kids on his rec team, and they definitely played the better kids more, and parents would make comments about kids like my DS just standing around not going after the ball.
Some camps around us do a variety of sports to let kids try different things. Would something like that be an option?
Oh ... we sent V to this 2-week long sports and games sampler camp in the summer. He said that was a lot of fun, even though he was limited for most of the week because he had gotten a mild concussion at Parkour camp. You might try something like that.
(If anyone reading is in Seattle, this is "Hall of Fame Sports" camp).
Post by gretchenindisguise on Feb 5, 2024 13:40:57 GMT -5
A is 9 and has always done solo sports. He is trying out soccer now for the first time and he is not the only kid on the team who is a first timer. He is liking it more now than he would have if we had pushed him.
And yes, while there are kids on the team who are really good, its still just rec soccer and the kids all get playing time. He is trying different positions and doing better each week.
Oh ... we sent V to this 2-week long sports and games sampler camp in the summer. He said that was a lot of fun, even though he was limited for most of the week because he had gotten a mild concussion at Parkour camp. You might try something like that.
(If anyone reading is in Seattle, this is "Hall of Fame Sports" camp).
That sounds cool! I may see if DS wants to be a CIT there this summer (gains service hours for high school).
I wish there were more options for kids who aren't interested in a competitive/high level league, or just want to learn a little bit about a sport and try it out without a big commitment, all through elementary (not just when they are 4 years old).
For example, my younger girls have never done softball b/c it didn't work for us. I'd love it if there were like a 4 time workshop just about learning to play/learning the rules at any age...not that you had to start in 5K and by 3rd grade everything is super competitive and time consuming.
We just got a flyer about rec dept track for elementary. I thought that might be fun to try until I saw that it was two 75 minutes sessions a week, plus 90 minutes every Saturday!!! I think that's crazy. Not only does it then of COURSE conflict with other activities, but it's way too much for kids who just want to casually check it out.
Neither of my kids are into sports. They are 8 and 11. My 11 year olds plays soccer or basketball with friends at recess just fine. He likes golf and wants to try tennis. He is not an aggressive kid so team sports just aren’t a good fit for him. He tried soccer and basketball. He likes riding his bike and has expressed interest in weight lifting and running. He also does an intramural club after school once a week where they try out different sports, etc.
My 8 year is a hot mess lol. He doesn’t want to try anything if he thinks he might not be awesome at it. He’s still at the age where I think it’s fine to try something without being too too far behind. He plays outside with the neighborhood kids and rides his scooter and gets plenty of movement. He’s expressed interest in tae kwon do and ninja classes, as well as tennis.
Also there are sports that open up when kids get older - things like volleyball or tennis, etc. Volleyball starts at age 10ish around me. Same for lacrosse. So, he may still find something down the line he wants to do.
Post by wanderingback on Feb 5, 2024 14:20:13 GMT -5
No, I would not push a child to do a sport. I would ask them if they’re interested in anything organized (theater, art, chess, etc) and go from there. It’s important for kids to have lots of unstructured time too. I would not worry at all that they’ll be behind in a sport if they’re not interested in sports.
Agree with folks, but also don't want to ignore your sentiment about the being 'behind' -- I get that feeling. DS1 started baseball on a league of 7/8 year olds (mix of coach pitch and kid pitch) and I was like, wow, some of these kids have been playing non-stop since they were 3 for sure. Very talented kids and DS1 who is a really athletic kid kind of had the wind taken out of his sails and felt out of their league. If he started like at 10, I can imagine that gap feeling even bigger... it would have almost been dangerous for a new kid playing baseball hitting off of kids pitching impressively fast balls.
Post by pinkpeony08 on Feb 5, 2024 14:36:49 GMT -5
I agree with others that I wouldn't push. But wanted to give an example of a kid on the team my husband coaches - through our school that's set up through the rec league, all comers in 1st-3rd grade. He also coaches basketball- same deal. At 6, the majority of the kids on his team really aren't into it, mostly stand around, can't even pay attention to where the ball is on the field. It improves by 2nd grade and by 3rd grade many of the super indiferrent kids from 1st grade are super into it.
I would just ask him if he likes soccer (don't judge by his engagement) - if he does then pick a low key league and let him keep going! I wouldn't sweat it either way.
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Feb 5, 2024 14:51:27 GMT -5
It sounds like he's been exposed to plenty of sports already. I think it's fine to not be into them, esp. at that age. When opportunities for sports come up, I would still ask if he wants to do them, but if he says no, not push it. But I do have a rule for my kids that they have to be involved with SOMETHING they are interested in. So if he does say no to something, if he's not in anything else at the moment, I'd tell him if he doesn't want to do x, that's fine, but he needs to pick something else to do. My ds (who is 14 and in 9th now) went through pretty much all the sports and cub scouts, and he barely stuck with anything. He picked marching band for his activity this year, and it was INTENSE, and he hated it at times and asked to quit several times, but in the end he was glad he did it and is planning to do it again next year.