I would personally continue to guide her away from this, and if she didn't make the decision on her own, I would do it for her. It's not a good fit, and the messages they are sending ("try harder" to just push past fears of actual dangerous things...) isn't healthy. It's great for kids to learn to work hard and push themselves, but I'd worry that this is doing it in a really unhealthy way, and for what?
My dd is an upper level gymnast and been on team for 6 years. We are very familiar with mental blocks. She did fine until things started getting scarier and she got older. She was fearless when she was younger. So age, hormones/puberty/changing bodies can all affect how they feel doing gymnastics and mental blocks. Certainly an injury can cause problems so that makes sense! She sounds like she needs some mental training to go along with the physical.
We have tried a lot of stuff. Therapy which we were going to for other things. But we’ve also tried some specific gymnastic sports therapy options. Have you checked out Doc Ali? She has a lot of free videos online if you search. We found a person online who worked with gymnasts. She was ok but it just didn’t work with dd.
Our coaches struggle sometimes to deal with blocks. The nice thing is - they have brought in a sports therapist for the girls. We’ve been able to sign up for it like a class and it’s been somewhat helpful.
But my dd still can’t overcome some blocks. I know at this point it frustrates the coaches and definitely frustrates dd. She is very talented but she just won’t work on some skills and has lost others. But the good thing is there can be a lot of work around with skills. You said they do something like xcel? As long as she isn’t doing compulsories she should be able to try different skills. However some coaches are stuck with a mindset of - they must do x. Dd has had to pave her own way at times and we’ve had to help advocate for her. There’s no reason she needs to do x skill that she has a block on when y skill fulfills the requirement.
But it’s also ok to call it quits too. Gymnastics is TOUGH! And skills only get scarier. At times we’ve had to have that convo with dd. At times she is so upset when she has a block so we let her know it’s ok to take a step back. But she never wants to. It has taught her immense perseverance through adversity and hard work though.
Is it just one specific thing she is having issues with or is it everything?
It's good to hear from someone who has dealt with these specific issues. It's so hard to know whether these challenges are helping or hurting them...I sincerely hope it's doing more good than harm overall. The sport has come a long way in terms of supporting gymnasts' overall well being, but it's still tough mentally and physically.
Right now her biggest blocks are mostly around doing backwards skills on the beam, which I totally understand. Throwing yourself backwards on a 4-inch plank that is several feet off the ground is no joke.
Oh yes we are definitely familiar with backwards on the beam blocks! But if she is doing xcel (or something similar) there should be alternatives. Since she is new to team though what exactly does she need to do backwards on beam? My dd didn’t do anything backwards on beam when she started and not for a little bit after.
My dd was super excited about getting her back handspring on beam and worked so hard on it. it was 3 years ago when she got it. And then she lost it. Then she got it back and competed it all season and then at regionals she seriously stood on the beam for what felt like forever before she did it. That was it for her competing it. She just would get soooo nervous that it would take her forever to do it. So like I said in previous she went with modifications to do something different that still fulfilled the skill. She does a roundoff which is still a similar skill but it is not backwards so it’s not as scary for her. my dd is now a level 8 and she still doesn’t go backwards on the beam. She is taking a bit of a hit on her score but for her it’s worth it for less stress. Taking the pressure off her that she HAS to do backhandspring really helped lessen her stress. And that allows her to still work on it at times in practice.
Is she passionate about this? Or like just mildly enthusiastic? I honestly think that would make a difference for me as to whether I encouraged the kid to stick with it.
Is she doing meets right now? If so, how is she handling those? How much longer before there is natural opportunity for a reset? I know my Xcel kid (who LOVES it) only has two meets left these next few weeks before the season is over (aside from states). In your shoes, I might make a deal with her to try for another month or so and then reassess as a family what is best. If your kid is passionate about it I might consider repeating the year of Xcel if they’ll let her or switching to another gym with Xcel. If she’s anything less than fully onboard, I think I’d encourage moving onto something else. I’m sorry about her broken bone. I know of a couple friends whose kids had gymnastic break injuries and the kids have pivoted pretty easily to other stuff (like cheer, basketball).
Post by ginandtonic on Feb 28, 2024 10:02:42 GMT -5
My daughter did gymnastics from 3 years old until she quit team at 13. She started on the JO track, hurt herself (and eventually had surgery, but that was after she quit) and rather than repeat a level, moved to Xcel Gold for two years. Once she was Xcel, with a lot of the pressure off and the ability to avoid some backwards tumbling, her confidence shot back up. Then Covid and puberty happened simultaneously, along with the fear of bigger skills (she was never ever going to go backwards on the beam - which was her strongest event - for instance) so she quit. It was emotional - for both of us - that gym was her home. She took about a year, turned 14 and was old enough to work summer camp there. She started with that, is coaching rec now, taking on some private lessons, and is going to start helping with preteam this summer (she's 16 now). It's like the best of both worlds, because she's still in her happy place (and they all squeeze in some tumbletrak time when they can...).
Gymnastics is tough. Mentally and physically (her knees crack like she's 50, among other things). I find that high-performing/high anxiety and gymnastics go hand in hand and I'm not sure what comes first- but it's not just my kid. It's also not cheap. If she's not getting what she needs (or wants) from it, and you're already at the least competitive team at the least competitive gym, then it's probably time to let it go. And I realize that's not an easy decision. Mine has often said - I wish I could still take a class and not compete, but the most advanced rec class is still too easy for her. I actually think the gym would profit from an ex-gymnasts rec class and I hope she finds a college with a club team where she could just go and play around (or she continues to coach in college and still gets access to the equipment - I mean, if she never vaults again, she won't be sad). When she quit, I tried to talk her into dance, rowing, diving, but she just needed some time (and part of the downfall of gymnastics, as you said, is that it's so much, she had no time for other team sports). She's taken some pilates classes and works out on her own and just started ice skating lessons and has picked it up pretty quickly. She said - I'm going work up to spins. Ok then, but as long as it's fun. She's done being competitive. Good luck!
Do most quit gymastics around age 13-14? Just wondering if it is kind of the thing where there is a natural time where they age out. It could just be hanging on at their own pace if it is only a year or so.
I would not have my child continue with something that they are fearful of, even if they don't realize it, especially when there is no end goal (like competing in college)
Post by InBetweenDays on Feb 28, 2024 13:36:13 GMT -5
I have no experience with gymnastics (but do with advanced/travel lacrosse) so take this with a grain of salt. But I can't imagine having my child continue with a sport where they are really struggling just for fear that if they stop they may not make the advanced team again. I don't want this to sound harsh but if that's the situation then it sounds like the advanced team isn't the right placement for them.
Do most quit gymastics around age 13-14? Just wondering if it is kind of the thing where there is a natural time where they age out. It could just be hanging on at their own pace if it is only a year or so.
I do think there is a lot of attrition around puberty. Many kids' skills plateau at a certain point due to either physical or mental limitations, and some kids become self-conscious about their bodies at that age. I see quite a few high school and early college gymnasts who made it through that transition and still enjoy the sport, but there are definitely fewer older gymnasts than younger ones at the gym. The older gymnasts are not all super tiny and have normal womanly bodies, which I think is good for the younger girls to see. Lots of them come back to teach / coach as well.
Post by pittpurple on Feb 29, 2024 11:22:44 GMT -5
I have an 11 year old daughter who dances - not the same thing exactly but there is a big divide (and an ever growing one!) at this age between the casual dancers and the kids heading towards theoretical careers of some sort in dance. I think keeping up at any sport at a high level needs both the parents and the kids to be equally invested and it doesn't sound like this specific situation is a great fit for her. My daughter has terrible anxiety and a lot of her life is a struggle for her, but ballet is her safe place. I would not encourage her to stick with something that is making her feel badly about herself, particularly at such a difficult age. I think you've given it a good amount of time and it sounds like it's going in the wrong direction. There are so many other things she could be doing - including gymnastics she might enjoy more - and I'd really look at exploring some other options.
pittpurple, I agree. What is the end game here? Most are not going into professional gymnastics or professional dance. I think my SIL danced in college but most likely it was something she paid for (classes or through theater department) not a sports scholaship/ competition type thing. And she is the only one that I know of besides someone starting their own dance studio and teaching.
If she wants to stay in until puberty and leave when most do, sure fine. But I definitely would not be pushing backward moves on the beam. I am not a gymnast but I would 100% break my neck attempting that even if I were a gymast lol.
pittpurple, I agree. What is the end game here? Most are not going into professional gymnastics or professional dance. I think my SIL danced in college but most likely it was something she paid for (classes or through theater department) not a sports scholaship/ competition type thing. And she is the only one that I know of besides someone starting their own dance studio and teaching.
If she wants to stay in until puberty and leave when most do, sure fine. But I definitely would not be pushing backward moves on the beam. I am not a gymnast but I would 100% break my neck attempting that even if I were a gymast lol.
I’m not sure about the end game for the OP but I think the end game for a lot of these situations is to try to do the sport in HS. There was just a post this morning on my local mom FB page in which a mom said that her 8th grader was interested in trying out for the high school volleyball team because she enjoyed playing in PE class but didn’t have much experience outside of that. She was wondering if anyone could recommend a summer camp or clinic for her daughter to get more experience.
A mom of a current junior on the team responded and told her that her daughter was “already behind the eight ball” and that most of the girls in the team have been playing club volleyball year round since 5th grade. She encouraged her to immediately sign her daughter up for a “mini club” going on now, do that through the summer, and consider joining another club volleyball team that is a 45 min drive each way during rush hour. It seems like they are being forced to “specialize” so early just to have the chance to be on a sports team in HS.
My daughter is heavy into ballet but she's had a circuitious path to get there, including a stint on a competition team (which is a very different path than classical ballet). We were forced into making a decision a little earlier than we had anticipated regarding focusing on ballet only or trying to balance the two and it was very difficult. Ultimately, through a lot of conversations and just knowing her, it wasn't the competitive dance itself that she loved. She liked aspects of the dancing but really disliked some things about it. What she loved was being on a team, being with her friends, and the familiarity of it. And even though gymnastics is an individual sport,, it still has a big team/family feel for a lot of gymnasts. We were also just dealing with the fear of change, the fear of the unknown, etc. So I guess my advice is to really try to tease out exactly what it is she is reluctant to leave behind and if it's something she could find elsewhere. And to not let fear of change be something that keeps you in a place in which you are unhappy, which I think is a difficult but super valuable lesson for anyone to learn.
Regarding gymnasts aging out, both of my sisters were competitive gymnasts. One stopped competing club gymnastics when she started high school, the other a bit later, but both competed on our high school team. A lot of their friends started athletics in 7th grade and started picking up sports. Even though they hadn't trained in them outside of school, they were so athletic and disciplined that they typically found something else they were really good at and transitioned to that. Couple that with puberty and the realization that they've probably progresses as far as they will go in gymnastics, etc., it just makes sense that they naturally find new paths. There's also the realization that competitive gymnastics is an intense time commitment and choosing to do it means choosing to not do a lot of other things.
I was the kid in the advanced sport - mine was show jumping but I think there are a lot of similarities across high performance/high risk sports : huge financial and time investment, high risk of injury, potential for high anxiety and mental blocks that may not make sense to trainers or parents (one bad crash into a particular type of jump and suddenly all those jumps are scary).
I quit shortly before going away to university but I think I was mentally done well before that. I'd lost trust in my partner (my horse) and I'd lost the sense of joy I had when riding. My parents noticed about 18 months before, but I refused to quit. It was such a part of my identity that I was scared of giving it up because I didn't know who I was without it. There were other factors at play, and I might have enjoyed my last couple of years more if I'd had a trainer who was less about yelling at me for motivation and more about finding gentle ways to crack my performance anxiety.
All this to say, don't be afraid to make the decision FOR your daughter to switch coaches (I never would have left my trainer out of loyalty but at 15 I didn't understand that it's normal to move around to get the best fit). And don't be afraid to steer her into quitting if that seems like what she wants. Just know it will take time for her to work through the loss of identity as a gymnast and she may need space to just hang out and not get into any new sport or activity right away.