Teen Driver Question

[mcppalmbeach]

When your teen got their permit, how often did they drive for practice and for how long? I feel like I’m not a great driver and I’m not equipped to teach my teen to drive. Also if I say one thing he is instantly defensive way more than he is with my H. I want my h to work with him and get him a good bit of the way comfortable and then I’ll let him drive with me. The problem is my h is always working and on the weekend we always have things going on and I don’t think my h really takes the initiative like he should be. If they go somewhere I always have to say make sure to let ds drive. This week he has driven one time one way with my h to practice (10 mins) and one time to a game (also 10 mins) and then I told my h let him drive all of us from our other son’s basketball game but he wasn’t going to offer if I didn’t mention it. He will for school drivers ed, but probably not until the fall.

[cjcouple]

We signed up for drivers ed so they did 8 hours with him. I did a little bit but DH took him on weekends a lot. I think it helps to have them do a longer driving session. 1-2 hours at a time if you can.

I'm still not comfortable with him driving (and he's a good driver and has had his license for over a year) but I'm also not comfortable with DH driving so I drive everywhere.

DS drives DHs car. he doesn't have his own.

[mrsGreeko]

In my state teens have to get 50 hours of logged time and 10 of that has to be at night. My DD1 had all her hours within 3 months of getting her permit. We stopped tracking at that point, but she continued to drive the same amount so she had over 150 hours in the year she had her permit. She also did 6 hours with a driving instructor and a day of defensive driving skills which was another 4ish hours. In our house it turned out that DH was too nervous to handle teaching her to drive so I did the majority until she had had her permit for 6 months or so. Every time she had an activity she drove (she was horseback riding at the time at a barn about 15 minutes away 3 times a week so she drove to and from the barn 3x a week every week). Every time I had an errand to run she drove me. Sometimes on the way home from the barn I’d just let her drive for another 30-60 minutes. If she wanted to go to a friend’s house that was driving distance, she drove. Eventually she drove more with DH and he would have her drive them to lunch or on errands or just to drive. My DD was very driven to get her license and independence which helped a lot. She was always asking to drive. I did a lot of the initial driving with her at night because I have two other kids and dinner and activities and whatever. So a lot of times she and I would just go drive around for 30 minutes after the other kids were in bed or whatever. I was tired, but felt like it was worth it and it was all temporary.

The more hours they get with the permit the better. My middle gets her permit this summer. She will be driving as many hours as possible also. This time we know to have me be the primary instructor until she’s good enough that DH can handle it. I don’t know if she will be quite as driven to ask to drive. But, my goal is to have her 50 hours done by Labor Day. I think it’s the safest thing to have the extra time.

[gummybear]

How long has he had his permit? In the beginning it was excruciating but it slowly got better. We both drove with her and often would just run simple errands to face her get practice. In PA they need to be 16.5 at the youngest and have their permit 6 months, accumulation 65 hours of driving to take the test. So it was A LOT of driving. We also had her take driving lessons - it was 4 -1.5 hour sessions and they escalated the situations in each lesson, even highway driving. I got to sit in the back seat for a couple of them and it was very vindicating to hear the instructor say the same exact things I had said. She had a few close calls (with deer and assholes, nothing her fault) and that humbled her pretty quickly.

Hang in there. Driving has unlocked a whole new level of anxiety that I really underestimated.

[RitzyHeifer]

My state also requires 50 hours day and 10 hours night driving on a permit before they can sit for a license test (well, unless they are 16 yrs and 9 months old but DS got his permit so will do the 60 hours). It’s tough honestly. I’m the only driver in our house so I have to drive with him those hours. We also have a driving school he will drive with but they require he get at least 40 hours in with me before their drives,
I just try to keep my cool, stomp the imaginary brake and give him advice….

[livinitup]

My 16 year old got her permit on her birthday - took and passed the test early & went to the DMV on her birthday (with H). That was mid January. She drives almost all the time. I give her little to no instruction, she just drives and I pray she doesn’t hit a parked car.

[6fsn]

Maybe your h just isn’t used to letting your son drive. Is there a reason your son can’t speak up and ask to drive?

[devonpow]

DS1 is doing this now. He needs 40 hours total of practice with an adult, plus however much practice with thr driving instructor (10 hours? I forget). There’s an app we have to track hours in.

I’ve never had a license/don’t drive, so this is all DH’s job. They usually go out for at least an hour, usually a bit more. They do find it hard to fit in. DS1 does sports and doesn’t have any time during the week, so it’s usually just an hour or two when they can fit it in on weekends. This weekend DH is away so no lessons. Honestly DS1 isn’t in a huge rush to get his license (we live in a city with hood public transportation so he gets everywhere on his own already) so it’s taking us longer than most. I’m not complaining - I want that pre frontal lobe developed as much as possible before he’s driving on his own! Lol

[eddy]

We were not the best at giving him time prior to drivers ed. We are just cautious people and IDK it was nerve racking. He became a confident driver with the the class. From that point it was much easier to reinforce. We definitely needed that professional support.

[skidunks]

DS1 got his permit a few weeks after his birthday and has about half of the 50 hours he needs. I tend to drive with him around town and DH drives with him longer distances. They go skiing together pretty much every weekend so that has opened up a lot of driving time for him. Over the winter DS went to the gym almost every evening, it’s about 10 minutes away and he would drive there and back pretty much every time.
He loves driving and wants to do it a lot so it helps that he’s motivated. I have to remind myself to have him drive, it’s easy for me to just say “I want to get there without giving a driving lesson” but we’re at this place in life and we need to teach him and he wants to learn.

[keh2oblue]

My DD got her permit in January and has been driving 4-5 day/week since for short trips around town or errands. That being said, I couldn’t do it for the first few weeks. My husband was much more patient and less anxious in the beginning stages. We did tell her that if she argues with us, there is no driving or license, so that kinda curbed the attitude.

[stemmie]

In my state it's 65 hours total with 10 being nighttime and 5 being "bed weather". I actually had to sign off on it.

DS was on the older side to get a license; he's got ADHD and anxiety, so we didn't push it. A bunch of DS's friends who were new drivers had accidents early in their driving careers-- 4 of them (all good kids) totaled their first car before graduation-- and it kind of spooked us all. If your son isn't asserting himself, maybe he needs a little more time to feel comfortable.

We also did a semester of driver education (no road time) and several sessions of professional instruction to get him started. DH really struggled with DS driving because he's pretty anxious and did the "why don't you drive?" thing, so I sucked it up and did it even though I resented the shit out of DH for it. I'm not generally comfortable with other drivers, so this was not a happy time for me. TBH, I wasn't comfortable with DS driving until I had my knee replaced and needed a driver. The Oxycontin was likely key here. He's my designated driver now.

Teaching him to drive a manual transmission was a real shitshow, but it took less than an hour to learn the basics and since he was already licensed, I didn't have to ride along. Same with my sister's kid.

[mcppalmbeach]

Mar 24, 2024 9:11:32 GMT -5 skidunks said:

DS1 got his permit a few weeks after his birthday and has about half of the 50 hours he needs. I tend to drive with him around town and DH drives with him longer distances. They go skiing together pretty much every weekend so that has opened up a lot of driving time for him. Over the winter DS went to the gym almost every evening, it’s about 10 minutes away and he would drive there and back pretty much every time.
He loves driving and wants to do it a lot so it helps that he’s motivated. I have to remind myself to have him drive, it’s easy for me to just say “I want to get there without giving a driving lesson” but we’re at this place in life and we need to teach him and he wants to learn.

I think that this is what it is for my h. He has taken on a new role at work (huge promotion with very little extra money 🙄 ) and he just isn’t around as much for one and a lot of times he just wants to get there. My ds is very motivated and wants to drive all the time. He will ask and my h will make excuses like we’re running late, etc. and unless I specifically say “let him drive” my ds really isn’t winning the argument.

[dochas]

Had he had instruction yet from a driving instructor? I will want my son to get instruction from someone else before I start driving with him.

[livinitup]

Mar 24, 2024 10:01:55 GMT -5 mcppalmbeach said:

Mar 24, 2024 9:11:32 GMT -5 skidunks said:

DS1 got his permit a few weeks after his birthday and has about half of the 50 hours he needs. I tend to drive with him around town and DH drives with him longer distances. They go skiing together pretty much every weekend so that has opened up a lot of driving time for him. Over the winter DS went to the gym almost every evening, it’s about 10 minutes away and he would drive there and back pretty much every time.
He loves driving and wants to do it a lot so it helps that he’s motivated. I have to remind myself to have him drive, it’s easy for me to just say “I want to get there without giving a driving lesson” but we’re at this place in life and we need to teach him and he wants to learn.

I think that this is what it is for my h. He has taken on a new role at work (huge promotion with very little extra money 🙄 ) and he just isn’t around as much for one and a lot of times he just wants to get there. My ds is very motivated and wants to drive all the time. He will ask and my h will make excuses like we’re running late, etc. and unless I specifically say “let him drive” my ds really isn’t winning the argument.

As someone with a new teen driver, too, I don’t think you should mange your H like this. It’s weird for both of you. You’ve kinda “assigned” him to do something you have decided not to do & he’s being oddly evasive about getting out of doing it until you insist. That has the potential to be a harmful dynamic for you two as a couple. My H did this to me last week and I looked fine on the outside but I hit the roof on the inside. I let my teen drive aaaalllllll the time. Last week, after a show, I was driving back from our local city (all 3 of us + 1 friend) and when I dropped off the friend, our teen walked over and asked to drive the rest of the way. I said “no” and H piped-up from the back seat “Let her. Why not?” It was so irrationally annoying because I didn’t have a good reason, didn’t like being put onthe spot, and felt pressure to cave - which are all awful feelings.

So, let your H do his thing when he wants to. Encourage your son to advocate for himself but don’t do it for him. Or find a third way that you can afford or where you find time.

[snowflurry]

DS got his permit on his 15th birthday and drove everywhere after that point. He drove to/from errands, restaurants, school, everywhere. So by the time he turned 16 and could get his license, he had already driven in every scenario - pouring rain, downtown areas, long distances (2-3 hour highway driving), short distances, car washes, drive thrus, getting gas, literally everything.

[jillybean222]

Mar 23, 2024 19:52:18 GMT -5 mcppalmbeach said:

When your teen got their permit, how often did they drive for practice and for how long? I feel like I’m not a great driver and I’m not equipped to teach my teen to drive. Also if I say one thing he is instantly defensive way more than he is with my H. I want my h to work with him and get him a good bit of the way comfortable and then I’ll let him drive with me. The problem is my h is always working and on the weekend we always have things going on and I don’t think my h really takes the initiative like he should be. If they go somewhere I always have to say make sure to let ds drive. This week he has driven one time one way with my h to practice (10 mins) and one time to a game (also 10 mins) and then I told my h let him drive all of us from our other son’s basketball game but he wasn’t going to offer if I didn’t mention it. He will for school drivers ed, but probably not until the fall.

My teen drove everywhere for 6 months.  I would guess she got 75+ hours behind the wheel plus 6 hours of lessons with an instructor.  

She has had her license for 4 months and it is so scary but she's doing ok so far!  

[dancelnow]

Mar 23, 2024 20:33:32 GMT -5 RitzyHeifer said:

My state also requires 50 hours day and 10 hours night driving on a permit before they can sit for a license test (well, unless they are 16 yrs and 9 months old but DS got his permit so will do the 60 hours). It’s tough honestly. I’m the only driver in our house so I have to drive with him those hours. We also have a driving school he will drive with but they require he get at least 40 hours in with me before their drives,
I just try to keep my cool, stomp the imaginary brake and give him advice….

That seems so backwards! The point of driving school is for them to teach, by 40 hours the worst is passed.

[rhian]

Did your H agree to take the lead on teaching your son to drive? I think you and your H might need to have a conversation about what the plan is and make sure it's something you are both on board with. It sounds like neither of you want to do this (which I totally get, teaching a teen to drive sounds terrible to me!), but like PP said, you are getting frustrated with him for not wanting to do something you also don't want to do. Especially since it sounds like logistically, you spend more time in the car with your son.

[DotAndBuzz]

My oldest has had her temps for over a year. She turned 16 in feb, passed her minimum requirement (50 hrs total, 10 at night) a while ago, has completed all drivers ed classes, but refuses to practice parking (and can't park for shit), so I won't sign her up for her drivers test yet. *shrug*

Driving together has been.....a journey, lol. She was terrifying to ride with at first, and any little correction was met with her screaming at me. H *refuses* to drive with her, because he's in orbit-level states of panic when she drives. So helpful. So when she started yelling at me, I shut it down. I wasn't all that nice about it, but did spell out that I had nearly 30 years of driving experience to her literal WEEKS, and it's my job to teach her what I know. What to look for, how certain intersections have a weird flow, how you have to get over at this spot on the freeway because people merging have like 50 ft to do so, little things to consider that will keep her, and others, safe. I also spelled out that if she *didn't* want my feedback, I'd sign her up for lots more lessons with an official driving instructor, and she can do all her hours with them. She haaaated that part of drivers ed, so given the choice, she listens to me, rolls her eyes, and we continue on, lol. It's not a beautiful family moment, but I have seen her put my tips to use, so even though she's not happily and graciously accepting my insight, she is listening to some degree.

I guess if your son is with you more, it may fall to you to teach him, even though it really sucks to do so. Or you could sign up for more formal instruction to get him over the initial learning hump, and then do hours with you when its less terrifying.

[penelope]

Michigan is a required 50 hours with 10 hours prior to that with the instructor. I downloaded an app and you could just put it going when you take off and stop it when you return. Then I could send the log to my email and print it out for when they went for the actual driving test. If you forgot to turn it on you could also manually create a trip. It was very handy.