Support Thread - April/May

[Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear]

[ssmjlm]

April 20th will be five years since my sister passed. I don't feel like I'll ever mourn her loss, I'm just super super angry about the whole thing.

I never wanted my parents to bear the burden of her death. Obviously no one expects a heavy drug addict with significant mental decline to live forever, but I just really wanted her to outlive them.

My mom misses her and likes to rewrite history and I just let her. It doesn't matter now, she's gone. No mom, I promise I'm not making up her chasing me around the house with the knife, but since she never stabbed me, I guess it's ok. I wish someone had helped her as a kid. She showed so many issues from a young age and it wasn't ADD (thank you early 90s). The trauma that everyone who was affected by her addicted experienced can't be fixed. I'm sure that's where the anger came from. Stealing things to pawn, taking my car when I needed to go to work and then leaving it somewhere with no gas, and more.

Would she have been better if they did more? Got her to the right doctors? I know she was never going to be a functioning adult, but why didn't someone at least help her try?

I don't know, it's bringing up a lot of feelings on this milestone anniversary.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

ssmjlm, I’m so sorry. It’s really generous of you to tolerate your mom’s revised history. I’m sorry she hurt you, and I’m sorry you continue to hurt to badly. Big hugs

[underwaterrhymes]

Sending love to you ssmjlm.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

My surgery is tomorrow. I’m really scared.

[underwaterrhymes]

ProfessorArtNerd - who is taking you to your surgery tomorrow and what time is it scheduled? Would it help to have an idea of what to expect when you get there?

Sending big hugs your way. I know the anxiety leading up to a surgery is so big, but I promise once it’s done, you’re going to feel so much better. ❤️ Not only will they have removed the kidney (or part of the kidney) that’s causing problems, but you will know for sure what you’re dealing with.

[cricketwife]

Apr 14, 2024 11:37:59 GMT -5 ProfessorArtNerd said:

My surgery is tomorrow. I’m really scared.

Sending hugs your way. 

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Apr 14, 2024 12:31:16 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

ProfessorArtNerd - who is taking you to your surgery tomorrow and what time is it scheduled? Would it help to have an idea of what to expect when you get there?

Sending big hugs your way. I know the anxiety leading up to a surgery is so big, but I promise once it’s done, you’re going to feel so much better. ❤️ Not only will they have removed the kidney (or part of the kidney) that’s causing problems, but you will know for sure what you’re dealing with.

My sister is picking me up- we have to be there at 6am. She’s staying til I’m in my room and settled.

[underwaterrhymes]

Apr 14, 2024 20:41:02 GMT -5 ProfessorArtNerd said:

Apr 14, 2024 12:31:16 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

ProfessorArtNerd - who is taking you to your surgery tomorrow and what time is it scheduled? Would it help to have an idea of what to expect when you get there?

Sending big hugs your way. I know the anxiety leading up to a surgery is so big, but I promise once it’s done, you’re going to feel so much better. ❤️ Not only will they have removed the kidney (or part of the kidney) that’s causing problems, but you will know for sure what you’re dealing with.

My sister is picking me up- we have to be there at 6am. She’s staying til I’m in my room and settled.

I’m glad it’s first thing. You will be very occupied from your arrival, so you shouldn’t have too much time to ponder things. You’ll have multiple nurses, surgeons, and anesthesiologists in asking you your name and what you’re having done, as well as getting you situated. They’ll also give you something in your IV to relax a little. You could probably ask for it a little early, if you want.

I will be thinking about you and sending so many good vibes your way.

[circa1978]

ProfessorArtNerd, How are you? I hope the surgery went smoothly. I remember that the first day or so home was rough when my husband had his partial nephrectomy but it gets better. Hugs.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Apr 17, 2024 9:13:00 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

ProfessorArtNerd, How are you? I hope the surgery went smoothly. I remember that the first day or so home was rough when my husband had his partial nephrectomy but it gets better. Hugs.

Thanks for checking in! I’m SORE today, very sore. And I slept a lot this morning. But honestly the hardest part is hearing the baby downstairs and not being able to hold him! The big kids are being so nice to me, and H is being a big help too

[lust2hart]

I hope recovery goes well, ProfessorArtNerd! Do you know when you'll have more information about the mass?

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Apr 17, 2024 13:38:48 GMT -5 lust2hart said:

I hope recovery goes well, ProfessorArtNerd! Do you know when you'll have more information about the mass?

Results should take 5-10 days, according to the doctor.

[Eagles]

Apr 17, 2024 14:52:45 GMT -5 ProfessorArtNerd said:

Apr 17, 2024 13:38:48 GMT -5 lust2hart said:

I hope recovery goes well, ProfessorArtNerd! Do you know when you'll have more information about the mass?

Results should take 5-10 days, according to the doctor.

I LOVE YOU

[circa1978]

ProfessorArtNerd, I hope that time passes quickly and that the soreness passes soon!

[spindle92]

ProfessorArtNerd, Sending you lots of big squishy virtual hugs (but not too hard, I don't want to hurt you).

[chickadee77]

Huge hugs, @professorartnerd

I need to get this out somewhere, so I hope it's okay if I do that here. Probably a brain dump. Sorry.

My brother was just diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. It's in his bones, lymph nodes, and they'll do an MRI next week to check his brain. They say his great lung strength (he's a runner) probably masked early symptoms, which were being treated as asthma. He's 51.

I'm just. I don't know. My mom died of cancer when she was 55, and had been battling it 10/12 years prior.

I live about a nine hour drive away. Part of me wants to jump up and go, but the prudent thing is to wait until they have a treatment plan, right? Do I bring my family, or just me? I'll call my SIL later today, of course, but I had forgotten how much the *helplessness* that surrounds cancer fucking sucks. Well, it's all flooding back now.

Dr. Google gives him 3-4 months. I just.

Sorry for the brain dump. Thanks for listening, and if anyone has experience or insight, I'm all ears.

[underwaterrhymes]

chickadee77 - I’m so sorry. ❤️

[jane6672]

chickadee77 I’m so sorry, that’s awful and overwhelming. I hope the MRI results show the least-worst outcome possible.

[indifferentstars]

chickadee77, I am so very, very sorry for your brother's diagnosis

I don't have advice about the when to go question but want to share that someone close to my family was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer in 2021 and made it over 2 years (with a pretty good quality of life for most of that!), mostly thanks to immunotherapy. Her prognosis had been much shorter than that. I know it's so hard, but try to stay away from Dr. Google. I do very much know her story unfortunately still isn't the norm as we also lost my MIL to the same diagnosis on a more typical timeline in 2022, but there ARE outliers out there and I'm sending your family so much stranger love and hope that his MRI reveals good news and that he can be an outlier too <3

[ProfessorArtNerd]

chickadee77, my mom has Stage 4 lung cancer, diagnosed in 2016. Immunotherapy has her cancer dormant for years (knock on wood). I hope your loved one has similar results.

[chickadee77]

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts and stories of hope. He's talking about immunotherapy with targeted radiation, though that may change if it's in his brain.

My mom's breast cancer metastasized to her brain, which was what killed her, but I keep reminding myself that medicine has come a long way in the 30-ish years since she passed.

Fuck cancer.

[minzy]

I am sorry for everyone struggling upthread.

My dad was hospitalized last week for what we thought was a mere blood infection. They did an abdominal MRI on Sunday and there is metastatic disease fucking everywhere. I raced to his little town yesterday to help figure next steps. PCP later today and we have to get on the schedule for a liver biopsy and establish care with an oncologist ASAP. I know nothing but I don’t give this too much time and it makes me sick. I am having flashbacks to my mom’s cancer death. I am trying to keep myself together but I am not okay.

[underwaterrhymes]

minzy - that’s so hard. Do you have local support to help you and him through this? ❤️