S/O Adult Birthday Gift Poll

[jlt19]

Which of these situations would you bring a gift?

Bigger vs smaller gatherings
Host paid vs you are expected to pay for yourself
At a home vs a restaurant/venue

Assume there’s NOT a “no gifts please” request

What do you bring?
Does it matter if it’s a milestone birthday or not?

[sproctopus]

Whether I bring a gift only ever depends on how close I am with the person-- never the venue.

[VillainV]

If there is a “no gifts please” request, then I wouldn’t bring a gift to the party no matter who hosted or what the venue. If I was very close to the person, I might give them a gift at a separate time.

[picksthemusic]

If I like the person and we're friends and they want to hang out with me for their birthday? They get a gift.

[Jalapeñomel]

I guess we don’t really go to birthday parties very often…I can’t remember the last one we’ve been to, but it’s been years.

I don’t think I’d bring a gift outside of booze, and I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to bring gifts if it was my birthday.

[deadwing]

If "no gifts please" was specified, I'm not bringing a gift. Full stop.

[cereal K]

Apr 15, 2024 16:37:43 GMT -5 sproctopus said:

Whether I bring a gift only ever depends on how close I am with the person-- never the venue.

This was my first thought. It’s really more the person than the event-type for me. We just went to a 50th this weekend (at a bar, food served, cash bar) and didn’t take a gift. It was one of H’s best friend so I left it up to him.

BUT, if it was one of my friends, and a milestone birthday, and there was a party/event, I’d probably take something. 

A friend says hey - we’re getting dinner for my birthday come celebrate, probably no. 

[sdlaura]

I really think it depends on the honoree.

Is it someone who is a close friend and I think they would appreciate that I saw something that made me think of them? Do I think they put no gifts on the invitation as a way of removing pressure from attendees rather than truly wanting no gifts? Then maybe I bring one.

Is it someone who is a minimalist/trying to get rid of stuff, or doesn’t have interests that would benefit from some sort of gift (like the example in the 50th anniversary poll)? Then probably not

The venue might influence whether or not I brought any possible gift to the event itself vs giving it to the person another time, if I did give a gift.

[momin2013]

If I get invited to any ‘thing’ celebrating someone’s birthday, I will bring a gift.

If I get invited to any ‘thing’ celebrating someone’s birthday and the invite says some iteration of ‘no gifts please’, I will not bring a gift.

[basilosaurus]

If I'm out at dinner, I'd pick up their tab, but that's about it. A house party, I'd bring booze most likely.

I'm not sure I've gotten an actual invitation since childhood. An evite, maybe, but probably not in the last 15 years.

[circa1978]

I'm with sproctopus. If it's my mom or BFF or whatever, they get a gift no matter what. I guess otherwise, a milestone birthday makes a difference. Gifts are my love language and I rarely show up anywhere empty handed.

[tacokick]

I think it depends on the person and what they like. Are they people who like gifts and giving gifts? Then yes.

That said, I normally bring consumables like local chocolate or booze that I know they will enjoy.

Venue doesn’t matter.

[k3am]

Unless specifically specified not to, I'm bringing a gift. If it's someone I know well enough to confidently say "oh, Sue would love this specific thing!" (which.. I have like two people that I can do that for), it's more likely a card + gift card or a card + something consumable.

[bex1973]

I'd bring a gift in all those scenarios since you said there is not a "no gift" directive. Always something consummable that I know the person would like (since I'd only go if I really knew the person) - could be food related or lotion or a candle or the like. I'm all about not giving people what could be considered clutter.

[BicycleBride]

I don’t think I’ve ever been to a birthday party for an adult or known anyone who’s had one. I’ve gone out to eat for friends’ birthdays but that’s always been one or two other couples and planned a couple days before max so a present didn’t make sense.

[lilac05]

It really just depends on the person…some of my friends like to give & receive gifts, and some do not. It’s not even a reflection of how close I am to them, but what I think their preference would be.

My friend who is a gift person and bought me something for my first day of work? Gift. My sister who I’m really close with but who is not a gift person? No gift…UNLESS I happen to come across the perfect thing for her. (But then I’m more likely to give it to her as an “I found this & thought you would love it” thing on a random Tuesday instead of giving it to her on her bday.

[bittybomb]

I would always bring a gift. If I am close enough to the person to be invited and go, I would bring a gift no matter the circumstance.

[sadlebred]

In my circle, we rarely bring gifts for adult birthday parties. They tend to be simple cookouts at someone's home. A nice card is appreciated. Sometimes people will bring something small that has meaning for the birthday person, but nothing expensive.

[wanderingback]

Apr 15, 2024 16:47:10 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

I guess we don’t really go to birthday parties very often…I can’t remember the last one we’ve been to, but it’s been years.

I don’t think I’d bring a gift outside of booze, and I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to bring gifts if it was my birthday.

Exactly. And if it was someone I were close with I prob wouldn’t bring the gift to the event. I would give it to them at some other time since we are close.

My partner used to throw pretty big parties for his bday before the pandemic (50+ people in attendance). Sometimes they were at our house and sometimes they were at venues like a local bar with appetizers, drinks and a DJ (usually 1 of his friends). But there were never any formal invites, he’d just text people telling them he was getting together for his bday. I’m pretty sure no one ever brought a gift.

Maybe this is a rich people thing?

ETA: I actually do remember the last bday party we were invited to. It was January 2020 and invites were sent via email. And it was actually a rich/famous person my partner knows, ha. As far as I could tell no one brought any gifts!

[mala]

I'll get gifts for my two closest friends. That's it. And I try to come up with something useful or edible/drinkable. Sometimes it's as easy as a $$$$$ bottle of rum.

[krystee]

My friend group doesn’t do gifts for birthdays, but if it was a milestone birthday party with an invitation, I would bring a gift. If they’re turning 42 and we’re hanging out at a brewery and buying our own drinks, I’ll just buy them a drink but not bring a gift. For my really good friends, I usually bring flowers.

[penguingrrl]

I think the last adult birthday party I went to was my own 30th birthday, so 13 years ago. None of my friends seem to do a birthday thing at all. I would bring a bottle of wine or something regardless of venue, but not likely a gift beyond that. I don’t think I’ve exchanged gifts with friends since we were all in college aside from weddings and showers.

[purplepenguin7]

I would bring a gift for all of those occasions, except a dinner where everyone is paying their own way. In that case, we'd all chip in a cover the birthday person. I'd maybe bring a gift for a milestone bday in this case but definitely not like 37 or 42. FWIW, this is how most of my friends celebrate a birthday but if I was invited to a host paid/thrown party I would bring something as a gift.

[beerlover]

I'll bring a gift to any of these situations as long as the invitation doesn't specify no gifts, of course.

Our go-to is a bottle of nice liquor (if we know the person drinks and what they like) or a GC to a nice restaurant. I'm not great with other tangible gifts.

For H's 40th party that I threw, some brought gifts and some did not. He mostly got money and gift cards to local places, and a few bottles of whiskey/wine.

ETA- I guess I shouldn't have said "any of these situations" - in my friend group, for a small dinner where everyone's paying their own way, we don't do gifts and I'd never expect one.

[noodleoo]

This is timely as we’ve been invited to a few milestone bday parties for adults lately. My feeling is that if someone else is hosting/paying, I bring a gift. If you pay your own way, then I wouldn’t.

But finding gifts for adults is hard. We went to a 50th bday party for a close friend recently at a restaurant, hosted by her H. I bought her some jewelry, not expensive but something I thought she’d like. Most of the other guests brought gifts too. 

A new mom friend is having a 40th birthday party at her house, adults only. She described it as a fancy cocktail party. I feel like I should get a gift, but I don’t know her well enough to buy a physical gift for her. I’m thinking bottle of champagne she can toast with later. I hope that’s good!

Although now I’m remembering that H planned a surprise get together for my bday last year. It was a painting class with a few mom friends, he paid. No one got me a present so I thinks it’s just me who feels like I should bring something to a bday event. I guess I’m a gift person LOL.

[mrsukyankee]

I give alcohol to those I know will drink it. I will typically give it to them at a time when they won't have a gazillion things to carry (because London and public transport is likely).

[jorja]

I’d bring a bottle of wine to all of the above

[mofongo]

I didn’t vote b/c those scenarios don’t really change what I’d do, but outside of a bottle of wine, or something i know they truly want, I wouldn’t get anything.

[expectantsteelerfan]

My group of friends has been celebrating all of our 40th birthdays the past few years. What we've been doing is getting together for an activity where we all pay our own way, and then we do a joint gift, or we split paying for the birthday person as their 'gift.' For example, one activity was a craft night where we each picked and paid for our own craft, but we paid for the craft for the birthday person. One was tickets to a comedian downtown, and the gift was a the ticket for the birthday person (along with a funny graphic Tshirt from the show the comedian was on that the person liked). But one was a fancy dinner downtown including spouses because that's what the person wanted, so that person got more of a 'gift' and it was a GC to a cooking class and a cookbook.

[stemmie]

If it's a close friend, I typically give a gift regardless so it might happen outside the party. If not, I would bring it.