Post by donutsmakemegonuts on Apr 16, 2024 7:06:31 GMT -5
I have this exact situation happening this week actually. A friend's birthday is Wednesday and friends DH asked me and my DH to dinner, as well as another couple they know. I got friend two books from an author she likes plus a nice bookmark. We are having dinner at a local Mexican place that is slightly more upscale. I bought the gift because this friend is thoughtful and has gotten me and DH small things here and there for special occasions. I did not base it on the place or how many people were attending. I based it on what I thought friend would like and appreciate. I also have no idea if any other gifts will be given.
my friend hosted a large milestone birthday for herself at a restaurant and invited a lot of folks. We brought a bottle of nice booze and when I looked at the (small) gift table, 100% of the gifts were booze, but I would say only like 6-7 people brought gifts at all, the rest did not.
I usually would bring flowers and a card or booze and a card (depending on the friend, not the venue)
I'm not a gift person and am not in any social circles where gift giving is common among adults. I'm also not in any social circles where adult birthday parties are common, beyond a small group gets together for dinner or drinks, usually out but occasionally at someone's house.
If a gathering is at someone's house, I will always ask if I can bring anything (food/drink) to contribute, but that's unrelated to it being a birthday - I'd do that for any event at someone's house. If we're going out, usually the rest of us will cover the cost of the birthday person's meal, which I guess is a gift, but not like any of us are purchasing anything separate. E.g. if a group of 4 of us are going out to celebrate one person's birthday, we'll split the bill in 3 instead of 4. Or if it's drinks, I'll buy the birthday person a round.
Well, I already posted in the other thread that I hate gift giving among adults. I am surprised that the most people said yes to bringing a gift to a small at-home gtg. That's what I would be *least* likely to bring a gift to. Maybe I'm thinking about it wrong, but I'm thinking of a text to a few friends that says "Hey, X's birthday is this weekend, getting a few friends together for firepit and drinks Saturday night". I get these types of invites all the time and wouldn't consider bringing a gift.
I've been invited to a good number of 40th and 50th birthdays in the past few years. I brought gifts if:
1. Someone else coordinated something and offered me to buy into it. 2. A new friend invited me to her party, I didn't know her well enough to know her feelings on gifts, didn't know anyone else well enough to ask, but was flattered to be included and went to nurture the friendship. I got her a gift card, and tortured myself over the "correct" value (I went with $40 since it was her 40th). She is very significantly wealthier than me and the whole thing felt awkward. 3. It was a family member
I did not grow up in circles where anyone covered an entire restaurant tab for a dinner party. I had no idea it was even a thing people did, and showed up to my own best friend's 30th birthday empty handed because I was expecting to cover my plate and a portion of hers, only to discover that her H picked up the whole tab and I felt like an ass. Since then with larger parties at a rented hall or restaurant where everything is covered, I do try to buy into a group gift, or honestly have just declined if it's not like a best friend and I don't want to torture myself about a gift.
Our friends for the most part are not the type to have adult birthday parties. I did go to one once which was a large party in the home, and I did bring a gift.
The party was a surprise and the guest of honor was unhappy about it and cried. It definitely made us say hmmm we do not want to throw surprise milestone birthday parties or birthday parties at all. We would rather go on the trip.
Post by donutsmakemegonuts on Apr 16, 2024 11:08:10 GMT -5
I think that it boils down to if you want to bring a gift for the person, you should. If you don't, then don't. I don't think adult birthday "parties" should have the expectation of gift giving. Showing up with a thoughtful gift for someone you like/love is a nice thing to do. If that isn't the vibe or you don't want to, then don't.
I'm not a gift person and am not in any social circles where gift giving is common among adults. I'm also not in any social circles where adult birthday parties are common, beyond a small group gets together for dinner or drinks, usually out but occasionally at someone's house.
If a gathering is at someone's house, I will always ask if I can bring anything (food/drink) to contribute, but that's unrelated to it being a birthday - I'd do that for any event at someone's house. If we're going out, usually the rest of us will cover the cost of the birthday person's meal, which I guess is a gift, but not like any of us are purchasing anything separate. E.g. if a group of 4 of us are going out to celebrate one person's birthday, we'll split the bill in 3 instead of 4. Or if it's drinks, I'll buy the birthday person a round.
Basically exactly this. I would be totally fine with never exchanging gifts with a friend ever again, and honestly that's what I do most of the time.
My BFF did come visit over her birthday last year and I bought cupcakes and decorated the house. I also bought her something small at a market that we went to. I hope she wasn't expecting anything else, lol.
Post by litskispeciality on Apr 16, 2024 12:46:28 GMT -5
Most of the stuff I go to now for adults is milestone birthday's or celebrations like graduations. I always feel obligated to bring something unless it's my H's family because we go out to dinner and everyone chips in. I wish more people would say no gifts please because it gets weird when you get a handful of nice stuff (even booze) and then others are like "oh poo, I didn't get a gift because I kind of thought my going to your party was my gift...?" Plus what does the guest of honor even want?
DH missed his friend/co-workers 40th last summer, but dropped off a nice bottle of whiskey after because the friend really likes that. The friend was so touched by the gift. We were a bit shocked as we assumed everyone would have brought a gift, but maybe they didn't?
The alcohol thing as addressed in other threads on here is always so weird to me though. My girlfriend who doesn't drink much got a LOT of wine for her 30th. I half joked that she'd probably still be drinking it a year or two later. I think it's an easy go-too, but a pain for the guest after the party.
I am realizing that I have not bought a gift for an adult friend’s birthday in years and years. My siblings and I don’t get together for birthdays or exchanging gifts. So… I marked a small get together at the birthday persons home, but I haven’t actually been invited to anything like this!
The only thing we might do is get together and go out to dinner.
I have no hard and fast rule for this. If I feel like bringing a gift, I do. If I don’t, I don’t. Many times I’ll take out my closest friends for their bdays close to their bdays (but not on) and buy their meal. My friend just turned 40. For her, I gave her a small gift plus dinner. DH bought a $25 gc for his cousin’s wife bday we were invited to last year. I prob would have gone empty handed.
The alcohol thing as addressed in other threads on here is always so weird to me though. My girlfriend who doesn't drink much got a LOT of wine for her 30th. I half joked that she'd probably still be drinking it a year or two later. I think it's an easy go-too, but a pain for the guest after the party.
At least it's a really easy gift to regift as shown by this thread
The alcohol thing as addressed in other threads on here is always so weird to me though. My girlfriend who doesn't drink much got a LOT of wine for her 30th. I half joked that she'd probably still be drinking it a year or two later. I think it's an easy go-too, but a pain for the guest after the party.
At least it's a really easy gift to regift as shown by this thread
Omg we got so much alcohol at our housewarming. We drink but aren’t big drinkers at home. I’ve regifted it many times! So handy!
Most of the stuff I go to now for adults is milestone birthday's or celebrations like graduations. I always feel obligated to bring something unless it's my H's family because we go out to dinner and everyone chips in. I wish more people would say no gifts please because it gets weird when you get a handful of nice stuff (even booze) and then others are like "oh poo, I didn't get a gift because I kind of thought my going to your party was my gift...?" Plus what does the guest of honor even want?
DH missed his friend/co-workers 40th last summer, but dropped off a nice bottle of whiskey after because the friend really likes that. The friend was so touched by the gift. We were a bit shocked as we assumed everyone would have brought a gift, but maybe they didn't?
The alcohol thing as addressed in other threads on here is always so weird to me though. My girlfriend who doesn't drink much got a LOT of wine for her 30th. I half joked that she'd probably still be drinking it a year or two later. I think it's an easy go-too, but a pain for the guest after the party.
Well, I'd never give wine/alcohol to someone who I knew wouldn't appreciate it.
I ask like to buy someone a gift when I see something they'd like or use, not necessarily bday, or event related.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
Most of the stuff I go to now for adults is milestone birthday's or celebrations like graduations. I always feel obligated to bring something unless it's my H's family because we go out to dinner and everyone chips in. I wish more people would say no gifts please because it gets weird when you get a handful of nice stuff (even booze) and then others are like "oh poo, I didn't get a gift because I kind of thought my going to your party was my gift...?" Plus what does the guest of honor even want?
DH missed his friend/co-workers 40th last summer, but dropped off a nice bottle of whiskey after because the friend really likes that. The friend was so touched by the gift. We were a bit shocked as we assumed everyone would have brought a gift, but maybe they didn't?
The alcohol thing as addressed in other threads on here is always so weird to me though. My girlfriend who doesn't drink much got a LOT of wine for her 30th. I half joked that she'd probably still be drinking it a year or two later. I think it's an easy go-too, but a pain for the guest after the party.
Well, I'd never give wine/alcohol to someone who I knew wouldn't appreciate it.
I ask like to buy someone a gift when I see something they'd like or use, not necessarily bday, or event related.
Yes I certainly would never give a bottle of alcohol to someone who doesn't drink, doesn't drink much etc., but you don't always know that. Maybe this is reGioNAl but I've been told by a few different folks that an inexpensive bottle of white wine is always a safe bet for a dinner party or gathering where you want a hostess gift but don't know what they like. The issue becomes 18 people doing this and the host ending up with left over bottles. Perhaps it's polite to ask prior to the gathering, but I've had to go to this with DH's co-workers or military friends that I don't know that well, so it's harder to find their contact info pre-party to say "hey do you drink, would you like a bottle of wine?" rather than show up with nothing and look like a jerk (my perception).
ETA: Before someone tags me, I've asked my DH to ask the known host if we should bring anything and it's always "no, we're good", then DH and I show up empty handed and all of the other couples have brought some kind of food, and/or alcohol up to a 12 pack of beer. Nice of the guests to BYO, and then I feel like jerk because I should have known to bring something. We've been stuck with said beer when those folks BYO to our parties and don't finish all the cans even though we tell everyone ahead of time that we're purchasing soft and hard drinks so no need to BYO.
Well, I'd never give wine/alcohol to someone who I knew wouldn't appreciate it.
I ask like to buy someone a gift when I see something they'd like or use, not necessarily bday, or event related.
Yes I certainly would never give a bottle of alcohol to someone who doesn't drink, doesn't drink much etc., but you don't always know that. Maybe this is reGioNAl but I've been told by a few different folks that an inexpensive bottle of white wine is always a safe bet for a dinner party or gathering where you want a hostess gift but don't know what they like. The issue becomes 18 people doing this and the host ending up with left over bottles. Perhaps it's polite to ask prior to the gathering, but I've had to go to this with DH's co-workers or military friends that I don't know that well, so it's harder to find their contact info pre-party to say "hey do you drink, would you like a bottle of wine?" rather than show up with nothing and look like a jerk (my perception).
ETA: Before someone tags me, I've asked my DH to ask the known host if we should bring anything and it's always "no, we're good", then DH and I show up empty handed and all of the other couples have brought some kind of food, and/or alcohol up to a 12 pack of beer. Nice of the guests to BYO, and then I feel like jerk because I should have known to bring something. We've been stuck with said beer when those folks BYO to our parties and don't finish all the cans even though we tell everyone ahead of time that we're purchasing soft and hard drinks so no need to BYO.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus