Post by sofamonkey on Apr 16, 2024 17:45:14 GMT -5
I’m not even going to make an AE.
My son and his friends are 5th grade/11 years old. There is one boy M that has been causing issues. I’ll list them out. Last weekend, the boys were all at a local park, and M apparently pulled out a knife and tried to cut all of them. Multiple times. The boys did tell the school and parents were informed about this. I understand school is only able to notify because it wasn’t at school or during school hours.
So, we all got this call yesterday afternoon. Also, I did not know that there were previous incidents with M. He was at our house a week ago for an overnight. I wasn’t thrilled with the behavior or choices, but no major issues came up.
After chatting with the other parents, and also my son more in depth, the following things have been uncovered:
When he was at our house, he stole money from DS, and made it seem normal because he spent it on things for them both
When my son was at his house a few weeks ago, M aimed an arrow at his dog. Real, not nerf. DS was uncomfortable. M also said he shoots squirrels and raccoon in his backyard with his bow and arrow.
2 of the boys aren’t allowed to hang out with M.
One of the not allowed to hang out kids had his phone stolen during an overnight and used it to text bully some random kid that M knew but this kid doesn’t.
The other kid not allowed to hang out had been tormented by M for the past 2 years. Once at school, M locked this kid in the bathroom stall, and when he got out physically assaulted him.
When they were at the park last week, M had my son and one other boy go into the woods behind the park. Well past where they were comfortable, and they were trying to talk to him about why they didn’t want to. We reviewed that no is a complete sentence.
He apparently made the knife out of rebar he found. How did he fashion a weapon without anyone noticing?
There’s probably more that I’m forgetting. I’m sorry is this is a bit jumbled.
I had no idea all this was going on because it was all compartmentalized. One of the moms worked with one of the dads. M is adopted, and they are very “boys will be boys” about everything. The dads are both quite hands off and allow him to do whatever. They’ve acknowledged that he’s been trouble and they are getting better, but I’m not sure what if anything they are doing.
I am not sure what to do. I did take screenshots of the latest conversation where he did admit trying to stab them. I am thinking of calling the non emergency police number to report the incident. Now that more has come to light, idk. Should I do more? Less?
I mean, you don’t really know if M’s parents are getting him help or not, right? You say he’s adopted, do you mean he was adopted at an older age so may have past trauma? Not sure why that would matter otherwise. If that’s the case, the parents may be addressing it, but not advertising that.
At this point, I think I’d just have your son try to keep his distance.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Apr 16, 2024 17:51:07 GMT -5
I would absolutely report this. Not just because he’s harming other kids, but also because it sounds like M needs mental health care he is not getting. ETA - I’m not sure I would go the police route, but are there social workers at school you can talk to?
I mean, you don’t really know if M’s parents are getting him help or not, right? You say he’s adopted, do you mean he was adopted at an older age so may have past trauma? Not sure why that would matter otherwise. If that’s the case, the parents may be addressing it, but not advertising that.
At this point, I think I’d just have your son try to keep his distance.
Just because there are 2 dads. I didn’t mean to imply anything negative about adoption. I’m sorry it came across that way.
In my conversations with one dad, it’s been breezed over, and that’s the extent of it. I really don’t know what they are doing.
I’m sorry, my wording wasn’t great. I’m upset and I’m not trying to imply anything at all. There are just 2 known violent incidents and I’m not handling it well, sorry.
I would absolutely report this. Not just because he’s harming other kids, but also because it sounds like M needs mental health care he is not getting. ETA - I’m not sure I would go the police route, but are there social workers at school you can talk to?
I don’t think so. There is a school counselor, but she’s not the most helpful. We dealt with her for a for things, but she’s kind of blah? Not helpful? Even when we were actively looking for help and resources for DD, she was kind of meh. No interaction since has made that any better.
I was only thinking the non emergency number to find out where to call. I don’t want to pin this kid with a record, but he clearly needs some sort of help.
I think I’d not allow any hangouts with M, and I’d definitely let the school know, sounds like he is at a high risk to injure someone else. He needs help, that type of behavior is so scary, and always makes me concerned for where it could lead. Also, hugs, hats off to all parents, this shit is hard.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
I think I’d not allow any hangouts with M, and I’d definitely let the school know, sounds like he is at a high risk to injure someone else. He needs help, that type of behavior is so scary, and always makes me concerned for where it could lead. Also, hugs, hats off to all parents, this shit is hard.
Well, that’s already done. School knows and they can’t or won’t do more. We aren’t allowing hangouts. I’m just at a loss as to what to do now.
If a kid pulled a knife on my kid and threatened to cut him I would go to the police.
I understand there is privilege in being comfortable going to the police but this is not something I would play around with.
Yeah, if there are no other interventions happening, I think this is a fair response. It’s a pretty serious thing, especially combined with other behaviors.
He needs help, not sure how to get the right, and appropriate help, to him. If the dads are being hands off and “boys will be boys” about it.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
If a kid pulled a knife on my kid and threatened to cut him I would go to the police.
I understand there is privilege in being comfortable going to the police but this is not something I would play around with.
Yeah, if there are no other interventions happening, I think this is a fair response. It’s a pretty serious thing, especially combined with other behaviors.
He needs help, not sure how to get the right, and appropriate help, to him. If the dads are being hands off and “boys will be boys” about it.
This is where I am. I want him to get help. But he actively tried to stab my son and several other boys multiple times.
Like, should I call social services? Will that be better or worse? I’m feeling almost paralyzed with making the wrong choice here. My kid walks home from school too. I can make sure that he walks in a group as best he is able to.
I would also go to the police if a knife was drawn on my kid. If the parents have already been thoroughly spoken to with all info, I would also potentially contact CPS regarding the unrestricted access to a bow and arrow in his home given that he is allowed to use it to illegally shoot animals in his yard, plus the knife info. Harming animals is a step before harming people (and terrible enough on its own), and he’s threatening his own dog. He needs help before it escalates, and if his parents won’t help him, someone has to. (If they showed any interest in helping him or acknowledging the issue, I would not call CPS.)
I would report the threat of stabbing to the police and your sons school and yeah, he shouldn't hang out with the kid.
He obviously sounds like he's in a bad spot. It's not your responsibility, but if you feel like it and feel comfortable, you can express your concern to the parents. You know then you let them know you are concerned and you care, and hope their child is getting help.
I think I’d not allow any hangouts with M, and I’d definitely let the school know, sounds like he is at a high risk to injure someone else. He needs help, that type of behavior is so scary, and always makes me concerned for where it could lead. Also, hugs, hats off to all parents, this shit is hard.
Well, that’s already done. School knows and they can’t or won’t do more. We aren’t allowing hangouts. I’m just at a loss as to what to do now.
I don’t have any helpful advice but I will say that schools generally will not tell you if they are doing anything or who they are working with. There are all sorts of legal privacy issues involved and often times parents feel schools are ignoring or not doing anything, but in actuality they legally can’t tell you anything. It can seem very frustrating as a parent at the school worried about another kid, but there are valid reasons you aren’t hearing anything
Well, that’s already done. School knows and they can’t or won’t do more. We aren’t allowing hangouts. I’m just at a loss as to what to do now.
I don’t have any helpful advice but I will say that schools generally will not tell you if they are doing anything or who they are working with. There are all sorts of legal privacy issues involved and often times parents feel schools are ignoring or not doing anything, but in actuality they legally can’t tell you anything. It can seem very frustrating as a parent at the school worried about another kid, but there are valid reasons you aren’t hearing anything
Oh I did know that. That I’m not even worried about. My answer was more that I don’t know which direction they were going.
Although I’m wondering if the previous attack at school was on file.
I would call CPS and the police non-emergency line.
As a mandated reporter, my job is to give information to CPS. They decide what requires action. Far too often I see people hesitate to make reports until a major incident happens, but had this child/family been on someone's radar all along, there potentially could have been intervention earlier.
And if anyone pulls a knife on my child, the police will know about it. It doesn't mean you or they have to do anything with the information. But again, if a major incident happens and suddenly a dozen people speak up about smaller things, you'll all wish you would have said something now.
I would call CPS and the police non-emergency line.
As a mandated reporter, my job is to give information to CPS. They decide what requires action. Far too often I see people hesitate to make reports until a major incident happens, but had this child/family been on someone's radar all along, there potentially could have been intervention earlier.
And if anyone pulls a knife on my child, the police will know about it. It doesn't mean you or they have to do anything with the information. But again, if a major incident happens and suddenly a dozen people speak up about smaller things, you'll all wish you would have said something now.
Yeah, that’s kind of where we are now. The things that are continuing to come out and adding up are downright scary.
I don’t want to doom the kid. I also don’t want to doom anyone else.
Post by fivechickens on Apr 16, 2024 18:59:29 GMT -5
If a kid tried to stab my kid I would definitely call the police (not like 911).That on top of all the other stuff is very troubling and the dads responses are also troubling.
We just had parents get convicted of involuntary manslaughter because of their lack of action/concern regarding their son’s mental health and allowing him access to a weapon which he used to kill four kids and injure more at a local high school. Perhaps this kid’s dads should read up on that and start taking their sons issues seriously.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Apr 16, 2024 19:03:12 GMT -5
Yeah, if there is no school social worker or the one they have has been unhelpful and the dads aren’t doing anything, I would do the non emergency line.
If a kid tried to stab my kid I would definitely call the police (not like 911).That on top of all the other stuff is very troubling and the dads responses are also troubling.
We just had parents get convicted of involuntary manslaughter because of their lack of action/concern regarding their son’s mental health and allowing him access to a weapon which he used to kill four kids and injure more at a local high school. Perhaps this kid’s dads should read up on that and start taking their sons issues seriously.
A childhood acquaintance of mine is facing the same conviction. Their son showed a lot of troubling signs/mental health issues, but still had access to guns and knives in their house. He stabbed a friend to death at a sleepover in their house.
I really do not understand parents who turn a blind eye to their child’s issues in life (whatever that may be). Why would you, as a parent, not want to help your child be as successful as they can, why would you want them to struggle!?!? I know mental health care in the US sucks but damn to not to anything is so sad to me. ETA: and I recognize my privilege and not speaking of parents who have tried but are not getting help back. I am speaking of the parents who are ‘meh’ regarding their kid’s troubling behavior.
Post by donutsmakemegonuts on Apr 16, 2024 19:25:11 GMT -5
If nothing else, call CPS. They should have a history of reporting at the very least in case this escalates, even if they choose not to investigate now.
I would call CPS and the police non-emergency line.
As a mandated reporter, my job is to give information to CPS. They decide what requires action. Far too often I see people hesitate to make reports until a major incident happens, but had this child/family been on someone's radar all along, there potentially could have been intervention earlier.
And if anyone pulls a knife on my child, the police will know about it. It doesn't mean you or they have to do anything with the information. But again, if a major incident happens and suddenly a dozen people speak up about smaller things, you'll all wish you would have said something now.
Yeah, that’s kind of where we are now. The things that are continuing to come out and adding up are downright scary.
I don’t want to doom the kid. I also don’t want to doom anyone else.
I don't think calling in concerns to CPS will doom an 11 year old. Maybe I'm naive. Hopefully it will get him needed help.
CPS will probably be better than the police. All the police can do is talk to the parents, and it sounds like the dads have checked out. No crime was committed in their eyes-it's the word of one or two boys against another. The police can only refer the parents to the local mental health line/clinic/resources until something actually happens or someone gets hurt. I'll also add that although some police have rudimentary mental health training, they are in no way social workers, counselors, and such. CPS can intervene.
I would call CPS and non emergency police line. This behavior is alarming, and I'd want him on everyone's radar if the parents aren't doing anything. I don't think he'd be doomed, he's 11 so any records will be sealed anyway but I would be thinking this kid is on the road to worse things and hopefully someone will get him what he needs or at least keep an eye on the situation to prevent him from hurting others.
Post by jennistarr1 on Apr 16, 2024 21:29:14 GMT -5
agree, CPS call
this is a stretch but I remember during COVID a few cases of police being called for teachers seeing in a zoom call something that look like a weapon, in one case I remember it was a nerf aresenal on back of door. I just feel like there is some precedent when weapons (knives/arrows) are being used
Post by DotAndBuzz on Apr 16, 2024 21:30:58 GMT -5
A call to CPS doesn't mean they automatically take the kid away (that bar is SO high, and this doesn't sound like it meets it), nor does it doom the kid. But what it *could* do is give these parents a huge effing wake-up call that their kid needs some help, and this is beyond typical childhood antics. It also starts a paper trail so that if someone else reports it, like if he does something at school, it's not a one-off anymore. They can see a pattern of behavior that needs to be addressed for everyone's safety, including the kid.
I really do not understand parents who turn a blind eye to their child’s issues in life (whatever that may be). Why would you, as a parent, not want to help your child be as successful as they can, why would you want them to struggle!?!? I know mental health care in the US sucks but damn to not to anything is so sad to me. ETA: and I recognize my privilege and not speaking of parents who have tried but are not getting help back. I am speaking of the parents who are ‘meh’ regarding their kid’s troubling behavior.
To put it not so eloquently some people really just suck. People abuse kids and are neglectful! So yeah, some people just aren’t good people and aren’t good parents.
OP, I would call CPS to ask what they would recommend you do. In my state as a mandated reporter you’re only mandated to make a report when you are acting in your professional capacity. So I wouldn’t make an official report but would call for guidance if this were an incident involving my child’s classmate.