This is tough. I have no idea. I think this is so specific to your individual situation with your daughter and her sport, maybe also how she feels about traveling and staying in the hotel. On the one hand, I think it’s 100% healthy for kids to learn that parents can’t always be at everything, and that is OK. I don’t think they should have an expectation that you will be there 100% of the time. They are doing the sports for themselves, not just for the idea of having an audience. On the other hand, you usually are there 100% of the time, and this is a pretty big event. So I don’t know what to tell you.
PS I did swimming and track in high school, and I don’t remember it even being a thing for Parents to ever attend an away meet. I am not even 100% sure if my parents made all of the home track meets. I think they did try to come to swimming. But we had Saturday invitationals all the time that nobody ever attended I don’t think many parents did that back then. But what my family did in the 1990s doesn’t have a lot of bearing on your situation now.
Post by purplinsky on Apr 18, 2024 11:51:33 GMT -5
I would go, especially for regionals, that's a big deal. I played soccer my whole life and my parents were always there until middle school when my dad passed away and my mom wasn't really able to be there for us kids for a few years. During that time my teammate's parents would pick me up and drop me off for practices and I was sent to various teammate's houses for the weekends so I could attend games and tournaments, but it was pretty awful to not feel supported. I knew why my mom wasn't there and I knew she was doing the best she could so I never said anything and would always say it was fine, but it wasn't. Once I hit high school though my mom was back to supporting and attending all my games. Even in college, she would make whatever games she could. And when I joined the track team as a thrower in college she made it a point to attend every meet she could, even though they may not be the most exciting and they are long days. It just felt goo to know she was interested, supportive, and still invested in me.
Ultimately, unless there is a conflict that can't be avoided I think it's important to support our kids in their activities, whether it be sports, music, art shows, robotics competitions, school awards, etc. I know I have the luxury of having a somewhat flexible work schedule, but more than that I know I'm lucky to have management that know my situation (single mom, no family in the area, and no actual coparent) and are supportive of me taking the time to support my kid.
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Apr 18, 2024 11:52:50 GMT -5
I don't personally go to everything both of my kids do, but I try to make sure SOMEONE is there to watch them, whether it's me, dh, a grandparent, or even a friend. I def skipped out on ds's last band concert because book club was the same night. And we no longer make siblings go to ALL he things, just the big ones. In your case, if you were the only one available to go, I'd go.
Post by definitelyO on Apr 18, 2024 11:54:31 GMT -5
Yes, unless I'm out of town for work, I attended all of DS's tennis matches (home and away). and they started at 3pm - so I left work early a few days a week through the entire season. I'm fortunate enough to have a very flexible role.
for your specific question - I would attend regionals to watch her.
My oldest had his first track meet last night. In our rural area all the other schools are an hour+ away. I watched his sprint and shot out but left before his relay. The bus got back to the school at 9 last night. I don't know how much I'll go to the away meets. Having a 5 yo DS too makes it hard. But I would definitely make the effort for regionals/championships.
They do miss school for meets. It's not ideal; dd hates missing class.
Oh that stinks! Our track meets are in the evenings. We have a weekly local meet at 5 and then invitationals on the weekend during the day. My dd probably wouldn’t do track if she had to consistently miss class.
How late do they go? We have friends in track and starting at 2pm, they don’t get over til nearly 9! Track takes forever.
If you travel for one kid (and it sounds like you do so pretty regularly) then travel for this one thing for your other kid.
I grew up on a dynamic where I was the older sibling whose activities weren’t interesting enough to show up for. And you feel it. I didn’t have as many events, but my mom regularly missed them for my brother’s events or for other things. I can remember accepting awards alone and standing there awkwardly at events while they thanked the parents for their ‘support.’
At least one parent came to all/most of our sports or other events growing up. My dad missed some due to work, but my mom's job was flexible/contained within work hours enough that she was usually able to attend. I don't think I thought much about it at the time, but in retrospect, it was one of many ways they showed up for me (physically and otherwise). I'd hope to do the same for my kids if possible when they're old enough to be in those activities.
It sounds like you are planning to go, but I agree that regionals seems like a big deal and if you can make it work, I would go!
I've never missed a single one, but I'm the default parent when it comes to DS's team sports.
My husband, on the other hand, missed about 25% of the out of town games when DS played club soccer. He also missed a few that required us to get up at 5am. It was often hard for him to give up nearly an entire weekend day when he had errands to run or chores to do that I couldn't mange for him M-F.
Now that DS plays rec soccer, DH has attended every one for the last 3 years that he's played. He's also never missed a single karate tournament, archery tournament, etc.
Dd does competitive cheer. I go to every competition. It’s only 7-8 a year. Her routine is less than 3 minutes. But I also have to drive her there and get ready so I kinda have to be there.
My parents missed almost everything of mine growing up and I remember it. Looking out and seeing no one there.
Oh that stinks! Our track meets are in the evenings. We have a weekly local meet at 5 and then invitationals on the weekend during the day. My dd probably wouldn’t do track if she had to consistently miss class.
How late do they go? We have friends in track and starting at 2pm, they don’t get over til nearly 9! Track takes forever.
Our evening meets are just dual meets. The first meet we left around 8:30 and they were nearing the end (that one started at 5:30). I think this week it was until 9 or so. The weekend meets are with several teams and take way longer.
Post by somersault72 on Apr 18, 2024 15:16:14 GMT -5
Track meets are sooooo painful, LOL. My son runs the first event and the next to last event. Still, regionals are a big deal and if you could swing it, I'd probably go. I have missed things before but try not to. I almost never made it to my son's bowling matches because they all started at like 3:15. I don't get off work until 4:30.
I go when I can, which is pretty often. I'm a teacher at the same school so I'm already there, and I will go to the away games when I can. I like watching my kids play, and I taught most of the kids on the team so it's fun.
My parents always tried to come to my games and I appreciated it. When I was in college, we played on Wednesdays and weekends and every once in a while, my dad would drive up on a Wednesday to watch my sister and I play (we were on the same team) and take us to dinner (about 4 hours). We loved it -- it was really sweet.
That said, track meets are painful. I did not always go to them when DD1 ran, and I'm thrilled she switched to lacrosse in high school.
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Post by notsopicky on Apr 18, 2024 16:30:27 GMT -5
I go to everything for his sport (it's martial arts). I don't go to the classes with him (2X a week), but I usually park where I can watch from the car (the dojang has big windows). We go to all special events and belt tests.
I did mess up earlier this year--he did Quiz Bowl for a while and I didn't think I needed to be there to watch the school team compete, but he was upset that I did drop-off/pick up only for the 2 tournaments he was in. It was 8+ hours both times and there were stretches where they were waiting for the next round; he was with his school team and sponsors, but many of the parents were there. I felt bad about that. He is started chess team with earnest (wants to take lessons over the summer); I think he'll want me at those tournaments. I hope they are not 8+ hours.
I feel ya. I wouldn’t want to go either. BUT I would because I’d feel guilty if I didn’t forever and probably be happy I went anyway. I’d just mope about it (in my head or to my partner) in the meantime.
Only time I’ve missed is when both kids had conflicting schedules. Since DD quit volleyball and I made DS quit, we only have his baseball left. I enjoyed the quiet winter but I missed the chaos too.
Post by Leeham Rimes on Apr 18, 2024 16:43:08 GMT -5
We try to have one parent at every game. X has up to 4 games a weekend and I just can’t do all 4. In a good day he’ll have two games a weekend and h and I split those so Wes can do something or at least not be forced to spend his entire Saturday at a soccer pitch.
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Post by 1confused1 on Apr 18, 2024 17:55:35 GMT -5
Yes, I don’t miss anything unless there is some extenuating circumstance. My xh isn’t super reliable and sometimes doesn’t show so I want to make sure my kids are supported.
FWIW, my son is 17 and plays baseball year round. My daughter is 14 and dives for the high school.
With soccer & track, I go unless there’s a conflict. When they did mountain bike races, I did not go unless it was within an hour. Otherwise, I’d see them for like 10sec & drive over 2hr round trip plus how ever long the race was. I got an epic amount of house stuff done so the rest of the weekend could be fun. Their dad was there though & they were ok with it bc I’d go to other cycling races
If you travel for one kid (and it sounds like you do so pretty regularly) then travel for this one thing for your other kid.
I grew up on a dynamic where I was the older sibling whose activities weren’t interesting enough to show up for. And you feel it. I didn’t have as many events, but my mom regularly missed them for my brother’s events or for other things. I can remember accepting awards alone and standing there awkwardly at events while they thanked the parents for their ‘support.’
Oh no! This is the kid I’m always traveling for!!!! I’ll now have to get someone to help with my other dd. (My h will be oot working.) so I feel a little pulled in that regard but it’s fine. It will all work out.
I think its a big deal to make regionals so I would try to go if I could make it work although I would be laughing to myself that I was driving so far for a few minute race. But maybe I could find something else out that way??
Post by plutosmoon on Apr 18, 2024 20:33:57 GMT -5
I go to everything, rehearsals, performances, competitions, art shows, school events, in town or out of town. I have an only child so it's easier to manage, it would be way harder to do this if I had multiple kids. I'm essentially my kid's only parent, xh never showed up for DD and now lives out of the country. It's important I show up for her each and every time. My work is pretty understanding, they know the deal, it would be rare to have something that's so important at work I can't miss it. I don't stay for regular dance class, unless it's observation week.
That's an hour of supervised activity. (We are still at the club soccer level here.)
I love my kids but I love time without them in my face more.
I try to attend maybe one game a season. There is one team that DD plays where the other team is so impressive. I will probably go to that one this spring.
I do attend recitals & concerts though I really could do without the whole round of winter recitals & concerts. The spring one feels like it should be enough.
I'm not sure I've ever missed a game, but we're talking only like 3 years of just rec level soccer, baseball, and bball. My H has missed plenty as his job often has a lot of lame evening meetings.
I am actually missing DS's baseball game next Saturday to get my hair/makeup done for a gala we're attending in the evening and I feel a little bad about it.
I answered earlier but I want to add that I think there is a big difference between a school-based sport that competes during the school day and an activity that happens on the evenings/weekends.
Track is different than sports that are games. I was on track in high school, and maaaybe 20 parents came to meets for a team of 100 kids, usually more like 6 or 8. They were the Track Boosters, and they hauled water coolers and put up a pop up tent for us to dump all our stuff under while it poured down rain. For the weekend meets (invitationals and championships) it was more like 2-3 parents to do the above.
It's ok to send her a text and ask how she did, most of the fun of track is hanging out with your friends between events.
I try to go to everything. It’s a lot. Spring is 2 softball teams for DD1 and 2soccer teams for DD2. Since DD1 (14.5, 8th grade) is playing for her school, I don’t go to the away games that are and hour + away. But home games and rec games, I am almost always there. DH gets to 1-2 games per season since he’s usually working through them.
DD2 is 11 and in 5th, and I have to get her to her games anyway, so I always go to her games. DH usually goes too because they’re on the weekend and they’re faster than softball - if he’s working, he can take a break, watch a quick hour-long game, and then go back to work. In the fall, when she plays for her school, I only attend home games.
Things are so different now! Growing up my dad probably went to half a dozen of my brother's games for various sports over the years til high school--usually if my mom was sick/was in the hospital & couldn't get out of bed to take him. My parents came to ONE...ONE horse show, were bored out of their minds, and left early. They never saw me show, compete, or asked me about horses again all these years later.