MOOKS -- screentime?

[sugarbear1]

How do you find a balance? DS1 is almost 14 and wants more screentime. 
I only have him 50% of the time (probably closer to 60%, because he comes to my house every day after school).

I bought him an xBox because he argued -- reasonably, I thought -- that he was missing out on social stuff. Otherwise he has a phone and an old iPad.

DS is super busy with sports and doesn't get many opportunities to play for a large chunk of time other than Monday nights (he's always at my house). Weekends are hit or miss.

My rules have always been:
all screens off at 9:00
I don't care when you go to sleep -- both boys are good readers
no screens until homework is done
They usually get 2 hours in the evenings from end of dinner to 9, but I often ask them to at least be in the same room as me (so no xBox).

They both want more time, but I feel like I need to create a structure we can all abide. And I think what DS1 is advocating is more time with his friends so, like til 9:30 or 10. My issue is that I wake up every day at 5. I have to, in order to exercise and be ready to go by 7:15. This means I really need to be in bed by 9:30 / 10. I don't want to push back my bed time and I don't want to go to bed while their screens are still on.

ExH lets the boys stay up later (on screens), but usually insists that they watch a show together so I don't think DS1 is getting any time to play with a friend (an ipad or phone game). ExH does not have an xBox.

UGH. I know this is really jumbled. Can you just tell me how you manage screens for teens in your houses?
Thanks.

[donutsmakemegonuts]

Isn't there something like a wifi timer that you could set that turns off the wifi for them at a certain time? That way you could go to bed and have the wifi cut off automatically? I don't know, maybe I'm making this up lol. I also don't have kids, so this is not my wheelhouse. Just a suggestion, if something like this exists.

[bbdoll]

Apr 25, 2024 10:49:24 GMT -5 donutsmakemegonuts said:

Isn't there something like a wifi timer that you could set that turns off the wifi for them at a certain time? That way you could go to bed and have the wifi cut off automatically? I don't know, maybe I'm making this up lol. I also don't have kids, so this is not my wheelhouse. Just a suggestion, if something like this exists.

Yes, we have this.  It shuts off our wifi to my kids' devices at 9pm.  The rest of the house stays on.

[sugarbear1]

Apr 25, 2024 10:51:22 GMT -5 bbdoll said:

Apr 25, 2024 10:49:24 GMT -5 donutsmakemegonuts said:

Isn't there something like a wifi timer that you could set that turns off the wifi for them at a certain time? That way you could go to bed and have the wifi cut off automatically? I don't know, maybe I'm making this up lol. I also don't have kids, so this is not my wheelhouse. Just a suggestion, if something like this exists.

Yes, we have this.  It shuts off our wifi to my kids' devices at 9pm.  The rest of the house stays on.

donutsmakemegonuts I have never heard of this! 
bbdoll can you tell me the where you got it? I assume this is something I can buy from Amazon?

[bbdoll]

Mine was directly through my Internet provider. It's a local one, so that won't help you. But, I imagine most would have the technology.

[picksthemusic]

If you have T-Mobile, you can get the Family Mode app (we have our internet through T-Mobile) and we control when phones/iPad/internet is shut off for each device.

[wanderingback]

I don’t have a teen but I think 9:00 is totally reasonable and I think it’s fine to stick with that rule and not extend it till 10 even if he wants to use the screen to hang out with friends. Screens in general aren’t great right before bed and that goes for teens too. I also think 13 is different than 17 for example and still need guidance and structure. I recognize I’m a bit more on the conservative side when it comes to screens so that’s why I’m coming from.

[Jalapeñomel]

I think you have a good schedule!

Summer is coming, I'm sure they'll play plenty then!

[Patsy Baloney]

I don’t think I’d change anything. If the “together time” tends to happen on Mondays when he does have more twiddle around time, maybe ask for a half hour of their time and let them loose once in a while.

[ssmjlm]

I would maybe allow xbox time in another room, but I wouldn't change the times or amounts.

[waverly]

I have a 13 year old. For screens, his options are switch, cell phone or TV.

We have no switch at all during the week. He does have his cell phone during the week and plays games on there and texts friends. It is a locked down i-Phone with screentime that thankfully seems to work. No cell phone usually after 7 and then watching TV with the family until 9 when it is bedtime. The school is pretty strict so he only can bring out his cell phone bsaically on the bus.

He gets home and does homework immediately then watches some TV. Then he gets ready for his sports practices. On the weekend, he has a lot more time to play switch but that seems to be when his friends are playing also so it seems to work out.

Some of his friends do play on weeknights but they are also in sports practices so it varies.

[abs]

I think your schedule is fine.

Our rules change every few months it seems. Right now screen time is set up to allow for only music to be used after 9 pm (9:30 on weekends). She is usually asleep by 10 so this is fine but could go away if taken advantage of.

Games with online access have to be played in a common area. That wasn’t always my rule but poor choices were made recently so the problematic game (animal jam) was deleted and we can revisit later.

I don’t know. I think it’s hard to hard and fast rules at this age. As life happens we adapt.


ETA: DD gets home from school at 4:30 most days. She generally needs downtime then and will chat with friends before dinner/sports. She doesn’t do homework until 7. I’m totally fine with this. The downtime is super important and as long as her homework gets done I don’t care about the when. Family time for us is dinner.

[eddy]

I have a 12 year old and 16 year old.

Baseline- I have no concerns with school work or their desire to do other things besides screens. If I suggest we go do something, they normally are game. Schoolwork they take care of their stuff without intervention. 

So for the teen, no phone in bedroom. It is on a charger downstairs at night. And then we put time limit on apps so he isn't spending hours on instagram for example. 

the 12 year old has a phone but doesn't care about it. We monitor his discord chat and his gaming system is down in the family area. 

After that I don't limit screen time. They have bedtimes. They need to do the things that are expected of them. They need to have interests outside of gaming/screens. If all those areas are good, I don't really care beyond that. 

[lavenderblue]

My kids are 16 and 17, but I don't really have any rules around screen time any more. They are both decent students, they turn in their school work on time, they join me for dinner every night and do tasks and chores when asked, sometimes even when not asked, and we often spend time together. If any of that stuff was not happening I'd maybe think about putting some restrictions in place, but luckily my kids are pretty good at self-managing.

[fancynewbeesly]

I have a 12 year old. Right now she has a switch/phone/laptop. The laptop is used 100% just for Minecraft. She plays on the switch the most. The phone is about 70% streaming big bang theory and looking up crochet patterns.

Her school starts early--7:30, so ideally we try to have screens off by 8:30-but usually it edges to 9. After that, she gets ready for bed, takes melatonin and reads or draws or crochets until lights out by 9:30.
She does listen to audiobooks on her yoto player until she falls asleep.
She gets home at 2:15 so she has ample time to rest. Softball is twice a week but it starts at 6-so even with that. She picks her sister up from the bus stop and watches her until I get home.

[dochas]

If I'm understanding, this is on Monday nights? If so, 9 is reasonable. Definitely later in the weekends for playing with friends.

[Saudade]

DS1 is 12. His screens are Switch, TV, school Chromebook.

He is not allowed screens during the week at this time, except if he has homework on the Chromebook.

His grades are not great, mostly due to adjusting to middle school but he quite literally never has homework. Maybe once a quarter. So it's hard to argue based on that.

He gets plenty of screens on the weekend that makes up for this.

He goes to bed early though because he gets up at 6am on the regular....and because I want to go to bed by 9 since I have to get up so early. Not looking forward to his sleep schedule changing

[sonrisa]

Your limits sound reasonable to me. My 13 and 1o kids will push on any and all limits, all the time. I wouldn’t change it just because they want more or your ex allows more.

[1confused1]

Like lavenderblue, my kids are 15 and 17 and I don’t have rules around screen time anymore. They both have good grades, extra curricular activities and the 15 year old has a job. They both go to bed around 10pm, so they are typically on their devices from after dinner/homework time til bed time.

[expectantsteelerfan]

How do I find balance? I don't. I suck. My ds (who is almost 15 and a freshman) went from getting an hour of screentime only to getting pretty much unlimited screentime starting last summer when he got a gaming computer for his birthday. We thought it was 'fine' during the summer because he was still active (on swim team and would also still play outside with neighbors, and also in marching band, which had an intense 2 weeks of band camp over the summer) and we thought the newness would wear off and he wouldn't be on it so much during the school year. But he is on it any free time he has, and it seems like it's too late to make more strict rules now, and it sucks.
He does have a group of friends that he talks to on discord while he games. He also gets his homework done, and the few nice weather days, he has gone outside with neighbors. And if his friends HAPPEN to make plans to go somewhere like a trampoline place, the movies, whatever, he is all for going. But if he's home, he's in the office playing computer games. He rushes through dinner and other family stuff to get back to his games.

Oh, I will add that he does have a 10 o'clock screen shut off time on school nights and an 11 o'clock screen shut off time on weekends except for special occasions.  

[chedifuen]

No rules my 17 year old. He's a self-manager and can set his own schedule at this age. He'll be in college soon enough, so this is great preparation for being out of the house.

My 13 year old has to turn in his electronics at 9:00 on weeknights. On weekend, he can choose to game during the day or during the evening but not both.

[sdlaura]

Your rules also sound reasonable to me. My oldest is 11 and we shut screens off around 8 pm. I don’t have limits really during the day (my kids are also busy with sports and activities most of the time), but good sleep is a priority for us. Maybe I’d let my kids stay on just a little longer by the time they’re 14 (maybe 9:15 just to be nice in your case)?

[jlt19]

I’ve given up that fight, but currently battling keeping the 13yo off Snapchat and the 11yo off BeReal. I don’t think I’m winning that either…

They both have good grades and if they don’t,(school emails each week), I lock their phones until they get them back in line because it’s usually a missed assignment. I’ve also unplugged the WiFi once to to take away electronics (tv and Xbox) but that was only needed for a day, magically.

Phones lock at 9pm on weeknights, 11pm on weekends. Schedule is the same with me and at their dads because I control the Apple Family. Not sure about the Xbox there (he got one for there for Xmas) but he doesn’t do Discord or anything and he’s never a problem to wake up. Also very active if given the opportunity, which at my house is for hours each day after school.

DD is a different story; and is usually in her room watching Criminal Minds on her phone all evening. She’a not self harming or needing intense therapy, so I call that a win (compared to a year ago). And tonight she said she’s going to tryout for HS vball after quitting club last year, so I’m trying not to get too excited about that, but inside I’m screaming for joy.