I am not sure I am ok

[lemondrops]

I have been super tired, and I think my vitamin D levels are low again.

There has been an emphasis on suicide awareness at work. Someone gave a testimonial about how she use to have suicidal thoughts and thought about driving her car into a wall when her child died

I have thought about driving my car off the local bridge, maybe a couple times. I could never really do it. Does that make me suicidal?

And yes this is an AE

[Deleted]

It doesn't matter if those thoughts make you suicidal. Having those thoughts alone, combined with being super tired, would be enough for me to recommend speaking with your doctor, a close friend or a help hotline. A phone call never hurts!

Be kind to yourself!

[panicked]

I don't think it makes you suicidal. Having a plan, fantasizing about how exactly you would do it, or taking steps that would make it more concrete would worry me though.

Have you spoken with anyone? Are you depressed?

[Deleted]

Are you on any meds? I had a really really bad reaction to medication once and experienced those kinds of thoughts. It was pretty scary. Anyway either way you have to seek help. Those thoughts (while common) are not normal. I can PM you if you want more details. What is your mental health history?

[Kore]

Do you think about it in a "That would be crazy & really suck" kinda way? Or in a "that sounds so peaceful" way? I imagine all sorts of hypothetical ways I could die on a daily basis; I am not suicidal.

[countthestars]

Please, please talk to someone. Im not saying you are suicidal, but i would definitely talk to your doctor. www.suicidehotlines.com/

I'm sorry you are going through a rough patch. ((hugs))

[lemondrops]

Not on medicine except BC and GI medicine.

I don't think about it in a peaceful way or in a WTF kind of way. But I feel a random impulse and just catch it, if that makes sense. Impulse may even be a strong word, or wrong word to use.

[lemondrops]

No planning, to clarify

[Deleted]

Birth control can mess with your hormones but lack of sleep is likely the culprit.

Do:

Take a multi-vitamin and cut out processed food
Get eight hours of sleep
Remove yourself from all stimuli at least an hour before bedtime (no internet or tv)
Leave your desk or home and walk outside during the day time for at least 30 minutes
Exercise even if it's just during the above walk

Don't
Drink alcohol for now
Participate in any stressors
Take on new responsibilities

There is unfortunately still a stigma when it comes to mental illness and a lot of people are relucant to get help but you are taking the first step right now which is great. Call up your primary tomorrow and get in for an appointment. Be good to yourself.

[lemondrops]

Ulcer and GERD

[pugz]

I had thoughts of driving my car off the road when I was depressed. No plans or intentions. But driving along sometimes I was in so much inexplicable despair that I thought about it. I went on anti-depressants shortly thereafter and they made a huge difference (and still do).

[womet]

You may not be suicidal, but it does sound like you are depressed. I would seek out some medical help so you can get help with this. Please know that we are here for you. {{{hugs}}}

[doverbeach]

Asking the question "am I suicidal" concerns me. There's a reason you're asking.

Take it easy tonight and take care of yourself, also call 1-800-273-TALK, a suicide hotline, if you feel like you need it for help or support.

[lemondrops]

I have been on medicine when I was in a bad marriage. But I realized it was more about the external factors. I won't go back on medicine. Therapy is fine, but no medicine. My job is a huge factor for so many reasons. I need a new job I think

[AAM2012]

((hugs)) I would talk to a doctor since fatigue is a big sign of depression; while it doesn't necessarily mean that's what you have . At least if they can get your blood levels where they need to be you may not be as tired all the time.

I used to be extremly tired in the past (to the extent that it was depressing) and my doctor kept saying I was depresssed and refused to do anything. I went to a different doctor who realized I was anemic due to gastro issues. As soon as we got that figured out I started feeling so much better and things turned around. If your doctor can't give you answers, find another. Best wishes.

[rubytue]

I use to have thoughts like that all the time. I'd contemplate driving off a bridge and wonder who would notice. They were so pervasive and had been with me so long, I had no idea it wasn't normal. It wasn't until years later that I realized I was clinically depressed from about age 15 to 26. Mine was related to family issues (cutting contact with my mother lifted the shroud of depression within a few months), but looking back, I wish I'd talked to a dr about it instead. I could have been a better person back then.

[pineneedles]

Maybe take it easy tonight, and then tomorrow, start thinking seriously about how to make a new job happen. We spend so much time at work...it's just too much time to be so miserable.

Maybe having a plan in place will help you feel better. I wish you all the best.

[lemondrops]

I go to get my blood work done Friday, I had my general physical last week. New doctor because I moved. I can't not NOT take on a new work load or responsibility unfortunately. It is a cluster fuck

[DefenseAgainstTheDarkArts22]

Can I ask how long you have been having random thoughts like this? I mean, I think everyone has had the disaster thoughts but it depends on how deep they are going. "Wouldn't this be weird if my car went off this bridge like whoever lady?" or "Wouldn't it be peaceful to go over this bridge and sink?"

Still, the fact you are asking makes me wonder if you think something is up. If you have any questions call someone and talk. There have been a ton of resources posted above.

[greekypie]

Sounds like what my psych calls "suicidal ideation". I had that, then it transitioned into something worse, and I was in bad shape. (Was in treatment all this time).

Take it seriously. For it to happen on any semi-regular basis is not normal. Talking to someone would help gauge how casual or worrisome it is, and what you can do about it. But don't ignore it. Definitely talk to someone.

ETA- feel free to PM if you want to discuss more privately.

[kershnic]

You can have what's called passive suicidal ideation - that means things like 'I wish I'd get cancer and die.' Or daydreaming about getting hit by a drunk driver. It's not active suicidality - not making a plan or even thinking of taking action - but it is a sign that someone needs some help and can be a sign of depression. Good luck finding a good therapist - you deserve for this to get better.

[whitepicketfence]

The fact that you're asking this question makes me concerned for you. I don't know whether you are truly suicidal or not, but you could possibly be depressed. Please talk to your doctor about these thoughts ASAP.

({) (})

[anna7602]

Sept 26, 2012 18:35:13 GMT -5 lemondrops said:

Ulcer and GERD

Have you switched medication or dosage lately?

I recently switched the dosage on one my meds (sort of ulcer-related) and the whole process made me have all kinds of anxiety and semi-panic attacks while my body adjusted. I knew exactly what was happening and why, but it was still scary as all hell.