19year old college sophmore, moved off campus this year to an apt which costs more than the dorm was (and she had her own room). She did not work during her Freshman year and maybe worked 20 hours a week during the summer. Her parents don't have much money and are only able to help with a couple hundred dollars here and there. She has maxed out student loans, aid, etc. She called her mom and said she couldn't work anymore, that it was causing her to be too stressed out, she doesn't have time to study, etc. She's going to fail classes! (She's only had a job for 3 weeks now and works 10 hours a week).
She posts pictures on Facebook constantly. Posts pics of her at concerts, parties, out to eat... She also has an iphone and posts pics of new things (clothes/bags) she buys.
So what would you do? I want to see some responses before I post what her mom did because I am :-|
I would tell her to quit buying expensive shit, or at least not be stupid enough to plaster it all over FB if she's going to cry poverty, and strongly suggest that she buckle down and work harder at both school and her job.
However, if she's spoiled enough to act this way in the first place, then I'm guessing her mother decided to just further enable her and keep paying her way. Correct?
I would find some resources on establishing a budget. If I didn't feel equipped to teach some real world financial lessons, I'd find someplace that can - credit union, financial advisor, student life center, something.
From there, she's an adult. She may need to learn a hard lesson - either suck it up and work, or take a semester or two off to earn some money.
Post by littlemisssunshine on Sept 28, 2012 12:21:22 GMT -5
Do what my parents did me: Pay for tuition, room (an cheap safe apt they picked that was in their budget) and a small grocery allowance as long as she was making good grades. If she wanted extra money for things like car insurance, gas, clothes, eating out etc, she needs to get a job. Many, many people worked full time and went to school, or at the very least worked 20-30 hours. It's completely doable and she needs to suck it up.
Post by shortstax on Sept 28, 2012 12:24:08 GMT -5
I see this a lot. Many, many college students now try to justify not working (even part-time work/study jobs) because they are "so busy."
I'd check to see if the school has a financial awareness counseling office (most do--ps, it's not financial aid.) If possible, I would schedule an appt with a FAC counselor, myself, and my child. The 3 of us would go through budgetting and expenses to see if the child can truly choose to not work. This could also help them see how much they're actually spending. Sadly, students often tune out parents in this type of scenario, so a 3rd person can really help.
yep...her mom went behind her dad's back and got a parent loan for $2K so she could quit working. None of her 3 roommates work either, and her mom is very "keep up with the Joneses" so I shouldn't be surprised I guess. The reason mom went behind dad's back is because her parents had also given her a CC for "emergencies" and it now has a balance of $1700 on it. She's going to be one of those people who graduates with $100K in debt just for her bachelors.......and she's going to school to be a teacher
Sounds like my old roommate. She had the easiest major on campus (our campus equivalent of underwater basket weaving) and was "too busy to work". The girl literally did nothing all day. Lol.
I hope the parents dont give in and give her more money. I feel like this story will end with the parents picking up another job to fully support their student.
morningmania--her rent alone is $350 plus utilities (heat, electric, cable), so its inevitable that she'll be back for more. She has her car with her at school too, so she has insurance, gas and then food plus her iphone. It stresses me out just thinking about what a bad situation she's setting herself up for. I think a good suggestion is to find out if the school has a program for money management and send her there.
Post by mrsjuleshs on Sept 28, 2012 12:39:52 GMT -5
Let her fail. She is old enough to take responsibility for her actions. Heck, even my 13 year old knows that she is responsible for her grades and she is the only one to blame for poor grades or bad decisions made.
If I was that strapped for cash that I had to take out a loan for 2k, no freaking way would I be giving it to her so she didn't have to work.
I would probably tell her to suck up and keep working. Try to work out a budget for her. Tell her to stop wasting money that isn't even hers (credit and borrowing) and try to get her back on track. I would help her cut whatever expenses she could. I would also try to convince her to rethink her living arrangement to find something cheaper for next year.
If she were a freshman I would be more lax about working honestly. I know it is a hard adjustment to make. She knew what college was like at this point though. I would also tell her she needed to work during to summer more to save up for any extras during the school year.
I don't find it surprising. Out of my 7 roomies, 1 of them worked, and the others regularly made calls to their parents for more cash.
I can't get over this.
Why do parents support the idea of their adult children not working? Are the kids too stupid to handle school and work? Do they simply desire a purely carefree lifestyle for their kids? Did the parents never work themselves before graduating college? Do they just have more money than they know what to do with?
As I said the other day, I think it is a different story if a child has a learning disability or other issue that makes school extremely challenging. In that case, by all means, school should be the main and only priority.
Another problem I see now is the need for unpaid internships on a resume. This makes it extremely hard to get the career skills necessary while also working. (I never had internships, just jobs, and was just fine, but I realize that is not always feasible)
But in most other cases, I believe that college students should be able to work at least enough for spending money.
I just can't relate. When I was in college, I was a FT student, worked nearly FT hours, and volunteered. Sure, I made some stupid decisions $$ wise, but I sucked it up and dealt with it.
I worked at least 30 hours a week while going to school--I had to. Was it hard to keep up my grades, coordinate schedules, etc? Yes, but that's life. I'm very surprised more people don't work at least 15-20 hours.
I don't find it surprising. Out of my 7 roomies, 1 of them worked, and the others regularly made calls to their parents for more cash.
I dont get this. When I was in college, a long time ago, I had a budget for each semester and went over it with my parents and they said they would cover x, scholarships would cover y, etc. It would never have occurred me to call and ask for $, useless it was an emergency, and it was understood that I was there to go to school first and foremost. Did I have fun with my friends? Yes. Did I have a work study job? Yes. Did I have a great college experience? Yep!
My child will not be moving in to the more expensive housing option in the first place. Unless it was next door to the hospital where they had a job 20 hours a week. Fuck that noise. I'd change my phone number.
I don't find it surprising. Out of my 7 roomies, 1 of them worked, and the others regularly made calls to their parents for more cash.
I can't get over this.
Why do parents support the idea of their adult children not working? Are the kids too stupid to handle school and work? Do they simply desire a purely carefree lifestyle for their kids? Did the parents never work themselves before graduating college? Do they just have more money than they know what to do with?
I don't think I had a single friend in college who worked during the school year. Some had paid positions during the summer, but unpaid internships were more common. They were definitely not stupid; we were at a top 10 university, and almost all of these people now have MDs, PhDs, or JDs or MBAs from top schools. I don't think their parents just wanted them to have a carefree lifestyle, either. In most cases, the parents prized academics very highly and didn't want their kids working if there was a potential for it to distract from their school work. The parents were inevitably relatively well-off, but not all of them were at the "more money than you know what to do with" level of wealth (though some were).
Don't get me wrong--I agree that most kids should be able to work a little during school, and not doing so is obviously a privilege that relatively few can afford. But I think there are reasons beyond stupidity or need excessive leisure time that some kids don't work during college.
Don't get me wrong--I agree that most kids should be able to work a little during school, and not doing so is obviously a privilege that relatively few can afford. But I think there are reasons beyond stupidity or need excessive leisure time that some kids don't work during college.
Yes, I totally understand. I have heard that logic a lot before - the idea that kids shouldn't work during the school year so they can "focus" on school.
I don't know how to say this without being obnoxious, but I guess school is just a lot harder for some than I realize.
If there is enough time to party, have fun, and do all the other "college" stuff while still getting good grades, I think there is enough time to work.
If wealthy parents choose to use their money to allow their kids not to work, it's no skin off my back, but it's just not something I would do.