If this were your kid WWYD?

[Deleted]

Sept 28, 2012 12:51:06 GMT -5 SJ said:

Sept 28, 2012 12:38:58 GMT -5 papiercherri said:

I don't find it surprising. Out of my 7 roomies, 1 of them worked, and the others regularly made calls to their parents for more cash.

I can't get over this.

Why do parents support the idea of their adult children not working? Are the kids too stupid to handle school and work? Do they simply desire a purely carefree lifestyle for their kids? Did the parents never work themselves before graduating college? Do they just have more money than they know what to do with?

As I said the other day, I think it is a different story if a child has a learning disability or other issue that makes school extremely challenging. In that case, by all means, school should be the main and only priority.

Another problem I see now is the need for unpaid internships on a resume. This makes it extremely hard to get the career skills necessary while also working. (I never had internships, just jobs, and was just fine, but I realize that is not always feasible)

But in most other cases, I believe that college students should be able to work at least enough for spending money.

I don't think my parents really saw me as an adult when I was in college. They didn't want us to work during the school year when we were in school because they wanted us to focus on our studies and to still have time to have a good college experience. They *did* want us to do something productive during the summers, and I was able to get good resume-building paid interships for three of my college summers. I was able to do two majors and a minor while being very involved in several student organizations (I was an officer of two of them), and got very good grades (graduated with the highest GPA in one of my majors). All of this got me into a good law school, that got me a good job, that got me a good salary... I think that's very MM. I was always very responsible with money even though I got an allowance and had my living expenses and such paid for me until I was 25. Not having to work during the school year didn't change that.

This isn't to say that I couldn't have done many or all of these things if I had to work too, but I'm glad I didn't have to add work to that list. I probably wouldn't have been as involved in clubs, and maybe my GPA would have suffered if I had that extra something on my plate. I'm grateful that my parents let me be a bit coddled in college, I think it helped me a lot, and I would absolutely expect to do that for my (fake) kids too.

Taking a personal loan out to do it though? No way. That's crazy talk. This is what you do when you can afford it and your kids are actually making something of it.

[Deleted]

Sept 28, 2012 13:23:27 GMT -5 SJ said:

Sept 28, 2012 13:19:30 GMT -5 h said:

Don't get me wrong--I agree that most kids should be able to work a little during school, and not doing so is obviously a privilege that relatively few can afford. But I think there are reasons beyond stupidity or need excessive leisure time that some kids don't work during college.

Yes, I totally understand. I have heard that logic a lot before - the idea that kids shouldn't work during the school year so they can "focus" on school.

I don't know how to say this without being obnoxious, but I guess school is just a lot harder for some than I realize.

If there is enough time to party, have fun, and do all the other "college" stuff while still getting good grades, I think there is enough time to work.

If wealthy parents choose to use their money to allow their kids not to work, it's no skin off my back, but it's just not something I would do.

I never worked during college. I worked during the summers. Between music, newspaper, and school, it would have been challenging. My parents could afford for me not to work. It was never really an issue. And I only know a few kids who did work during the year, This was at a state school, not a private one. If my child doesn't need to work, I don't see any advantage in forcing her to. I turned out fine and understand the value of a dollar. And I would have missed out on "working" on the newspaper - which might as well have been a job - if I had had to work. I DO think there can be value in not working during college.

[mbcdefg]

I didn't run into too many entitled people at my college - the majority of students who went there couldn't afford to go anywhere else, and most of us paid our own way through school. People made mistakes and blew their money on stupid shit, sure, but for the most part nobody was spoiled.

Of course, there were a few well-off kids who went to our school because they couldn't get into, or failed out of, "better" schools. I had a teammate who came from money and made sure everyone knew it. She partied too much at her first school and her parents made her go to ours; she wrecked at least one car (she claimed it was because she fell asleep but knowing her she was drunk) and her parents promptly bought her a brand new one; she smuggled weed on our tournament trips and was falling-down drunk every single night.

I was in a class that regularly did newspaper surveys for $10/hour and the professor encouraged us to recruit others. I announced after practice one day that anyone interested in earning $30 could come to class with me, and this chick snorted and said, "I can get $30 in 10 seconds just by calling my dad and telling him to give it to me." It felt awesome to see everyone on the team give her a dirty look.

[Deleted]

Sept 28, 2012 12:51:06 GMT -5 SJ said:

Sept 28, 2012 12:38:58 GMT -5 papiercherri said:

I don't find it surprising. Out of my 7 roomies, 1 of them worked, and the others regularly made calls to their parents for more cash.

I can't get over this.

Why do parents support the idea of their adult children not working? Are the kids too stupid to handle school and work? Do they simply desire a purely carefree lifestyle for their kids? Did the parents never work themselves before graduating college? Do they just have more money than they know what to do with?

I had to work or get an internship during the summers, but my job during the school year was to study hard and get good grades. Also, I didn't qualify for Fed. work study and there weren't many jobs on campus for kids who didn't (and jobs in the town my undergrad was in were hard to come by).

I think that instilling a good work ethic in your kids isn't something that has to be done by making them get a job while in school.

[je55]

Is this my sister in law? Wait, it can't be because she bled her parents dry and couldn't continue going to school. She wrecked their credit so badly that my husband had to co-sign for his brother's education. Good thing is brother is actually responsible. I just hope his sister doesn't come crying to us. We will have to claim that we're maxed out.

Parents don't realize what a disservice they're doing to their children by shielding them from real world responsibilities. I am truly afraid for the future of humankind.

[phunluvin82]

I didn't work during semesters, and most of my friends/roommates didn't either. Some were in accelerated programs that were legit difficult and were ALWAYS studying, pulling all nighters. Some were on sports teams and had practice like 3 hrs everyday.

And some, like me, were probably just spoiled...but I still think there can be legit reasons for allowing your child to not work during the school year. Granted, with tuition rates going through the roof, it's a privelege that fewer and fewer parents are able to extend to their kids. I'm not surprised that the mom did what she did though, b/c I think sometimes parents feel guilty if they can't 100% pay their kid's way through college.

ETA: I WILL say though, that when I moved off-campus w/ roommates, it cost significantly less than the on-campus room & board. Had that not been the case, my parents would never have allowed it...or would have told me that I would have to work and make up the difference myself.

[hocus]

If she wants to quit her job then let her. Don't send extra money. Let her figure it out. I'd probably lightly warn her that student loads are not disagreeable in bankruptcy and that if she fails out of school she'll have to work full time and pay rent if she moved back home.

FWIW - I worked 18-20 hours and graduated in the top 10% of my class. I had a intensive major and chem minor. Working is not the issue here. She might not be ready for school on either an academic or emotional level. It is hard to say which it is. I know someone who was forced to take a leave of absence from school due to low grades. It really improved his focus because working 40 hours a week at a dead end job was no fun.

[livinitup]

I'd tell her that I agree and it's time for community college and moving back home.

[chessie]

I would expect my kid to live on their own, have a job to support all their things including school.

[Deleted]

I don't think this would happen to my kid, lol. If we have one, I plan to raise them similarly to the way I was raised - you get a job once you turn 16 to cover spending money, and I'll give you a little extra here and there as a treat, pay for certain things, etc but there is no reason not to work at least part time for some extra cash.

I hope to be able to help my child out financially to cover things such as tuition and housing, but if he/she wants any extras (money for beer, a 1 bedroom apartment that makes housing more costly, a car, etc) it will come from working part time.

I worked in both high school and college and while it was hard, it was doable and made transitioning into being an adult after college easier. I never got used to having tons of free time or as much money as I wanted, and that's a good thing. I did end up with CC debt, and I'll try to teach my child a better way of doing things than that.... but ultimately I will never take out a loan to cover fun while letting him/her get off without working.

10 hours a week is nothing. I worked anywhere from 25-40 my last couple of years of school AND in grad school and still managed to get excellent grades. I worked more like 15-20 hours a week before that. I was fine so I'm sure someone else would be too.

[Deleted]

I see this entitlement attitude all the time at work. I realize this makes me sound like a curmudgeon, but wtf is it with this generation?

[macmars45]

At comm college I didn't work my freshman year, worked 15-20 hrs/wk sophomore year, then transferred to a four year university and didn't work junior year (but I had to volunteer for multiple classes every semester for 10 hrs/wk so it was like a job), and worked 10-20 hr/wk my senior year. I also worked as close to full time as I could during the summers.

My parents told me school was my job and it came first. I did well in school and didn't ask my parents for extra money. I had a grateful attitude about it all. They only paid for rent/room & board & some tuition. I paid for tuition and books.

If my kid acts like that that ungrateful lazy 19 yr old I'd tell her she can suck it up and work more or drop out of school and work.

[shopgirl07]

It's even more stupid because that $2K is only going to last a month, 2 months tops. So what's she going to do then?