Help me make some life decisions

[Awkward]

(LONG) I do not like my job. I am not good at my job. My boss knows this and blames himself, as I was 'promoted' to this job from a job I liked and was good at. I've been struggling to stay afloat for the past few months while seriously job hunting and you ladies have helped me with that. I'm looking for jobs in an area closer to my SO, with the understanding that he would move in as soon as I had a job and an apt (we've been together just shy of 3 years).

Here's the issue. My boss just had a 'come to jesus' talk with me. That basically I have the choice of moving to a different job in the company (same pay, less responsibility) or he will help me in whatever way to transition me out the door within the next month or so. If I take the other job, I will need to make a commitment to stay here another 9 months to a year. If I leave I face the uncertainty of not having a job, as I've been searching for the past 4 months with no luck. The advantage would be I would be there in the area for job hunting and interviews.

On the one hand, I kind of see this as an opportunity to just pick up and move and leave this life behind me. I have the savings to back up a move, 1st/last/sec, and my other bills for 4 months and then some very easily. On the other the need to be a responsible adult and continue at a company where I do not have a future while living apart from SO for at least another 9 months. I'm by nature a planner and a worry-wort, so this choice is really difficult for me.

My boss has asked for my decision by the end of the week. Anyone have any advice or guidance? Help.

[ijack]

how far are you from this new area you want to be in?

[Deleted]

If you are serious about moving to another area, I'd take the opportunity to do so. How long will they let you stay in your current position and "transition"? Can you list your SO's address on your resume and job hunt there while keeping your current job for a few months?

DH and I relocated 2 years ago. DH had been applying to a company for 6 months prior to the move w/ no reply. When we relocated he was hired within 3 months. If you have the savings and it's what you want long term anyway, I'd just go for it - provided SO is willing to support you for a while if all goes to hell. In this day and age, you do need to be prepared for everything NOT working out. DH has a good friend who has been unemployed for over a year TWICE since 08. Lucky for him, his wife is a dentist....

[dexteroni]

I would probably take this opportunity and go. But I understand why anyone would be hesitant to do so without another job lined up. Do you have enough in savings to see you through maybe 6 months of unemployment? Or will your SO cover the expenses for awhile until you find a job?

[Awkward]

Oct 2, 2012 11:30:40 GMT -5 ijack said:

how far are you from this new area you want to be in?

2 hours. I've been lucky enough with my previous interviews up there to either get out of work early or have the interview after 5pm.

[kershnic]

How serious are you and SO? Do you picture this heading towards marriage, would SO support you financially if your savings ran down? How hard is being long distance for you?

How hard should it theoretically be for you to land a desirable job in your field? I mean, are we talking something really specific and/or rare, where there are 10 jobs available in the whole country and 15 million people want them, or is it a big field with lots of jobs and you're well qualified for them?

What are the consequences if you do end up leaving this new job offered before 9 months to a year?

[livinitup]

Would you have to sign a contract? Because unless I have to sign a legal document, I don't think it's reasonable for you boss to make you "promise" not to job hunt - if that's better for you.

I don't want to sound like a dick, and I would work my ass off to make the new job work - but still they don't get to call "keepsies" on you and created some loyality obligation if you find a better job in a new town - that is a better fit for your life.

So, I recommend take the job and keep looking and leave if/when you find something.

[Awkward]

Oct 2, 2012 11:31:47 GMT -5 @sirsleepsalot said:

If you are serious about moving to another area, I'd take the opportunity to do so. How long will they let you stay in your current position and "transition"? Can you list your SO's address on your resume and job hunt there while keeping your current job for a few months?

He didn't give me an exact time line, but I imagine it would be the next three weeks based on previous people. The new job would be working on a yearly project, so if I took it I'd need to stay until it was done, probably next July.

I've gone back and forth between listing my home address and giving specifics about moving in the cover letter, and using SO's address. SO actually lives about 45 minutes away from this area, so he's not super close either.

[livinitup]

And does help in "whatever way" include Unemployment benefits?? Because if the company would fight me on UI, I would not quit.

[dr.girlfriend]

What does a "committment" to your employer entail? A, "yes, I plan to stick around" or an actual contract?

On the one hand, DH quit his job before having another lined up, and it was a long nine months until he found something new. I would never want that stress again. Unless your SO can support you financially, I would be wary of moving someplace with no job lined up.

On the other hand, if you take this new position and find a job near your SO five or six months down the road...what can they really say? "You promised," or "We'll sue"? Are you just burning professional bridges to leave sooner, or are you really locked in?

[Awkward]

Oct 2, 2012 11:32:08 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

I would probably take this opportunity and go. But I understand why anyone would be hesitant to do so without another job lined up. Do you have enough in savings to see you through maybe 6 months of unemployment? Or will your SO cover the expenses for awhile until you find a job?

6 months I would have to stretch it, but it could probably be done.

I should also mention that health insurance is not an issue in this, as I'm under 26 and will be covered by my parents even if I move to a different state.

SO may be able to if I absolutely needed help. He has a weird housing situation that I wouldn't want to move in to and makes about the same as I do, but has more $$$ obligations.

[Awkward]

Oct 2, 2012 11:36:24 GMT -5 kershnic said:

How serious are you and SO? Do you picture this heading towards marriage, would SO support you financially if your savings ran down? How hard is being long distance for you?

How hard should it theoretically be for you to land a desirable job in your field? I mean, are we talking something really specific and/or rare, where there are 10 jobs available in the whole country and 15 million people want them, or is it a big field with lots of jobs and you're well qualified for them?

What are the consequences if you do end up leaving this new job offered before 9 months to a year?

SO and I are very serious. I completely believe that if either one of us had better jobs and we lived together, we would be engaged if not married by this point. Long distance is tough, but we've been doing it since the 6 month mark.

I'm still early enough in my career that I'm not very specialized, and my skills would translate into another field. I'm basically a specialized admin asst with some extra responsibilities right now, but could easily do any type of admin assisting or customer service.

There would not be any consequences so to speak of leaving earlier. My boss has been very understanding by even offering me this job instead of just kicking my ass to the curb. The nature of the project would mean that if I left before it was finished, no one besides my boss would be able to complete it. I would feel obligated to fulfill that commitment, given that this would be practically the fourth or fifth chance my boss has given me. I feel like I owe him.

[Awkward]

Oct 2, 2012 11:37:49 GMT -5 livinitup said:

Would you have to sign a contract? Because unless I have to sign a legal document, I don't think it's reasonable for you boss to make you "promise" not to job hunt - if that's better for you.

I don't want to sound like a dick, and I would work my ass off to make the new job work - but still they don't get to call "keepsies" on you and created some loyality obligation if you find a better job in a new town - that is a better fit for your life.

So, I recommend take the job and keep looking and leave if/when you find something.

No, no contract. Just my word, and a feeling of professional obligation. It would burn some bridges.

I did not ask about the UI benefits. I'm going to err on the side that they would fight it based on what I saw happen in another department.

[HoneySpider]

I would take the opportunity and move to the new area. I've moved before without a job and it is scary but something will come up...and being in the new area should definitely help when applying.

[Deleted]

I vote you do it. I would throw caution to the wind. I would try to find a low wage job in the new town immediately though. Maybe set your last day one month out and drive out this weekend to apply for waitressing jobs, etc. Something with off hours.

I would try to keep expenses super low at first--maybe rent a room from someone, etc. That buys you a little time to figure everything out.

[kershnic]

I'm a cautious person and 2 hours is not THAT far to deal with for another 9-12 months.... so to be completely honest, what I would probably do in your position is take the offer. But now as I'm typing this and thinking it through, are you then going to be in the same position at that time, where you either have to make another long commitment to see a project through or you have to bite the bullet and quit and job hunt near your SO then? If you're just going to be in the same place again in 9-12 months then go for it now.

[mbcdefg]

You said this is practically the fourth or fifth chance you've gotten with this job. Since you said you have at least four months' worth of living expenses saved up, I think I'd just leave and try to find something else at this point.

If you think you want to move closer to your SO and possibly take things to the next step, I would establish yourself in your own place first and settle into a new job before you guys move in together.

[phunluvin82]

Oct 2, 2012 11:58:27 GMT -5 @kcpokergal said:

I vote you do it. I would throw caution to the wind. I would try to find a low wage job in the new town immediately though. Maybe set your last day one month out and drive out this weekend to apply for waitressing jobs, etc. Something with off hours.

I would try to keep expenses super low at first--maybe rent a room from someone, etc. That buys you a little time to figure everything out.

I was thinking this too. A lot of places are hiring seasonal help right now, so maybe a temporary, low wage job until you find something in your field would be an option?

It would be scary to move in this economy without a job lined up...but honestly, if I were in your position, I don't know if I could stomach commiting to 9ish more months when what I really wanted was to relocate to where my SO was. I would probably take the leap.

[livinitup]

Oct 2, 2012 11:53:08 GMT -5 Awkward said:

Oct 2, 2012 11:37:49 GMT -5 livinitup said:

Would you have to sign a contract? Because unless I have to sign a legal document, I don't think it's reasonable for you boss to make you "promise" not to job hunt - if that's better for you.

I don't want to sound like a dick, and I would work my ass off to make the new job work - but still they don't get to call "keepsies" on you and created some loyality obligation if you find a better job in a new town - that is a better fit for your life.

So, I recommend take the job and keep looking and leave if/when you find something.

No, no contract. Just my word, and a feeling of professional obligation. It would burn some bridges.

I did not ask about the UI benefits. I'm going to err on the side that they would fight it based on what I saw happen in another department.

Then I would take the job, do it well for a year and aggressive start looking for a new job 9 months from now in your desired location. You're under 26 and been at this place for a while, it will reflect VERY well on your job search rather than being unemployed. I would not mess with what sounds like a solid resume.

And I dated DH 2 years long distance (4+ hours away) and 1 year engaged and it worked quite well. Visited on weekends, plan trips together and it was great ( 3yrs total). Changed jobs and moved-in together one month before the wedding. So, I know of what I speak.

[Awkward]

Oct 2, 2012 12:31:28 GMT -5 livinitup said:

Oct 2, 2012 11:53:08 GMT -5 Awkward said:

No, no contract. Just my word, and a feeling of professional obligation. It would burn some bridges.

I did not ask about the UI benefits. I'm going to err on the side that they would fight it based on what I saw happen in another department.

Then I would take the job, do it well for a year and aggressive start looking for a new job 9 months from now in your desired location. You're under 26 and been at this place for a while, it will reflect VERY well on your job search rather than being unemployed. I would not mess with what sounds like a solid resume.

And I dated DH 2 years long distance (4+ hours away) and 1 year engaged and it worked quite well. Visited on weekends, plan trips together and it was great ( 3yrs total). Changed jobs and moved-in together one month before the wedding. So, I know of what I speak.

Thank you, I think I needed to hear this from someone who has been there. I started with this company 3 months after graduation and have been here ever since. All the interviews I've been to someone has commented on it.

Any chance you can talk my SO into proposing soon so I can stop being the girl with the 3 year post-college relationship with no ring? Kidding, obviously.

[mrshandy]

You're still young with some work experience. You don't have responsibilities (i.e. children). I say move.

I agree with finding a low wage job. Do you have waitressing experience?

It's scary, but to me it's worth taking a risk. If you're serious about this relationship, long distance relationships just don't work long term IMHO. At least not for me.

DH moved to DC to be with me without any job lined up and no professional experience. It was rough, and we were broke, but we were together and that made everything better. We got crappy jobs which eventually led us to better jobs with some persistance.

[Awkward]

Oct 2, 2012 12:49:06 GMT -5 mrshandy said:

You're still young with some work experience. You don't have responsibilities (i.e. children). I say move.

I agree with finding a low wage job. Do you have waitressing experience?

It's scary, but to me it's worth taking a risk. If you're serious about this relationship, long distance relationships just don't work long term IMHO. At least not for me.

DH moved to DC to be with me without any job lined up and no professional experience. It was rough, and we were broke, but we were together and that made everything better. We got crappy jobs which eventually led us to better jobs with some persistance.

No waitressing, but I do have coffee shop and retail experience. I have some business cards of people at temp agencies in the area too. I've been told with two years office experience it should be relatively easy to get a temp gig, if necessary.

[jigsy]

If you're asking what I would do...well I would move, since that is what I did. I found a job I love (though it is pt ) in 2 weeks...the distance really held me back from finding a position when I was looking, though I was cross-country.
GL

[dexteroni]

Oct 2, 2012 11:42:20 GMT -5 Awkward said:

Oct 2, 2012 11:32:08 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

I would probably take this opportunity and go. But I understand why anyone would be hesitant to do so without another job lined up. Do you have enough in savings to see you through maybe 6 months of unemployment? Or will your SO cover the expenses for awhile until you find a job?

6 months I would have to stretch it, but it could probably be done.

I should also mention that health insurance is not an issue in this, as I'm under 26 and will be covered by my parents even if I move to a different state.

SO may be able to if I absolutely needed help. He has a weird housing situation that I wouldn't want to move in to and makes about the same as I do, but has more $$$ obligations.

Oh I don't know why I presumed you would be living together. Hmm. Having separate rent and expenses makes it tougher, but I think I would just take the cheapest place I could find at first, maybe a 6-month sublet, and get any job just to pay the bills while searching for a career job.

[dexteroni]

Oct 2, 2012 11:49:54 GMT -5 Awkward said:

SO and I are very serious. I completely believe that if either one of us had better jobs and we lived together, we would be engaged if not married by this point.

Have you ever talked about moving in together? This seems like it would be a good time to do so.

[Awkward]

Oct 2, 2012 13:40:18 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Oct 2, 2012 11:49:54 GMT -5 Awkward said:

SO and I are very serious. I completely believe that if either one of us had better jobs and we lived together, we would be engaged if not married by this point.

Have you ever talked about moving in together? This seems like it would be a good time to do so.

We've talked about moving in together for years and it's always been on the back burner. He has been trying to get a job near me for over a year and vice versa. We're both risk averse people, so saying fuckit and just moving somewhere without a job lined up isn't our style, but it's coming to the point where I will do anything to be with him.

This is how I'm thinking this would work. I pick up and move, rent a room and get a part time job or temp job. I spend the remainder of my time looking for full time employment. Once I score full time employment and an apartment, SO can move in while looking for better full time employment himself. With his current shitty job he can transfer mostly anywhere (big box retailer with hundreds of locations) so he would have at least some income coming in while he looks for something better. I think talking out the specifics is starting to help my thought process...

[mbcdefg]

If you're going to take a risk in life, then now is probably the time to do it ... you're young, you don't have kids, you're not legally attached to SO.

[dexteroni]

Oct 2, 2012 13:57:14 GMT -5 Awkward said:

With his current shitty job he can transfer mostly anywhere (big box retailer with hundreds of locations) so he would have at least some income coming in while he looks for something better.

What's this about your SO transferring? I thought you were moving to be where he is.

Or do you mean you would both move to a whole new city if you find a job elsewhere? Hmm. If that's the case it actually might make more sense to stay where you are until you find something. It kind of seems silly to move and then possibly move again in a few months if you find a job in another city.

If your SO can move anywhere, why doesn't he just transfer to your city for 9 - 12 months and during that time hopefully you can both find better jobs in another city.

[Awkward]

Oct 2, 2012 14:07:10 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

Oct 2, 2012 13:57:14 GMT -5 Awkward said:

With his current shitty job he can transfer mostly anywhere (big box retailer with hundreds of locations) so he would have at least some income coming in while he looks for something better.

What's this about your SO transferring? I thought you were moving to be where he is.

Or do you mean you would both move to a whole new city if you find a job elsewhere? Hmm. If that's the case it actually might make more sense to stay where you are until you find something. It kind of seems silly to move and then possibly move again in a few months if you find a job in another city.

If your SO can move anywhere, why doesn't he just transfer to your city for 9 - 12 months and during that time hopefully you can both find better jobs in another city.

Ah, I wasn't being clear. I live at point A. SO lives at point B. City we want to live in is point C. I am two hours from point C, SO is 45 minutes from point C. SO and I are 2 hours and 45 minutes away from each other (I feel like I'm writing a word problem, haha!)

SO is working at big box retailer while he looks for a job in his field, it's basically just a stopgap. We were reluctant to move him here since I knew I didn't like my job and wasn't planning on staying this long. We'd end up paying more since we're both getting sweetheart deals on rent at our current separate locations (I live at home and pay about 3/4 of what a renting a room would cost, he gets a similar deal renting from a relative). It didn't seem like we'd come out on top, and just the fact that where I live is kind of boring for young people. These reasons seem more like excuses typed out.

[hannamaren]

WHy cant you move in and he commutes 45 min?
And also,3 yrs post college relationship, pshaw, be patient.

I would move, get a temp job and keep looking