I think you should wait your current job out and agreesivly look for a job where SO lives and then move in. When DH and I were dating he moved about 2 hours away. I stayed and looked for a job. It took me about 6 months to find something. On the weekends we commuted back and forth. I actually cherish that time because I took it to focus on myself and my friends. I think i was more ready when we actually moved in together. Then we got married like 4-5 years later.
WHy cant you move in and he commutes 45 min? And also,3 yrs post college relationship, pshaw, be patient.
I would move, get a temp job and keep looking
Why can't I move in with SO at his current location? I'm confused about the question. Him moving with me to the new city immediately is a possibility, the discussion with my boss was this morning so I haven't been able to discuss with SO yet what this means. I'm looking for ideas and suggestions.
I know I need to be patient. I get stupidly jealous when I read about people on here who met their husbands and were married within a year or two. I just remind myself life ain't fair.
WHy cant you move in and he commutes 45 min? And also,3 yrs post college relationship, pshaw, be patient.
I would move, get a temp job and keep looking
Why can't I move in with SO at his current location? I'm confused about the question. Him moving with me to the new city immediately is a possibility, the discussion with my boss was this morning so I haven't been able to discuss with SO yet what this means. I'm looking for ideas and suggestions.
I know I need to be patient. I get stupidly jealous when I read about people on here who met their husbands and were married within a year or two. I just remind myself life ain't fair.
I was with my now H for 13 years before we got married. I think 11 before we got engaged. Does that help?
Long distance sucks. My H and I did about 1.5 yrs long distance (7 hr drive) and it almost broke us. When I was fed up and ready to give up on us, he moved back up here within 4 weeks, got a job waiting tables at Bertucci's. He did it, but our relationship was more dire at that point than it sounds like yours is.
I'm torn for you. On the one hand, you are young, if you are going to do this type of thing, now is the time to do it. You don't have a ton to lose. On the other hand, you the economy sucks and everyone says it is harder to find a job when you don't have one than when you do.
If I were you, I'd go with your gut. Are you more afraid of moving or staying? How fed up with your job are you? I get the feeling from what you are writing that you want to move. If that is true, then do it. Just make sure you have a realistic plan to take care of yourself (e-fund, finding temporary work and a decent place to live that you can afford) so it doesn't end up being a mistake.
Post by cricketwife on Oct 2, 2012 17:24:32 GMT -5
Two little stories that may or may not help you. I quit grad school (with a masters, just didn't finish the Phd) to be in the same city as my long distance (18hr drive) boyfriend who I was pretty sure I was going to marry. We broke up 3 months after the move. I'm not wishing you any unhappiness, but I think it's they type of scenario that you may want to play out in your head to help you decide. Will you still be happy in City C? If you have no SO and no job?
Story two - When we dated, DH and I were 8hrs long distance...by plane. It sucked. But we survived and are happily married. So there are happy endings to long distance dating stories.
You've got to follow your gut. I feel like 3 hrs isn't that far away to keep doing for 9 more months, but I'm not having to do it. I was recently in the job market and it's a really scary place. I would really hate to see you unemployed and unable to get a job.
If I were you, I would move and find a temporary housing situation (like renting a room in someone's house). That would be cheaper in terms of rent and utilities. I understand the importance of being financially responsible but I have been in the situation of living away from my H, job hunting and hating my job. It was awful.
The main thing is you need to be prepared mentally and financially if you did not find a FT job right away.
I live at point A. SO lives at point B. City we want to live in is point C. I am two hours from point C, SO is 45 minutes from point C. SO and I are 2 hours and 45 minutes away from each other (I feel like I'm writing a word problem, haha!)
Oh OK. Are you familiar with city C? Do you know where the safe neighborhoods are, and approximately how much it would cost to rent a place there? Could you afford to live on a lower income from, say, a retail or restaurant job? Would your SO transfer to city C now too? It would be helpful, so you can share rent and have at least his income until you find something.
If your SO can't transfer his job to city C, is he willing to commute for a while? 45 minutes really isn't that bad. Then in a year, hopefully both of you will be in more permanent jobs, and you can find a place to live that's convenient to both jobs.
ETA: Did you talk with your SO about it last night? What were his thoughts?
It is time to go. After 4 chances to make it work, it is time to leave that job. With your desire to move to a new city and the fact that you have worked hard to save enough for first, last and security, you have structured a situation where you can exit gracefully. Exiting gracefully is important to building a resume so that you have professional references moving forward.
I'm having a hard time understanding what would be different 9 months from now vs. your current situation. You'll be at a standstill at current job (project over), not in the city you want to be in, and not really having been able to job hunt in the previous 9 months. It seems like you'd be at a DISadvantage in terms of your long term goals.
You're young, decent savings, and no ties to where you are. 3 years at the same job at your age is a lifetime these days - your resume already looks great, and going to "unemployed" status due to a move is NOT a disadvantage - trust, I've moved 1000+ miles 3 times in the last 7 years.
Go - you're going to be happier having done it. Sometimes a risk is the only way to reap the big rewards.
I say go. Could you move in with your SO at his current location and then both of you look for jobs in location C and move there as soon as you can after you find jobs there? If it is only 45 minutes you could commute for a while if you're stuck in a lease or whatever. It doesn't make a ton of sense to me to move to point C right away if your SO already has housing 45 minutes from there.
I think given that you've been long distance a while, you want to move, and things aren't going awesome at your current job, it is a great time to pull the trigger and move. It sounds like your career is just starting out and your skills will translate to a bunch of jobs. I also assume that given your job you aren't making tons of money anyway, so if you need to wait tables or work retail in the interim hopefully it will provide you enough money to stay afloat until you find a regular job. If you were currently making 100k and had to cut down to a serving job it might be harder but you're in a good place right now where that shouldn't be the case.
I live at point A. SO lives at point B. City we want to live in is point C. I am two hours from point C, SO is 45 minutes from point C. SO and I are 2 hours and 45 minutes away from each other (I feel like I'm writing a word problem, haha!)
Oh OK. Are you familiar with city C? Do you know where the safe neighborhoods are, and approximately how much it would cost to rent a place there? Could you afford to live on a lower income from, say, a retail or restaurant job? Would your SO transfer to city C now too? It would be helpful, so you can share rent and have at least his income until you find something.
If your SO can't transfer his job to city C, is he willing to commute for a while? 45 minutes really isn't that bad. Then in a year, hopefully both of you will be in more permanent jobs, and you can find a place to live that's convenient to both jobs.
ETA: Did you talk with your SO about it last night? What were his thoughts?
I am pretty familiar with the area and have an idea of the good neighborhoods, and I'm open to being in the smaller towns bordering the city if it ends up being way cheaper. A quick craigslist check shows me that a room in an apt in the city would be between 400-600 depending on amenities. There are quite a few students in the area, so there are always young people looking for roommates.
I think if I stuck to the 400-500 range, and assume a take home pay of $1000 a month for a part time job, I could pay rent and my bills without ending up more than $100 in the red every month. It would be tight, but hopefully only until I find a full time job. Hell, even if I was dipping into my savings by $300 a month I still think it's doable for 2-6 months.
SO and I spent some time hashing it out last night. He said he is willing to support me in whatever I do and whatever I decide, and will do everything in his power to help, I just need to tell him what I need. He's a keeper, lol. I'm concerned that even combining his non-living wage full time income and my imagined part time income that we wouldn't be able to affford anything more than a shitty studio or a 1 bedroom in a bad neighborhood.
I think what I'd like to do is live on my own terms in a rented room until I can get a full time job, ok paying job. Hopefully that would light a fire under my ass to pound the pavement and be aggressive with my job hunt. I'd feel a lot more comfortable if at least one of us was making more than $12 for us to live together.
If you would have no legal obligation to stay in the new position, take that position and keep looking for a new job while you're gainfully employed there.
It makes zero sense to leave and hunt sans pay when you can hunt while being paid.
I say go. Could you move in with your SO at his current location and then both of you look for jobs in location C and move there as soon as you can after you find jobs there? If it is only 45 minutes you could commute for a while if you're stuck in a lease or whatever. It doesn't make a ton of sense to me to move to point C right away if your SO already has housing 45 minutes from there.
I've thought about moving in with SO at his current location and he's brought it up before without prompting that I was always more than welcome and he would love for me to move in.
The issue is he has a weird living situation where he rents the space under a barn by his mother's house. His mother is an animal hoarder with some mental health difficulties who tends to make life dramatastic for everyone. He does laundry at her place so it would be hard to avoid her. The 'apartment' if you can call it that reeks of farm animals and seems to be filthy no matter how much it's scrubbed. Behind his rooms are some storage rooms, so his mother's boyfriend is in and out of there a couples times a day getting farm equipment and such, so there's little privacy. This was probably more info than ANYONE needed to know, but I REALLY don't want to move in there if I can absolutely help it. Visiting for the weekend is rough enough. +o(
Take the job in your company. Then you're job hunting from a position of strength, you'll be more employable and get a better reference than if you're unemployed.
How old are you? Unless you're 35 and you need to move in so you can progress towards marriage and kids then the choice is pretty clear.
I'm on team MOVE. You both could use a change and you guys are s t u c k. It's a risk of course, but more waiting is just more waiting, nothing will be different. Talk to SO and if you're both on the same page work on moving in together at point C and starting a new chapter.
WHy cant you move in and he commutes 45 min? And also,3 yrs post college relationship, pshaw, be patient.
I would move, get a temp job and keep looking
Why can't I move in with SO at his current location? I'm confused about the question. Him moving with me to the new city immediately is a possibility, the discussion with my boss was this morning so I haven't been able to discuss with SO yet what this means. I'm looking for ideas and suggestions.
I know I need to be patient. I get stupidly jealous when I read about people on here who met their husbands and were married within a year or two. I just remind myself life ain't fair.
It ain’t always so fabulous, especially when at least 1 of the parties isn’t financially stable yet. It’s often better to wait until both are there before making that commitment. Trust me.
I think if I stuck to the 400-500 range, and assume a take home pay of $1000 a month for a part time job, I could pay rent and my bills without ending up more than $100 in the red every month. It would be tight, but hopefully only until I find a full time job. Hell, even if I was dipping into my savings by $300 a month I still think it's doable for 2-6 months.
I would not be at all comfortable with that; I would want to have more money saved before moving to a new city by myself with no job. Won't you have a hard time finding a place to rent with no income and not much in savings? If your SO is with you, you at least have his income.
I'd feel a lot more comfortable if at least one of us was making more than $12 for us to live together.
I don't understand this logic. Being able to split the rent will be more advantageous early on when you're not making much. If one bedroom room in a decent 2 or 3 bedroom apartment is $500, then you should be able to find a decent 1 bedroom for $1000.
I think if I stuck to the 400-500 range, and assume a take home pay of $1000 a month for a part time job, I could pay rent and my bills without ending up more than $100 in the red every month. It would be tight, but hopefully only until I find a full time job. Hell, even if I was dipping into my savings by $300 a month I still think it's doable for 2-6 months.
I would not be at all comfortable with that; I would want to have more money saved before moving to a new city by myself with no job. Won't you have a hard time finding a place to rent with no income and not much in savings? If your SO is with you, you at least have his income.
I'd feel a lot more comfortable if at least one of us was making more than $12 for us to live together.
I don't understand this logic. Being able to split the rent will be more advantageous early on when you're not making much. If one bedroom room in a decent 2 or 3 bedroom apartment is $500, then you should be able to find a decent 1 bedroom for $1000.
Ok, to throw down some concrete numbers I have $17,000 in my savings account, some of it is earmarked for new car fund and vacation fund, but I'd be willing to use about half to finance this little endeavor. So I have significant cash to pay for expenses beyond whatever a part time job fetches me. Would copies of my bank statements help me rent a room? Also, I am going to start looking for temp work and/or retail/waitressing immediately. With a bit of luck I'd have something coming in by the time I go to move into a room.
I completely get what you're saying about moving in with SO as soon as he can transfer. This is something I need to think more about and to talk to SO more about. Part of me wants the experience of living 'on my own' in the city, but it's possible I can't get that AND have it be the best choice. I'll discuss this with him some more tonight and see what he thinks.
I have $17,000 in my savings account, some of it is earmarked for new car fund and vacation fund, but I'd be willing to use about half to finance this little endeavor.
Oh ok, that's good. "I could take $300 a month out of savings and be ok for 2 - 6 months" made it sound like you didn't have very much.
Would copies of my bank statements help me rent a room?
Yes, if you don't have income, landlords (or tenants, if they're finding their own roommate) will want to know where your rent money will be coming from.
Part of me wants the experience of living 'on my own' in the city
I feel like there are so many big things that come to light in each of your updates. This is very different than just being about money. If you just want to experience living on your own, definitely definitely do so. It was very important to me to be on my own for a while when I was younger, and to this day I'm glad I did it. Do not skip that if it's important to you.
I have $17,000 in my savings account, some of it is earmarked for new car fund and vacation fund, but I'd be willing to use about half to finance this little endeavor.
Oh ok, that's good. "I could take $300 a month out of savings and be ok for 2 - 6 months" made it sound like you didn't have very much.
Yes, if you don't have income, landlords (or tenants, if they're finding their own roommate) will want to know where your rent money will be coming from.
Part of me wants the experience of living 'on my own' in the city
I feel like there are so many big things that come to light in each of your updates. This is very different than just being about money. If you just want to experience living on your own, definitely definitely do so. It was very important to me to be on my own for a while when I was younger, and to this day I'm glad I did it. Do not skip that if it's important to you.
It's been something of a whirlwind 24 hours and I'm still trying to crystallize my thoughts and figuring out where I want to go next. I'm still trying to balance the 'wants' with the 'needs' right now, in terms of my living situation. You've been so patient with me, and I seriously appreciate it.
It's been something of a whirlwind 24 hours and I'm still trying to crystallize my thoughts and figuring out where I want to go next. I'm still trying to balance the 'wants' with the 'needs' right now, in terms of my living situation. You've been so patient with me, and I seriously appreciate it.
Oh, I thought you had been planning this move for a while and "the moment" just arrived before you expected. It sounds like you're working through it really well for being such an out of the blue surprise. I'm sure you'll make the best decision.
Have you met with your boss yet? I forget when you had to let him know your decision.
It's been something of a whirlwind 24 hours and I'm still trying to crystallize my thoughts and figuring out where I want to go next. I'm still trying to balance the 'wants' with the 'needs' right now, in terms of my living situation. You've been so patient with me, and I seriously appreciate it.
Oh, I thought you had been planning this move for a while and "the moment" just arrived before you expected. It sounds like you're working through it really well for being such an out of the blue surprise. I'm sure you'll make the best decision.
Have you met with your boss yet? I forget when you had to let him know your decision.
It's been on my mind for a few months, and I have been applying in the area consistently since July, but I haven't done much thinking in terms of living situation beyond the dreaming stage and perusing etsy for the perfect piece of art work for my imaginary quirky 19th century pet-friendly penthouse overlooking the ocean with 3 bedrooms, 2 bath, elevator, balcony, dishwasher, washer/dryer, and off street parking.
Arriving before I expected it is probably true. I have a habit of having big ideas but being too chickenshit to actually follow through. The more I think about it the more I see this as my chance, but I'm still nervous and haven't made my decision 100% yet.
Boss needs my decision on Friday. Why oh why did I call out on Monday? I could have had an extra day to figure this shiz out.
Before you quit your job and move to a new city and look for work and housing - PLEASE GOD negotiate a severance package with your current employer. I get he's kinda sorta firing you - but there may be enough good will -specifically based on the fact that they are willing to keep you in employment - that they'll consider this a lay-off and won't fight you on a filing for Unemplyment Benefits. It doesn't cost them anything - it just counts against their UI policy next year. It doesn't matter what they did with somebody else. It ONLY matters what they will give you. And when I say "give" I mean not do anything when you file. Which is pretty simple.
I think you should take the job (and gave you 2 senerios for next steps after that) - but seriously, if you do quit - GET UNEMPLOYMENT from these folks.